Desert Garden

A fanfic. by pixeled

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The stars are far away

I can see them in my eyes

We watch them fade away

Like the moments of my life

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Part One

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“Sir?”

Zack’s back was shaking a little as he flung himself down onto the floor surrounding the flowers on the glass balcony, touching the buster sword to his forehead. It had been two years, but all he needed to do was trace an ungloved finger over his jaw to feel the wound open up again.

“Huh?” Zack’s back straightened and he wiped at his eyes. He looked up at the sky and smiled at the shaft of light that broke through the gray clouds.

“Are you all right, sir?” The voice called again. Zack looked over his shoulder and laughed easily, stretching out so that he could rock forward and propel himself onto his feet.

“I’m all right, Cloud. These flowers, they just remind me of someone I knew once.” Zack touched them gently and bent to water them. When he was done he moved to a potted sprout and touched it reverently before handing it over to Cloud.

“You don’t see flowers in Midgar much, sir,” Cloud said, tilting his head as he took the clay pot from Zack’s hands, wondering at it. Zack smiled, and Cloud scratched his hair. It wasn’t often that he saw that look in the 1st Class’ eyes. There was a touch of sadness there.

“No,” Zack said slowly, taking a few pensive steps and then turning on his heel quickly to face Cloud, his arms moving up over his head with a deep sigh. “Two important people in my life once told me, separately, that the most important thing to do in your life is to protect what you care about most, to embrace your dreams and let them grow, like these flowers. If you can make a flower grow in Midgar . . .” Zack’s voice trailed off as his eyes hardened. “Do you know what it means to be in SOLDIER, Cloud?”

“Honor, sir?” Cloud guessed.

“Yeah,” Zack said, clapping a gloved hand over Cloud’s shoulder. “You wanna be in SOLDIER, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Cloud said meekly. He didn’t know if he had what it took. He was having such a hard time building his strength.

“Then, hey, protect that with everything you’ve got. It symbolizes everything you’d ever want to fight for. Being in SOLDIER isn’t about physical strength as much as it’s about the strength you’ve got in here,” Zack smiled, pounding his fist against his chest. “Remember that, Cloud.”

“Y-yes, sir.”

“Now, c’mon, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.”

Zack gave one last look at the flowers and smiled enigmatically. He returned his Buster sword to his back and then he rushed out the door.

“Hey!” Cloud shouted, running after Zack with the pot nestled between his arms awkwardly. The thought of eating dinner with a flowerpot by his tray was embarrassing, but it was all right as long as Zack was there, wasn’t it?

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“Can I ask you a question, sir?” Cloud asked. Zack had insisted on walking him back to the cadet dorm, and although Zack was his usual cheery self at dinner, Cloud still couldn’t shake that sad look he had seen in those mako eyes.

Zack was looking up at the darkening sky and squinting, trying to make out stars, but it was no use on Shinra grounds. The streetlights were too bright and the sky too thick with exhaust. Zack was feeling an intense nostalgia for Gongaga, where the sky was big and bright and you could see all the stars. Whenever he looked up into the sky in Gongaga, it seemed so big, and he seemed so small.

Finally, he turned to Cloud and nodded. “You don’t have to ask permission, you know. And you don’t have to call me sir.”

“Who were you thinking of earlier?” Cloud didn’t want to pry, but the 1st Class had done so much for him, made him feel so comfortable and easy and . . . protected . . . that he wanted to help in any way he could, and if Zack was feeling sad, he wanted to try and comfort him too. For a few moments Zack contemplated something, and Cloud wondered if he was going to answer when the taller man flung an arm around Cloud and wrestled him underneath an armpit, his other hand ruffling the cadet’s hair. Cloud struggled to break away and finally squirmed his way away from Zack, face red. “No, really! What made you so sad? You were crying, weren’t you?”

Zack shrugged and stared hard up at the sky before he could meet Cloud’s eyes. They had both resumed walking, though their steps were slow.

“He was the guy who taught me everything I know.”

“And now you’re teaching me everything he taught you?” Cloud asked carefully.

“Yeah,” Zack smiled sadly, swinging his arms. “I guess you could say . . . I’m his living . . . legacy.”

“So he was in SOLDIER?”

“Yup,” Zack said softly, “One of the best.”

“How did he . . . ?” As soon as the first word left Cloud’s lips, he knew he shouldn’t have gone that far. Zack visibly put his guard up, and Cloud feared it would be a long time before Zack shared so much again, if he ever would. Despite Zack’s friendly nature and easy smiles, he didn’t share too much about himself.

“You’ve got a test tomorrow, don’t you, Cloud?” Zack asked after they had walked on in silence for a few minutes.

“Huh?” Cloud was so startled when Zack spoke he nearly jumped. He wasn’t used to walking in silence with his mentor and the silence between them felt heavy. Cloud was uneasy and jumpy.

“We’re here,” Zack said, pointing at the building.

“Oh,” Cloud said sheepishly, and he was about to turn and walk inside when Zack grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a strong hug. He felt Zack’s chin rest in his hair.

“You’re a good kid, Cloud. You remind me of myself when I was your age.” Cloud was about to point out that Zack wasn’t much older than him, but then Zack was hugging him tighter, sighing deeply. The flowerpot was between them, and Cloud felt strange as he held it there. “I’ll tell you about him soon, okay?”

“Okay,” Cloud said softly, moving away slightly to put the flowerpot down gently before he returned to put his smaller arms around his mentor. He didn’t want Zack to let go.

“Good luck on your test,” Zack said softly when he let go of Cloud and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah,” Cloud said numbly as he bent to retrieve the flowerpot.

“Rememeber to take care of that, yeah?” Zack flicked his chin at the pot nestled protectively in Cloud’s arms.

“Always, sir. I wouldn’t let you down.” And with that, Cloud was gone behind the door. Zack kicked at a pebble and looked up at the sky again, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. No matter where he was, he could feel that kind presence looking down over him, and as heartbreaking as it was at times, it felt good.

“I hope you approve of him,” Zack whispered at the dark sky. “Because I like him a lot. No one could ever replace you, but . . . I think he needs me. Kind of like . . . well, like how I needed you.” Zack’s shoulders slumped and he took in a deep and shaky breath.

“I never told you . . . I killed my first flower. I hope Cloud keeps his alive.” He stared at his boots for a few moments, and then he struggled to fight back a few tears.

“I miss you . . . Angeal . . .”

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