Author: NeteleJala PM
ONE-SHOT. Just in time for tax day...Josef and the IRS.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Josef K. - Words: 4,336 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 04-15-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4198664
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Yeah, it's tax day! (I'm sure I'm the only person—outside the IRS—who has ever said that!) You know what that means…Back Taxes The least loved of my one-shots and the last on the list. Poor Back Taxes. Well, I tweaked it a little to prove to y'all not to judge a book by it's cover.
Okay, this threatened to become a mini epic, but I finished it! That means, THIS IS IT! Don't ask me for more. I added a lot of detail about how I think Josef makes his new identity realistic…he grows them. Also, I'm not to up on the whole tax audit thing so I might have screwed up, but hey, it's fanfic. Oh and the part with Jen in England is from my own experience (minus the incredible hot vampire ravishing her, sigh). I know I said that One Wild Ride was the only sex scene, but since this one seemed so unloved I decided to give it an 'R" rating too.
Don't worry. I have started a new list of one-shots, but this time I won't be putting them up to a vote. The particular nature of a few of them make it hard for me to write them on demand, but I promise, they'll be funny!
I don't own Moonlight and I don't make any profits.
Josef sat behind his desk, checking the monitors for the latest news on the stock market. The recent decline had been hitting him hard and he had taken some great losses when the banks started going under. Damn defaulters…
Suddenly, there was a soft knocking at his door. He looked up to see his secretary pop her head into the room. "Excuse me Mr. Konstan, but there is a woman out here to see you."
Lunch. "Tell her I'm busy and to come back in a few hours."
He went back to watching his screens, but his secretary remained standing at the door. Josef looked up, annoyed.
"Sorry sir, but she's not one of the regulars."
"Then explain it to her. I pay her, therefore she comes and goes at my call."
"I don't think you understand-"
But the secretary was cut off as a tall, brunette, well-built woman pushed her way into the room. "No, Mr. Konstan, I am not one of your call girls, though I believe the police would be very interested in the slew of women you bring through here. I'm an IRS agent and I'm your worst nightmare."
Josef eyed the woman. Hardly my worst nightmare, but government officials are never good. "What can I do for you, ma'am?" Josef asked, getting up from his desk.
"First off, I'm a miss, so don't use any of that ma'am crap with me. Second, you failed to file your taxes. I'm here to audit you."
Damnit Ryder! Why'd you have to be out of the country right now!? "Is it really that time again? It must have slipped my mind. I usually have someone else handle this for me, but as you can see I'm a little understaffed right now…"
"It doesn't matter if you're overstaffed, I need to see your tax returns for this and the last three years."
"Is that really necessary? I'm a model citizen and I pay my taxes on time every year. I'll have the forms filled out by midnight-"
"No, Mr. Konstan. It doesn't matter if you're the president himself, you have to file your taxes on time, if not I have to audit you."
That's not true. I could make one phone call and have this whole situation cleared up right now. Josef picked up his phone and hit speed dial. "Yeah, this is Josef Konstan. I have a little problem I need you to deal with…Yeah, I have an IRS woman down here telling me I didn't pay my taxes…thanks, that would be great."
Josef smiled and hung up the phone. He looked at the woman and nodded his head. "I'm sure you can find your way out." He went back to his desk and pulled up the financial screens again.
The woman looked at him, shocked by his statement. "Mr. Konstan, you can't just tell me to leave. I have-" She was cut off by her phone ringing. She glanced down at it and huffed. She flipped it open and answered, "Agent Oldsen here…What?!…No, that can't be…No…No…But…Yes, sir." She flipped the phone closed and glared at Josef. "I don't know who you think you are, but you can't get out of this that easy. I'm going to be back and next time it won't be for an audit." With that she stormed out of the room, letting the door crash closed behind her.
Josef flinched at the noise of the door. I hate government officials…especially honest ones.
Weeks later Agent Oldsen sat at her desk, concentrating on her computer screen. The office was dark and everyone else was gone for the evening so she jumped when she heard a voice behind her.
"Jenny, I admire your persistence, but you need to let this go. This has passed the point of obsession."
Jen Oldsen turned around to see to her boss and ex-lover looking at her. "You don't understand, Hank. The guy just made one phone call and I was called back. And to top it off, he was so arrogant as to do it in front of me!"
"I understand that your pride was hurt, but he paid his taxes and wrote a nice letter of apology to both the agency and you for the trouble. He's an honest man. If you haven't found something on him by now, you're not going to."
"That's just it. This guy is too clean. His record is spotless and the way he made that phone call…well, I think he's been having his record cleaned for years."
"Jenny, this is unhealthy. You need to go home, get some sleep and forget about him. Why don't you take a vacation? The tax season is over so we can afford to have our best agent take some recuperation time."
Jen glared at him, but she knew he wouldn't let it go. "Fine, Hank. I'll take my two weeks." That'll give me all that much more time to research this bastard. Jen gathered her things and left the building with her boss.
Josef sprinted from his car to his office building. He had had the strange sensation that he was being followed the last few weeks. He knew that someone with a government clearance had been accessing his records. Damn Ryder. This is all your fault. If you had filed those tax forms I wouldn't have the stern eye of the government following me around.
Josef had been making the preparations to leave, if need be. He had shifted some funds to his accounts abroad and readied his new identity, but he would rather not have to run. He had contacted his people in Washington more then a few times, but they assured him that the IRS had dropped his case. Either they don't know enough for me to keep them on the payroll or I have a rouge on my hands.
Josef mind shifted back to the agent who came to audit him. Nice looking woman, in her own way. Determined and vengeful. She might be my problem…I did give her quite a display…
Josef pulled up some files on his computer and found the agent's name. Agent Jennifer Oldsen. I'll put a call in with Mick to get some more information on her.
Agent Oldsen watched as Josef Konstan exited his office building. Jeeze, this guy holds odd hours… She looked back at his list of investors. Well, he does do a lot of work in Europe and Asia, maybe he works nights to be on their time schedule?
In her week off, Agent Oldsen had tailed Josef to and from work every night. She had done all her research. She found that he not only had women visit his office, he had a gaggle of them living at his house. Not just ordinary women either, beautiful women—model standard beautiful. If fact, she thought she recognized a few from the cover of magazines the guys in the office were always hanging around their desks.
She had also researched his background. He had family money, willed to him by an Uncle named Charles Fitzgerald. She couldn't find much on his parents because they had been doing business in his name since he was born. She had been hoping that she could find something on his family, but the only file on his Uncle Charles was a missing persons report filed by a John Whitley. Apparently the old man thought Charles was involved in the disappearance of his daughter, Sarah. Judging by Josef's example, the woman probably ran away from home to join his harem. Interesting family, wonder what these girls find so attractive?
Charles had inherited his money from an uncle as well, one James Morgan. Jen wondered if he was any relation to Morgan Stanley, but couldn't find anything connecting the two. Before that the money belonged to Thomas Jones, Jonathan Kostan, Michael Nance, Nathan Fitz, Jeffery Konstantin, and it just kept going. She was amazed at the records (and they were all clean!). This man's family was on the grid since the 14th century. In fact she could trace that he was descended from a royal line in Eastern Europe, Duke Josef Gabriel Konstantin.
Konstan must be a shortened version of Konstantin, probably done upon immigration to the US. But this Josef's portfolio was so thick, she was sure he had accounts abroad as well. Another reason she was out to nail him, no one should be this rich.
Josef got off the phone with Mick. Apparently Agent Oldsen had taken two weeks off work due to personal problems. Mick was able to find out from co-workers that she had been obsessing over a recent case. It didn't take much for Josef to figure out that she was pursuing him.
Well, this is it. I'm going to have to leave for awhile. Mick had suggested moving back to New York, but Josef knew that wasn't a good idea. Even if this woman's spitefulness didn't span the country, he couldn't live in the same city where he'd killed the love of his life, especially when she lay there waiting to wake-up.
Josef put his plan into action. He had arranged for a tragic accident off the Pacific Coast Highway to dispose of his 'body.' He checked his will one last time to make sure it was airtight. He'd left everything to his 'son,' Gabriel Konstan. He hoped Beth wouldn't mind that he used her mother as Gabriel's mom. He needed an established family to make it credible.
Gabriel was a product of an affair after Beth's parents broke up. Well, by calculations, the reason they broke up. Josef smiled. It fit nicely, although he would have to play a being a teenager for a few years. Not that he hadn't done that before, besides, he could have fun as a teenager, especially nowadays…
Currently 'Gabriel' was attending prep school in England. Josef had a plane to catch. Correction, Gabriel had a plane to catch.
Jen watched the Buzzwire report, numb from all feelings. The man she had been tailing was dead. His car just went off the cliff and she had watched. She couldn't describe the feeling of watching the car tumble down to the water grave below, but the whole event had made her numb.
She had wanted to nail him, but she had never wanted him dead. Is it possible I have feelings for him? I have gotten to know him pretty well…Well, at least his file.
Jen pulled up her files on him again. His will was spotless. Like everything else in his life. He had left everything to his son. Son? He had a son? He doesn't seem the daddy type. A quick search of the boy showed that he had been raised in and out of boarding schools, mostly in Europe. Not exactly conducive to a healthy family relationship…
Jen noticed that he had been on vacation last week and he had purchased a ticket to LA. He left this morning, but he still has a half-sister in town…
Beth looked up from her computer. The knock came again. Who could that be? Beth opened the door to find a very frazzled lady on her mat. She thought she recognized her. "You were at the accident scene today, right?"
Jen looked at Beth and recognized her as the reporter who covered Josef's death. "I was wondering if I could talk to you?"
"Sure, but I don't think I'm going to be much help. I don't know anything more than what I said on air," Beth said, ushering her inside.
"Really? I was coming to ask you about your brother."
"My brother?" Beth was puzzled. She was an only child.
"Yes. Your half-brother, Gabriel Konstan, son of Josef Konstan and your mother."
Oh God, Josef. You really need to warn me if your going to use my family as an alias! "I'm sorry, but I don't talk about him." Beth prayed it was true.
"I understand. Him being the reason your parents broke up and all, but I was hoping you could give me some information on his father."
"You mean Josef?"
"Yes. Josef. What can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he's a hedge fund trader, he's chauvinistic and a playboy." And a vampire. but Beth kept the last part to herself, she had no clue what this woman knew.
"I was interested in his less public persona…"
Who is this woman? "I'm sorry, I don't think I know you well enough to be this open with you."
"My name is Jennifer Oldsen. I'm an IRS agent and a few months back I was sent to audit Mr. Konstan. He was quite rude to me and I have been trying to find something on him to take him to court ever since. I just wanted to show him that money couldn't buy everything."
Beth grinned. "As much as I'd love to prove that to him, I believe it's impossible. Josef is richer than his accounts show. He has money stashed all over the world and more connections than you or I can imagine. He can get anything he wants with a single call."
Jen looked puzzled. "You said can, not could?"
"Sorry, it's just hard to think Josef's dead," Because he's not. "It will take me a while."
"I understand. Now that he's dead, I regret how I perused him. I was hoping you could put me in contact with your brother, so I could apologize."
"I'm sorry, but I don't know how to get a hold of him. We're not really close."
"Thanks for your time." Jen made her way to the door and left Beth, sitting, stunned on the couch. Beth scrambled for her phone. She hurriedly dialed and waited impatiently as it rang. As soon as it connected Beth began talking. "Don't say anything. You have a big problem, Gabriel."
Jen sat in the airport. Beth had been less than helpful, but Jen thought she might be. That's why she had purchased a ticket to England. She still had a week of leave and she was determined to find Gabriel and apologize.
She checked her ticket again. She would be there in twelve hours. Then she'd get a cab and head to his school. She just hoped that he'd be returning to school instead of living off his father's fortune.
"What do you mean, Blondie?" Josef/Gabriel asked. "And how do you know that name?" He'd barely started using his identity and she's already figured it out? Either she was a better reporter than he gave her credit for or something had happened.
"Awe, come on, Gabriel. How could a sister forget her brother's name?"
Josef flinched. "How did you find out?"
"A nice IRS lady came by and asked about you, as both Josef and Gabriel."
"What'd you tell her?!" Josef panicked. How much does this woman know…?
"Nothing incriminating. But she isn't giving up. She feels sorry for what happened and I'd bet she is heading your way, so you'd better split."
"I'm in England, dearie. I don't think she's coming to see me."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that…"
Jen handed her bags over to the concierge who arranged for a bellhop to take them to her room. She headed back outside the hotel to enjoy the cool evening. After many delays she had made it to her destination. She was starving and she hoped to find a restaurant still open down the street. She eyed a small sandwich shop and ducked inside.
After a very confusing conversation with the shop owner, she emerged. I thought I spoke English? But apparently, 'salad' was England English for 'lettuce.' She looked around for an open bench because she refused to pay an extra pound to sit in the cramped café. She found a bench and seated herself, balancing her sandwich on her lap.
She admired the ancient street as she munched on her sandwich. The street was oddly void of people. She assumed the cool weather had forced them inside. Her body gave an involuntary shiver as a cool breeze blew through the street.
"Lots of history here isn't there?" A cool American accent said behind her.
Jen nearly dropped her sandwich in surprise.
"I didn't mean to scare you." The voice came again as a young man stepped around in front of her. Jen's head reared as she looked at a spitting image of the man she had been pursuing. Well, a younger version, but still…the similarities were uncanny. This man, who Jen presumed to be Gabriel, looked exactly like his father, except he wore jeans and a T-shirt where his father wore an Armani suit.
"Do I know you?" The Josef look alike asked her. She had been taking apart his feature with her eyes.
"No, but I believe I knew your father." She offered him her hand. "My name's Jennifer Oldsen."
Gabriel accepted her hand and replied. "Gabriel. Please to meet you. How did you know my father?"
"I audited him. Or I was going to, but he called someone and had it cleared up."
Gabriel laughed. "Yes, that's my Dad."
Jennifer smiled. "Yes, well, it made me mad and I have been investigating him ever since. Now…since the accident…I feel bad for what happened and I wanted to apologize."
"You came all this way to say that?"
"I know it's odd, but I hate people who throw their family money around. I have a good deal of family money myself, but I made my own way in this world. As much as I wanted to make my point to him, I didn't want him to die."
Gabriel smiled. Jennifer looked at him, astonished. "I'm sorry, but you look just like your father. In fact you look like his Uncle Charles too."
"How do you know that?"
"I told you. I researched your family, all of it. All the way back to the 14th century.
Gabriel gaped at her. This woman is through. "Well, we have strong genes."
"Yeah, but even that is uncanny. I found a portrait of your 14th great ancestor, Josef Gabriel Konstantin, and he looks just like you too."
"Well, then I'm immortal and I keep being born in my children."
"Yeah right. That's even more unrealistic than 'strong genes.' You'd have to be…be…"
"A vampire?" Gabriel suggested. He made sure to let his fangs show.
Jen's eyes widened and she backed away. Gabriel/Josef was next to her in a flash, grabbing her arm and holding her in place. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to run from predators? We like to chase…"
Jen made a small gurgling noise that was probably meant to be a scream. "Shhh, dearie. I'm not going to hurt you." Jen looked at him, terrified as he backed her into a wall and nuzzled her neck. "You intrigue me. No one has found as much about me in the last two centuries. I don't hurt my girls."
Suddenly it all made sense. All those girls, they weren't hookers, they were food. "Then what about Sarah Whitley?" Jen asked as Josef scraped his fangs along her neck.
Josef stiffened. He backed away from her, breaking all contact. Without thought, Jen moaned in frustration. "How do you know that name?"
"Sarah Whitley? It was the only thing I could find on…you. I guess. John Whitley filed a police report on his missing daughter and blamed you for her disappearance in 1955."
Josef's eyes became sad and Jen knew she had hit a tender spot. "I'm sorry, Josef…or is it Gabriel…or Charles?"
"Josef Gabriel Konstantin. You found the real me with that search. And Sarah…well, Sarah was a special case. I fell in love with her. Love hardly ends well for vampires."
Jen watched the emotions play on his face. So much pain and sadness she just wanted to hug him and make it better. Didn't matter that he had fangs protruding out of his mouth. The tears in his eyes were heartbreaking.
Jen kissed him. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. She didn't want to see the pain in his face and for some reason she suddenly craved the feel of his body pressed against hers.
Josef responded to the kiss eagerly. He pinned her to the wall and rubbed his hips into hers. Jen's breath caught in her throat. He was big, hard and big and she could wait to find what four hundred years had taught him.
She broke the kiss and managed to ask, "I have a room at the hotel down the street. Want to come?"
Josef just nodded and grabbed her hand. They raced down the street like a couple of school children. They bounded up the stairs, stopping on each landing for another kissing frenzy. By the time they made it to Jen's room, Josef had already undid her bra and his shirt was barely hanging on his shoulders. They shed their clothes before the door was fully closed behind them and Josef pulled Jen towards the bed.
"I've never been with a vampire before." Jen said, naively as Josef kissed her neck. "Is there anything I should know?"
Josef stopped kissing her neck and brought his head up to look her in the eyes. "Yes, don't squirm. I have fangs and it will do more damage if you pull away."
"Are you going to bite me?" Jen asked as she ran her hands over Josef abs.
Josef growled in his chest and snaked his head around to Jen's ear where he bit down playfully. "Yes," he murmured, then he sunk his fangs into the vein behind her ear, causing her to cry out in pleasure.
Josef smiled as he lapped at the blood trickling down the side of her face. "Oh God, Josef. Do that again."
"What? This?" Josef leaned forward and bit her breast lightly. Jen bucked her hips and scrapped his back as he gently sucked on her breast.
Josef could tell she was ready for him and that she wanted him inside her. He pushed her back gently onto the bed and climbed on top of her. She opened to him, wrapping her legs around his waist so he couldn't escape. Josef growled as he felt her long, strong legs encircle him. He placed a crushing kiss to her mouth and plunged into her.
"Oh God, oh God…Josef," Jen continued to scream his name as he pumped into her. Her screams drove him wild. He was fully vamped out and panting with the exertion of holding off his own climax.
Jen's body arched and her muscles spasmed around him. Josef let go, bit into Jen's neck and let his orgasm was over him.
After both were able to comprehend words again, Jen said, "I'm sorry I drove you to change your identity."
"No problem. We probably never would have met otherwise."
"Yeah, that's true. Hey, aren't you going to apologize for the way you treated me?"
"But what about my speech about not throwing around family money?"
"Touching, but I earned my fortune. I've accumulated all my own wealth over the last four hundred years so I get to use it how ever I want."
Jen glared at him, then laughed. "I guess you do. But next time, think before you act so arrogant."
"Why? I believe it worked out well in the end. I didn't have to pay a fine, I got a new start at life and I got the girl. What more could a guy ask for?"