Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. I don’t own Naruto, Naruteux or Scouting For Girls. Doesn’t stop me from having Naruto’s doggie hat locked up in my cupboard with a carton of (by now) probably stale and rancid milk. Hehe… moo.

--It's a real border in my heart!--

“Shikamaru! Get up, you lazy ass!”

“Troublesome woman. Go away.”

“No, Shikamaru, you are going to get up right now!”

“Feh.” He sighed, rolled over, and was soon fast asleep again.

That was the last straw for Ino. She snapped, grabbed a small, but quite substantial branch, and whacked him over the head with it.

“Aiyah! Cut it out! Mendokuse.”

“Nara Shikamaru!”
With that, Shikamaru got to his feet, noted the feral glint in Yamanaka Ino’s eyes, and began running like hell in the other direction.

“When I was young, I never knew…”

Casting eyes desperately this way and that, the terrified Nara ran down the hill, pursued by his cranky teammate, collecting strange looks as he went.

“Shikamaruuu!”

“But I wish it was me you chose, I wish it was me you chose…”

Looking back over his shoulder, Shikamaru did not notice Hinata and Naruto walking up ahead, arms linked and blushing heavily, out of a building with an infamous reputation as the best sake-house in all of Konoha. Hinata’d left her customary jacket off, and was resting her head on Naruto’s shoulder. Too late they saw the terrified Nara running straight at them, and they were cast to one side.

“What’s ‘hic’ with S’hic’amaru-kun, ‘ttebayo?”

“That,” Naruto said, pointing at Ino running after him. How was he ever to explain this to Hiashi-sama?

“Since you been gone, I can do what I like…”

“Ohayoo, Nara-kun! Nara-kun…? Nara-kun! Aahh!”

Shikamaru had now reached the shopping district. Bags flying, children crying, and Ino, who was, thankfully, getting further away, roaring, he tore through the high street parade, bumping into Sasuke, who fell forward, shouting in surprise, into a full-on open mouthed kiss with Sakura, who was now silently singing Shikamaru’s praises, and still the poor boy knew not what torment Ino was trying to subject him to.

“But I wish it was me you chose, I wish it was me you chose…”

Neji was in the middle of a very serious conversation with Tenten about her mindset and the fact that just thinking that she could go and have kids was worrying to him, when a pineapple-head-shaped blur rushed past, knocking him into her, and causing the two jounin to fall down the grassy bank they were standing on, Neji straddled across his girlfriend. The conversation was soon forgotten and the kissing was on!

“You, me, maybe we’re never meant to be…”

“Ahah! Cornered! There’s no escape now, Shika-kun!”

Shikamaru looked feverishly around and cursed. How had he managed to let Ino herd him into a dead-end alley? And why was Chouji still following them, singing that annoying song?

Trembling at the mad expression on Ino’s face, Shikamaru tried to back away until he hit the wall.

“Trapped, ne, Shika-kun? Walls are closing in and all that?”

She sashayed over, movements as smooth as silk, and kissed him right on the lips. He fell to his knees, and, for one, horrible moment, thought he’d wet himself, but then realized that it was sweat, plus a bit of perfume that had spilled onto his trousers. The perfume smelled like sick and the heat of the day only made it smell worse.

“Don’t worry, Shika-kun, that was just to placate you!”

Standing up on quivering legs, he asked, “So w-what was it that y-you wanted to d-do?”

Ino thought for a second.

“You know, actually… I’ve forgotten, what with all the chasing and that.”

She gulped. She did not like the look in Shikamaru’s eyes.

“Geez, Shikamaru, if I’d known that you’d become such a sexual fiend, I would never have kissed you!”
He continued to advance, staring intently at her. He reached her and began to kiss her neck.
“S-shikamaru! SHIKAMARU!”

In the background, Chouji looked on with interest (pervert), thinking that it was about time. And he just kept on singing.

“No, Asuma isn’t dead cause I heard him on the radio…”

Ino, backed into a corner, had to resort to drastic matters. Seeing that she was getting nowhere with Shikamaru, who was now groping her in a most ungentlemanly way, she panicked and grabbed a nearby two-by-four and brought it down upon Shikamaru’s head. Ino stepped forward, lettting the shadow-user fall to the floor again, and Chouji began beating a hasty retreat.

“I never much liked that song,” she whispered, before going ape on Chouji with the board.

“Elvish hassh left the building… thank you and goodnight!” Chouji slurred.

Crack.

A pause.

“Oh! That’s what it was! I wanted to wish him a happy birthday!”

--It's a real border in my heart!--

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