|Kansas Roads, World Domination, and YOU!
Author: Reichenbach PM
Clark has a problem. Bruce has a solution. Sort of.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Bruce W./Batman - Words: 677 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 3 - Published: 04-02-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4172669
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Standard disclaimers. Unbetad.
Kansas Roads, World Domination, and You.
"You're not on duty," Batman pointed out without turning around. The only thing that moved in the glaring light of the Watchtower control room was his finger, as he flipped from channel to channel on the tower's monitoring system.
"I just wanted to see if anything was up," answered a voices that was totally unphased that the Dark Knight had known exactly who it was.
"You're not on duty today."
"I was just--"
The normally reticent man at the console cut him off. "Trouble with Lois?" And he said it with that monotone emotionlessness that just dripped sarcasm. Or what dripped sarcasm for a monotone emotionless emission from the Dark Knight.
Now that Clark thought about it—Bruce was probably sarcastic all the time and no one noticed. Trying not to sigh or give any sign of resignation, he found himself looked up at the ceiling, concentrating on the metal ducts several stories above them.
"It's Saturday. You're not here unless Lois is busy. She's not working on a story, therefore you're avoiding her."
"How do you know she isn't working on a story." Somehow Clark managed to not sound surprised.
The Bat's hand paused over the control for the monitors. "It's my paper, Clark. I know everything. Including every time your wife logs onto the Intranet as you in an effort to preserve your attendance record."
Sighing, Clark gave up and crossed the rest of the space to the monitors, leaning against the control console. "I think she's trying to take over the world."
Batman made eye contact for the first time. "Have you found any extraneous technology or suspect alien influence?"
"No." Clark crossed his arms over his S shield, suddenly somewhat uncomfortable.
He went back to work. "Then she's not trying to take over the world."
"But she wants to move to Kansas."
"Ohhkayy." The word wasn't necessarily drawn out, the way Bruce said it. But it kind of was. In the way that only Clark's super-hearing could detect. Bruce was at least interested in the dilemma that had interrupted Clark's precious cartoon-watching this morning. "Why?"
"Because she hates dirt roads."
"Then Kansas is a bad place for her to be." Bruce went back to his work, which happened to be far more meticulous than anyone else in the
Clark laughed bitterly. "No, see, this is part of her world-domination plan. She wants to move to Kansas and get elected to some possibly non-existent, as of yet, public office, so that she can pave Kansas. Because she slid on a dirt road in the rain. I said don't drive so fast. She said she didn't know it was a dirt road, because there're no streetlights. I said… don't drive so fast. So anyway, I think she's going to try to pave the mid-west."
Bruce let out a long breath that could have been a centering technique. It could have been sigh of intense exasperation. It was hard to tell with Bruce sometimes. "Clark, how many successful relationships have I had in my life?"
This was a trick question. Lois posed trick questions like this to him, and he knew it was better to say nothing than to answer. There was no correct response, and anything he said would be used as fuel. "What're you saying?"
"None. But I can tell you exactly where you lost control of this situation."
Clark wanted to say something like 'enlighten me, oh wise sage,' but he had been the one who'd pressed this whole issue. "Oh?"
The swivel chair turned slightly and the Dark Knight faced him. Pulling down his glove, and pulling up on his arm covering, he presented the inside of his arm for inspection. There were four animal-like slashes that appeared to have only been recently healed. "Never, ever criticize a woman's driving."