(Radish: This was his idea, not mine. He doesn’t own FMA either. Just messes with it.)

He was a highly complex apparatus that could perform impossibly hard calculations in an eyeblink. He ruled over a parallel dimension, and could warp the space-time fabric with no warning, transporting anything as large as a baseball stadium or as small as an ant and all the sizes in between to any dimension he chose. He had a huge mother-control board where Radish could speak to him, with hard blue Plexiglas monitors and sleek looking white steel. And he was bored.

He materialized his solid form- a short young boy with long silver hair and blue eyes, next to Radish. “I’m bored.” He proclaimed.

The cat-girl’s tail flickered, she lifted her head to look at him with those gentle golden eyes of hers, and instantly the supercomputer’s mechanical heart eased, reassured that such a wise and powerful entity would solve his problem.

“Beef noodle.” She stated and turned a page in her book.

Spazzy Pineapple, as he was dubbed, paused, and blinked a few times. Beef noodle? His eyes widened as realization struck him. Beef noodle indeed. . Why hadn’t he thought of that? Millions of people amused themselves by way of the revolutionary new idea of the fanfiction, why couldn’t he? He bowed instantly to Radish. “I humbly thank you for bestowing upon me your words of wisdom.” He stated, and disappeared off to his parallel dimension, making preparations.

Radish pulled off her headphones and looked around. “Was that S.P. just now?” she shrugged. “Must’ve been my imagination,” she muttered, and turned back to her book.

Ed paused and went over the situation in his mind. Three seconds ago, he was searching Central Library, and now he was somehow standing in the middle of a large, room with seemingly endless white floors, and white walls that seemed to go up for eternity. Little blue monitors floated here and there. Envy was also floating, the Homunculus sitting inside of a transparent blue cube.

Ed got ready for a fight. “Is this your doing?” he demanded.

Envy raised an eyebrow. “I’d like to see you try to get me out of here.” He replied. “Whoever it is with the monitors won’t let me out.”

Ed stopped, realizing Envy was trapped. “How long have you been in there?”

A monitor zoomed to stop in front of him. “thirty five point six seconds exactly.” It informed him. “Welcome Edward Elric, this is my fanfiction.”

Ed shuddered, looking between the monitor and Envy, now floating upside-down. “Wait… aren’t fanfictions those things with creepy pairings in them?” he gulped nervously.

“Ah yes, my master Radish has a term to answer that. I quote: GET YOUR BRAIN OUTTA THE GUTTER!” it yelled at him. “He’s up there because he failed the test.”

“Test?” Ed asked.

“I tried several evil villains, including Naraku, Gannon, and the other Homunculi at this test before it occurred to me that evil villains always lose.” The monitor sighed. “But protagonists always have the last laugh, so I figured that I’d try one before succumbing to my boredom. First things first, battle. I have prepared a suitable opponent for you.”

“Bring it on!” Ed transmuted his auto-mail into a sword.

There was a little fizz of data. What kind of opponent was coming? Some shadowy version of himself?

“That’s overused to the point of no return.” The monitor stated blankly. “I’m also not going to make you fight someone you know. CLICHÉ.” It droned. “No, my boredom has driven my mechanical evil to new heights…”

Ed stared at the figure that appeared- Dark. “Oh, I’m so scared, a guy who throws feathers at people.” He muttered, and then paused. Dark was…taller. Much taller.

“Wow, you’re kinda short, aren’t you?” Dark stared down at Ed. “Man, even Daisuke’s taller than that…” he stared.

Ed transmuted a podium out of the ground so that he stood about a foot higher than Dark’s head. “Who’s laughing now, huh?”

“That would be me.” Chrono responded from behind him, flying easily with his wings a good distance above Ed.

Ed’s eye twitched, then he noticed Yugi standing nearby. He jumped off his podium and stared. Finally I’m taller than someone! He thought, grinning a little.

One magical pendant explosion later found Ed back on the podium. “This computer’s insane!” he muttered.

“When you’re bored, you can do anything.” The monitor replied, and the various tall people were sent back to their respective dimensions. “By the way, I’m taller than you.”

“That’s just a bluff. Computers don’t have heights.” Ed folded his arms.

Spazzy Pineapple materialized in his human form. A heads-height taller than Ed, platform shoes included. “And now I have a new challenge.” He brought the floating monitor over, and a keyboard snaked out from under it. He used the floating mouse and clicked open . He clicked on a bookmark, leading to a very familiar page. Giantflyingradish of doom was portrayed at the top. He scrolled through the fanfictions lazily. “Here it is! Height comparison.” He began to read down the list. “Oh, and guess what?” he asked. “19th place. Only barely taller than the talking wall.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head, dodging Ed’s vicious attacks all the while. “You remember Radish? That girl who was the same height as you? My master?” he asked. “She proves the fact that the reason you’re short is because you don’t drink milk. Now she’s taller than you.” He showed a picture of Radish.

“NOOOOO!” Ed fainted.

A second monitor floated over, and Spazzy Pineapple turned to face it. “Were you watching, master?” he asked.

Radish looked at the knocked-out form of Ed and the floating villains and nodded her head. “That was…epic.”