I'm putting you out of (some) of your misery early.

This is sort of an in between chapter in a lot of ways. It’s short and not very dialogue heavy, but necessary in both its content and where it’s cut. I thought I’d post it mid-week so we could get to the real stuff this weekend. So consider this a sort of extra thrown into the schedule to make up for the week I missed. ;-)

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Christmas had been miserable affair that year and it was only punctuated by the fact that I was ruining it not only for myself, but for my family and friends as well.

In my haste to flee after our argument, I hadn’t even left a note to indicate where I had gone. I didn’t even think about it until days later when my mom gently told me that she had spoken to Alice a few times in the past few days.

Apparently, when she couldn’t find me or get in contact with me, she had all but phoned the police before she called up first Charlie who then directed her to Renee.

I had winced at the delivery of this news but didn’t ask the one question I wanted to. Edward. How was Edward? What did he do when he realized I had gone? Selfishly, I hoped he was upset, but I repressed the feeling as soon as it sprang up.

I knew my mother probably knew everything Alice could possibly tell her about what was going on, but if she did, she never said. I was thankful for that small gesture. It made me feel better that I could at least keep some semblance of aloneness as I inflicted solitude on myself.

I hardly moved from bed, only venturing from my room when absolutely necessary. My mother and Phil seemed to understand even though I never formally told them why I had shown up at their doorstep.

I lost track of days. I lost track of meals. I lost track of myself.

My mother came to my room as often as she could. Her presence comforted me, but I was relieved when she left even more. When I was alone, I was free to remember every minute detail of Edward’s face. Even though it had only been a week and a half, it seemed like he was already slipping away from me.

One day, as I was wallowing in my bed, Renee came in with a determined look on her face.

“Bella, I bought your plane ticket home today,” she said without hesitation. My eyes bulged from where I had my face stuffed in a pillow.

“W-what?” I stuttered. I had been half-hoping that I would somehow magically never have to think about college or my future again. I had thrown away the most important part of it anyway. What was the point in pursuing anything else if I had alienated Edward?

“You heard me.” For once, Renee sounded like a mother and I was cowed by her demeanor.

“I am home,” was my only weak defense.

Renee sighed and sat down on the bed next to me, her hand immediately going to rest on my back.

“Sweetie, as much as I’d love for that to still be true, it’s not. This hasn’t been your home for a few years now,” she said softly and although I knew she was right, it still stabbed at my heart to hear her say it.

I pushed myself farther down into my pillow, wishing desperately for it to swallow me whole. I didn’t want to deal with this, but in a twisted way I was grateful to my mother for buying the ticket. God knows I hadn’t even thought about buying one. I had been too busy moping for the past two weeks to even notice that my winter vacation was dwindling away.

“When do I leave?” I asked at last.

“Wednesday,” she answered promptly. If I was more awake, I would have been proud of her for remembering the flight information without having the ticket right there in her hand. Instead, I nodded at the information even though I had no idea what day it currently was, so Wednesday meant little to me.

--

Alice called daily, but I rarely spoke to her. Renee would usually field her calls, but occasionally Alice would persist until she got me on the phone. We never spoke about him, but it was always there. Like a huge weight between us. She only ever brought it up once.

“Bella?” she had asked carefully.

“Yes?” I responded, immediately on my guard.

“He’s hurting pretty badly,” Alice had whispered into the phone. Her voice was filled with the pain she spoke of.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t have the words to.

“I don’t think he’ll do anything stupid, but he’s still in pain. I hate seeing him like this,” she babbled on. “It’s like he’s turned into a zombie and I know that you’re hurting too but he needs you here, Bella.”

I cut her off before she could say anything more. That was the last time we spoke of Edward, but her words gnawed at my heart. He needs you.

I wondered if he needed me as much as I needed him. Sometimes I felt as if I would fade away completely if I didn’t feel his arms around me soon. Once at the end of one of our fleeting conversations, I had murmured to Alice, “Take care of him.”

I wasn’t sure if she heard me or not, but I think she did. Instead of affirming it, she sighed and told me goodbye. I hung up the phone with a heavy heart.

After that call, Alice’s calls began to get less frequent but still regular. I suspected she thought I would go crazy if I didn’t have her to talk to which, I had to admit, was probably true. Sometimes I felt like I would go crazy even with her to talk to. There were so many things that I wanted to talk about but not with her. I wanted to talk about them with Edward.

He never called.

--

The plane ride home was excruciating in comparison to my first trip.

I had hours alone to face everything I had been avoiding for the past weeks I had spent in my voluntary exile. I came to realization on that plane that Edward wasn’t the only one who had been hiding things inside. I had my fair share of secrets too.

First and foremost among them, I loved him. I knew this before I would even admit it to myself. I smiled bitterly as the memory of that disastrous date with Mike Newton surface in my mind. After it slipped from my mouth, I tried my best to convince myself that it was only an excuse, a reason for me to leave Mike there, but now I knew that my heart was telling me what my brain would just not accept yet.

I loved Edward.

As I sat on that plane, I envisioned my return to Washington and Edward ten million times with no facet unvisited. From one extreme to the next, it all played out in front of my eyes.

I know that no matter how many situations I imagine, it won’t really be like any of them. It won’t be how I want it to be. He won’t be standing there with a big bouquet of roses and a lopsided grin as I get off the plane, but that doesn’t deter me from imagining it to be so.

Alternatively, I see an empty airport when I arrived with no one there to greet me. I see myself coming to my apartment to find that every small reminder of Edward has been meticulously removed. My heart breaks to even consider this possibility.

The airport terminal wasn’t empty when I arrived, but as I took in the lone, petite figure waiting for me I couldn’t help but feel my heart sinking into my stomach. He hadn’t come. What did that mean?

“Bella, it’s about time you came home,” was the first thing Alice said to me as we hugged each other tight.

I froze mid-hug and she squeezed me tighter in a show of comfort.

“Alice – ” I started uneasily.

“I didn’t tell him you were coming back today,” she informed me primly and my mouth snapped shut. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Would he have been here if he had known I was flying in today?

As if she could read my mind, Alice answered my unspoken question gently, “Yes. He would be here, pacing anxiously and ready to pounce on you the moment you stepped through security. Honestly, the only thing that kept him from dragging you home from Phoenix was the fact that he couldn’t even pull himself together long enough to form a plan, I think.”

I felt slack at the information. I noted with grim amusement that we had been in much the same condition when we were apart from each other. Still, I didn’t know if I was ready to face everything that I had left behind. Was ready to face him after I had walked out like that? Then…Alice said the words that closed the deal.

“I’m so glad you’re back. He’s been incomplete without you around, Bella. Edward needs you here,” she whispered softly and I hardly heard her above the chatter of the loud crowd around us, but it was enough just to hear his name spoken aloud. It was the first time I’d heard his name spoken in weeks and it sounded beautiful to my ears. It was all the walls around my heart needed to come crumbling to the ground. Alice must have seen the surrender on my face. “Come on,” she added a little louder. “Let’s get back to our place. You look exhausted and you need some rest if you and my brother are going to be up all night hashing this out.”

I followed her without complaint to her car and shoved my duffel in her trunk before climbing in. As soon as I climbed in the car, I noticed Alice’s change of pace. For once, she seemed to be thinking something out instead of already having it planned. I waited patiently for what she was mulling over.

It finally came out when we were only about ten minutes away from the apartment.

“Bella,” she started.

“Hmm?” I asked drowsily from my seat.

“I have a request that I know is going to be really hard for you,” Alice continued and I sat up a little straighter in my seat. She had my full attention all of a sudden.

“What?” I asked carefully, not sure I wanted to know.

She paused heavily again and fixed her gaze on the road before answering.

“I need you to wait for him to come to you,” she explained carefully and I sucked bin a sharp breath of air. Although I hadn’t known what to expect exactly, that most definitely didn’t even make the list of possibilities.

“He doesn’t even know I’m home yet,” I argued, my voice surprisingly vehement even to my own ears. “I need to go see him, Alice.”

“No, you need to wait,” she was almost pleading by now and I recoiled a bit in surprise. I’d never heard her so earnest before, stripped of all her teasing and smiles. “I’m going to tell him that you’re back tonight, but I need you to just wait for him to come on his own terms. I don’t think he can be pushed any farther, Bella.”

I sat back in my chair, deflated. I knew she was right, somewhere in the back of my mind, but it didn’t stop me from feeling the prick of natural rebellion that sprung up inside me at her words. I wanted to be the one to fling myself in his arms, catching him by surprise, so I could tell him everything I had discovered without him interrupting. It was selfish, but I wanted to be the one to show up on his doorstep because I had been the one who had left.

“It’s better this way,” Alice said, placating me and unknowingly echoing my own thoughts.

I nodded in submission and blinked back the involuntary tears that burned my eyes. Sensing them, Alice continued in a comforting tone, “I promise you won’t have that long to wait. He’s just as desperate to see you as you are him, but I know he’ll need some time to pull himself together and so do you.”

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Your reviews are absolutely wonderful. Please keep them coming!

And for those of you who were a bit concerned that this story couldn’t wrap up in 6 chapters or so – don’t sweat it. I’ll be writing as many chapters as the story needs. Six is merely an estimation that might come to fruition and might not. We’ll probably end up with a few more, but a happy resolution will be met and yes, Bella and Edward will finally get their acts together and get it on in said coming chapters.

Any other questions?

I’ll be posting the next chapter on or around this Friday/Saturday. ;-)