Disclaimer: I don’t own Doctor Who or anything to do with it, it belongs to the BBC.

Note: This is set after Deadly Assassin.

Summary: 4Sarah.‘Can death feel emotion, for I am one without a scythe?’ The Doctor’s personal thoughts on Sarah after their departure.

Sentiment of a Time Lord

This is it; our final farewell. All of our adventures together will turn into nothing but a mere memory. I felt alone. My hearts, my soul; never before did I feel this gutted. My mourn over the loss of Susan came nowhere close to the emotion that I’m feeling right now. Why, why do I feel this way for a human? Is it because of the inherency from my mother did I feel these sentiments? Why?

I stand alone, questioning myself of this situation. What is it Sarah? Tell me. I do not understand; I wish to understand, but I can’t. Every second, I grow frustrated with myself. Ever wondering will this strange conflict of feelings come to an end. No, they will not. They invade my dreams; why is this? Very rarely does my race dream. What is it Sarah, what are you trying to tell me?

Sarah, I can’t stand this silence any longer. It’s been days now that I’ve carried this burden in my hearts and mind. The void grows, but who’ll be there to fill it? You, Sarah Jane. But you’re gone now; away from the life you loved, and away from me. Danger will not come to possess you, hurt you, or even kill you. Because I’ m not here, death is away from you now. You’re safe and happy.

Can death feel emotion, for I am one without a scythe? Damn this accursed life of mine. Damn the world for being cruel and hatful, damn the ones who are free and I’m in chains for the rest of my life. Damn you, Sarah, for making me feel this way. Damn you.

And as time goes by, I suddenly begin to realize this heavy burden, what it’s been trying to tell me all along. How could I have been so blinded? Sarah, I understand now.

I stand outside the TARDIS, starring at the sunset over the planet Keri. And I smile, for the first time in a long while, I smiled. My smile turns to a grin. For once, I never felt so happy. Even though you’re not with me, holding my hand and listen to the techno babble that comes from my lips like vomit. I grin. I feel protected behind my foolish grin, because no one can see me cry.