At first, when he thought about it, fleetingly and without thinking too deeply, he had dominated the blond completely. In his fantasies, he was on top of him, holding him down, pounding into him and making him scream out his name; utterly dominant, completely in control, no matter how unrealistic his vision might have been.

It was a physical thing at first; he hadn’t trusted the damn mage, had seen those secrets lurking behind his eyes and smile and knew, immediately, that this was not the kind of person he wanted having any kind of control over him. He was attractive and that was the end of it; lust happened to the best of men and he hadn’t intended to approach the blond about his desires, after all. It was an appreciation for another human being’s body, and nothing to do with respect, or affection, or love.

It was partially, he realized now, because he hated not being in control. Not being in control had led to him being sent away by his princess, lead to Suwa’s destruction, and he especially didn’t want to surrender control to someone so unpredictable and untrustworthy as Fai.

It was in Shurano before the fantasies changed. He should have been utterly in control in that place; Fai depended on him to speak for him, it should have been as simple as that. Still, when they fought together, he and the mage were equals; the blond watched his back just as he watched out for the blond, and like a well-oiled machine they worked as a team to make a name for themselves as the two strongest warriors in Yasha’s army. Not the first and second strongest - the two strongest. Equal.

Fai held the hell out of his own on the battlefield and once or twice Kurogane had found himself relying totally on the blond, trusting that he would obstruct the arrow flying towards him or parry an approaching opponent’s blow so he wouldn’t have to worry; he trusted him as a fighter, even if he didn’t trust his words. In that way, he submitted, if anything, to Fai.

The fantasies, which were a bit more frequent now (once a week or so instead of once every so often) reflected this. Fai would initiate it more often, pinning him to a wall and dominating in the foreplay for a while, teasing him with his tongue and hands, grasping his erection in a harshness he knew that he himself was projecting on his own vision of the other man. They ended, however, with Kurogane eventually grabbing back, yanking him around so that he was pressing Fai to the wall and back with the upper hand.

Tokyo happened, and Kurogane lost Fai. They all lost Fai. It was more the frustration, then, that prompted him to take things out in his fantasies as he touched himself, pumping his erection almost angrily in rough, sharp jerks against the dripping shower wall.

Instead of grappling with the blond, Fai would approach him, always. The other man would make a fucking decision and stick to it for once, pushing him down on the bed as though he knew exactly what he wanted, as though he’d decided to stop fucking around and take something he wanted instead of acting like something he wasn’t. That selfish honesty, that fraudulent peace with his own demons that he imagined in Fai’s eyes, that was more exciting than any physical trait the magician possessed.

All Fai did was go with the flow until things got bad for him, and then he floated deftly away like a feather on the wind, away from confrontation. He wanted Fai to stay, solid and heavy, and face what he was so averse to facing now. He didn’t want to ask the blond, he wanted Fai to ask him because it meant he would finally be deciding to be here, now, firmly in the present with his feet rooted to the ground. Not just going along with things because Kurogane wanted them. He wanted that, more than anything else he wanted from the blond in terms of his fantasies - for Fai to decide it and ask for it.

He waited, was as patient as he could be before snapping, and when everything is over and the kids are reunited and they are spending their first free night together in Clow, Kurogane feels as though he’s been waiting forever for the blond to grab his cloak and pull him into a rough, demanding kiss, shove him down on the bed and pin him there. Their hands clutch at one another, pull at clothing, and Kurogane puts up just enough of a fight to make it something of a challenge before submitting, waiting to see what Fai will do, wanting him to take charge for once.

“Is it okay?” Fai asks, and Kurogane just growls at him; they’d gotten this far, naked with Kurogane clutching at the headboard, Fai pressed against his back with one hand splayed over his stomach.

“You’d snap in half if we did it the other way,” he barks, and that is all Fai needs before getting himself into position, removing his fingers, pressing his chest more firmly to his back, and entering him slowly. He pants heavily against his back, hot breath wafting across his shoulder and neck as the blond’s hips rock against him. He sinks against the headboard a little, biting back a groan even as Fai gasps against his spine.

The blond’s hand snakes down and wraps around his own erection, stroking him in clumsy time to his tentative thrusts, clearly inexperienced. It’s not like Kurogane cares about that anyway - he can’t claim to be any more qualified and it doesn’t really matter to begin with, because he doesn’t put sex on a pedestal and it’s good as long as it’s with someone he gives a damn about (and dammit, he does love Fai, that stupid, idiotic moron; he loves all of them, despite never wanting to, but Fai is different. No more, no less, just different) and Fai is finally being truthful to himself, not to any illusions he may have drawn up for himself.

He comes first over Fai’s hand, groaning finally against his own hand, wishing belatedly that they’d done this in a different position so that he could look at something (someone) besides the wall. Fai follows soon after, crying out and collapsing against his back, kissing his shoulder blades once, twice before he simply rests his cheek against his skin.

“Kuro-sama…” Fai says, softly, and Kurogane understands that this is what love will be for them. Unstated, unsaid, but undeniably there, resoundingly. Fai pulls out and Kurogane lets himself drop down to the mattress, grunting tiredly, muttering something about needing a shower that only makes Fai laugh, and he swipes half-heartedly at him.

They sleep almost uncomfortably entwined together that night, with Fai’s arm curled around his bicep and one leg thrown over his, and even as he is staring at the ceiling in irritation at the clinging he thinks that he has walked a long road and can recognize, now, that he is at peace with having walked it.

---

A/N: Written for the KuroxFai anon fic meme on livejournal. The prompt was, "Fay/Kurogane. Kurogane bottoming because he very much wants to, not because Fay tricks him or because he's somehow turned into a whiny weepy uke during the fic." Because dammit, Kurogane bottoming ISN'T OOC and I wanted to kind of tackle exactly WHY I think it isn't.