For Animehead

In remembrance of the beautiful time we had together at that hotel bar with Kiba.

(And Tobi. And that Sasuke who went into the women's restroom and that really hot Sai)

BEST RP EVAR!!1!

Sasuke: I thought about getting that checked out, but you know, whatever.
Naruto: I heard if you eat some pineapple, it tastes pretty good. I tried it once, but it turns out I was allergic so I got diarrhea and shit myself.
Sasuke: Did you shit yourself while someone was blowing you?
Naruto: That would explain why I woke up the next morning with a black eye.
Naruto: Better than them tho, they probably woke up with a brown eye. Know what I'm sayin?
Sasuke: Ha. Not everyone is into scat.
Naruto: I like jazz myself.

I LOVE YOU, ANIMEHEAD!!! ALWAYS AND 4EVER. UPD8 PERKS. XOXO KAWAII. A conversation we once had two and a half years ago spawned this. In my old age, I have forgotten the conversation almost entirely, but here is the last chapter to your story. It is lengthy and perhaps hard to swallow. Just how you like your penises.

Love,
Raz

The Final Chapter

Chapter 4: What? Like in the backseat of a Volkswagen?

On their last morning in Cancun, Sasuke comfortably sat relaxing by the pool. Occasionally he nibbled at a salt bagel he’d snagged from the hotel’s continental breakfast. It was a bit on the hard side, but then again, even bagels were entitled to their bad days. As usual, Shino had wandered off. Probably to score some time with one of the Mexican hookers hanging around on the boardwalk. Who knows where Shino went when he asked for time on his own. It was best if Sasuke didn’t ask questions. The less he knew, the better off he’d be when the torture squad came calling.

Like a couple of kids at summer camp, Naruto and Kiba had been taking turns going off the diving board. Naruto made a warped attempt at a half-gainer. Kiba did a near perfect backflip. Rinse and repeat with the occasional full body flop that sounded so painful even Sasuke had to grit his teeth as he heard the smack of skin against chlorinated water.

The three of them weren’t the only ones up and about on this humid mid-morning. Two separate families (presumably Texan based on their drawling accents) were sitting in the lounge chairs on the opposite side of where Sasuke was sitting. Two small children, a boy and a girl, maybe around the age of 5 and 7 played happily in the nearby kiddy pool as the adults talked and laughed uproariously with one another, 'y’alls' making Sasuke’s ears bleed Republican. The kids appeared rather well behaved. They were both toe-headed as hell. Blonder than Naruto even. They could pass as extras in Children of the Damned. As Sasuke continued to pick at his bagel, he found some amusement in watching them play in such a carefree manner. They chased one another around in the water, their orange floaty devices attached to their arms. Though it seemed near to impossible for anyone to drown in what could only be described as a shallow hole in the cement.

Sasuke did his best to ignore the splashing and roughhousing of the two bigger kids in the main pool. Sasuke watched as Naruto did a forward flip into the water, landing suspiciously near to him. The water crashed up over the edge, sprinkling droplets onto Sasuke’s shin and ankle. Sasuke scowled and rubbed it off with his foot and then glanced down at his watch. It was a little after 10 a.m., but it was beginning to feel blazing hot. He could only sit outside for so long before he’d become a burnt husk of a man. The sun and him did not mix, especially after so many days straight in the sunshine. He didn’t tan like Kiba and Naruto. He burned. Terribly. Then he peeled. Terribly.

Amidst his nagging anxiety about whether to reapply some suntan lotion, he heard Naruto and Kiba arguing about something. He didn’t care enough to pay attention, but it was probably about which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was the coolest. Because that’s how they were, and one time their sophomore year of college the two idiots had stopped speaking for a week because Kiba had talked smack about Optimus Prime. Naruto still brought that up to this very day. Sasuke’s gaze diverted as Naruto swam to the other side of the pool and heaved himself out of the water, blue swim trunks clinging to his legs as the water streamed down his back. Naruto stretched his right arm above his head when suddenly that little boy from earlier came up to him. The kid tugged Naruto by the hand, whispering something that made Naruto grin. Sasuke watched them with a raised eyebrow, one corner of his mouth lifted. Naruto was dragged to the side of the kiddy pool, and the little boy gestured wildly for Naruto to get in. Naruto looked over at the child’s parents and waved to them as if asking permission. They waved back adamantly, grinning and hollering. Apparently this was the universal signal for: I’m not a pedophile, I promise not to touch your kid inappropriately.

Naruto and the boy hunkered down into the kiddy pool. Shyly, the little girl, who’d been much more cautious than her brother, danced around the edge. Sasuke snorted as the girl eyed Naruto warily for a little while, but soon enough, she gleefully scooted down into the water.

They appeared to chat for quite a while, the three of them. It was apparent Naruto had plenty to talk about with children. Like what was their favorite flavor of pudding and how Santa Claus managed to get into homes that had no chimneys.

Naruto had always been great with kids. Sasuke, however, was not, and he tended to scare the crap out of them. That suited him just fine. He didn’t have the patience for children. There were already plenty of idiots in the world, so the mere idea of holding a conversation with a 7-year-old didn’t exactly hold up as one of the most gratifying experiences of his life. He already had Naruto as a best friend after all, and even that sometimes left his usually iron will taxed.

After another ten minutes, Kiba got out of the pool and toddled over. The four of them sat around the edge, having a regular conversation like they were world leaders at a U.N. convention. Naruto was tugging at the boy’s water wings then started to laugh. The boy wore a very serious expression as he began pulling them off his arms much to Naruto’s apparent protests and arm flailing. He proceeded to point to the wings and then at Naruto as if he were some kind of Helen Keller impersonator. Sasuke almost wished he could hear what was being said. The entire experience was like watching a silent film. The little kids began busting out into a shriek of giggles as Naruto, with a very dramatic look of concentration, began trying to tug the orange floating devices onto his arms. They barely went up his forearms as Naruto lowered himself into the pool and made like he was swimming to the other side. The kids laughed again. Kiba emitted a high-pitched bark of laughter as well as the two children jumped onto Naruto’s back.

Typical.

Sasuke took another bite of his bagel, raising his eyes to the sky while the continued laughter played like a soundtrack in the background. A handful of clouds were scattered about in the sky. There was hardly any breeze, just a constant humidity that was already making Sasuke’s hair do funny things. He’d already unleashed half a can of gel into his hair this morning, which was yet another reason (besides his own personal safety) that he wouldn’t be bothering to swim with the rest of the primates gathered around the watering hole.

Minutes later, a shadow cast itself over his form. Sasuke looked up just as the bagel he’d half devoured was snatched from his hand. He snarled at Naruto as he took a giant bite of what was left.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was that bagel yours?” Sasuke asked. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I could’ve sworn I’d picked it out myself, but maybe I’m mistaken?” He held a hand over his eyes, shielding himself from the sun since he hadn’t brought a pair of sunglasses. Not because he’d forgotten them, but because Naruto had sat on them and broken them with his fat ass this morning.

Naruto continued to chomp noisily, tearing off another piece before tossing what was left of it in Sasuke’s lap. Crumbs tumbled with the toss and landed on Sasuke’s stomach. He brushed them to the side with a glare.

“Hmm… Isn’t it a little too early in the morning for sarcasm?” Naruto asked, squinting over at the kiddy pool distractedly. The boy and girl had moved on to attacking Kiba now. Naruto sniggered as their friend was tag teamed and dunked under the water.

“So did you find a pair of soul mates over there or what?” Sasuke inquired mockingly. He finished the remainder of his bagel, not bothering to wipe away the possible residual Uzumaki slobber that might’ve been left behind. Even though the last thing he wanted was to end up like Cujo and catch a bad case of rabies.

Naruto grinned at him, taking a seat on the edge of the reclined teal and white lounge chair Sasuke sat on. “Why?” he asked. “Jealous?”

Sasuke snorted, giving a push to Naruto’s backside with his foot. “In your dreams.”

Naruto chuckled and gave Sasuke’s shin a friendly pat. “You know you’ll always be my one and only soul mate, Sasuke. No need to worry.”

“Oh great,” he murmured. “I have so much to look forward to in life then.”

“I know, right?” Naruto smiled impertinently and shook his head like a dog that had been doused with a hose. The water flew off the tips of his hair and hit Sasuke in the face. He wiped it away with a noise of disgust.

“Are you going to be like this all day?” Sasuke asked irritably, glowering as he rubbed his left shoulder. It felt hot. He should go up to the room soon or at least apply more sun tanning lotion.

Naruto shrugged, dropping his gaze to his hands which were clasped together between his knees. “Probably,” he muttered. “You gonna be a moody queen all day?”

“Moody queen?” Sasuke repeated with a smirk. “Is that vocabulary you picked up from those two kids?”

“Maybe. They did have an unexpectedly extended vocabulary. I wish they woulda been around when I was studying for the SATs.”

“You studied for your SATs?” Sasuke teased with an impish grin, pushing his bangs out of his eyes as he gave a small smile. Naruto returned the smile with his own good-humored grin.

“Asshole.”

“Hn.”

“I suppose I should go rescue Kiba, huh?” Naruto said tiredly, scratching at the inside of his elbow. He smoothed the left half of his swim shorts and adjusted himself.

“Yeah,” Sasuke replied, averting his eyes from the distracting movement. “Shino should be back soon. Then we can head out.”

“ ’Kay.” Naruto stretched again, spine arching as he folded his arms above his head and made a satisfying grunt of pleasure.

Sasuke followed him with his eyes as Naruto lightly jogged to the other side only to be bombarded as the two kids and Kiba popped out from the pool and shot Naruto with their multi-colored plastic water guns. Naruto, apparently already forgetting his task, jumped in in retaliation.

Great.

So much for him being able to get them back to the room anytime soon. Sasuke had never been much of a disciplinarian either, so he left them to their own accord. Instead of waiting around, he grabbed his towel and left, making his way up the steps and to their room. He’d been aching for some alone time anyway, and the shower was about the best pace to find some privacy since it had a lock. He’d leave it to Shino to drag the idiot twosome up by their ears.

After all, what did Sasuke care if they stayed down there for another hour getting all pruney and burnt like a couple of suicidal California Raisins? He was too young and apathetic to take on that kind of responsibility. And by now he knew well enough that despite their borderline retarded intelligence level, Naruto and Kiba could take care of themselves. Especially if their opponents’ only fighting tactics came from whatever they learned while watching Pokemon reruns.

At least he hoped so.

“Gotta catch ’em all,” he whispered in sing-song as he cracked open the door, caught himself and cursed.

Is this trip over yet? his brain whimpered pathetically.

Even for a people as generally ungrateful and ignorant as Americans, it’s expected that when one travels outside of their own country, there’s the hope that the point of a vacation should be to experience the magic and wonder of cultural differences. Which perfectly explains why the four of them were sharing their last supper at the same chain home-style buffet that could be found a mile or so away from their apartments back home in Kansas City.

Not that Sasuke was complaining. He’d had his fill of plain cheese quesadillas and globs of pico de gallo to last him a lifetime. The fried chicken leg in his hand never tasted so delicious, and even if it resulted in the possibility of spending the flight duration contained in a small lavatory… the greasy flavor dripping on his lips and onto his white napkin as he wiped his hand on it made the impending digestive problems incredibly worth it.

He stopped chewing long enough for Naruto to release a tremendously obscene belch while pounding on his chest like King Kong after kidnapping a virgin maiden in white (and why did this suddenly put forth the image of Princess Leia confronting Darth Vader?).

“Your manners are impeccable as always, Naruto,” Shino said, tipping his tinted glasses toward their grinning friend. Then he shoveled a spoonful of bright peas into his mouth.

“Glad you approve.” Naruto nodded his head sharply and smirked as he glanced at Sasuke. “I’m gonna get some more mashed potatoes!”

“Thanks for the update,” Sasuke said sarcastically and rolled his eyes as Naruto began shoving Kiba out of the way in order to make a mad rush to the buffet. Once he was gone, Sasuke sighed in dismay. “You wouldn’t believe he’d actually been brought up by well-mannered parents.”

Kiba, busy hastily tearing up a piece of biscuit and stuffing it into his mouth, frowned. “Really? I think I’ve only met them two or three times.”

“Yeah, well,” Sasuke continued, licking his lips and then throwing his soiled napkin onto the table just as the waiter brought he and Kiba refills on their soft drinks, “His mom is…actually a really nice woman.” He tilted his head to the side and removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose in thought. “Naruto gets along really well with her. They both have a very…” Sasuke paused, trying to find the most delicate way to describe Kushina, “…Interesting sense of humor.”

“She hot?” Kiba inquired crudely as he began chowing down on a soggy-looking corn cob that dripped with an entire stick of margarine. A blot fell onto the table near Kiba’s plate, unnoticed by him.

“Is who hot?” Naruto asked, popping up beside them suddenly. He punched Kiba in the shoulder, who, in turn, growled but made way so Naruto could slide into the seat. On his plate was a monumental pile of mashed potatoes. It took up the entire surface area of the dish. “Oh Kiba,” Naruto fussed in a prissy voice. “Did you find a girl who’s gonna pity you enough so that you don’t have to be a virgin the rest of your life? That whole saving yourself ‘til marriage is only gonna work for so long.”

Shino snorted and stared off toward the dessert area of the buffet. Sasuke coughed discretely into his hand as he put his glasses back on slowly.

“What? Did I miss somethin’?” Naruto glanced wildly amongst them with a raised eyebrow. No one had the heart to tell him he’d just insulted his dear old mother.

“Oh yeah, Uzumaki,” Kiba drawled as he stretched his arms above his head in an arrogant, cocky manner. “This chick is crazy desperate for me to get in her pants. I was just askin’ Sasuke here for advice on how I should go about it.” He grinned crazily for a few seconds and then burst into laughter, holding his stomach tightly.

Naruto shrugged and hummed obliviously as he picked up a fork and began playing with his potatoes. “Cool,” he said, and, this time, Sasuke was the one who could no longer hold in his laughter. He leaned against the seat and crossed his arms over his chest, smirking smugly in Naruto’s direction.

Still pushing his potatoes around on the plate, Naruto scowled unhappily. “But what I don’t get is why you’d ask Sasuke for advice. I mean… when was the last time that bastard got laid? Am I right? Heh heh.”

“Oooh, zing!” Kiba groaned and, eyes glinting in challenge, he turned to Sasuke. “Wuddaya have to say to that, Uchiha?”

Placidly, Sasuke set one hand firmly on the table, fingers tapping on the yellow laminate top. “Hm… I’d say a lot less time ago than you… Naruto.”

Naruto instantly stopped playing with his food and pouted like a puppy who’d been kicked in the area where his recently removed balls had once been. “When?” he asked, pointing his fork at Sasuke and shaking it. “Who? That one chick with the long red hair and glasses or that bitch with the foul mouth?”

Sasuke stared evenly back at Naruto. On the surface, he probably appeared very unfazed, but in his head, weird little alarms were going off in his brain. Tiny leprechauns dancing around in his skull while drilling his cerebral cortex in order to find their missing gold.

“What the hell?” Naruto growled, put out.

“Looks like the honeymoon is over, eh, Shino?” Kiba snickered and hoiked a thumb at Naruto.

“Kiba, shut up,” Shino ordered and glanced away with a half-tired, half-bored expression. Kiba grumbled something under his breath in return for being bossed around.

“Jealous?” Sasuke abruptly asked once he recovered, settling his elbow on the table and holding his chin in his hand.

“As if,” Naruto snorted. “They were such scabs, too, dude. You could do way the hell better than them! Even if you were slumming it…”

But he stopped talking the moment Sasuke removed his hand from his face and stared, mouth hanging open partially. A bit caught off guard once more, Sasuke cleared his throat and chose to ignore the latter comment. He took a sip of his 7-Up and averted his eyes to the brown plastic napkin dispenser.

“Um, er…sorry,” he heard Naruto mutter uncomfortably. “It’s not really any of my business…”

Sasuke looked up at hearing the fumbling apology; Kiba nudged Naruto with his elbow.

“Uh huh,” he cackled, nudging Naruto again. “As the Uchiha’s wife, you have every right to get upset if he’s cheating on you. Sounds like grounds for divorce!”

This time it was Sasuke who growled in irritation, “Shut up, Kiba!” He chucked a knotted straw wrapper Naruto had thrown in the center of the table.

“What the fuck?” Kiba complained. “Why are you guys always tellin’ me to shut up? Y’all fuckin’ suck!”

“I’m not his wife,” Naruto muttered obstinately in delayed correction. He was busy piling his mashed potatoes into a makeshift mountain. When it got so high, he started flattening its top with the back of his fork. Then he scraped it down the sides, creating lumpy ridges.

“What’s that, Richard Dreyfuss?” Sasuke asked playfully, forgetting the earlier awkwardness as he leaned over the table and swiped a strawberry off of Naruto’s plate. “Are you about to have a close encounter of the third kind?”

Naruto stared at his mashed potatoes in the likeness of the Devil’s Tower and then blinked at Sasuke several times as if debating what he wanted to say in response.

“Clever asshole,” he complimented finally and chuckled appreciatively, making Sasuke smile. Naruto lobbed some excess potato over onto Sasuke’s plate out of spite.

“That was never my favorite movie of his though…” Sasuke trailed off, wiping a bit of juice from his lip with an index finger.

“Ah yeah,” Naruto said, shaking his head in agreement. “I’d probably have to pick Jaws. The first one though. Other two sucked. You‘d probably pick something like Mr. Holland‘s Opus.”

“Smartass,” said Sasuke.

“Yeah, the one where the sharks got into Disneyland or whatever, that was gay,” Kiba added oh so helpfully to the conversation.

“We should do that one day,” Shino interjected ambiguously, pushing his drink glass away.

“What?” Naruto asked, lifting his chin. “Hunt sharks? Or go to Disneyland.”

Shino glared. “Get a boat.”

Naruto sniggered. “That’d be cool. Maybe we could name it Orca. After Kiba’s mom.”

“Ha ha, very funny, Uzumaki. Kiss my ass.” Kiba slid his finger around the rim of his glass and flicked the condensation at Naruto. It hit him in the cheek. Naruto swiped it away with the back of his hand as Kiba continued to laugh at him. Naruto retaliated by sticking a finger in his nose and then wiped something (Sasuke looked away at that point) on Kiba’s gray t-shirt.

“Asshole!” Kiba yelled as he started to stand.

“Kids,” Shino said and held up a hand like the true mediator he was.

“Yeah,” Naruto goaded, “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” He smiled sadistically at Kiba, who twitched in his seat.

“Anyway,” Sasuke interrupted, trying to hide his grin. As much as this situation was amusing and as much as he’d love to watch those two morons beat each other to death, the sun was already starting to set outside. “Do we have any ideas on where we’d like to go?”

“Yeah. It’s our last night after all,” Kiba stated, pointing out the obvious. He’d apparently already forgotten his quarrel with Naruto.

“Don’t care,” Naruto said with a shrug. “So long as we can drink and there are hot chicks.”

“Your standards are so high,” Sasuke told him dryly.

“That’s why we’re friends, obviously,” Naruto returned cheerily and grinned. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him.

“I… hate you,” he grumbled, corner of his mouth twitching.

“So moody!” Naruto faked a pout and shoved a forkful of potato mountain into his mouth. Some of it got stuck to the corner of his upper lip. “Maybe you should be the wife, eh?”

“You’re still on that?” Kiba asked in disgust as Shino began piling their plates and placing them into the center for the convenience of the water.

The skin between Naruto’s eyebrows furrowed, creating a darkened ‘v.’ “Shut up.”

“Goddammit!” Kiba roared, frightening a few nearby restaurant patrons. “If one more person tells me to shut up, I’m gonna…” He balled his hands and bared his teeth.

“Shut uuuup!” The three other men said in unison, cracking up as Kiba got up from the table in a huff and walked toward the exit.

The three remaining men shared a look as Naruto wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye. Sasuke and Shino put down some money for a tip. They followed after Kiba unhurriedly, finding him in the parking lot hitting on a group of girls that even Sasuke had to admit were pretty hot. The girls winked and waved. Kiba and Naruto called back to them to see where they were headed, but the women just giggled and flipped their hair.

Eventually Sasuke and Shino were able to drag the drooling twosome away, where they joked and laughed as they walked down the busy street, searching out the first of many bars they’d be visiting tonight.

The third bar for the evening was extremely packed. It could best be described as an oasis for frotteurists. Everywhere he moved it was as if he was having dry sex with multiple strangers simultaneously. As appealing as that sounded, Sasuke wanted to at least get their names first. Call him old fashioned. He was beyond buzzed. He supposed they all were. It didn’t even matter he’d gotten separated from his companions the instant they’d walked inside the door and paid the cover. Despite Sasuke's better judgment (hey, he was drunk, cut him some slack), he’d spent a good chunk of time grinding up against some girl in a skimpy white pleather miniskirt with a silver chain going around the waist. He’d only glimpsed her face once or twice when the strobe lighting happened to hit just so. Occasionally, he spotted Naruto in the crowd, each time with a different female (or two). Last time he checked, Shino was at the bar, having an intense discussion with the bartender about international sports. Where Kiba had wandered off, Sasuke had no clue and didn’t much care.

The lights on the dance floor were hot and reminded him of the first time he’d tripped on acid in high school. Thanks to his brother. He hadn’t tried many drugs since that experience and hadn’t quite gotten over this fear of donkeys it had left him with. But that was a story for another time. Eventually, Sasuke grew bored with the girl in the miniskirt and started to pull away. Unfortunately, she noticed the loss of crotch-to-ass action and turned around with hands wagging in the air and curly dark brown hair swaying behind her shoulders. She looked just like a praying mantis in that instant. Sasuke sort of froze in drunken shock, too young to be eaten alive. Wait a second... they hadn't mated. He would've remembered that!

“What’s your problem?” She asked as she got up in his face. She was very much Hispanic. A petite little thing, and Sasuke was thankful she hadn’t been some hideous dog after all. Naruto never would’ve let him live it down.

“Are you too good for me?” She asked, her head bobbing side to side as she yelled. Way to live up to stereotypes, he thought. “You ain’t nothin’ special, chico.”

“Uhh…” Sasuke was surprised even that much came out of his mouth before he simply turned around and walked away, the tiny Mexican girl cursing at him in Spanish as he made his way through the crowd and toward the bar.

Every stool at the bar was taken. Sasuke saddled up next to Shino, who was engrossed in a soccer game playing on the television set anchored at an angle to the wall. Neither of them even bothered with trying to talk over the noise. It was too loud and Kanye would’ve drowned out their words as one of his songs boomed out through the large speakers near the dance floor. As the short, male bartender Shino had been bantering with all night finally came over to him, Sasuke discarded his empty beer bottle on the bar ledge and indicated he’d like another. The bartender set a beer in front of him and popped off the lid with ease. It flew into the air, and the man caught it smoothly with his left hand then threw it into the garbage.

Sasuke shook his head, reveling in the sense of euphoria that made his brain feel a bit like cottage cheese. He leaned forward and shouted into Shino’s ear.

“Kiba still alive?” he asked, wondering if he even sounded like he truly cared, but the four of them had come this far in one piece… and he was interested in keeping it that way.

Shino barely turned his head and shrugged. He returned to watching the players scramble over the soccer field. Sasuke also watched for another few minutes, having an odd sense of nostalgia for his high school days when he used to play. As a forward. Not that he was bragging. Although he had led their team to a state championship.

But he wasn’t bragging. That was beneath him.

Speaking of. He happened to swing his head in the direction of the dance floor, casually scanning the crowd. Thanks to Naruto’s genetics, he was always easy to spot with his bright blond hair. He was with some woman as blond as himself. She was quite pretty from what Sasuke could tell. Naruto held her very close, even had his chin on the woman’s shoulder as he talked into her ear and smiled. The woman he was with laughed and smiled. She seemed genuinely nice really.

Before he could really analyze why he was half-glaring at the couple, suddenly a body slammed into his side. An arm wound around his waist and caught him before he tumbled into Shino.

“Hot isn’t she?” Kiba whispered loudly in his ear, making Sasuke grimace. If he had a lighter right now, he could ignite it against Kiba’s breath and burn the place down if he wanted to. Good thing he believed in fire safety.

Sasuke merely grunted.

“He’s been with her for like foreeever,” Kiba whined. “I think they’re in looove.”

Sasuke shoved him off and scowled. “Naruto falls in love with every woman he meets.”

“Someone sounds bitter, but ha, yeah, I know what you mean.” Kiba nodded vigorously, searching around the room as if he had someone in particular he was looking for. “Saw you were with someone for a while, too.” He waggled his eyebrows at Sasuke, which, by the way, did nothing for Sasuke. Hn. “So what happened to her?”

“Got bored,” Sasuke replied with a smirk and took several liberating swallows of his beer.

“Dick,” Kiba mumbled, but he grinned in masculine understanding.

Sasuke simply shrugged. He had found Naruto again and was watching him flirt and grind up on that woman. She appeared suspiciously similar to one of Naruto’s more recent ex-girlfriends. Ino or whatever her name had been.

“You look like you don’t approve,” Kiba observed, and Sasuke couldn’t figure out why the hell he wouldn’t stop talking. Did Kiba think Sasuke really cared what he thought? About anything?

“I don’t care, Kiba,” he replied. “You’re going on more about it than I would ever bother.”

Kiba growled, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Face it. As much as you rag on Naruto, women love him.” Sasuke kept drinking, a thumb rubbing over the blue, white and gold label on the bottle.

“Women love me, too, y’know,” Kiba argued dejectedly.

Sasuke shrugged again. “I’m sure.”

“You’re a real arrogant asshole, y’know that, Uchiha?”

Sasuke sighed and met Kiba’s angry gaze, barely an eyebrow raised. He’d hardly been paying attention to Kiba’s stupid chatter since he always tended to drone on endlessly about crap Sasuke didn’t care about.

“If you say so,” he answered after a moment’s pause just to rub it in.

“Fuck you,” Kiba grumbled and walked away, headed in the direction of a room where there were several pool tables and arcade games.

Left in peace, Sasuke’s gaze flittered about the room, finding that woman in the skirt he’d danced with earlier. She was already with a different man, and they were practically having sex in the middle of the dance floor. The guy was tall with slicked back hair and an open button-down white shirt. He looked too old and didn’t seem to fit in with the crowd at all. Sort of like Ben Affleck’s character in Dazed and Confused. Pathetic. Sasuke smirked to himself, oddly cocky knowing that had he really wanted to, he could’ve had her right there on the floor, too, or up against a wall.

Hn. All that alcohol was beginning to put too much pressure on his bladder. He gave Shino a pat on the shoulder and left his beer bottle behind, making a gesture that he was headed toward the restroom. Shino nodded and took hold of Sasuke’s drink, bringing it nearer to his own bottle. Sasuke watched his odd friend for a bit, wondering if he was worried someone would slip something into his drink.

Odd friend but a good friend nonetheless.

He shoved his way through the crowd. It had become even more ridiculous since when they arrived. Occasionally he earned a glare as he shoved forward, but every once in a while he got a lingering stare from some woman who sought to get his attention by rubbing her breasts up against arm. One even grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, forcing him to stop by a table near the back.

“Not interested,” he said right to her face and removed his arm from her grasp. She wasn’t his type, so why waste time pretending that she was for politeness’ sake? She was too stunned to respond it seemed. He kept on walking until he found the bathrooms. There wasn’t a line. A couple stall doors were closed, one guy was at the urinal. The overhead light flickered and buzzed. There was a condom wrapper underneath the sink.

Keeping a buffer urinal between he and the other guy, Sasuke was greeted by his reflection in a long, horizontal mirror that ran the length of walls the color of mustard. He unbelted and unzipped his jeans, ready to take care of business. With his forehead against the mirror, he heard someone come out of one of the stalls, the door slammed shut with a loud thwack. The guy didn’t even bother to wash his hands. Awesome. As Sasuke sighed in relief, the man at one of the other urinals went to the sink and then exited, leaving him alone. Just as he was giving himself a shake and putting his most important parts away, the bathroom door swung open. Sasuke smirked, noticing through the mirror that it was that same gigolo-type that had been dancing with that Mexican chick earlier. The man met his gaze. He stopped walking, grinned, and then moved in Sasuke’s direction. Sasuke zipped up his pants and rebuckled his belt. He narrowed his eyes as the man stepped up beside him. Sasuke didn’t feel intimidated in the slightest, even as the man let out a bark of laughter. The ill-intent in the sound put Sasuke on his guard, however.

“What’re you smirkin’ at… faggot?”

Sasuke, though on the defensive out of instinct, was set to ignore him. Not really wanting any trouble. But just as he started to walk away, he was grabbed by both of his arms and thrown into a wall. The alcohol meant he couldn’t regain his balance as quickly as he thought so he ended up slamming his head into the hard cement.

“Think y’can fuck around with just anyone’s girlfriend and get away with it because you’re American? The fuck you can, gringo. Know your place when you’re in our country," the man spat in his face. He shoved Sasuke hard in the chest before Sasuke could even figure out what the hell was happening. Wasn't this a bit too cliche? Now, he might’ve been drunk, but he’d taken martial arts in high school. He had to admit though... this guy was huge. Like Andre the Giant huge, with a chest the size of a barrel and he was making Sasuke want to puke the way he reeked of Axe body spray.

“Too fuckin’ cool to say anything, pretty-boy? Piece of shit. Not so tough, are ya?” He sneered, laughing as he held his large, harry hand to Sasuke’s chest, pinning him to the wall.

Sasuke’s vision kept blurring, and he felt disoriented. “Do I know you?”

The question earned him more laughter as the greasy man spat up some nasty looking phlegm on the ground beside Sasuke’s right foot. “I’m impressed. Most guys would be pissin’ themselves by now. Then again, you just unloaded, huh? Otherwise your pants would be a mess?” His face was so close to Sasuke’s, he could see the stubble on the man’s chin.

Sasuke kept his expression neutral though his head was still spinning and throbbing. He managed to free an arm and shoved the man off. “I think you have me confused with someone else,” he said menacingly.

This freak was hardly worth the effort. Sasuke adjusted his ruffled shirt collar and ran a hand through his hair, choosing to walk past the silver-haired man with his many ear piercings. Apparently the guy had other ideas and pulled Sasuke back by the shoulders only to throw him into the wall again. Sasuke put his arms in front of him before his face slammed into the cement blocks. He turned around quickly, back to the wall. He moved swiftly in retaliation, punching the other man in the face and making sure to cautiously put some distance between them.

The gigolo rubbed his cheek. The blow barely seemed to have an affect on him. Sasuke shook out his aching fist. It’d been a long time since he’d gotten into a physical fight that didn’t have to do with pummeling Naruto.

“You piece of shi--”

The man stopped mid-sentence. Both he and Sasuke swung their heads toward the restroom door as it opened, revealing about the last person he wanted to see right now.

“What the--?

“Get out!” Sasuke ordered, waving an arm in front of him.

“Yeah kid, mind your own business. This doesn’t concern you,” the guy warned.

“The fuck I will,” Naruto rasped hoarsely and took three steps into the room, glaring at Sasuke first and then the bigger man.

Sasuke nearly groaned. Of all the times for Naruto to be an obstinate dimwit!

“Leave him alone, he has nothing to do with this,” Sasuke said.

The stranger simply laughed, that annoying, arrogant cackle. He held his stomach as his body shook. “Look what you’ve done now. Draggin’ your bitch into this? You assholes deserve each other!” He reached forward and grabbed Sasuke by an already sore shoulder.

“You fucker!” He heard Naruto scream and in a hazy blur, suddenly Naruto had hit the man over the head with the beer bottle. Sasuke blinked in shock, unable to process what had just happened. Instantly, the man recovered as if it had only been nothing more than a feather tickling him. He turned on Naruto, grabbing for his arm, but Naruto was quicker, kicking the man in the stomach as Sasuke simply gaped while the guy doubled over in pain. Naruto raised his arms, his hands both fists as he brought them down in a solid blow against the man’s spine, flattening him onto the floor.

Sasuke stood in a daze as Naruto glanced over at him, his eyes wild and expression dangerous. Violent. Naruto smoothed his hair back, stepping forward and looking Sasuke up and down.

“You okay? Did he hurt you, Sasuke?”

As Naruto was coming toward him, suddenly the man’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the ankle, tugging Naruto down with him. Naruto stumbled and fell hard onto the concrete floor, landing on all fours in front of Sasuke and scraping up his hands. Sasuke lunged forward without thinking and kicked the man’s elbow, forcing him to release his hold on Naruto. The man rolled onto his back, wheezing and coughing, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth and a cut on his cheek. Naruto’s hands were bleeding and red marred the floor like a bloody boxing ring.

One second everything seemed fine and under control, but suddenly Naruto gave the man another kick to the ribs. He straddled him and began pounding into his face, one punch after another.

“Naruto!” Sasuke cried, running over to him, but Naruto wouldn’t let up. It took all of Sasuke’s strength to get him off as he grabbed Naruto underneath the arms and yanked him backward until they were up against the wall.

“Stop it!” he hissed into Naruto’s ear. Naruto’s body shook against his. “Stop it. It’s fine.”

It’s not fine!” Naruto shouted and tried to push off and away, but Sasuke only held on more tightly, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in close. Naruto continued to thrash violently, out of control. Sasuke had never seen him so upset before and didn’t know what to do. All he could do was hold on until Naruto’s body ceased to shake.

“Would you calm down?” he said, forcing himself to sound gentle.

“Who did that asshole think he was harassing you like that?” Naruto raged.

Sasuke squeezed him, hugging him to his chest. “Naruto…”

Seconds later, Naruto stopped squirming though his chest continued to rise and fall at a faster than normal rate. His body slumped as he fell back into Sasuke, an ear brushing Sasuke’s cheek. Sasuke turned his head just a bit, and the corner of his mouth brushed against Naruto’s jaw.

“W-we should get outta here,” Naruto whispered in a panicked voice.

“What?” Sasuke’s arms loosened and Naruto squirmed out of his hold.

The man on the floor had his eyes closed and didn’t appear to be moving. He seemed to have lost consciousness. But it was all self defense wasn’t it?

“C’mon,” Naruto encouraged, tugging on Sasuke’s sleeve. He kept glancing between the man on the floor and Sasuke, eyes wild and glazed like an animal's. “What if they call the cops, Sasuke? Shit. I didn’t mean to get us in trouble. What the fuck are we gonna do?”

Sasuke thought for a minute, Naruto’s panic rubbing off on him as the man continued to bleed all over the floor. There were voices just outside the restroom door.

Naruto pushed him away, speaking more urgently, almost begging him “Let’s go.”

He stared blurrily at Naruto’s back and nodded against his better judgment. “… Okay. Okay. We'll go.”

Without a word, Naruto walked to the door, Sasuke right behind him. Neither of them glanced back, but Sasuke was sure the man was still alive. All he could do was follow Naruto through the crowd, weaving through everyone until they were finally outside, people shooting them odd looks. Sasuke glanced down, realizing his shirt was torn. Once out of the building, they moved more slowly so as not to attract attention to themselves. Then again, who was it he was expecting to pop out? Some posse with an allegiance to that guy? Mexican cops? The FBI? Shit, he didn’t know, but they were drunk and some guy was lying on the bathroom floor, and Sasuke had no idea whether he was alive or dead. What the hell had gotten into Naruto anyway? Was he really that upset because someone had picked a fight with him?

It felt like they’d forgotten something...

“Naruto,” Sasuke said when they were on the sidewalk. “What about Shino and Kiba?”

Naruto didn’t say anything. Sasuke hurried to walk along side him instead of behind.

“Naruto,” he called again, gripping him by the shoulder to get his attention.

Naruto swung around, but didn’t seem to be focusing on anything

“Hey!” Sasuke called to him, snapping his fingers in front of Naruto’s face.

Naruto’s expression changed in under a second. Pure panic in his eyes.

He looked to Sasuke desperately. “What did I just do? Jesus! I think I just killed a guy and ran away!”

Sasuke nearly laughed. He would’ve if Naruto didn’t look so pathetic. “You didn’t kill anyone, moron.”

But somehow… all of this was… sort of… should he be flattered that Naruto would go to those lengths for him or… wait, no, now wasn’t the time to be thinking that!

Naruto was busy tugging at the hem of his shirt nervously, glancing around everywhere as if expecting an ambush.

“I can’t believe I just took off like that… the fuck was I thinking? I’ve never done anything like that!”

He bent over all of a sudden as if he were about to throw up. Other people walked around them, sending them suspicious glances, but Sasuke glared at them all.

“You weren’t,” Sasuke answered calmly. He rubbed Naruto’s back for him in slow circles. Naruto dry heaved a few times but appeared to get a hold of himself after a few minutes. As he stood up, Sasuke’s hand fell away from his back.

“Shino,” he started, coughed, and then wiped the side of his mouth with a hand, “Ah, Shino knew I was lookin’ for you… maybe he’ll… figure it out?” He began rubbing his eyes, then blinked them open. Wide. He searched Sasuke over. “Anyway, you okay? Did that guy do anything… weird… to you?”

“Weird?” Sasuke repeated with an arched eyebrow.

Naruto tilted to his head, shrugging and making a vague hand gesture. “Why was he so pissed at you?”

“Danced with his girlfriend, I guess. He didn’t like that.” Sasuke smirked.

Naruto blanched. “You what?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” Sasuke grumbled and frowned. Self-conscious, he glanced away and up, at a helicopter soaring through the sky.

“Jeez, dude. Why do you always gotta cause drama like that?”

Taken aback, Sasuke glanced at Naruto in surprise. “What?”

“You and your women, I swear,” Naruto said dismissively, shaking his head disapprovingly and sticking his hands in his jean pockets.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Naruto answered, looking Sasuke right in the eye. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“Tch. Whatever.” Sasuke scowled, averting his eyes to a parking meter and only moving after Naruto began walking without saying anything further.

Moody bitch, supplied his brain.

For the next hour and a half, Naruto and Sasuke drank at a less crowded bar located about ten or so blocks from the one where they’d gotten into the fight. At least Sasuke thought it was ten. Maybe it was 20? 30? How long had they walked? Were they even in Mexico anymore? Naruto kept dismissing each bar they came to and finally settled on one that when inside they found shelves upon shelves of ceramic frogs.

They were in a booth in the back room now. It seemed that locals were the predominant patrons of the establishment. They might’ve been the only ones in the building who spoke any English. The room was poorly-lit, songs in Spanish blared from the front of the room near the bar. A third pitcher of some Mexican brand of beer sat in front of them, along with an empty pitcher of frozen lime margarita. Sasuke was drunk. Sufficiently so. He could barely remember what city they were in let alone what country. He’d mostly blocked out the event in the bathroom. They’d spent nearly two hours talking about random shit. Naruto was acting his normal self: an idiot. He was being loud and obnoxious, but no one seemed to mind. He was gulping down his umpteenth (Sasuke had last count) beer, then he slid a hand over his eyes as if the light was bothering him.

“Naruto?” Sasuke asked worriedly. He’d seen Naruto’s hands where he’d scraped them on the floor of the bathroom. Sasuke had had to force him into the bathroom here in order to get Naruto to wash them off properly. The moron would take a punch for anyone, obviously, which was fine, but Sasuke wouldn’t mind if every once in a while he pretended to want to take care of himself.

“Hm?” Naruto said, voice slurry, blue eyes glazed over. He had his elbow on the table, his cheek resting on his injured palm.

Sasuke shook his head. “Masochist.”

“Hn,” Naruto replied. Sasuke scowled. “What? You always make that noise.”

Sasuke’s scowl deepened. “I do not.”

“Uh-huh, you do!”

“Do not!”

“Haha! Now you sound like a little kid,” Naruto said and pointed his finger in Sasuke’s face. Sasuke was quick to grab hold of the tip. Naruto’s eyes narrowed at the fingers holding onto him. His eyes slowly traveled up to Sasuke’s face. He tilted his head and grinned lop-sidedly. Sasuke gave him a questioning look, letting go of the finger.

Sasuke could tell there was something Naruto wanted to say, so he waited patiently while sipping on his beer.

A minute later, Naruto spoke in a quiet voice, “Have you ever liked someone so much you wanted to, like, absorb them? Y’know, into your being?”

Not what Sasuke had been expecting at all. “Uh… no?”

Naruto grabbed for the pitcher and filled up his glass again. One gulp and it was half empty already. In the back of Sasuke’s head, he sort of thought they should slow up, but this was nice, and it seemed to have calmed Naruto down somewhat. Well, and himself.

“I mean… like. If you were a tauntaun,” Naruto spoke slowly, staring upward at nothing in particular. “I’d cut your belly open just so I could sleep inside you.”

Of all the things Sasuke should have honed in on with that absurd and freakishly disturbing statement, what he was most concerned with was…

“A tauntaun?” He asked, bemused. What the hell was a tauntaun?

“Y’know,” Naruto said, pouting because apparently he’d thought that was a compliment so now his feelings had been hurt. “It was that hairy four legged kangaroo thing from Empire Strikes Back. The one Han cut open to save Luke?”

Sasuke stared at him for at least ten seconds. There was no point in even trying to follow Naruto’s train of thought. “How do you remember it’s called a tauntaun?” Sasuke asked, filling up his own glass once more.

“Saw the sleeping bag online,” Naruto answered, throwing his arm along the top of the booth seat.

“…”

The corner of Naruto’s mouth twitched and he laughed at Sasuke. “What?”

Sasuke leaned over the table, loath to admit he was intrigued. “There’s a tauntaun sleeping bag?”

Naruto shrugged, still grinning. His eyes seemed to twinkle as he stared at Sasuke. “I guess.”

Sasuke put his hand to his chin, nearly missing as his elbow slipped off the edge of the table. He ignored Naruto’s laughter. “Wouldn’t it be easier to sleep inside that than killing me, taking out my insides, and sleeping inside my stomach?”

Again, Naruto shrugged. “I dunno. It was about a hundred bucks.”

“Hm,” Sasuke nodded, knowing he should be frightened some of this was starting to make sense. “I see your point.”

Naruto dropped his arm and leaned over the table, face inches away from Sasuke’s. “Maybe there are other ways to get inside you…”

Sasuke blinked at Naruto’s leering face. “Pardon?” Even in his drunken state, he felt his ears reddening.

Naruto raised himself a bit and leaned far enough that he could press his hand to Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke looked down at it.

“Your heart is what I meant, dumbass,” Naruto said, smiling knowingly. “What did ya think I meant?”

“No fucking clue,” Sasuke said, cursing himself in his brain. “I rarely know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, I sense that,” Naruto agreed, removing his hand and slinking back into the seat.

“You’ve been watching Star Wars too much lately,” Sasuke said, feeling the alarms in his head subside, even though that constant ringing in his ears remained. “Dork,” he added as an afterthought.

“Your face is,” Naruto returned, finishing off the last of his beer and refilling the next glass. Suddenly their pitcher was empty again.

“Shut up,” Sasuke said lightly-heartedly. “Or I’ll feed you to the Sarlacc.”

“The what?” Naruto asked..

Sasuke frowned.

“Oh yeah… that thing.” Naruto scratched at his nose with the side of his hand.

“Hmm,” Sasuke murmured. “I’m not a big fan of Freud, but do you think there’s something to be said in us talking about wanting to be inside each other?”

Shit. Had he really just said that out loud? What the fuck was wrong with him? Oh that’s right! He’d had a tub’s worth of beer tonight. They might as well have dived into a vat in a brewery and inhaled everything from the bottom as a means of escape.

“No…” Naruto said, glancing at him seriously. “That’s what friends do.”

Did that make sense? Hmm… At this blood-alcohol level? Yes. Yes, it did.

“…Oh.” Sasuke blinked at a beady-eyed tree frog placed on a shelf above Naruto’s head.

“Yeah.”

Sasuke stared at his glass. “I need another drink.”

“Heh. Me too. Gimme some more money and I’ll get one. Shame you left your credit card at that other place for the tab. We’re gonna have to go back and get it tomorrow.”

“Shino might remember it…” Sasuke said thoughtfully while digging for his wallet. He handed Naruto some money without really looking at the amount and then clapped it closed, shoving it back into his jean pocket. While Naruto was gone, he found himself wondering about that guy on the bathroom floor and the look Naruto had had on his face.

Naruto came back shortly after.

“I think I need to use the restroom,” Sasuke said, already beginning to slide out of the booth.

Naruto stood by the table, grinning as he watched Sasuke stand. “Need a chaperone?”

“Shut up,” Sasuke snapped and glared. Then he smiled. “You just want to see me whip out my dick, don’t you?”

“Huh?” Naruto asked, looking baffled. “Oh. Heh. Hmm… Seen it before. If I really wanted to see it again, I’m sure all I’d have to do is ask.”

“Surprised you haven’t,” replied Sasuke as he began strolling/stumbling away.

“What was that?” he heard Naruto ask from behind.

“Nothing,” Sasuke shouted, waving his hand as he made it to the bathroom. This time without incident.

According to the planetary and celestial lineup of the stars, the time had to be...

Oh fuck, Sasuke had no clue. He didn't even know his ass from his elbow right now. Without realizing it, he and Naruto had burned through all their cumulative cash. Most of it had been spent on alcohol, but at least ten dollars had gone to the jukebox. For 20 minutes they'd picked random songs in Spanish they knew nothing about. It seemed Naruto just enjoyed the simple act of shoving change into the slot and pushing shiny buttons. However, there was a brief window of time where Naruto was able to get several of the old men sitting at the bar to sing a round of Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie," with Naruto illustrating that, indeed, his pelvic region would never be brought into questioning.

What happened after that was almost a blur. Sasuke remembered them stumbling out of the bar a little after last call. The sun wasn’t up yet, so that made him assume it was still nighttime. Naruto was busy laughing hysterically. He only made it a few feet before crumpling at the curb. He dropped to his knees on the pavement as Sasuke stood above him, rubbing Naruto’s head like it was a chia pet. He had no idea what the hell Naruto thought was so damn funny. Until he realized that he was laughing, too.

“Stop.. S-stop petting me,” Naruto stammered between laughter.

“I’m not petting-- Oh.” He’d already forgotten he’d been running his fingers through Naruto’s hair. He couldn’t help it! It was all sticky and spiky, and Sasuke was a texture-whore.

“That was awesome, dude,” Naruto said, chuckling as he wobbled upright.

Sasuke nodded and stared up at the sky.

“Sup there?” Naruto asked, staring upward, too.

“The sky,” Sasuke answered.

“Wicked,” Naruto whispered in awe and slapped Sasuke’s back. Sasuke growled and turned on him, punching Naruto in the shoulder. Naruto shoved him. They kept shoving each other until Sasuke’s back was against the display window of a vintage clothing shop.

“Pusher,” Sasuke spat in his face, glaring as Naruto held him there by the shoulders.

Naruto’s eyes narrowed. “Wha-? Huh? Pusher…? Wuzzat…? How am I a pusher…?”

“Always… uh… pushing people around… Like,” Sasuke shook his head and stared up toward the sky again, losing his train of thought. “Oh. Like that guy. On the floor.”

Naruto tilted his head. “Oh… shit. Forgot about him. Do you think he’s…?”

“Murderer!” Sasuke accused and jabbed Naruto in the chest.

“Oooooow, objection!” Naruto moaned, rubbing the spot. Sasuke smirked. He tried to take a step forward and tripped on his own feet. Suavely, he managed to catch himself and slid against the window again. Naruto hadn’t been watching. So he didn’t see Sasuke’s moment of uncoolness.

“We should uh… get back to the hotel soon…” Sasuke suggested.

“Huh? Ho-what?”

“The hoteeel,” Sasuke pronounced, wobbling again. He leaned against Naruto’s side to balance himself. Naruto snuck an arm around him.

“I… I dunno even… which… where it’s at. I dunno, Sasuke. I dunno…”

“Sh-shut up…” Sasuke said. “Let’s walk this way.” He pointed in a random direction.

“I think it’s that way,” Naruto argued, pointing in the opposite direction.

“You don’t even know the name of it… and I’m the one… who booked it,” Sasuke slurred and started walking in what he presumed to be a northeastern direction. But really he had no idea.

“Let’s just find a cab,” Naruto suggested.

The sidewalk they were on hardly had any people on it, and it looked to be a sketchy part of town. None of what they walked by appeared the slightest bit familiar to Sasuke.

“Ah, yeah, good idea genius. Do you see any taxis around here?”

“Y-yes?” Naruto said uncertainly. “Right there!”

Sasuke glanced over to where Naruto was pointing, and, sure enough, there was a cab parked at the corner. Naruto started waving his arms and jogging toward it. Sasuke sighed. He was tired and drunk, and they had a flight to catch in the early afternoon. He grabbed for his wallet, wondering exactly how far they could get. Naruto already had the car door open.

“Wait…” Sasuke said, raising his gaze to Naruto. “Uh…”

“What?” Naruto asked, grinning obliviously. He kept gesturing for Sasuke to get in the car. “Let’s gooo. M’tired!”

“I don’t… I don’t have any cash.”

“What?”

Sasuke looked inside his wallet, fingering through some receipts.

“We… spent everything,” he said.

“What?” Naruto asked. The cab driver got antsy and asked if they were going or not. Naruto shushed him. “Then use your card!”

“I left it at that bar, you idiot! Remember?”

“Shit…”

The car door slammed shut from the inside and the cab took off, tires squealing.

“Well that’s just great, Sasuke! Look what you did!”

Sasuke glared. “Me? You’re the one who spent all of it!”

“Yeah, well you shoulda been keeping track of it!”

“What the hell are we gonna do, Naruto? I have no idea where we even are!” Sasuke growled and gave him a shove in the chest.

“It’s fiiiiiiine, Sasuke. Uchiha. Saaaasuke. S’fine. You worry too much.”

Sasuke glared. “You drunken moron.”

“You’re just as drunk as I am… Let’s just, uh, keep walking this way and find a convenience store or something and ask where the hotel is…”

“We’re miles away from the hotel, Naruto, not blocks. We’re not walking back that entire way at this time of night.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Naruto mused broodily and decided to walk ahead.

Sasuke gazed around at their surroundings. There was no one. It was all empty stores, empty sidewalks and broken street lights. He caught up to Naruto, figuring there was safety in numbers.

“Remember that time I nearly killed a man for you?” Naruto asked as he locked his fingers behind his head.

“I remember you nearly crying your eyes out right afterward when you didn’t know if he was alive,” Sasuke replied smugly.

“Shut up.”

Sasuke laughed and glanced sidelong at his friend. “Thanks.”

Naruto looked up, clearly surprised. “Huh?”

“I said ‘thanks.’”

“You’re… thanking me?” Naruto’s arms dropped to his sides. He tripped a little over the uneven pavement but quickly caught himself. He grabbed a hold of Sasuke’s arm and shook it.

“I am,” Sasuke said, and usually he would’ve pushed Naruto off, but he didn’t mind that genuinely shocked expression. It was amusing.

“Hm.” Naruto gripped his arm more tightly. “I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you…” he said thoughtfully.

Sasuke’s heart did a weird thing. Probably a murmur.

“Gay,” he said. “Let go of my arm.”

Naruto didn’t let go. Or didn’t hear him. “Ha. Gay for joo.”

“Uh-huh,” Sasuke grunted noncommittally. “You’re the straightest guy I know.”

“I wonder if that’s a compliment…?” Naruto asked, rubbing his chin as they crossed the street when the walking signal lit up.

Sasuke shook his head.

They walked. And walked. It seem like they’d walked for 25 minutes before they came to a not-so-well lit parking lot in the back of some bar. There were two cars. A purple truck and a white van with tinted windows.

“Maybe we can use their phone?” Sasuke suggested. No one appeared to be going in or out of the bar and just as Sasuke was about to walk to the door to see if it was unlocked, the neon lights blinked out.

“I think they just closed…”

“So I’ll knock,” Sasuke replied impatiently.

Walking by the van, there happened to be a bald man with a mustache leaning against the driver’s side door. He glanced over at Naruto and Sasuke. He was smoking a cigarette.

“Hey boys,” he said. He was obviously American. Sasuke sighed internally in relief.

“Hey, old man,” Naruto said, running up to the van. “We, uh, you’re not gonna believe the night we had--” He glanced over his shoulder at Sasuke and grinned. “Anyway, uh, I see you have this van here… we spent all our money, and yeah, so we need to get back to our hotel… uh… could you do us a favor…?”

Sasuke eyed the man suspiciously as he patiently listened to Naruto’s blabbering. Anyone who could listen to that... had to be suspicious.

“Sure…,” said the man, throwing his cigarette on the ground. “I can help you out.”

Naruto grinned broadly. “Did ya hear that, Sasuke? He said he’d help us out!”

“Great…” Sasuke said.

“But, uh, I have this errand I have to run first, so if you don’t mind… after that I can drop you off.”

“Uh…” Naruto tilted his head. “Sure, that’s fine.”

“Alright. Get in then,” the man said. He shot Sasuke a look. Naruto shrugged and went to the other side, opening the van door.

“Oh cool, hey Sasuke, there’s like a TV in here and a mattress. It’s like the fucking Mystery Machine!”

“Yeah, you never know when you’re gonna need a place to sleep if the old lady throws you out,” the man called out as he slid into the driver’s seat. Sasuke got in, reluctantly, but he was already tired, so at this point, he really didn’t give a flying fuck if Satan himself drove them home on his Satanic broomstick.

As he slipped into the seat, beside Naruto, he noticed the partition between them and the driver. The TV screen flashed on and suddenly loud moans and groans filled the van.

“Oh my God. Is that porn?” Naruto said, sliding his arm over the top of the seat. It brushed Sasuke’s shoulder. “Awesome.”

The van started, and Sasuke could tell they were reversing. There was only one window and it was covered by purple velvety curtain. Naruto’s eyes were glued to the TV, but Sasuke leaned his head back, forgetting Naruto’s arm was there.

“So you two good friends?” A voice asked.

Sasuke looked around, wondering where the voice was coming from only to find two speakers on either side of the partition.

“Uh… sure?” Naruto answered for them. “Quite a set up you have back here.”

Sasuke shot him a glare, and Naruto shrugged.

The voice continued, “Yeah… Use it to relax. So you two seem to get along good. Got girlfriends?”

“Heh. Ah nah. Both of us are flying solo. Spring break and all. Doubt we’d be able to come down together if we were dating.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke warned. Why the hell did Naruto have to be friendly with everyone he met? Didn’t he know not to talk to strangers?

“There’s some beer in the fridge. Help yourself.”

“Shit!” Naruto exclaimed. “There’s a fridge back here?”

“Yep,” said the voice, “Right behind the seat, near the mattress.”

“Hmm…” Naruto turned around, making Sasuke grumble as he raised his head from Naruto’s arm.

“Was comfortable,” Sasuke moaned.

Naruto chuckled. “Hold on. He’s got a fucking fridge in his van. That’s fuckin' sweet!” He clamored around the seat and flopped down on the mattress. “Ah, here it is!”

Curiosity getting the better of him, Sasuke moved to the edge of the seat and glanced behind. Naruto sat cross-legged on the mattress, opening a can. He threw another to Sasuke, which he caught in his hand.

“Don’t you think this is a bit… twisted?” Sasuke asked, sitting on the edge of the mattress. It was covered by one brown silk sheet.

“I think we need a ride back to the hotel, and he’s gonna take us there, and we get free beer and porn out of it. He seems nice.”

“Oh yeah, real nice. He might as well have offered us candy and years later we'd be pointing out on the doll where the bad man touched us.”

“C’mon. We can take care of ourselves. You and your trust issues, I swear.”

Sasuke growled and chugged the beer.

Ten minutes later, the voice popped up again.

“Hey guys, there’s a change in plans… I have to make a stop real quick. Your hotel is about ten miles in the opposite direction of where I need to go, but, uh… I’ll be happy to lend you some money for a cab…”

“Oh…” Naruto said. He got up on his knees and threw his arms over the seat. The van made a sharp turn and he slid to the side. Sasuke caught him before he fell. In the process, some of the beer spilled onto the sheet. “Well… that’s cool, I guess.”

“See…” Sasuke said near Naruto’s ear.

“The thing is…,” the voice continued. “I need to ask a favor of you. No tricks. I’ll pay you for sure, but I got a little somethin’ I wanna ask of you in return.”

He and Naruto exchanged looks.

“What’s that…?”

“I feel funny askin’ you this, but ya see, I’m a little, uh… horny, and, yeah, well…”

Sasuke nearly started cracking up. If he wasn’t drunk off his ass…

“I was wonderin’ if you’d do an old man a favor and give your friend a little kiss… We’ll play a game, you see. Ever seen that show Cash Cab?” The voice chuckled. “How about I give you a little bit of money every time you do me a favor… And you might need it, too, we’re movin’ a bit further away from your hotel. Y’know, like I said. In the opposite direction and all…”

“The fuck?” Sasuke spat.

“Shh,” Naruto said, holding up a finger. “What’s the big deal. It’s just a stupid kiss.” He addressed the voice as Sasuke frowned at the back of his head. “How much for a kiss?”

“Hmm… where I’m gonna drop you off… S’probably gonna take a 35 maybe 45-minute cab ride… You’re gonna need about 50 bucks or so. I’ll give you ten. A real kiss, nothin’ cheap. Wanna see some tongue, boys.”

“Sick bastard,” Naruto chuckled. “Man after my own heart.” He was smiling, but there appeared to be a bit of nervousness flashing in his eyes. “C’mon Sasuke. It’s no big deal. Just play his stupid game.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Besides, what if he’s some crazy psycho who’s gonna kill us if we don’t do as he says? You saw Saw!”

“Jesus Christ, Naruto. I told you this was a bad idea!” Sasuke brought the cold can to his forehead. “How can he even tell what we do? Can’t we just tell him we did it and that’s that?”

“Oh… dunno,” Naruto said. “Hey, we did it!”

“Nice try,” said the voice. “Got a video camera back there. I’m not gonna do anything funny. I just want some favors in return for me givin’ you a ride. If you don’t wanna do it, you dun have to. Just sayin’ the farther away we get, the more money you’re gonna need. You’re in a tight spot, I s’pose. Just tryin’ to help ya two out.”

“That answers that…” Naruto said. “Just c’mere and help me earn ten bucks.”

“Are you seriously okay with this?” Sasuke asked, panicking.

“Don’t mind. Practically did it the other night with the body shot, right? So what. It’s just you and me. It’s no big deal, right?”

The van lurched a bit to the left. Naruto dragged himself over, and Sasuke felt his heart began to thud in his chest. They were both cross-legged, sitting across from each other. Naruto was smiling. He reached his hand and placed it on Sasuke’s cheek, angling his head as he inched closer. Sasuke’s hand went to one of Naruto’s thighs as their lips touched. It was a bit of a shock to feel Naruto’s mouth on his. He squeezed the thigh as Naruto nudged him playfully. Sasuke parted his lips, smelling the alcohol on their breath. He felt fingers running through his hair and holding onto the back of his head. Then something wet touched his tongue. His eyes shot open. Naruto’s remained closed as he slid his tongue over Sasuke’s. Sasuke didn’t really know what to do. Reflexively, his head tilted to the side. Naruto made a quiet grunt into their kiss, and then they broke apart.

They stared at one another. “Easiest ten bucks ever,” Naruto joked.

Sasuke nodded dumbly.

“Not as weird as I thought it would be,” Naruto said, nonplussed. Sasuke had no idea why he was handling this all so well.

“Did you enjoy that?” he whispered, and wished he hadn’t the second it left his mouth.

Naruto moved his head, rolling it from side to side, thinking. “I dunno… Yeah. Kinda. I mean. I dunno. Don’t get the wrong idea… er… well. I guess you would… but. I mean. It’s different than kissing chicks… but it’s weird because, like… we’ve known each other for so long and I… trust you?”

“Ah.”

The voice interrupted them. “Thanks for that. I hope I can keep both hands on the steering wheel after that, if you know what I mean!”

“Ew…” Naruto said. He hunched forward and leaned his head against Sasuke’s shoulder. The contact made Sasuke stiffen, but Naruto didn’t seem to notice. “Wonder what we have to do to earn the other $40?”

“This is ridiculous,” Sasuke growled into Naruto’s ear. “This guy’s a sick freak, Naruto. Let’s just open up the door and jump out.”

“Are you serious? While he’s driving? I wanna get back to the hotel. Not die. We’re not James Bond here, Sasuke. We’re not in the middle of playing Goldeneye. Who cares? It’s just you, me and him… so he’s some kinky old man. We’ve done some kinky shit in our days…er. Well. You’re more of a prude… but yeah.”

“Is any of that supposed to make me feel better?” Sasuke hissed.

“Well, eh… I mean. I trust you, so big deal if he gets off on this crap. If we don’t wanna do anything, we don’t have to! Why are you getting bent out of shape over a stupid kiss? I’m not gonna think you’re a fag or somethin’. I’m the one who initiated it.”

“Gee, that makes me feel loads better. Thank you,” Sasuke said sarcastically.

“So hey, uh, guy…?” Naruto called.

“Steve. The name is Steve. Ready to earn another $20? After that I gotta make a stop, but I’m true to my word. All ya gotta do is take off a little somethin’. Shirt or pants, whatever ya wanna do. Don’t want you to feel uncomfortable… and then uh, you there blondie, I want you to touch him… Just uh… rub him nice and slow over the front of his jeans.”

Naruto snorted. Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched.

“Naruto…” Sasuke said.

Naruto shrugged. “It’s $20. I don’t mind. It’s my fault we don’t have any money, I said I’d do anything for ya, so I’m not gonna go back on my word. Just pretend I’m some chick,” he said and started taking his shirt off. He wobbled over to Sasuke and began reaching for the hem of his shirt.

Sasuke stopped him, grabbing his wrists. “You don’t have to go that far, Naruto. Are you crazy?”

Naruto grinned. “Nah. I’m a bit drunk, yeah, maybe wouldn’t do it otherwise, but who the fuck cares.”

“Maybe that’s the point…” Sasuke mumbled and glanced away. He let go of Naruto’s wrists.

“What?” Naruto stared.

“Nothing… Do what you want.”

“Are you mad?” Naruto asked. “I won’t do it if you don’t wanna. We’ll just walk. Who cares if it takes like three hours to get back…”

“Fine. Okay. Just do it before I change my mind…”

“Okay…” Naruto got to his knees and pulled the shirt over Sasuke’s head. “Like I haven’t seen you shirtless before. Hell, Sasuke, I’ve seen you naked. Just keep your eyes on the TV.”

“Don’t need to,” Sasuke mumbled.

“Heh. So, uh?” Naruto looked down. “Er… how about you just sit and… yeah.” He put his warm hand to Sasuke’s chest and forced him to sit. “Maybe spread your legs a bit…?”

“That’s weird to hear coming from your mouth…”

“Shut up.” Naruto seemed to hesitate for a brief time, while Sasuke was busy wondering what his excuse would be should he actually get a hard on. He was still drunk as hell and didn’t know if he could control himself. When Naruto’s hand moved to his thigh, Sasuke closed his eyes and breathed in sharply. “Nervous?” Naruto asked with a breathy chuckle. “I’m flattered!”

“Idiot… Just get this over with.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Naruto said and leaned over him. Sasuke felt his breath against his neck as the hand moved from his thigh and trailed once, lightly over his crotch.

Sasuke coughed.

“Hey. It’s awkward for me, too, here. How often do you get paid to touch your best friend’s crotch?”

“In your case, I have no idea,” Sasuke remarked, slowly opening his eyes. Curious blue ones darted to his at the same time as Naruto pressed his palm flat to Sasuke’s crotch.

“I’m gonna rub you now…” Naruto said softly.

“Thanks for… uh… the update,” Sasuke whispered, then held his breath as the hand moved up and down. Up and down. Then it pressed more firmly. Sasuke closed his eyes, sucking on his tongue. The hand was warm, even through the denim. It sent tingles all over Sasuke’s skin, making everywhere heat up. It felt like his cheeks were on fire. He refused to open his eyes. He had his hands on the mattress, bracing himself. He could feel his stomach muscles shaking with his attempt to hold still as the van jostled.

Minutes passed, several of them, with all his focus on keeping himself from getting hard. How embarrassing would that be… but shit. It was starting to feel good… goddamn Naruto!

Eventually he opened his eyes. Naruto was staring at his hand, but then seemed to sense he was being watched.

“Heh. Your eyes are glazed,” he commented.

Sasuke blinked. “You’re rubbing my dick…”

“I know.”

“So what do you expect?”

Naruto shrugged his one shoulder, hand still moving against Sasuke. “I must be doing a shit job…” he said, amused.

“I… don’t really wanna get a hard on because you’re rubbing me off…”

“S’fine. I’m not that offended…”

“You’re a… “ Naruto stopped rubbing and cupped him, squeezing “…Moron,” Sasuke finished with a hiss.

“Thanks guys, ah, that was good for me… But, uh, I need to make a quick stop, so, make yourselves comfortable… I’ll be back in 20 minutes.”

“Twenty minutes?” Naruto yelled at the speakers. “Are you kidding?”

“Nah. Nature’s callin’. I’ll be back right after. Help yourselves to some drinks… I’ll uh, let you know what you can do for me next when I get back…”

Five minutes later, the van stopped. A car door slammed.

“Shit. He really left us,” Naruto said. Sasuke was lying on his back, staring at the van ceiling. Naruto leaned over him, his side touching Sasuke’s exposed stomach as he opened the fridge and grabbed another two cans of beer. “We might need these…”

“I don’t know if I can drink anymore,” Sasuke said. He stretched his arms above his head. Naruto held the cold beer can to his stomach. Sasuke flinched and swatted Naruto’s hand away. “Jackass!”

Naruto sniggered.

Sasuke took the can, opened it, and took a drink, feeling oddly resigned to their situation. It was like an Urban Legend. Something you’d hear about happening, but would never really believe. So what could the guy ask for next? Would they both have to blow each other? A hand job? Sasuke could already tell Naruto would, like he said, do just about anything…

But Sasuke had his own limits…

Hm.

Funny how everything was starting to spin.

“You okay, Sasuke?” Naruto asked, leaning over him. “You don’t look so good.”

“Feel funny,” Sasuke said, rubbing a hand across his forehead.

“Weird…”

“Do you feel… dizzy?” Sasuke asked, feeling a lightness all over his body and a tingling in his limbs.

“A bit, yeah. You’re just drunk…”

“I… I dunno…”

Vaguely, he heard the sound of a door slamming again as the edges of his consciousness became dark, and his body started to feel hot all over.

“Sasuke… why are you taking off your pants…?” He heard Naruto say.

The voice boomed out of the speakers, saying something Sasuke couldn’t quite make out. He felt so tired… and hot… a weight pressed on top of him. Everything kept blurring, movement coming in vivid colors…

That’s all Sasuke remembered of that night.

But what he did remember was how he woke up the morning after, tangled with Naruto on one of the pool lounge chairs. Naruto was dressed solely in a pair of boxers. Sasuke had on his jeans, the fly open. No underwear in sight. In Naruto’s hand, there were three $20 bills. He was still snoring. Sasuke had cracked open his eyes, greeted by a magnificent sunrise. His gaze rose upward as seagulls squawked, landing on the Spanish tiles of the hotel’s roof. Leaning against the rail of the floor where their hotel room was located were Kiba and Shino. In Kiba’s right hand was a camera phone.

Sasuke blinked several times. He had the worst headache he had ever had in his life and his body was so sore he couldn’t even be bothered to shove Naruto off the chair. Instead, he passed out. Hours later he woke up inside the hotel room. On the bed, Naruto curled up against his side.

They did not speak a word about what had happened on the flight home. In fact, no one spoke at all. Not even Naruto, who would have been the one to talk the entire flight.

Eventually Sasuke had stolen away Kiba’s cell phone, found that picture of he and Naruto… and deleted any remaining evidence of their last night in Cancun.

It had been about a week since they’d come home from Cancun. It was the weekend and the four of them were sprawled out in Kiba’s bedroom. Kiba and Naruto were playing Halo 3. Shino was flipping through a random magazine he’d found on Kiba’s bed. And Sasuke… Sasuke was sitting in the black bean bag chair, listening to his MP3 player. He was barely paying attention to the television screen as Master Chief ran around the dunes near a base, avoiding a flying tank and heavy artillery fire.

He and Naruto hadn’t talked much about their last night in Cancun. Not that either of them could remember much of it, but there were fragments that Sasuke did remember that certainly fell under that gray area of more than slightly questionable. If Sasuke really wanted to venture into what exactly happened, he could come up with a couple solid conclusions, none of which he was ready to accept, so, therefore, he pretended nothing had happened. That the possibility of anything happening at all should be considered absurd and disturbing.

When Kiba’s player died, he grumbled and threw the Xbox controller onto the floor with a loud curse that everyone ignored. He stomped over to the desk, still mumbling expletives as he booted up his laptop.

Sasuke had just closed his eyes when something hard landed on his socked foot. He cracked open his eyes and glared.

Naruto made a ‘come hither’ gesture with his hand, and Sasuke removed his right earbud. “What?” he growled.

“Come play,” Naruto said. Sasuke stared at him for a few seconds and eventually nodded. He put his MP3 player aside and scooted over to sit beside Naruto, dragging the controller with him.

Even though he’d known Naruto for so long, even though they’d already gone through so much with one another… it didn’t stop his body from holding on to some kind of mysterious tension. Mysterious solely because of the denial. Their arms were touching, and it was distracting. Not in a bad way… but not in a good way either. He didn’t think of Naruto like that… and why was that even coming up in his brain at all when NOTHING HAPPENED.

Sasuke mentally head-walled, but being an Uchiha of the repressed type he was able to hide his riled interior with a frigid, iceberg-like exterior. He was sure Naruto could read him like a book (the kind with pictures anyway), and Sasuke could pretty much do the same when it came to his best friend. He could tell Naruto had been acting weird of late. He still cracked jokes and laughed, but… there was definitely something lurking there that Sasuke was not in a hurry to ask about. Naruto was usually the confrontational one, so the fact that he hadn’t mentioned anything was… probably what was making Sasuke all the more uneasy.

“Hey, play me seriously,” Naruto said in a low whisper as he elbowed Sasuke harder than necessary in the side.

Startled, Sasuke squirmed a bit at the contact. Naruto didn’t say anything but did shoot him a suspicious look.

“What?” Sasuke asked curtly, nearly biting Naruto’s head off.

Naruto’s eyes flashed briefly. “Play me. Seriously.”

“Fine.” Sasuke blew out an exasperated breath that ruffled his bangs lightly. He stared at the widescreen. They were quiet for some time, and it felt… weird. Almost to the point that Sasuke was dying for about anything to happen, even to have a jet engine fall through the roof thanks to some time portal and land on his head. Or Naruto’s.

“Is it in yet? Ow. That hurts, take it out.“

Sasuke froze on the spot.

“It's not even in yet.“

Oh shit. That was definitely his voice… and it sounded… Naruto had stiffened beside him, too. Sasuke looked up slowly to catch Naruto flinching. The controller dropped from his hand like dead weight.

“I don't care, take it out!“

Naruto again…

“Well what do we have here?”

Naruto and Sasuke both looked over their shoulders at the same time. Kiba sat in the swivel chair, grinning from ear to ear, his head currently blocking out the view to his computer screen. Shino still sat on the bed, but he’d dropped the magazine in a flurry of pages, a red tint to his cheeks.

Sasuke couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. His ass had apparently been superglued to the shag carpeting. He couldn’t look at Naruto. He wouldn’t even dare.

“So, uh,” Kiba lowered his head and laughed, tugging at the collar of his yellow shirt. “I think, uh… heh… I think I’ve figured out what happened during that ‘missing time’ of yours on that last night in Cancun…”

Sasuke swallowed. He was finally able to sneak a glance at Naruto. Naruto’s eyes were bulging out of his skull. It was almost comical. Sasuke might have even laughed, he was that close to the point of hysteria.

Then there came a noise that belonged only in the worst of horror movies.

How could he possibly describe it?

The grunts and moans that started to play in the background were nothing in comparison to this instantly recognizable light, slapping noise.

In slow motion, both he and Naruto rose from the floor, moving in the direction of the computer to what… he didn’t know… throw it out the open window? Kill the only witnesses by smashing it into Kiba and Shino’s head? There’s no way Naruto would squeal… so maybe they could get away with it? But then there was the fact that this video was apparently on the Internet.

How long would it take him to find every person who surfed this site and quietly kill them in the night with the stealth of an assassin ninja?

He could do that! He wasn’t insane. He could do that!

As they were running in slow motion to the computer, Naruto had the same crazy look in his eyes.

They had just reached the desk when suddenly the volume went to full blast, and they heard Naruto saying:

“That's it... Call me Captain Jack Sparrow, who's your favorite pirate? Ah yeah..."

A frustrated, albeit, genuine moan escaped that Sasuke instantly recognized as himself.

Naruto’s voice again, “No, that’s not right… Call me Smee. Yeah, I like that!”

It was Sasuke that went up to Kiba and pushed him to the side. Naruto followed, dragging Kiba further out of the way as the two of them stared at the screen in the kind of horror/fascination one has while driving past a bad accident on the freeway.

There was no point in denying it or avoiding it. What had happened between them in Cancun lay as plain as day in perfect pixilation on the screen.

Naruto was…

Sasuke felt his balls shrivel into unrecognizable pebbles.

He blinked because the tears would not come fast enough to his eyes. He licked his dry lips. All Sasuke could do was continue to watch that night in a series of clipped scenes, changing from position to position

When it came to the final 30 second scene, the camera had zoomed in on his face. His cheeks were flushed, his skin was sweaty and his hair clung to his forehead. He had a tight grip on Naruto’s arms. Despite the fact that the movement of Naruto’s balls as he…moved… was distracting enough from the rest of what was going on… it was the expression on his own face that was really…

Confusing.

Movement beside him nearly made him jump as Naruto’s bare arm brushed against him. They were still standing beside one another. Kiba’s cackles had died off. Shino sat, awkwardly silent, on the bed, too polite to look at them or the computer screen.

“To be honest… I don’t see why any of us should be surprised,” Kiba said, some 30 seconds later. He came rolling his chair back over to the desk and shrugged at them.

Sasuke tried to clear his throat in order to say something sarcastic or funny or anything at all that would cover up what he was feeling inside.

Then Naruto gave a loud bark of laughter. Sasuke glanced at him furtively. Naruto scratched the back of his neck. His face was red as he squinted his eyes closed and continued to chuckle. It was obvious to Sasuke he was embarrassed.

“Guess it’s really out there, eh? Well shit.”

Sasuke’s eyes widened at first and then he released a loud sigh. He looked at Naruto, who already had his eyes on him. Sasuke smiled weakly, and Naruto shrugged in return.

“Well, shiiit,” he said again and ruffled the hair at the back of his head. “I… kinda figured that might’ve happened, but since you didn’t mention it, I thought maybe I’d hallucinated it or…”

“Yeah…” Sasuke said in a cracked voice. “So, um,” he cleared his throat, “So what… now? Do we sue? Were we drugged?”

Naruto shook his head. “Hell if I know, Jesus. Do you think anyone we know will watch it?”

Kiba coughed.

“Besides that idiot?” Sasuke tried to smirk but only ended up scowling.

Naruto wrapped an arm loosely around his shoulders, and Sasuke had to keep from twitching a bit. Naruto pulled him in closer and Sasuke felt the unmistakable presence of lips barely brushing his cheek. The breath was hot and a bit ragged against his skin. On reflex, he’d gripped the side of Naruto’s jersey but quickly released it.

“What can we really do?” Naruto whispered.

“Nothing… I guess,” Sasuke answered.

“You guys realize we’re still in the room, right?” Kiba asked with a frown. “Or should Shino and I give you some more alone time so you can make another video tape?”

“Heh.”

Sasuke expected Naruto to have a wittier retort than that or to plunge into some violent act. Instead, he was blushing slightly. Sasuke fidgeted, putting his weight on his other foot.

“We’ve been through worse, right?” Naruto said, nudging him in the shoulder. “I don’t think it’s changed anything. I don’t know what it means or that it means anything since we were both drunk as hell…” He pulled a face. “In fact, it didn’t seem to me that either one of us… um… in the video I mean… you looked like…”

“Finish that sentence and I will rip your dick off,” Sasuke said under his breath.

“Oh ho,” Kiba said and even Shino chuckled.

“But you seemed to like that part of me just fine when we were in Cancun,” Naruto said.

Sasuke sighed, finally finding the ability to smirk without wanting to vomit. “Well. You know what they say… what happens in Cancun should stay in Cancun…”

“That’s Vegas,” Naruto returned with a wink. “And, uh…”

“I know it’s on the Internet. You don’t need to remind me,” Sasuke said, shaking his head.

“Oh okay, yeah. We’ll chalk it up to the stupidity of youth and alcohol consumption.”

Sasuke nodded.

“So does this mean you two aren’t gay for each other?” Kiba asked, a genuine expression of confusion and curiosity on his face. It was Shino who threw a pillow at his head. Kiba caught it and slowly brought it away from his face, grinning.

“Heh. Well. Based on that video though… guess we were wrong in assuming Naruto was the wife… surprising, right, Shino?”

Naruto grabbed the pillow from him and hit him twice hard in the face. “How did you find that anyway?”

“Googled it,” Kiba said.

“Googled it?” Sasuke repeated.

“How the hell did you ‘google’ it?” Naruto asked, slapping Kiba one more time in the face with the pillow before tossing it on the bed.

Kiba shrugged. “Have my methods.”

Sasuke eyed him suspiciously. “Uh huh…” He drew his gaze back to Naruto, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks as he recalled some of the stuff Naruto had said and images of them together… like… that.

“What?” Naruto asked, blinking several times.

Sasuke inhaled sharply, lying, “Nothing.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes. “Okaay…” he drawled and gave Sasuke that “we’ll talk about it later look.”

“Hm.” Sasuke scratched the back of his ear.

“At least we’ll have something to remember the trip by?” Naruto suggested.

Kiba laughed in the background, and Naruto snickered. Shino sighed loudly and picked up his motorcycle magazine.

“True,” Sasuke said, resigned to his fate. “But we’re never going on a vacation together again.”

“Fair enough,” Naruto said, removing his arm from around Sasuke only to fold his arms behind his head. The both of them shared a longer-than-necessary glance. Sasuke was the first to turn away.

“Just so you know,” Sasuke said, staring out the window, at an apple tree growing in the back of the fenced in yard behind Kiba’s apartment. “That doesn’t make me the wife.”

Naruto laughed and flashed a grin with his oh-so-perfect teeth. “Of course.”

Sasuke reached over and ruffled Naruto’s hair, nothing more needing to be said about the matter because like everything that had happened between them in their lives so far… not even something like… a video of them having drunken sex in moving van in Cancun… could put an end to their friendship.

Probably.

So long as it was never mentioned again.

THE END.

Or is it?

“So, uh… you and I know what happened, right?” Naruto asked.

They were both walking home from Kiba’s. The air was cool. It was the beginning of April and the sun was setting in the West.

“I thought I had blocked most of it out until I saw… that,” Sasuke said. He rubbed his hand over his eyes, grimacing. He couldn’t erase the image of what he’d seen away from his brain.

He would never drink again. He’d never get into a strange white van parked in a lot in a sketchy part of town again… there were so many things he would not be doing again… like looking Naruto in the face.

EVER.

"I sorta figured it out the next day after it felt like I came for four days straight..." Naruto said wistfully. “Does it… y’know… bother you?” he asked, sounding uneasy.

Sasuke glanced up. Naruto was looking off. He studied the serious expression on his best friend’s face. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants, sighing loudly. He bowed his head, sweeping his bangs out of his face. A car passed them by, honking, but he didn’t look up to see if it was someone they knew.

“It… doesn’t bother me,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “As much as it should… probably.”

“Heh.”

He looked over at Naruto. Naruto looked back.

“Do you think this will change anything?” Naruto asked, his eyebrows drawing together in concern and worry.

“Dunno,” Sasuke said. “Doubt it.”

“Okay.” He sounded relieved. “I mean… I know we saw it… but I…don’t really remember a lot of it. I remember some things… but yeah… Jesus. What the hell was my thing about the pirates?”

Sasuke laughed. “I have no idea.”

“We’re still best friends, aren’t we?” Naruto asked hopefully. He bumped into Sasuke’s shoulder.

“Yeah…”

Sasuke grinned, closing an eye as he stared forward. Naruto folded his arms behind his head as they walked, humming something that triggered vague memories in Sasuke’s head.

“Are you humming…. “Hips Don’t Lie?”

Naruto stopped in his tracks. “Yeah, I guess. It’s been stuck in my head all damn week.”

“Huh…” Sasuke mused. “Strange.”

“I guess… I mean, other than, y’know, did you have a fun time?”

“Other than you fucking me in the ass in some seedy van while having me call you Captain Jack Sparrow for fifty bucks? Was it fun?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna word it quite that way,” Naruto murmured.

Sasuke sniggered and punched Naruto in the shoulder. “Let’s just say… had it been anyone else, you’d be six feet under the ground by now. I would never leave any witnesses.”

“Yeah, you’re not sloppy enough for that…” Naruto replied, smirking.

“Just don’t ask to do it again,” Sasuke joked.

“Hah!” Naruto laughed. “I knew you were gonna say something like that!”

“Hn.”

“I dunno… I wouldn’t be opposed, I guess,” Naruto said.

“Shut up,” Sasuke sneered. He turned and continued walking. Naruto ran up to his side.

“Oh c’mon… we can do it on Itachi’s bed. That’d be hilarious…”

“Naruto…” Sasuke growled.

“You’re right… that’s just sick…”

“Yeah,” Sasuke snorted. “You’d never do anything like that…”

Naruto chuckled. “Like I said… Nothing I wouldn’t do for you… Sasuke.”