A/N1: First, I want to thank CSIGeekFan for the wonderful beta job. Any mistakes remaining are mine. Also I want to thank everyone who has decided to check out Holy Smokes! All the comments have been greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer: Non, je ne possède pas CSI. That’s French for “No, I do not own CSI” (at least it is according to the cool Babel Fish Translation web page). Also I claim no ownership of the song, “Brass in Pocket.”

An indeterminate amount of time later…

“HI, HONEY…I’M HOME!” I heard Gil yelling over the music that I had playing.

I quickly took off my apron and tossed it aside before I headed to greet him. I glanced into the mirror I passed by to assess the damage I had done to my appearance while cooking. After wiping off a bit of flour that was on my cheek, I looked again. Not too bad. Taking a deep breath, I finally neared the front door’s entrance and saw Gil with his back to me. He looked so gorgeous. Shouldn’t it be illegal to look that good? Out loud, I said, “Hi. I’m glad you’re home,” unaware that my voice had grown raspy.

Gil stilled immediately at the sound of my voice and then resumed his task –taking out his keys, his change, and his wallet –before turning around to face me.

I was standing before him barefoot, wearing a red silk robe that was currently tied. The robe flowed gently over my curves, stopping at mid-thigh.

If I could have read his thoughts, then I would have known that he was wondering how the hell had he managed to get so lucky to have me in his life. “What’s all this?” he questioned aloud as he walked closer, drawing near to me. He sniffed the air, once then twice. “And you’re cooking, too?”

“I thought I would,” I leaned in to kiss him, “surprise,” followed be another kiss, “you.”

“You definitely succeeded, honey,” he said. “I do feel a bit overdressed though—”

I became distracted when I recognized the opening melody playing through my boom box in the living room. While I was cooking, I had kept the music playing for entertainment. I smiled, wickedly, as an idea came into my mind when The Pretenders song came on. “Come here,” I demanded as I grabbed his hand and led him into the living room. When Gil was standing in front of the couch, I gently shoved him until he fell backwards onto the couch. He straightened and sat up as I made my way to the center of the living room and to the center of his attention.

Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

I picked up on the chorus and began singing along.

Gonna use my arms

I untied the sash to my robe and, shrugging my shoulders, I let it fall to my feet. Underneath my robe, I was wearing a pair of barely there red lacy panties and a matching bra in the same color.

Hearing Gil’s sharply drawn breath fueled my courage to continue my impromptu strip tease. My loose inhibitions might also have something to do with the two glasses of wine that I had consumed earlier on a nearly empty stomach.

Gonna use my legs

I began dancing to the music, trying to be as seductive as I could be.

Gonna use my style

I teasingly tucked my thumbs under my panties to make as if I was going to take them off. I looked at Gil’s hopeful face and just shook my head. I swear I could hear him sigh over the music.

Gonna use my sidestep

I made my way to the couch and knelt between his legs.

Gonna use my fingers

Rising a bit and leaning forward, I unbuttoned his shirt while I stared up at Gil. He didn’t say anything at all. His eyes held mine as I pushed his shirt down his shoulders and off. I tossed it haphazardly to the side, not really caring where it landed.

Gonna use my, my, my imagination

I stood up and surprised him by sitting in his lap before I dragged his mouth to mine. Using my hands, I worked to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants.

“Slow down, honey,” he finally said when my hands wandered their way to inside his boxers.

“Mmm…no, don’t want to …want you,” I said in between kisses.

Breaking away from my kiss, he stood and quickly disposed of his pants, leaving him standing before me in just his boxers.

Damn, he looks sexy.

Before I could demand that he return to me, he sat down and captured my lips again in a long, rough kiss.

Our hands explored each other’s bodies, filling the air with moans and whimpers for more.

“You are so beautiful—” he murmured against my throat where he had been busy kissing me. “You smell…heavenly…I just need to taste you—” he mumbled, pressing me back into the couch and into the cushions, his body covering mine.

The feel of his chest, pressing against me made me moan out loud. “More—“ I whispered as I reclaimed his lips, teasing his tongue with mine. “I need you…I want you, now.”

“Yes,” he agreed, staring down at me. His eyes were dark with desire, his breathing shallow and ragged. My face was flushed; my mouth was swollen from his earlier assault. I lifted my hand to caress his cheek and then let it fall back down to stroke his back. His hands reached under me, focused on unclasping my bra, when I thought that I heard a crashing noise. I was enjoying Gil’s ministrations too much to care and moaned in approval when his tongue…

“This is the Las Vegas Fire Department! Is anyone injured?” a voice yelled, drawing nearer and effectively breaking through my sensual fog. What the hell? That was when I finally realized that I smelled smoke, and I heard sirens. Oh my God. I pushed Gil off –it took a few tries. When he sat up, I saw two firefighters while three others walked toward the kitchen. Oh, shit! I hadn’t turned the burners on the stove off. Oh, holy freaking shit! I also recalled what I was wearing, which was basically nothing. Oh, shit! OH, SHIT! My mind, seriously, could not come up with anything else to think and, well, it described the situation pretty clearly. I quickly yanked Gil back down on top of me, to cover me. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know that my face was red, lobster red in fact. Oh, my God. And Gil, well Gil, was pretty shocked speechless apparently since he wasn’t saying anything at all –or maybe it was because all the blood was still located further south. Either way, he needed to say something. Damn it to hell!

One of the firefighters spoke, “Um, excuse me, ma’am—”

“Yes?” was my muffled reply as I was trying to hide my burning face by pressing it into Gil’s chest.

“I have your robe—”

Oh, God…the one that I had discarded in the middle of the floor…along with my self-respect…great. Just great.

He continued, “Er, I can give it to you if you want?”

My arm shot out quickly from beneath Gil’s chest in response and made as if grabbing for it. When I felt the silk touch my fingers, I closed my fingers over it and breathed a mental sigh of relief.

Gil spoke up. Finally, he regained his voice. Good job, sweetie…took you long enough! “Um, could you gentlemen maybe step away for a few seconds to give my girlfriend some privacy?” he asked, lifting his head to look at them.

“Of course, sir.”

I gave them a few seconds to walk away before I shoved Gil off of me, causing him to fall to the floor. “Ouch!” he exclaimed.

“Sorry. I’m sorry…for everything. I’m seriously freaking out right now, Gil.” I cannot believe that this is happening…to us…to me! I quickly sat up and threw on the robe before standing and securing it tightly while Gil grabbed his pants to put on.

I could hear the firefighters in the kitchen, and I could smell the scent of burning wood from our kitchen cabinets. One of the firefighters yelled that they had almost contained the fire. Oh, thank you! And he also yelled that the cause of the fire was an apron that had landed on the burner (oh, shit!), which had caught on fire, and the flames had then spread. Oh, dear God. Gil and I had been completely oblivious while our kitchen was catching on fire…

Together, Gil and I faced the firefighters that were standing in the living room. Did it make it worse that both of them were younger than the two of us? And that one of them did not even look a day older than eighteen?

Oh, God…the humiliation…it really, truly could not get any worse…

“Holy smokes!” a male voice exclaimed; a very familiar male voice.

Why did I even tempt the fates? Why…oh, why…what did I do to deserve this?

Gil and I turned at the same time to find Greg standing in the hallway to our home. The folders that he had been holding fell as he continued to stare at the two of us.

He repeated, “Holy smokes—” with his jaw open and his eyes huge. “You and Grissom…you…the boss man…together…oh, holy freaking smokes!” Greg continued to babble.

“I would think for someone so intelligent that he could think of something else to say.” Gil looked at me to get my opinion. “Wouldn’t you agree, honey?”

For a moment, I just stared at him. He called me ‘honey’ –in front of Greg. That was against the rules. It was a strict rule: no pet names in front of coworkers. However, looking down at my attire and then over at Gil, I amended mentally that our cover had just gone up in flames. Er, bad joke…

If there ever was a time that I wished the floor would just open up and swallow me whole, then this sure as hell qualified as one of those times.

I was the lone female in a room of four…no, wait seven men (three more came back from where they had been fighting the kitchen fire). Greg still had a semi-stunned look on his face. The firefighters …some were covered in sweat and soot, some were trying hard not to smile, and some had lost the good fight and were wearing a full fledge grin. I so wanted to wipe those grins off their faces, except that they had saved us from fiery doom –that had to be taken into consideration. Damn it.

All I was trying to do was cook a home-cooked meal for the man that I loved, and it turned into this flaming disaster. I was trying to make this a special night for Gil…damn it, it’s his fault! “If you weren’t so sexy, then I would have remembered to turn off the stovetop,” I accused.

“If you weren’t so beautiful, then I would have remembered to remind you that you had dinner cooking! You’re the one who started your little strip tease—”

Becoming aware (because of the barely restrained chuckles we heard) that we weren’t exactly alone, we both looked over to find Greg and the rest of the firefighters grinning.

Gil and I looked back at each other and apparently came to the same decision. We both started to smile, causing the others in the room to probably question our sanity. But truly what else could we do? It was either start smiling or start crying…

“We’re never going to live this down,” Gil said.

“Yeah, let’s move to some tropical island…change our names to Lucy and Desi,” I suggested.

Gil began laughing, and I quickly joined in. Before long, we fell into a fit of giggles and into each other’s arms.

We barely managed to speak, choking on the laughter that kept threatening to escape.

“If you can’t take the heat—”

“…only in Vegas.”

“…banned from the kitchen—”

We dissolved into helpless laughter again, barely able to catch our breath while tears streamed down our faces. We had to hold each other up because on our own we couldn’t stand without doubling over in laughter.

At some point, Greg and the firemen apparently left. I vaguely recalled their goodbyes. Gil and I were too wrapped up in each other (which is how the fire started in the first place) to notice. They must have let themselves out, but it wasn’t like they hadn’t found their way inside in the first place.

After another ten minutes, we managed to control ourselves, and we made our way to the kitchen to assess the damage. Gil and I stood outside the entryway into the kitchen, shocked and speechless. One entire half of the kitchen was charred.

Finally, I found my voice and whispered, almost reverently, “Holy freaking smokes!” Greg’s little phrase seemed like an apt enough description to me. And when the Talking Head’s song “Burning Down the House” filtered through from the living room, Gil and I once more dissolved into a fit of giggles.

A/N2: I hope you enjoyed the insanity of Holy Smokes! For those who read Memories we can now add "kitchen fire" to the list of things that prevent Grissom and Sara being together (in my stories) lol...gotta love creativity?

A/N3: Lastly, this was written originally as a one-shot that I turned into a multi-chapter fic. This is the end of what I had written; however, I’m curious to know if anyone would be interested in me writing an epilogue of sorts? Let me know. Reviews are always welcomed, never turned away.