|Wounded Hearts: Mature Version
Author: MaureenT PM
After sharing a heated moment of passion, Daniel and Sam struggle to deal with the aftermath and the way it changes their relationship. Can two people scarred by so much tragedy overcome it all and have a happy life together? COMPLETE!Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - D. Jackson & S. Carter - Chapters: 9 - Words: 44,747 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 08-03-08 - Published: 04-09-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4186269
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Categories: Angst, Romance, Drama
Content Warning: Adult Themes, Mild Profanity, Sexual Content
Spoilers: Anything up through the first 5 episodes of Season 10 is fair game.
Author's Notes: This story begins right after The Pegasus Project. It contains a Daniel/Sam romance.
*** IMPORTANT NOTICE ***
Due to this archive's crackdown on sexual content in stories, I have changed all mature-rated scenes that may have been considered by the moderators to have an MA rating. The love scenes in this story have been replaced with the milder ones from the version of the story that had been rated Teen but now also has a Mature rating. I am keeping this version up because of the reviews attached to it. The real mature-rated version can still be found on my Web site at www .stargate-horizons. com (remove spaces). I welcome you to go there and read it, then come back here and review.
It was ten p.m. when the knock came on the door of Daniel's guest quarters on the Ancient city of Atlantis. He let out a soft sigh. That was probably Vala coming for another attempt to cheer him up. She'd tried her best to make him feel better out on the balcony a few hours ago. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate what she was trying to do, he just couldn't feel positive and optimistic right now, not after what happened with Morgan, the Ancient he'd pushed into breaking the rules and who was probably now being punished for stepping over the line.
"Come in," he said wearily.
The head that poked around the door was not topped with long raven tresses, but, rather, a short mass of golden locks.
"Hey," Sam said a little uncertainly.
"Oh. Hi, Sam."
The lieutenant colonel stepped into the room. "You look surprised to see me."
"I thought you were someone else."
"Oh. If you're waiting for someone, I can come back another time."
"No, I wasn't waiting for anyone. I just. . . ." Daniel shook his head. "Never mind. Come on in."
Sam shut the door and approached the bed, where Daniel was sitting.
"How are you doing?" she asked.
"Fine," Daniel replied.
Sam sat beside him on the bed. "Are you? I know how upset you must be about Morgan. I'm sorry that I didn't come talk to you about it sooner."
"It's all right. I didn't really expect you to."
Sam frowned. "Why not? We're friends, Daniel. It bothers me when you're hurting."
"I know, Sam. I just don't expect you to come hold my hand every time something happens." He forced a smile to his lips. "If you did that, you'd never have time for anything else. Besides, compared to . . . well, other things, this was barely a blip on the Daniel Jackson emotional trauma radar. I didn't die or even suffer an injury."
Sam listened to the flippancy and recognized that it was hiding a lot of pain.
"Daniel, how long have we known each other?" she asked.
"Um, going on ten years."
"So, we know each other pretty well, right?"
Daniel hesitated, suspecting what this was leading up to. "Yes."
"Then why are you trying to convince me that you're all right when I know that you're not?"
Daniel's gaze dropped from hers to focus on his hands.
"In fact, I know you well enough to know that you're probably feeling guilty over what happened," Sam continued. "You're thinking that you shouldn't have pushed her, that whatever is happening to her right now is your fault." Seeing the look on his face, she knew that she'd guessed right. "Well, it wasn't, Daniel. Morgan didn't have to say anything. You didn't force her to talk. She made a choice, decided to do what she believed was right."
Daniel got off the bed and walked away a few feet. "You know what really makes me mad? It was the right thing for her to do. Most of the Ancients will sit back and let this whole galaxy go to hell and not lift a finger to stop it, but she tried to do something. It wasn't a lot, but at least it was something. And the others couldn't even allow her to do that." He shook his head. "This definitely proves one thing. It's pointless to hope that the Ancients might help us someday, even if, in the end, it means that they'll be destroyed along with the rest of us. They're just going to sit on their asses and let us fight alone as millions of people are killed or enslaved because of my stupidity and shortsightedness."
Sam quickly stood and went to her friend. "Daniel, don't say that. This thing with the Ori isn't your fault. None of us had any idea they existed. There were no clues, no warnings, nothing to tell us that they were out there. Not only that, we also didn't know that that communication device was going to do what it did. We had every reason to believe that it would just be like it was with General O'Neill and Joe Spencer."
Daniel shook his head. "None of that takes away from the fact that I'm the one who alerted the Ori to our existence. I should have left it alone. I should have known better than to go charging blindly into a situation that we knew nothing about. Yet again, I let my curiosity get the better of me, and the whole galaxy is paying the price."
Sam hated hearing Daniel talk like this, being so negative about himself.
"Daniel, human beings by their very nature are curious and have the desire to venture into the unknown," she told him. "In all these years that have passed since the Stargate was opened, how many times have we gone into an unknown situation just to see what's out there? Almost every time we step through the gate we're doing that. When you and the first team went to Abydos you were going into a very big unknown, and look at what ultimately came of that. The Goa'uld are all but gone, and countless billions of people are now free from enslavement to them."
"Yes, and, now, they're enslaved to something even worse or soon will be, that is except for the ones who are being wiped out of existence. And, unlike the situation with the Goa'uld, I can't think of anything that could possibly happen that would make up for all the horrible things that bringing the Ori to this galaxy has caused. Even if, by some miracle, we manage to stop them, there isn't going to be anything to balance the scales this time. Nothing will ever make up for this."
Daniel turned away again, but not before Sam saw the pain and grief on his face.
"Daniel, please don't do this to yourself. You've always been the one person I could count on to keep fighting no matter what. No matter what horrible things you go through, you never give up."
Daniel's breath caught. "I'm just so tired, Sam," he whispered. "When is it going to end? When is life going to stop being one loss, one tragedy after another?"
Nearly crying, Sam stepped up to Daniel and wrapped her arms around him. He resisted at first, trying to remain strong and untouchable, but then his resistence suddenly crumbled. He pulled Sam close, his eyes closing tightly against his tears.
They stood like that in silence for a long while, Sam giving what comfort she could, and, in a strange way, also receiving it. She needed this, too. All of them had been trying to stay strong, in control, hiding their deepest pain even from the eyes of the people who knew them best. It shouldn't be like that, not between them. They'd all been through so much together.
"It's going to be all right, Daniel," Sam murmured. "We're going to get through this, all of us. We just have to believe that."
Deep inside Daniel, a little voice was telling him that it was time to pull back, to reform the walls, but, for once in his life, he wasn't listening to it. It felt so good to be touched, to let himself accept love and comfort instead of keeping himself protected behind the barriers he'd constructed around his heart.
As Sam kept holding him, Daniel became aware of her in an entirely different way, the scent of her skin, the soft curves of her body, the way she fit against him. That, too, he longed for, the union of male and female that he'd denied himself for so many years.
Daniel failed to heed the warning signals as his body began desiring something far beyond an embrace, as his heart, so long denied the basic need for love and intimacy, took over control. Needing so desperately to feel something besides pain, anger and helplessness, he allowed one of his hands to slide downward, coming to rest at the place where the curve of Sam's buttocks began. His lips brushed the line of her jaw down to where her suddenly quickening pulse beat in her neck.
Sam gasped at the touch, a little shudder passing through her. All at once, she became very aware of Daniel as not just a friend and teammate, but as a man. As his embrace tightened, became something more than a hug of comfort, she knew that she should pull back and put an end to this before it went any further, but something inside her was taking over, a need to feel alive, to feel good, to push all the pain, loneliness and heartache away. So, instead of pushing him away, she drew him closer, her fingertips caressing the nape of his neck as her other hand descended to a spot low on his hip, tightening its grip.
Daniel's heart was now hammering in his chest, his respiration fast and shallow, Sam's touch awakening feelings he hadn't experienced in years – and it felt really good. Slowly, he lifted his head to stare into her eyes.
In the next second, all thinking and reasoning came to an end.
Daniel and Sam's lips came crashing together in a kiss of hunger and unbridled passion. Daniel crushed Sam's body against his, one hand tangling in her hair as he angled his head to deepen the kiss even more. Sam moaned into his mouth, her whole body suddenly feeling like it had caught fire.
A quick step brought her up against the wall, Daniel pressing her into it, their lips never breaking from the kiss. One of his hands slid down and curved over her bottom, pulling her hard against his hips, his need and desire running rampant in his mind and body. Sam moaned again and lifted a leg, wrapping it around his hips as she rubbed herself against him, her panting breaths mingling with his.
With an almost tortured groan, Daniel reached for the hem of Sam's top and began yanking it upward. With some help from her, it was soon on the floor. She then got to work on his T-shirt, which very quickly joined hers. Their lips locked in another kiss, Daniel pulled the straps of Sam's bra down, and she wrestled her arms out of them. In the next moment, the bra was around her waist, and their upper bodies were skin on skin, mouths mated in a kiss of unquenchable desire.
His lips not leaving hers, Daniel's hands flew down to the enclosure of Sam's pants. The button was undone and the zipper lowered. And then his hand was touching her.
"Oh, God," she gasped, feeling like she was going to come apart right then and there. With maddened haste, she attacked the front of Daniel's pants, getting the zipper undone. He let out a choked gasp at her touch, his last shred of reason incinerated by the heat that was raging inside him.
His level of desperation rising, Daniel pulled her legs up one at a time and tore off her boots and socks, then got her pants and underwear off.
As he did all this, Sam had finished unfastening Daniel's pants and pushed them and his boxers as far down his hips as she could. Gravity took them the rest of the way. Daniel was already barefoot, so the pants were quickly kicked off. Sam's bra was hastily removed from around her waist. And then they were again pressed together, mouths once more fused, the feeling of their naked bodies making the fire within them go from red-hot to white-hot.
Daniel's hands slid down the soft expanse of Sam's thighs. He took hold of them and pulled her upwards. She immediately encircled his waist with her legs. Daniel's mouth came back down on hers in a hot, demanding kiss, their hands touching and grasping with ever-increasing boldness.
Daniel abruptly pushed Sam farther up the wall, and, in the next instant, his lips had left hers and were on her breasts. Sam cried out and threw her head back, not even feeling its impact against the wall.
At last, Daniel lifted his head. Their eyes met for a brief, heart-stopping moment, then, with a quick movement, Daniel joined his body with Sam's, his low cry echoed by hers.
Daniel wasted no time in beginning to move, the feelings completely overpowering him. He was not the only one who was overwhelmed. Just the sensation what was happening sending Sam flying upward on the journey toward completion.
Daniel was completely out of control, hurtling full-speed toward release. Sam was right there with him, answering every move of his with one of her own.
Without warning, Daniel abruptly pulled away from the wall. He carried Sam to the bed and lay down on top of her. Their movements became almost frenzied, neither of them wanting this moment to end, but both of them aching for release.
It was mere seconds later that Sam began shaking in Daniel's arms as her climax hit her so hard that she momentarily lost the power to breathe. In the next instant, Daniel's release slammed into him with stunning force, wrenching a cry from his lips. Lost in her own ecstasy, Sam was barely aware of his climax.
By the time their climaxes ended, both Daniel and Sam were weak and trembling, gasping lungs struggling to bring in desperately-needed oxygen.
As soon as he had the strength to do so, Daniel rolled onto his side. He pulled Sam to him, holding her close as he basked in the sweet, glorious afterglow.
As their bodies began to calm, sleepiness quickly descended over both of them, Morpheus wrapping them in his irresistible embrace before they could put up a struggle.
As consciousness returned to Daniel's mind, he immediately became aware of the warm, naked body pressed solidly against him. For a brief moment, his sleep-hazed mind couldn't recall what had happened. Then, all at once, it all came flooding back in. Oh, God. What had they done? He opened his eyes and looked at the woman in his arms, his mind going a million miles an hour. He and Sam had just had sex, wild, intense, utterly mind-blowing sex. He couldn't deny that it had been incredible, just about the best sex he'd ever had in his life, but what the hell had he been thinking? That was the problem; he hadn't been thinking. He'd let his emotions get out of control, and this was the result.
So, what now? What were they going to do about this? They'd just stepped way, way over the line of what teammates and friends were supposed to do with each other. This could be a disaster.
Thoughts of the possible ramifications and what they were going to do about this situation faded as Daniel watched Sam sleep. She looked beautiful lying there, so peaceful. It felt so good to have a woman in his arms, to feel this intimacy that he hadn't experienced in such a long, long time. He didn't want it to end. All it would take was a kiss on her lips and Sam would awaken. Then they could make love again, more slowly this time. He could—
The little voice inside Daniel started screaming, "Danger! Danger!" halting his thoughts. What the hell was he doing? Was he crazy? This was a stupid mistake, remember? There wasn't going to be a second time, not now, not ever.
With that thought firmly in mind, Daniel put a little distance between them, ignoring the part of him that wanted to keep holding her close. The movement awoke Sam. He watched her stir, her eyes opening sleepily. She looked at him a bit hazily for a moment, then her eyes flew open wide.
"Oh my God," she gasped.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought when I woke up," Daniel told her dryly.
"Oh, God, Daniel. I can't believe we did that! What the hell were we thinking?"
"I don't know about you, Sam, but there wasn't much in the way of thought processes going on in my brain."
Sam groaned and covered her face. "What do we do now?"
"You get dressed and leave, and we both try to forget this ever happened."
Sam dropped her hands and nodded. "Yes, you're right. That's exactly what we need to do."
She got up, feeling very self-conscious about her nakedness. Daniel turned away, partly because he was still a gentleman at heart and partly because the sight of Sam's naked form was reigniting his desire. He grabbed the end of the bedspread and covered himself – for more than just the sake of modesty.
Once Sam was dressed, she turned to look at him, having a hard time meeting his eyes.
"I, um. . . ." Changing her mind about what she was going to say, she straightened her posture. "We're scheduled to leave at 0730. Colonel Emerson wants to get an early start."
Daniel nodded shortly. "I'll see you in the morning."
Sam headed for the door. She paused as she reached it, her mouth opening to say something. Then, once again, she changed her mind and, without a word, opened the door and left.
For the longest time, Daniel stared at the closed door. This was the right thing to do. What happened had been just a wild moment of passion shared between two lonely people who'd suffered through too much pain and heartache. Even if they both wanted it to, it could never become more than that. And they didn't want it to be more than that, he didn't want it to be more than that, regardless of what his libido might be saying to the contrary. A relationship with Sam? Never in all the years he'd known her had he entertained such a thought. Yes, she was a brilliant, beautiful, compassionate woman whom any man would be lucky to have, but they were just friends and teammates. That's it.
No, these nagging feelings were just a result of what happened and because finally making love with a woman after all these years had made him realize how much he missed it.
Tomorrow, he would get his libido shoved back into the deep, dark hole he usually kept it in, and he'd be fine. As for this other emotion, the part of him that wished Sam had stayed so that he could just hold her the rest of the night, that he would bury even deeper, for it was a whole lot more dangerous than simple sexual desire. It was coming way too close to feelings that he could never let himself have again.
Daniel retrieved his boxers and put them on, gathering the rest of his clothing off the floor and tossing them on a chair. He then got under the covers, turned off the light and closed his eyes, ignoring the part of him deep inside that was crying.