|How to Put the Bun in the Oven
Author: ohwhatsherface PM
SasuSaku. Fact of life, never get lessons in love from two idiots who are relatively foreign to the concept.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,881 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 477 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 08-15-08 - Published: 04-01-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4171288
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: How to Put the Bun in the Oven, part 1
Pairing: Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Haruno
Theme set: Beta
Rating: M, maybe… One line was pretty dirty…
Warning(s): PICK UP LINES, and innuendo!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
It was when Sakura caught sight of Sasuke fumbling with something in his pocket and muttering incoherent curses to himself – well, Naruto wasn't around – as he walked over to her, the slightest bit of a blush on his naturally pale cheeks, that she knew something was very, very – "Sakura, I need you to help me restore my clan." – wrong…
There is a large and satisfied smile on the pink-haired kunoichi's face when she hears the sickening crack of what she hopes is Sasuke's jaw when she punches him, yells at the Uchiha – "You bastard! How dare you propose to me?! No, that wasn't even a proposal! You reject me over and over again and now this?! You're pathetic, Uchiha! PATHETIC, I SAY! I WILL DESTROY YOU!" – and then proceeds to waltz away.
Sasuke learns that enlisting help from Naruto in the matters of something as important as Love is undeniably stupid when he goes up to Sakura the next day and says, "Here I am", and smirks before adding, "now what are your other two wishes?".
The norm of Team Seven since they were twelve – the beginning – was that when Kakashi arrived, Naruto would scream, Sakura punch Naruto and Sasuke would either roll his eyes at their antics or smirk at Naruto's pain, so when he arrived that morning and saw Sakura punching the wrong boy, he had to wonder what Sasuke did to piss her off.
And when he said, "Help, Sakura, I think something is wrong with my eyes," she was filled with fear and worry, but her concern was quick to leave when he oh-so suavely grinned and added, "I just can't take them off of you."
It is at night, when Sasuke lays his head down on his pillow, careful of his bruises administrated by Sakura, that he dreams of black-haired and green-eyed children running around in his empty house, and he allows himself to think up his so-called battle plans for the next day.
Sasuke wakes up the next morning and as he lazily walks out of the Uchiha Compound – just a bunch of empty, empty houses – his drive is reinforced, and he then sprints out, ready for another attempt at wooing Sakura.
08. Whisky and rum
At one point he contemplates bribing – er, persuading? – the Hokage into getting Sakura to marry him – or at least go out with him! – because really, the crates of whiskey and rum and various types of alcohol in his basement that his clan used to drink on occasions just had to go bad one day…
"Love is a battlefield!" Naruto states as he preps his best friend for another beating—er, attempt at courting Sakura, and when the Uchiha walks away, Naruto merely watches with much amusement as Sasuke tries his latest – "That shirt's very becoming of you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too."
Sakura huffs vehemently when by reflex – reflex! – she catches Matsuri's beautiful bouquet of Desert Primroses that came flying at her, thoroughly annoyed when Temari smirks and nudges the girl, saying, "Well, you know what they say—", to which Sakura effectively pushes the flowers to the blonde's face, replying, "Don't even try to go there!"
On her nineteenth birthday, Sakura decides to wear the little black dress Ino had bought her on one of their many shopping sprees, so when Sasuke grinned to her and said, "Nice dress," she truly thought he was complimenting her, but then he just had to add, "But it would look better on my floor", and completely ruin the moment.
It is to Sakura's dismay when one evening she arrives home to find Sasuke there talking to her parents, having a decent conversation, because the moment she passes by the kitchen where they are sitting – together, ugh! – her mother calls her in and says, "I love this guy, Sakura!", her father adds, "You most certainly have my blessing!", and Sasuke smirks like the infuriating little bastard that he is.
When Sakura learns that Naruto and Kakashi – ugh! – are coaching Sasuke on his journey down the Road of Love, she declares them bastards for choosing to help Sasuke since they were only doing it because he was a boy!
Sakura readies herself to call Sasuke a perverted, arrogant jerk when he asks her to do some extra training with him – that was so what Tenten called her excursions with Neji – but she stops herself because he looks serious, and instead goes with him to the dock by his house where he teaches her the Great Fireball Technique.
She sits on the porch of Sasuke's house, reading a book while the two boys spar, and she glances up to check on them – make sure they haven't killed each other, really – but then Sakura gasps and her cheeks reddens when she takes in the sight of Sasuke, sweaty and panting hard and shirtless.
Sasuke smirks smugly when Sakura replies to his request for a date that Saturday night with a "N—No" over her usual "No" because her "N—No" meant a stutter, and her stutter meant hesitance, and her hesitance meant that her resolve was finally breaking.
Even though Sakura states that she believes marriage is a stupid thing and that weddings are even worse, the beautiful ivory wedding gown in the store window – with the satin and the chiffon and the thin straps and the beaded neckline and the empire waist – always catches her eye.
It is in the middle of Naruto sucking the helium out of balloons and Sasuke rolling his eyes at the silly blonde's antics that Sakura realizes that Sasuke has changed a lot since they were kids – he no longer just smirked, he smiled.
While passing by the dead patch of what used to be his mother's Rose garden on his way home from the carnival he went to with Naruto and Sakura, Sasuke scorns Romeo because apparently not all Pretty Boys could pick up girls on balconies or at parties or whatever so easily – "Bastard…"
Sparing Itachi a moment of his thoughts – and only a moment! – Sasuke tries to figure out which of his goals seemed the most difficult because trying to get Sakura to fall in love with him all over again was proving to be harder than he expected.
Sakura thinks that it – ugh, the pickup lines – is all over when they are alone, and Sasuke opens his mouth but immediately closes it, looking away, but he proves her wrong when he lifts his head to smirk and say, "Sorry. You're so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line."
Kakashi is a romantic at heart as proven by the ever-constant reading of Icha Icha – which is totally not a bad habit! – which is why he chose to give Sasuke the book of pickup lines, obviously not because he wanted to see Sakura get riled up and smack the boy!
She shivers slightly as they walk home in the middle of the night, so when Sasuke glances at her for a moment and then shrugs out of his jacket, not bothering to question if she needs it, and puts it over her shoulders, Sakura merely snuggles into its warmth and struggles not to inhale his masculine scent.
It is because of Inner Sakura who yells enthusiastically, "Jump him! Rape him! He wants it!", as Sasuke carelessly takes his shirt off in the middle of training, to which Outer Sakura replies with a curt, "No", that Sakura has trouble looking at Sasuke the same.
Realization slapped Sasuke in the face hard when he realized how badly the tables had turned – oh god, he was the Sakura! – and that when she was the one asking for dates, all he said was, "No" – quite rudely, at that – which is why he almost thought of stopping, since things didn't end that well for her, but he immediately changed his mind and grinned at her with a new vigour.