DISCLAIMER: I DON’T OWN GAKUEN ALICE AND THE LYRICS I USED.

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Things I’ll Never Say – Avril Lavigne (Just so you know, the lines aren’t in order.)

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Summary: She says she sings from her heart, dedicated to the one who told her not to give up. Yet she doesn’t know how to tell him how she feels. He watches her from the sidelines, unnoticed and misunderstood. He writes songs, she brings to life his compositions. He loves her, she doesn’t know. A tale of the Singer and the Songwriter.

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Unspoken & Unsung

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One Shot

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A Gakuen Alice Fanfiction from Shiori’s Notebook

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“I sing from the bottom of my heart,” the brunette told the interviewer with a soft smile upon her lips. “And I sing for all the people who have supported me. Without them, I know I couldn’t reach it this far.”

“We’ve heard rumors that you already have a special someone, Miss Sakura. And it was said that it was because of this person that you’ve decided to enter the Songfest in the first place. Is this true?” the camera focused on her face, her cheeks a flame and an embarrassed smile graced her lips.

“Well…” Mikan started, looking thoughtful. “I won’t deny that rumor. Yes.” And she chuckled.

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“I’m home!” 20-year-old Mikan Sakura called out as she removed her jacket and hung it on the coat post by the door.

Immediately, an old woman descended from the stairs. “Mikan-chan, welcome home.” She had graying hair tied in a bun and a serene expression on her face. The woman is Yuki Hyuuga, Mikan’s adopted mother. She reached the bottom of the stairs and extended her arms to her sides.

Mikan walked towards her and they embraced. “Okaa-san,” she said, burying her face in her mother’s dress and inhaling her scent- lavenders.

“I saw your interview earlier today. So who’s this mystery man you’re talking about?” Yuki-okaasan asked as she held Mikan in arms length to get a better view of her.

The brunette blushed. “Okaa-san!” she said.

The old lady giggled. Keeping a hand on her shoulder, she led Mikan towards the living room where her two sons hung about. Mikan’s heartbeat suddenly sped up as she caught the eye of the eldest Hyuuga.

I’m talking out my hair
I’m pulling at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool
I know it shows

“Hello, Mikan-chan,” Hiro greeted her politely; closing the book he was reading and laying it on the side table beside the armchair he was sitting on.

“Oh, hi, Hiro-kun.” She greeted back, meeting his gaze for a second then looking down at her shoes, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Meanwhile, the younger of the two Hyuugas, sitting on the window seat, stopped strumming his guitar and looked at the brunette, a blank expression upon his face as he acknowledged her.

“Polka dots,” calling Mikan by the childhood moniker he gave her, based on the pattern of her panty.

If she felt bashful towards the eldest, Mikan felt annoyed towards Natsume, the younger son and also, the composer of her songs.

“Natsume,” she said giving him an annoyed glare. He returned her stare with a bored, yet infuriating expression on his face.

Then she noticed the open notebook on his lap. Her gaze immediately softened. “You’re still composing…”

The raven haired boy shrugged. “And you’re still alive.” He replied, strumming his guitar again.

Mikan stuck out her tongue at him, childish it may be.

Orphaned at birth, Mikan Sakura has lived with Mrs. Yuki Hyuuga and her two sons ever since she was 5 years old. Mr. Hyuuga passed away the same year she entered the household, upon Mrs. Hyuuga’s wish to have a daughter. Mikan had a happy childhood, though she was often bullied and judged being an orphan. With Hiro, who 3 years older than her and his younger brother, Natsume as her playmates, companions and friends and Mrs. Hyuuga acting as a mother, Mikan felt loved and accepted.

Then there came a moment her teenage life where she discovered her passion for singing. Undoubtedly, she had a beautiful voice, and a few people grew envious of her talent. Some were already angry at her for no reason all. Mikan was a carefree girl, and most people judged her as stupid and naïve for that. And so whenever she tried to try out for a talent contest, nobody took her seriously.

Having rejected countless times, she felt discouraged and almost gave up.

“Except for lunch, he never stopped,” Hiro said, gesturing towards his younger brother. “Natsume must love you so much Mikan.” He chuckled.

Instead of being embarrassed at his brother’s comment, Natsume said “Oh, I’m not the one she loves,” and directed his gaze at Mikan.

The brunette glared at him, at the same time her cheeks turning crimson like his eyes.

I’m staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head

Hiro-kun was the person who encouraged Mikan to try out at Songfest- a famous TV contest in search of the next singing idol. He, together with the rest of the Hyuugas, supported her all the way. Mikan became victorious, and was given a recording contract. Two years later, her fame grew and was now releasing her sophomore album.

As for the infatuation for Hiro-kun, it wasn’t because he supported her all the way. She already had feelings for him then. It started when he gave her a red rose on white day; she was only 7 years old.

“I’ll go and prepare dinner,” Yuki-okaasan said and turned towards the kitchen. “Go wash up and change Mikan.”

Mikan nodded and headed upstairs to her room. It was dark in her room, yet she immediately noticed the vase on her dresser. The glass rose sparkled in the moonlight, and bathed her room with crystal reflections.

She found the glass rose in her dressing room, on the final day of the Songfest, when she was one of the two left to compete. It had no card saying from whom it came, but she already had an idea who gave it to her. Like the rose on valentines.

I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it
Yeah

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“Who is it Mikan-chan? Who is it?” Misaki, the pianist, pressed her, clutching her arm tight. “You already said you have a special someone, what’s wrong with naming him?”

“Well maybe it’s not a he but a she,” the drummer sound, banging on his instrument to the sound drums created after a joke like in sitcoms.

“Not funny Tsubasa-sempai!” Mikan said as she tried to free herself from Misaki’s grip.

“Ask Natsume-sempai, I think he knows,” Youichi, the 15-year-old guitarist piped up. He sat on his stool, tuning his electric guitar, not wishing to mingle with his elders.

Mikan was in the recording studio together with the instrumentalists, or ‘Band-Aid’ as they call themselves. She arrived quite early, hitching a ride with Hiro-kun on his way to the newspaper publication where he worked as a columnist. She was supposed to ride together with Natsume but according to Yuki-okaasan, he had to run some errands earlier that day.

“Where is that goof-aloof-ball anyway?” Tsubasa asked.

Mikan was about to reply, telling them about his errands until the studio door opened and Natsume entered, his guitar case on his shoulder.

“Well speak of the devil!” Misaki proclaimed.

Natsume laid his guitar by the sofa and sat down, covering his eyes with his arm, taking deep breaths.

“Where have you been?” Mikan asked, sitting beside him.

“Nowhere,” he replied and sat up, his elbows resting on his knees. “The gay hag producer called me. He says he’ll be late today.”

“Hey Nats! Do you know about Mikan-chan’s lovey-dove?” Misaki asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Misaki-sempai! Stop it!” Mikan exclaimed.

“Just tell me then I’ll stop bothering you,” she replied simply. “Right Tsubasa?”

“Yep.” He replied, grinning at her. Mikan groaned in frustration.

Natsume shifted in his seat. Mikan saw he took out his composition notebook. “Go practice your vocals. Help her out Misaki.” He ordered, not even looking at her.

“Not until you-!” but Youichi cut her off.

“Shut up, Harada-sempai.” He replied impatiently. Tsubasa walked over to his stool and ruffled his hair. “You’re turning out like a mini-Nats. Hey! I got an idea!”

He turned towards Misaki and Mikan, his playful grin still plastered on his face. “Maybe Nats is Mikan-chan’s special someone.”

At that, Mikan’s eyes widened and Natsume looked up from his notebook.

“Oh! So that’s why he doesn’t-” but then Mikan suddenly exclaimed, her voice reverberating through the room.

“No no! It’s not him!” she shouted.

Silence then filled the room.

Then Tsubasa let out a low and long whistle. “Ouch. What a way of rejection, Mikan-chan.”

Then it dawned towards her. She whirled around to face Natsume who was back to composing. “Natsume, I’m so…” she trailed off when he looked up, one eyebrow raised.

“I get the idea. No need to shout.” He replied indifferently.

Mikan bit her lip and looked down. He’s angry… was her passing thought.

Then she felt a hand on both her shoulders. “Well then, we better start vocalizing as Nats told us,” Misaki said as she directed her towards her keyboard. “Hey Tsubasa! Why don’t you get us all a drink? All on me!”

“Sweet!” and he caught the wallet Misaki threw towards him. “Usual flavors?” he asked, directed to everyone. When no one complained, he sauntered out the studio to the near soda machine.

“Let’s start Mikan-chan,” the brunette just nodded.

The day went by quickly, and they successfully recorded 2 songs- all composed by Natsume. But the tension between the singer and the songwriter ensued.

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At 7 PM, Hiro picked them up from the studio, coming home from his work.

“Hey guys,” he greeted as they got in the car. Natsume sat in the back, his guitar on the seat beside him and Mikan rode shotgun. “How’s your day?”

“Same as usual,” Mikan answered. Hiro smiled at her and her stomach flip-flopped.

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

And he drove on home. Mikan turned on the radio, hoping that Hiro doesn’t notice the tension between her and his brother.

Like every evening, there was rush hour traffic on the main road. Mikan sat on her seat comfortably, looking out at the city lights. She was tired and felt her eyelids droop. But when she heard Hiro’s voice, apart from the song playing on the radio, his statement shocked her.

“Your travel papers all set up now?” he asked, looking at Natsume through the rearview mirror.

“Yeah. Fixed up this morning,” Natsume replied nonchalantly.

“What? Why do you need travel papers?” Mikan asked, addressing him for the first time since the earlier incident.

When he didn’t reply, Hiro answered, a bit surprised that she didn’t knew. “Hasn’t he told you yet? He’s going to take his bachelor’s degree on music abroad. He just received his acceptance letter two weeks ago.”

“What?” she turned her gaze towards Natsume. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

He met her gaze, his eyes unfathomable. “You know now, I have no need to tell you then.” He shrugged.

And for some unknown reason, her heart sank. They continued to hold each others’ gazes.

Then, Hiro’s cell phone rang. Turning of the radio, he answered. “Oh hey,”

He listened. “Yeah, I’m on my way home, you?” More murmuring from his phone.

“Yeah sure.” If Mikan listened carefully, she would hear that the speaker was female. But she was too caught up with the news of Natsume’s departure to notice.

“When are you leaving?” she asked, her voice cracking, finding it hard to breathe.

“In a week,” he replied nonchalantly.

Hiro then finished his conversation and closed his phone. “Hey guys, is it okay if we pick up someone on the way?”

Mikan didn’t answer, still too shocked with the news, so Natsume spoke up. “Who is it?”

Hiro didn’t answer for a while. Mikan looked up at him. “Hiro-kun?”

“Mao,” her heart lurched at the girl’s name, Mikan prayed that it wasn’t so. “My girlfriend.”

She wasn’t the only one surprised.

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She cried for the most of night, and in the morning her voice was hoarse so she was unable to record at the studio that day.

It was too much for her. When they were young, they kept no secrets from each other and that created their strong bond. Mao was a pretty blonde girl, with sparkling blue eyes. She was perfect. Beautiful, intelligent (a graduate from Tokyo University) and also kind, Mikan couldn’t bring herself to hate her. But then again, she wasn’t the kind of person that would hold grudges.

Natsume was accepted at Cornish College of the Arts at Seattle, Washington. For three years he will study abroad to finish his course.

She knew she should feel happy for them. Mao was a nice girl, perfect for sweet, Hiro-kun. And Natsume, accepted in a prestigious school abroad. It was a time for celebration, as Yuki-okaasan had said.

But she was hurt that they kept these news from her. And also because, selfish it may be, she lost her longtime infatuation, the one who supported her all the time, and gave her the glass rose… And also her songwriter, whose songs made Mikan fall in love all over again. It seemed as if all of the songs he wrote, she can always relate to, and that inspired her to sing better.

And she was confused, she didn’t know which hurt more- losing Hiro or Natsume?

Mikan buried her face in her pillow and wept.

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“You’re upset,” his voice came from behind her.

Sitting on the roof that chilly evening, she looked back and saw Hiro emerging from his window. “I’m not,” she replied as he sat beside her.

Mikan hugged her legs tighter, feeling the cold breeze. Tomorrow was the day of Natsume’s flight and yet she hasn’t said a word to him or to Hiro… until now. “Don’t lie to me, Mikan-chan. I know you,” he said.

She didn’t say anything else, and continued to gaze up at the stars. “But what I don’t understand is… why?”

What’s wrong with my tongue

These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble off
Like I’ve got nothing to say

Mikan hesitated before answering. “You didn’t tell me. And when you did, it was so sudden. I was caught off guard,” She was referring to both happenings.

Hiro let out a deep sigh, his breath seen in the cold. “I know. I’m sorry Mikan-chan.”

“It’s not fair… why do I have to lose both of you the same time,” she said, almost in a whisper. Her voice faltered but her eyes were dry.

“You’re not loosing us,” he said and begun to stroke her hair like he did in the past to comfort her. “You’ll still be Mikan-chan to us.”

His words were supposed to comfort, yet it pierced her all the same. That what she was to him. Mikan-chan, the playmate, the friend and probably, a younger sibling.

“You…should never have given me the glass rose…”

Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

“What?” Hiro looked at her, confused. “What glass rose?”

Mikan met his gaze. “You didn’t give me the glass rose? The one that I found in my dressing room on the finals of Songfest?”

Hiro shook his head. “Mikan, it wasn’t me. I sent you a bouquet. Mom was even the one who chose the flowers, remember?”

“Then… who did?” her heart beat faster than ever.

Hiro looked over her shoulder, to the direction of someone’s bedroom. Mikan blinked and followed his gaze.

But his curtains were drawn and no light shone from his room.

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A raven haired lad watched them from his window, unnoticed. He looked at the brunette, his eyes softening as he stared at her face. Then he caught his brother’s eye, a rueful expression on his face.

Natsume turned and drawn his curtains closed before Mikan could catch him. He looked around his room, his things packed up in boxes except for the guitar laid on his bed and pieces of paper strewn on his desk. Natsume walked towards his desk and flipped open the lamp. He sat down on his swivel chair and wrote the last words for Mikan’s final song.

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“Make sure to call us when you arrive,” Mrs. Hyuuga reminded as she straightened the collar of his leather jacket. “I put in some extra cash in your wallet, so in case-”

“Mom, I’ll be fine,” Natsume assured. “Ruka says he’ll fetch me at the airport and I promise to call you when I arrive at his place.”

They were there to see him off, Mrs. Hyuuga, Hiro, Mikan and the rest of the ‘Band-Aid’. They stood in the sidelines, and watched as Mrs. Hyuuga said goodbye to her youngest son. One by one they bid him goodbye, wishing for his success at the College.

“You behave yourself, Nats!” Misaki said. “And don’t go and picking up American chicks at Seattle!”

“Don’t do what I’d do mate,” Tsubasa said, patting his shoulder.

“Gladly,” Natsume replied with a roll of his eyes.

Youichi stood in a corner, silent. He, like Natsume, wasn’t comfortable at saying goodbye. His sempai approached him, fishing out something from his pocket and handing it to the boy.

“Here,” Natsume said laying it on his open palm.

“You’re giving me your guitar pick?” Youichi looked up for confirmation.

Natsume grinned. “You’ll need it, trust me.” And he ruffled his hair affectionately.

The younger boy grinned back at him. “Yeah. I figured,” and he cast an enigmatic look at Mikan, who stood not far from them, a troubled expression upon her face

Gate 17 was now open, so it was time for Natsume to say goodbye.

“Take care of yourself,” Hiro said, clasping a hand on his. “And I’ll take care of her.”

Natsume just nodded. “See you.”

He let himself be hugged by his mother, who was now openly crying. Hiro comforted Yuki-okaasan by putting an arm around her shoulders. Natsume nodded towards the ‘Band-Aid’ and turned towards Mikan.

She took a tentative step towards him, but dared not come any closer.

“Well, see you Polka dots.” He said, slinging his backpack upon his shoulder. She felt tears well up in her eyes.

Mikan started to sob loudly. “Natsume… Natsume, I-!”

“I told you, no need to shout.” He said. Then he flashed her a faint smile.

And emotions broke loose.

She ran towards him and buried her face in his chest, letting the tears fall freely. He dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around her, inhaling her scent, strawberries.

After a moment passed, they broke free of each other. “Take care of yourself, Mikan.” He said.

And she could only nod in reply.

With one last look at her, at his family and friends, Natsume walked away and was soon lost in the sea of passengers.

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“May I see your boarding pass, sir?” he reached out in his jacket pocket and took it out, accompanied by a strip of paper that he just noticed.

As the flight attendant checked his ticket and boarding pass, Natsume read the note written.

Thank you for the glass rose. Come back soon and keep writing beautiful songs for me. Take care. -Mikan

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“Hey Mikan,” Youichi called out.

“Yeah?” she said as she watched the planes taking off. She turned towards the boy, Youichi held out pieces of paper to her.

“For your last song,” Youichi said. “Natsume-sempai told me to give it to you.”

Mikan took it and skimmed through it. A tear rolled down her cheek as she read the title of the song. “Things I’ll never say”

If I could say what I want to say
I’d say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say

But it won’t be long before words will be spoken and the lyrics, sung.

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-Never END-

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Well… drama?

I really like the song… and well, it’s been a while since I just sat down and write, when words run freely and inspiration, overflowing.

I know, it isn’t like my other one shots with a ‘snap-happy-ending.’ But for someone who doesn’t read dramatic stories or watch soap operas, it felt nice writing this fic :)

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