If There’s a Brain in That Hair

If There’s a Brain in That Hair

Hi! I’m back for yet another stab at a Legally Blonde fic! This story, unlike my other Legally Blonde fic includes some Elle/Emmett, but the story mainly revolves around Brooke, who is one of my favorite characters in the musical. (I’m probably partial to her because I have Nikki Snelson’s autograph and I have to give her mad props for doing that jump rope dance in Whipped Into Shape... hehe I tend to annoy people with that song…) I hope you enjoy!

-ILoVeWicked

PS-So no one gets offended by the fact that the story includes Callahan calling Brooke a "dumb blonde", I want to make sure you all know that I have nothing against anyone who is a blonde.

Disclaimer: I do not own Legally Blonde the Musical.

Elle Woods fiddled with her seatbelt as she sat next to her professor on their way to the second trip to the Boston Women’s Correctional Facility. Professor Callahan had decided he wasn’t about to let Elle out of his sight since she knew Brooke Wyndham’s alibi and she would not tell anyone. He couldn’t take the risk of not being around when she finally let the alibi slip past her thin pink lips.

Elle clutched Callahan’s record folder close to her chest and kept her eyes averted from Callahan’s gaze. She found it peculiar that Professor Callahan was singling her out from the other interns all for an alibi. Weren’t good lawyers the kind of people who could figure any case out even without an alibi? The way Callahan had described himself in the beginning of the year, Elle believed that he seemed to be a good lawyer. And the silence between the two of them made everything seem awkward. Elle felt as though she couldn’t even blink without being watched by her teacher. She shifted in the passenger’s seat uncomfortably, wondering if the way her professor was acting like a stalker towards her was normal lawyer behavior and took note of it.

Professor Callahan finally cleared his throat and let his fingers loosen on the leather steering wheel.

“So,” Callahan began, dragging out the word, “Brooke’s pretty tough. How exactly did you manage to get the alibi again?” Elle looked out the window of the car and rolled her eyes. She had answered this question more than she had planned to in the past week.

“Brooke and I are fellow Delta Nus,” Elle began for what seemed like the millionth time. Elle sighed heavily as she noticed the pressing look on her professor’s face, showing her that he wanted more to the story. Elle decided to give him the summarized version of her five minutes with Brooke. “She said she would only give me the alibi if I Delta-Nu-Sister-Swore not to tell anyone, and I Double-Delta-Nu-Sister-Swore, so she told me. The end.”

Callahan turned back to the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the stretching road ahead. “Well, we’re here,” he mumbled as he pulled into the large parking lot. Elle swallowed hard and examined the large gray concrete building with a barbed wire surrounding it. She cocked her head and sighed. Maybe it was because she was so jittery and excited about being one of Callahan’s interns and being on a real case that she had failed to notice just how gloomy Boston Women’s Correctional Facility looked.

Elle quickly got out from the passenger’s side of Callahan’s car and kept her eyes glued on the scary-looking building. It was just like the movies horror movies she had seen with the Delta Nus had described it, only worse. It sent a chill down Elle’s spine, making her shudder and immediately move her gaze move to the gravel below her feet.

“You ready?” Callahan asked, books at hand. Elle jumped and gave him a nervous nod.

“At least it looks a little cheerier inside,” she muttered as she timidly followed her professor into the Facility.

IFTHERESABRAININTHATHAIR

Elle’s heart was beating as fast as her heels were clicking on the linoleum floor. She and Professor Callahan followed the guard down the long narrow hallways of the jail. Elle kept staring straight ahead to avoid looking into the hungry eyes of the jailed women as they all called out to her.

“Hey, how’s about getting’ me outta here!” a woman cried.

“Me too!” another chimed in.

“Help me!”

“Save me from jail!”

“Bail me out!”

“Don’t believe a word they say to you, Blondie! This place is torturous!”

“Elle?”

Elle sucked in a sharp breath and placed a hand on her spinning head. How did one of these women know her name? Elle whirled around to face Brooke Wyndham, who was now gripping onto the bars of her cell eagerly. She eyed Elle with a hungry look that seemed to say, ‘Help me, please.’

The guard unlocked Brooke’s cell and grabbed her forcefully by the wrist before she could run to her fellow Delta Nu and attack her with a hug.

“Now, not so fast, Miss Wyndham. Remember, you’re a murderer, and even though these two belong to your legal team, we can’t have you roaming around freely with ‘em just yet. You could kill that pretty blonde with your jump rope just as easily as you shot your husband. I still don’t know why they let you carry that thing around.”

“I didn’t kill my husband,” Brooke muttered miserably as the guard dragged her toward the recreation room. Elle and Callahan followed close behind, Elle not daring to look over her shoulders. Brooke’s inmates finally stopped eyeing Brooke with resentment and continued their normal routine of yelling out at whoever passed by.

IFTHERESABRAININTHATHAIR

The guard finally released Brooke from his grip and sent her stumbling clumsily toward a picnic table. Professor Callahan gave him a nod that indicated that Brooke didn’t seem like a threat, and the guard waltzed off. When he turned back around, he didn’t even bother hiding his eye roll as he found Brooke and Elle squealing and hugging like two young school girls.

“So, why are you guys here?” Brooke asked as she and Elle calmed down and separated. “I wasn’t expecting you.” She peered down the hallway and cocked her head. “Say, where’s the rest of my law thingy?”

“Legal team,” Callahan corrected as he took a seat and gestured for the two girls to sit and join him. Brooke and Elle obeyed. “And it’s just Elle and I today, Brooke. We’re here for your alibi.”

Brooke let out an irritated sound and shook her head. She sent Elle a look that Callahan couldn’t quite understand, and his student simply shrugged. The two kept exchanging several confusing looks. Callahan shook his head. He may have been no expert on women, but he knew that the two were talking about him through their own little girly charade. Callahan cleared his throat and gave himself a satisfying pat on the back when Brooke and Elle’s heads both whipped around to face him.

“Now, Brooke, I know you’ve told Elle the alibi, but she won’t budge,” Callahan explained as he tried to keep from getting frustrated. Brooke sent Elle a quick smile and turned back to Callahan with blank eyes. He ignored her and continued.

“So I’ve come her to negotiate with you, and by the time Elle and I are through, I’ll have your alibi, and this case will be solved.”

“Not gonna happen!” Brooke sang out as she wagged a finger in his face. “My alibi is super-top secret, and unless you’re willing to Triple-Delta-Nu-Sister-Swear, I don’t think negotiation is necessary.”

“Ah,” Callahan said as he reached for his bag. “I had a feeling you’d be tough to bargain with.”

“Duh! I’m Brooke Wyndham!”

“Anyway, I thought you’d reject my offer of just talking things out, so I brought you a little present.” Elle eyed him suspiciously as Callahan pulled out a small package and slid it across the table to his client.

Brooke examined the object as if she has just been handed a bomb. She carefully poked and turned the package in her hands. Callahan tapped his foot on the ground impatiently as Brooke continued to analyze every square inch of the present. He finally pounded his fist against the table in annoyance.

“For God’s sake, just open it!” he demanded, making Elle jump and Brooke almost drop the package.

“Fine,” Brooke mumbled as she carefully removed the lid from the box and pulled out its contents. Brooke stared at her gift in disbelief.

“Gum?” she asked, holding up a package of gum. “You want to exchange my nuclear alibi…for gum?” Callahan twisted his sweaty hands in his lap.

“Um…yes. I believe somewhere I read that you enjoy gum.” Brooke stared at the captain of her legal team intently, occasionally glancing at the gum. She shrugged and smiled and popped a piece into her mouth.

“Okay, I do like gum. But don’t think you’ll get my alibi just because you granted me the gift of minty goodness! It’s still just gum” She held out the box to Elle, who happily took a piece and began chewing away.

“Well, don’t think of it as gum! Think of it as…a stress reliever. Chewing out your anger can help you relax so you can easily explain to me the alibi, at your own speed and when you wish to, of course.” He clenched his jaw at the sight of Brooke absent-mindedly gazing around the room and chewing happily at her gum.

“Elle and I have all day, and I’m prepared to sit and wait until I get the alibi out of one of you…” Still Brooke seized to listen to him as she waved to an inmate passing by. Callahan let his other fist pound against the table.

“That’s it!” he shouted as he stood. Brooke turned to face him with a look of cluelessness painted on her face that only made him angrier. “You aren’t listening to a word I say!”

“Not true!” Brooke objected. “I heard the part about the…polar bear.” Callahan shook his head furiously.

“There was no freaking polar bear! I’m trying to set you free here, and the only way to do that is to coax you and Elle into giving me your darn alibi. But no! I’m talking to a woman with the attention span of a gnat!”

“What are you saying?” Brooke cried as she stood up. Elle bit her lip and inched backward in her seat.

“I’m saying that your nothing but a dumb blonde! You probably killed your husband by accident! I bet you didn’t even know how to use a gun!”

“I didn’t kill my husband, and I know how to use a gun! But that doesn’t mean I killed him! How could you call me that?”

“What?”

“A dumb blonde! That’s so stereotypical! Just because someone has blonde hair and doesn’t pay attention to your extremely boring lectures doesn’t make them a dumb blonde! That’s so stereotypical! Elle, tell him that he’s a stereotype!”

Elle wrapped a strand of hair around her index finger. “I can’t tell him that. He’s my boss,” she replied quickly. Brooke stared at Elle in disbelief as Callahan gave her a fake pout.

“Aw, little miss Workout Queen has no one to back her up! What a shame!”

“Shut up! I’m not an idiot!”

Callahan tilted his head back and let out a sharp laugh. “Alright, prove it,” he sneered. Brooke crinkled her nose.

“Huh?”

“Prove it, Brooke! Prove to me that you’re not a moron and that there’s a brain in that big blonde bob of yours.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Simple. Learn ten legal terms and their definitions. They can be simple or challenging words, I don’t care. It just has to be ten legal words.” Brooke let a ‘pfft’ noise escape her lips.

“You expect me to learn them now? Like, right this second!” Callahan nodded as Elle inched closer to the door. “No one is that smart, Professor Callahope.”

“Callahan.”

“Whatever,” Brooke snapped, swiping at the air. “You’ve gotta give me some time, and I’ll need a tutor. It’s not like I’m a lawyer.” Callahan held out his hand.

“Fine, Miss Wynham, then it’s settled. Elle will be your tutor, since you two have so much in common, and you’ll have three days to learn the vobabulary. I hope you prove me wrong, though I doubt you will.”

Brooke firmly took his hand and shook it angrily. “Deal,” she huffed as the guard came back into the room to inform the group that visiting time was over.

Callahan turned quickly on his heels and muttered, “C’mon, Elle.”

Elle and Brooke demonstrated the Delta Nu handshake before Elle and Professor Callahan disappeared out the door and Brooke was dragged back to her cell.