Broken

Disclaimer: Supernatural, Dean and Sam aren’t mine…cry…

Spoilers: ‘In My Time Of Dying’, ‘Everyone Loves A Clown’.

Warnings: Language.

Summary: It wasn’t only the Impala that was broken…

Prologue

“Stop it Sam.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop asking if I need anything. Stop asking if I’m ok, I’m ok. Really, I promise.”

“Alright, Dean, it’s just…we’ve been at Bobby’s for over a week now and you haven’t brought up Dad once.”

“You know what you’re right. C’mere. I want to lay my head gently on my shoulder. Maybe we can cry, hug, maybe even slow dance.”

OoOoO

Sam flinched with every time the crowbar assaulted the Impala. He knew it was wrong to stay, wrong to watch, his brother deserved to grieve in private. But that would have been ok if Dean had actually been grieving. Grieving instead of keeping all his emotions bottled up, grieving instead of spending all day long under the damn car, doing his very best to avoid talking about their father, grieving instead of anything he was doing now.

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“About me and dad. I’m sorry the last time I was with him I tried to pick a fight. I’m sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. For all I know he died thinking that I hate him… So you’re right. What I’m doing right now, it is too little…too late. I miss him man…and I feel guilty as hell. And I’m not alright, not at all…but neither are you…that much I know…”

“I’ll let you get back to work.”

He’d jumped when he heard the window breaking. Heard the glass shattering into a million tiny pieces. Much like Dean himself…

In that one moment he saw Dean. He saw the real Dean. Not the Dean with his ‘game face’ on, but the Dean underneath all the tough exterior he used to protect himself. The Dean who missed his father like hell, who was so lost and unknowing of what to do that he couldn’t let himself cry, afraid of what might happen if he let himself lose control. He saw the Dean who needed to just let go of everything, forget about the responsibilities that had been thrust upon him, forget about how cruel life can be and just have one moment when he didn’t have to be strong for other people.

Never, in his twenty seven years had Dean lost control like that. Taking all the pent-up anger out on the last remaining link with his father.

And the despair, hopelessness and anguish in his eyes split Sam’s heart in two. He wanted nothing more than for his brother to reach out to him, admit he wasn’t coping, was far from it. Ask him for help. Ask Sam to be his brother, and let him protect him instead of always being the protector.

There was the clatter of metal and concrete then a ringing silence. Dean leaned on the trunk, eyes closed, looking much older than his twenty seven years. Sam felt an overwhelming rush of affection towards him. As much as he wanted to rush forward and grab Dean, hold him until he could make everything alright, something stopped him. It sure as hell wasn’t psychic but this was Dean’s private moment and it wasn’t his to intrude on.

And he was willing to just stand there, watching his brother and making sure he didn’t break any more than he already had. He would have stayed there forever, watching over Dean, watching one of the rare moments that his brother let his guard down.

It pained Sam to think that Dean would never have done something like this if he had known that he was watching. It hurt to think that Dean couldn’t show how he was really feeling for fear of hurting his little brother.

And it scared him. It scared Sam that Dean didn’t know what to do. It scared him because he knew that their father had told Dean something and it had to be pretty damn serious if Dean wasn’t prepared to tell him.

Dean stood slowly, the reality of his outburst finally hitting him. He stared at the mangled wreck of the Impala, something unreadable in his eyes, freezing Sam’s heart. The car was just an visualisation of what was going on in Dean’s soul. It had always been there, trusty and dependable, bailing them out more than they liked to remember. And now it was broken, defeated and dejected.

Then it hit Sam how alone they really were. Mom and Dad were both dead and now it was all down to them to hunt that sonofabitch demon and kill it once and for all. End the thing that had nearly ended them. It was just him, Dean and the Impala and somehow they had to do it.

Sam realised there was wetness on his cheeks and hastily dragged his sleeve across his face, Dean couldn’t know he was crying, was losing it. He turned to go back to the house, leaving Dean easier than it should have been.

Everyone had left them, now he was left with unfinished business, unbreakable codes and a broken brother.

The only difference between Dean and the Impala, was that the Impala could be fixed…

-fin-

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