Compensation of Loss

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye carefully read the paperwork for the last time before signing her name on it. She had been examining the whole content for hours, reading it over and over again. It was not a habit of hers to read a piece of paperwork repeatedly, and for which the likes of Officer Jean Havoc and Kain Fuery, it closely resembled those of Roy Mustang’s, the Flame Alchemist.

Rainy days were not of a common weather at East City; however, this was an exception. Gloomy clouds had gathered, not in a carnival of white streams, but of dark confetti. Soon after, it began to rain copiously.

For days, it had been like this.

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc was present at that very day. He thought it would be entertaining to make fun of the other officers at the headquarters, including Riza Hawkeye herself. Officer Kain Fuery only happened to be there, but even he, himself, noticed Riza Hawkeye’s change of habits, and somehow reminded him of the colonel.

Hawkeye looked once again at the contents of the paperwork. She gently leaned her tired back on her chair and reread the paperwork as she playfully tapped the bottom part of her pen on the table. Usually, understanding the whole content would have been a piece of cake for her.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye,” Havoc started, calling her attention. Hawkeye seemed quite perturbed at the moment.

“Yes, Officer Havoc?”

“You know what?” Havoc sat clumsily on the chair. He looked at Riza with amusement. “You remind me of someone.” He said teasingly. “Roy Mustang. He does that when he couldn’t make up his mind. Even with the tapping of the pen—”

“—And the expression as well.” Fuery added. “Lieutenant Hawkeye, you really look like him. I mean, his gestures and the way he speaks, too.”

Havoc nodded, agreeing with Fuery.

“You think of that, Havoc? And Fuery, too?” The lieutenant looked at Havoc’s direction, but not of disdain, rather of amusement. “He had been gone for quite a while. Is it because that you miss his presence?” Riza examined the paper once again. She never showed signs of weakness towards her comrades; however, it was a fact that deep inside, she is struggling to ignore the truth that Flame Alchemist Roy Mustang had been, very well, absent for the past few weeks.

And for weeks… For the longest time… she only felt impenetrable pain.

“Well, do you?” Havoc spoke ever so carefully, cautious of his words. “I mean, all of us do, even his stupid smug smile on his face and his exuberant taste for mini skirts.” He stifled his laugh. “That guy.”

Hawkeye disregarded his remarks.

“Havoc-san, it’s not the smug smile… It’s the authority. His presence, more likely.” Fuery said, nodding.

“Lieutenant Hawkeye,” He spoke again, ignoring Fuery. “Do you miss him? I mean, Mustang?”

“In what circumstance, Havoc? And why should I miss him?”

“Well, he only said goodbye to you. Am I not right? He told you of his whereabouts. You’re the only one who knows where he is.” Havoc said tactlessly. “You know what? You could follow that man and convince him to return here at East City.”

“If that was possible, I had been long gone, Havoc.”

It was then Fuery sensed trouble. “Um, Havoc-san, it’s better not to push it.”

“So why not chase—”

Hawkeye interrupted Havoc before he could continue his extensive reply. She didn’t seem too pleased with the conversation. “Um, it would be wonderful if you could fetch Fullmetal for me.”

On the contrary, Havoc looked amused at her sudden change of reaction. Riza Hawkeye never calls Edward Elric Fullmetal. Only Mustang does that. “Lieutenant Hawkeye, I didn’t mean to pry in your life. I was just asking—”

“I’m not angry or any of the sort, Havoc. Now, please without any further talks about colonel, fetch Fullmetal for me.” Silence ruled after her command. Not a single being offered his word.

With a voice so forlorn, Havoc instinctively knew he had pushed her too much. It was no joke that some comrades of his miss the colonel’s presence—his well preserved authority. All people knew he is still in-charge, only absent at the moment.

As for Riza Hawkeye, it seemed like nothing, but considering the facts, she feels a lot more than that.

Pain. That’s it. Pain.

For the man she has been protecting left her, and perhaps, it was the very same reason she had been missing significant pieces of the paperwork.

Funny as it should not be, Riza Hawkeye dearly misses the colonel when there were times she was with him, she would scold him of his ungraceful acts—as well as dangerous, out of the blue actions, but she knew she was doing it for his sake and for his protection.

Now that he is gone, whom shall she protect now?

“Mustang must have been a special someone… for you, Lieutenant Hawkeye. You deserve him and I…” Havoc paused for a moment. “I think that he deserves you as well, but I wonder why you let go of him…”

If there was only a choice… alternative… option… to wish for.

“And those eyes of yours.” He pointed out. “Not they are only beautiful… but so strong and observant… just like his.”

Fuery offered his own share of words before leaving the vicinity. “Don’t worry, Lieutenant Hawkeye. I’m sure the colonel will be back. Don’t mind Havoc-san.” He went out of the room, looking at Havoc with his don’t-do-anything gaze. “I’ll just fetch Fullmetal for you, Havoc-san and Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

Jean Havoc slipped a piece of cigarette and pressed it with his lips. “Thanks, Kain.” Then, he turned to Hawkeye. “I’m sorry, Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

Riza Hawkeye did not reply. She pretended to examine the paperwork, only to find out that she wanted to be alone for a while.

Closing the door, Havoc noticed a clear drop rolling on her pale cheek, but since it was raining, it must have been something else… Rainy days were not of a common weather in East City.

He wished that… although it was a bit too late.

It’s beginning to rain… He figured the colonel would say the same thing.

Havoc blew his first few smokes and went away, cursing Mustang under his cold, angry breath.