Psst: To GW readers, Final Mission Status 11 will be up this weekend! It’s being finished, plus edits.

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it, seeing as this story is initially OC-focused and therefore dismissed (I’m aware) by people who just don’t have the patience or interest in that. For those of you reading, BLESS YOU. I think it will be worth it, but you will have to let me know.

A note about the intervening years between the projected end of the series and what Konoha is like now. I really hope I don’t write anyone into the story who ends up dying in the manga (yikes), but I AM guessing. I will explain my guesses that are relevant to this story, i.e What kind of Hokage Naruto is, Sasuke’s situation, Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship, information about Itachi, etc. will be integrated. I’m not going to explain things like how Akatsuki was defeated or how Sasuke was reconciled to Konoha because it doesn’t matter to this story (just the original one!) If those things don’t happen, then it’s an AU.

Judging from what reviewers have said (SO IMPORTANT—please review so I know what is working, what is enjoyable, etc, and sign in if you want a response!) for the most part, readers are getting what I want them to get. Thank you thank you thank you!

A note about SasuSaku: It’s difficult to write someone else’s characters in general, but especially for really popular fandoms (that have diehard shippers, lol). Since I didn’t make them up, I don’t know everything about them, and this is a new pairing for me. Therefore, the interpretation in this story is one among many possible interpretations, especially considering that the story isn’t even over and the manga could end up NaruSaku or something else. For those who either revile or worship the pairing, try to view the interpretation here as contained within this story.

I also thank my beta, whose crits are like eating vegetables: not always enjoyable, but undeniably good for me. Yum. I wish I had more of them!

White Rain

Chapter 3

By Zapenstap

“Are you all right?”

The boy leapt down from his seat on the rock and dashed toward Sasuke. The expression on his face matched his words, but his eyes were Uchiha eyes, black lashes framing black spheres.

Head still spinning, Sasuke stepped backward, trying to regain his balance. He had never expected to see that face again, not in the flesh anyway. The sight of it sent trembles running up his arms.

“Stop where you are,” he said, and held out a hand for emphasis, keeping a measure of distance between himself and this stranger.

The boy with Itachi’s face froze.

This was all wrong. Sasuke knew this was not Itachi, not the real thing and not a ghost or vision of the past. They did not resemble each other beyond features, and of course this boy was only a youth. The resemblance was unsettling, but it might be just a coincidence.

Or, he reasoned, it could be a trick.

Sasuke activated the Sharingan as a precaution, and though he did not feel that the boy by himself was a threat, he gathered chakra into his left hand until Chidori crackled in his fist. This was easy for him now, and he often found that such a demonstration was all that was needed to head off trouble.

The boy stood still, gaping at the ball of lightning formed from nothing, and then stared transfixed into Sasuke’s eyes. His face radiated a mix of fear and wonderment. Sasuke ignored his emotions. More importantly, under the penetration of the Sharingan, the boy’s appearance did not change. He was not a genjustu. Whoever he was, he was real.

“Sasuke, stop!”

Sasuke released the Chidori, though not on account of Tenten’s shout. She darted between him and the boy. Her hands were empty of weapons, palms held up and facing out to fend off Sasuke’s advance, despite that he had not intended to attack. Not that Tenten could prevent him from the killing the boy if that had been his intention.

The initial shock of seeing his brother’s face on a stranger was fading. What he felt now was a curious kind of self-contained emptiness. He recognized it, and knew it to be manufactured, a battlement built quickly to ward off a mountain of regret that would undermine his composure if he allowed it entry. When he spoke, his voice sounded cold, almost icy, even to his own ears. He ignored it. Right now, all he wanted was answers.

“Who is he?” Sasuke demanded of Tenten, and then of Lee, who leaped to her side as if in fear for her safety. Strange. Sasuke did not think his voice sounded harsh. Maybe it was his face.

Astonishingly, the boy stepped out from behind them both, moving toward Sasuke as if in a daze. Now that the Chidori had dissolved, he seemed more amazed than frightened, more spellbound by Sasuke than Sasuke was of him. Having thrown caution to the wind, he moved boldly out of Tenten’s reach and into the open. “Are you…?” the boy faltered and fell silent. Sweat moistened his brow.

“Sasuke Uchiha, this is why the Hokage has summoned you!” Lee interrupted. “Come quickly and learn for yourself.”

“I’m not moving until someone tells me who he is.”

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” the boy asked. He was still staring at the Sharingan. As soon as he spoke, he abruptly shook himself, as if realizing only upon hearing his own words that the question might be rude.

When Sasuke didn’t move or speak, the little girl darted in to stand next to the boy. Ignoring Sasuke, she rose on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear, holding her hand over her mouth so that the boy had to lean sidewise to catch her words. The boy answered her in a voice too quiet to be heard, but Sasuke did not need to hear him. With the Sharingan, it was easy to read his lips.

“Mom said ‘Sasuke’ was our uncle.”

“That’s not possible,” Sasuke stated, shaken for a moment out of his forced detachment. “That would mean...”

The little girl furrowed her brow and frowned at him, as if daring him to call her a liar. The boy said nothing.

Reigning in his emotions, Sasuke looked more closely at them both, especially the boy. Despite what he had said aloud, he could easily believe that this was Itachi’s son. But at the same time, he couldn’t believe it. Who? When? Why? It didn’t make any sense. He could not imagine how Itachi would willfully have left behind a family after destroying the one he was born to. No. It could be a coincidence. This boy could just as easily be some kind of a doppelganger. It could even be some ninja trick to deceive him into thinking… he wasn’t sure what.

Speculation was worse than useless.

“I’ll ask again,” Sasuke said. “Who is he?”

Tenten looked questioningly at Lee. Lee shook his head, arms crossed, the corners of his mouth turned into a disapproving frown.

“We don’t really know the details,” Tenten said. “I could tell you what it looks like to me, but I think you already know.”

“You must speak to the Hokage,” Lee repeated.

So Naruto knew something about this. Sasuke frowned. And he had just let them run around? Albeit, with Tenten as a guard, but it was still unorthodox. Bursts of chakra flickered from Sasuke’s fingers as he struggled with the agitation he was feeling.

The boy watched Sasuke’s fingers twitch and flash, but even though his eyes were wide, he managed to address Sasuke directly. “We don’t want to cause trouble,” he said. “This is my sister, Rina.” He gestured to the girl. “And I’m…” He looked at his sister. She stood half behind Tenten, eyeing Sasuke warily. The boy turned back. “Well, I’m told I’m named after my father. My name is Itachi.”

Sasuke shook his head. He felt odd, almost woozy. To have the same face and the same name was too much for coincidence. “My brother is…”

He trailed off. Dead. Killed. Betrayed. Killed by…

His mind seemed to drift out of conscious awareness, hearing but not able to comprehend beyond the alarm bells being wrung inside his skull. He didn’t see anything, couldn’t think, and couldn’t feel beyond the dull, aching pain that crawled from his chest like some starved creature.

The tomoe of the Sharingan rotated. This time, it did not see the future. It saw the past.

“What do you see… with your Sharingan?”

“Sorry, Sasuke… This is the last time.”

“It was… to protect you.”

Sasuke clenched his eyes shut. He didn’t want to remember. He had tried so hard to forget. His brother was dead.

Stay dead, damn it! Stop haunting me, please. This is too much.

He opened his eyes.

“Sasuke.”

It took Sasuke a moment to recognize Neji’s soft, but insistent voice. It took him another moment to realize that he had grabbed the boy by the shoulders and was staring into his face, boring into him with the Sharingan, as if he could somehow communicate with his brother through this child. Had he spoken out loud? The child was immobilized in Sasuke’s grip, eyes wide with surprise and more than a little fear.

“Sasuke, let him go.”

Neji was calm. Others had been saying something, Sasuke realized, but he hadn’t heard the clamor they were making through the din in his own mind. Neji was gripping Sasuke’s left wrist, Byakugan activated, his other hand in the air, index and middle fingers extended and poised to sever Sasuke’s chakra if he failed to let go.

Sasuke stared at the boy. Itachi’s son.

It was difficult to unclench his fingers. They seemed to have stiffened like the post mortem of the dead. Once Sasuke managed to peel back his hands and step away from the boy, waves of nausea threatened to overwhelm him. Neji caught him as he stumbled, the Byakugan receding as Sasuke’s own Sharingan vanished.

“I don’t know what…” Sasuke gasped.

“Just relax. You’re fine. It’s just emotional stress, probably from past trauma. Sit down.”

Sasuke reclined against the rock the boy had been sitting on moments earlier. The others gave him room. He took several moments—maybe it was minutes—just to breathe. Slowly the dizziness cleared and his stomach seemed to settle. He gulped down fresh air and stared at the sky, ignoring everything around him as the world straightened itself. The sky was a clear, crystalline blue.

“Are you all right?” Tenten asked the boy, stooping to look him in the face.

The boy nodded. “I’m okay.” He was still staring at Sasuke with wide, black, Uchiha eyes. Saskue looked away. “How do you do that thing with your hand?”

Sasuke blocked out the question, wishing the child would vanish for just a moment, and feeling too disoriented to walk away himself. “Where did you come from?” he asked Neji to get his mind off it. “And where’s Lee?” he added, noticing that Lee had left the group.

“The Hokage sent me to fetch Tenten and the children,” Neji responded. “You were all supposed to meet in a controlled setting. Since that was a failure, I asked Lee to bring Naruto and their mother here instead.”

“Sorry,” Tenten apologized. “We could have coordinated better. I thought I would show them the training grounds here, since it was thought you were training on the other side of the village. Lee said he looked everywhere for you.”

“I finished early,” Sasuke explained. “I was on my way back.”

He was still avoiding looking at the children—Rina? And Itachi. Insane. He wasn’t ready to confront them. He didn’t want to look at them. He had a lot of questions, but most of them were for Naruto.

“So…” he said after an interminable silence, unsure how he felt. “These two are Itachi’s…” He faltered. It just seemed so impossible.

“They’re mine.”

It was a woman’s voice.

Sasuke looked up.

“Sasuke!”

That was Naruto, running to meet him from where the village road intersected the training grounds. Sakura was with him, and Lee beside her, but Sasuke ignored them at first. Behind them was a woman, walking with a bag slung over her shoulder, dark brown hair curling in the heat and humidity.

Rina ran to greet her. When the girl reached the woman, she tugged at her hand and gestured to Tenten, Sasuke, Neji, and the training ground with a little voice only her mother could hear. Itachi, the child Itachi, cast Sasuke a troubled look and remained where he stood as if unsure he had permission to move.

So this was the woman.

Sasuke’s thoughts wandered, careened around the edges of the dark places in his mind, and skimmed over where his most precious memories congealed with the most painful. Questions bubbled to the surface, long-suppressed questions about his brother, about those missing years between Sasuke’s two darkest days. If this woman really knew him… There were answers he wanted to know, but the questions themselves he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to ask.

So in silence he wondered: if it was true, why her? Upon seeing her face and figure up close, and knowing what pleasure a woman could bring to a man, he had one reason in mind, but it didn’t seem like nearly enough—not for Itachi. Had his brother trusted her? Sasuke doubted it, considering, but he must have liked her well enough if he had shared her bed more than once. If that much was true, Sasuke wondered if there had been others, or if this woman was the only one during that time. It wasn’t like it mattered, and Sasuke wasn’t sure he cared, but there was so much about those years, and about his brother, that was a mystery.

What he really wanted to know was if those years had been all miserable, or if some parts had been more bearable, even in patches. Was this woman evidence of something from Itachi’s adult life—something other than death and pain—a glimpse of bright moments buried in the gloom? Sasuke wondered. Had his brother even been capable of enjoying such a thing, considering the betrayal, the hardship, the extent of his conditioning? If to his younger brother he had been so cruel, beyond what was necessary, or even forgivable, why not a lover? Had Itachi been kind… or had a Shinobi’s life turned him irredeemably cruel?

And then there were the children. Why allow such a thing to happen? Of this, Sasuke’s heart was filled with even greater doubt. It could easily be a lie, or some kind of elaborate scheme. Or what if it was true, but his brother had been a pawn, or betrayed in some fashion by this woman? Betrayal…again. He wasn’t sure he could stand it, and felt his hackles rising at the thought, the dizziness and nausea close behind, and focused once more on deep, calming breaths.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, stopping in front of him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Sasuke, we didn’t want you to run into them like this,” Sakura whispered, her voice lowered to be heard by him and Naruto alone. “We were going to explain things first.”

Sakura’s hands felt cool on Sasuke’s arms as she helped him to his feet. She smelled like cherry blossoms, the very flower she was named for. He didn’t lean on her to rise, but he filed away the pleasure he experienced from her touch, to recall when they were alone.

“Let’s talk about it now,” he suggested. “Away from them. I have some questions for you, Naruto.”

They did as he requested, leaving the woman and her children with Neji, Tenten, and Lee to be watched, or to ask questions, or whatever it was they would do while Sasuke sorted out the matters on his mind. Walking between Naruto and Sakura, the three members of former Team 7 departed from the group and reconvened in a small grove of trees a hundred yards or so down the road—out of sight and earshot from the strangers.

Sasuke sat on a log in the center of the glen and listened while Naruto and Sakura filled him in on the events of the day, relaying to him the information they had learned from this woman Lucia, her two children, and the reason they gave for coming to Konoha.

“So you’re letting them stay?” Sasuke demanded when Naruto had finished. “Just like that? Without even questioning her more deeply? What if this is some kind of ruse or scheme? She could be dangerous to Konoha.”

“There’ll be more time for questions,” Naruto told him. “But I had already decided we’d take her in, so there was no point keeping her in suspense about it. As long as I’m Hokage, Konoha won’t turn away women and children when all they said they were looking for is a place of safety. It’s even more important if these really are Itachi’s kids. As you know, I have a dream for this village, and in my dream, Konoha does all it can to repay its debts, as long as that payment goes toward building a foundation for a better future. That’s what I care about most. I thought you above anybody would see that. Come on. Would you have turned them out? Your brother’s kids? They’re innocent.”

Sasuke looked away. Itachi’s kids. Innocent. With all they had to go on so far, he supposed Naruto was right. They couldn’t have just turned them out, but what was he supposed to do with information like this? “It doesn’t mean I trust them,” he said. “They could be after something. It’s a long way to travel just to escape a drunk with a bad temper, and if this woman did know my brother, she may have ties with other dangerous people. Don’t forget, it isn’t common knowledge why my brother did what he did. I doubt she knows anything about it, and that means she willingly slept with a murderer. I understand what you’re saying, but I think we need to be cautious.”

Naruto nodded, arms crossed, brilliant blue eyes staring thoughtfully beyond Sasuke at the leaves dangling from the branches. “Yeah, maybe so, but that by itself isn’t a crime. Anyway, since she is going to stay here, she’ll be part of Konoha, and I want her to feel welcome. I know what it’s like to be an outcast, to have everyone treat you like you’re a villain, or a threat, just because of an association with something others consider to be dangerous. I’m not going to do that to her, or her kids. We’ll take them in, but I understand that there’s a risk. So we’ll also check out their story.”

“He has a point, Sasuke,” Sakura said helplessly. “It makes sense. We can check out her story. If she was in these lands much, even ten years ago, someone must have noticed. We can send a team to do an investigation. We can ask her more questions too, but this way it won’t be an interrogation so much as verification. We’ll be able to check her story against our own intelligence without making her think we don’t trust her.”

“Because we will trust her,” Naruto added firmly. “Unless we have a real reason not to. It’s important that we do. Living in suspicion is no way to live. Besides, my gut feeling is that Lucia really is looking out for her children. So I think we should give her our best.”

Sasuke looked up at the sky. Sometimes Naruto was naïve, but often times he was right. Which this time? A few wispy white clouds drifted overhead now, briefly obscuring the sun.

“All right,” he said. “As Hokage, you win. I’ll accept their presence, at least until we learn more.”

“Accept their presence?” Naruto muttered. He sounded disappointed. Sasuke looked at him, and noticed Sakura looking at them both, her eyes drifting between them, eyebrows turned down and a concerned crinkle forming in her brow and across the bridge of her nose. Naruto plowed right ahead without noticing. “Shouldn’t you be a little more… I don’t know. Interested in them?” Naruto asked. “The boy is named after your brother after all, looks just like him, and he’s not at fault for his mother’s choices, whatever they are. I thought for sure that you would see this as an opportunity.”

“Naruto,” Sakura began. “Don’t push it. Sasuke just said he doesn’t trust them yet, and anyway, it’s not easy to just…”

Sasuke interrupted her. “An opportunity for what?”

Naruto made a face, the kind of face he made when he failed to think an idea through completely and wound up with a truism that didn’t quite fit what was needed.

“Hmmm. I was thinking that since he’s your nephew, well… that’s one more in your family, and when you get around to rebuilding your clan…”

“My family is dead,” Sasuke interrupted quietly.

Sakura bit her lip.

Naruto didn’t say anything. His blue eyes slid away from Sasuke’s face, but Sasuke could tell he was thinking, that the wheels were turning inside his skull, and that whatever ideas he was coming up with were going to be ridiculously insufficient.

“Naruto…” Sakura whispered again. She put a hand on his arm. “Seriously. It’s not the right time.”

Naruto threw up his hands. “All right. All right. I just thought I would mention it.”

“Look,” Sasuke said. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought, but things are never going to be like they were for me. I can’t rebuild the past. It’s gone. Besides, even if this kid has got Itachi’s blood, he wasn’t born here, and he wasn’t raised by anyone in the clan. He’s not an Uchiha. He’s not even a ninja. He knows nothing of our way of life.”

Naruto folded his hands behind his head and grumbled something under his breath. Whether he meant to be understood or not, Sasuke heard him anyway: “He could be if you trained him.”

Sasuke didn’t answer. He would trust Naruto, but he wanted nothing to do with the boy. It was hard enough trying to get by with his memories of the past following him like ghosts. A constant reminder walking around with his brother’s face was not what he needed. He would put up with the boy’s presence in the village, but he didn’t want to know him. He wasn’t going to get invested.

“Just keep me posted on anything you learn,” he said. “I want to know what they’re up to.”

Naruto sighed. “Well, okay. It’s decided then. I’ll settle things with Lucia and figure out a place for them to stay. While they’re here we’ll have some people keep an eye on them and tomorrow I’ll meet with the Jounin…”

“Tomorrow’s our fight,” Sasuke reminded him. “Don’t forget.”

Naruto grinned. “Oh, don’t worry! I didn’t forget about that!” He turned to Sakura. “Psst, Sakura. I could really use a few extra hours training if you think you could help me out with some things in the morning. Minor things. I’d really appreciate it.”

Seeing the expression on Sakura’s face, Sasuke internally winced on Naruto’s behalf.

“No way, Naruto! You’re going to have to figure out some other way of balancing your tasks. I’m going to be sleeping in tomorrow morning. And then I’m going to help Sasuke train. I really hope he clobbers you.”

Relived by the distraction, Sasuke grinned at Naruto with a vague feeling of triumph, even though he hadn’t done anything. Sakura’s expression was unyielding, and Naruto’s jaw dropped open in a mock-expression of betrayal. “Oh, Sakura, you traitor,” he moaned. “First you leave me for Sasuke. Now this! You can’t do this to me.”

“Oh, can it, Naruto. I did no such thing!”

Naruto dropped to his knees. “You don’t understand, Sakura!” he wailed, trying a new tactic apparently—the really-over-doing-it strategy. “I don’t trust anyone else to help. I don’t know anyone as smart as you. All alone, I’ll be buried in paperwork until long after the match is over. You know me. It will kill me to do it all myself, really it will. No one will ever respect me as Hokage ever again. I’ll be the laughing stock of the whole village!”

Sakura’s face turned a bright shade of pink. “You just don’t want to go through the mail!”

“Pleeeeease.”

“No.”

“Pleeeeease. Come on. It won’t take more than an hour this time, I swear.”

“No.” But she laughed.

Sasuke could tell it was a losing battle. Sakura would end up helping, but only under certain conditions, and when Naruto slithered out of those conditions he would come to the match with a black eye.

Sasuke reclined and looked at the sky through the trees as the argument between Naruto and Sakura escalated to outright silliness—the state in their bickering where Sakura’s indulgence of Naruto’s antics turned to annoyance and she started to rail on him. At length, they settled on a compromise that was much what Sasuke had predicted.

With gleeful farewells, Naruto left the grove, muttering about working out the details of room and board with Lucia and her family.

Sakura remained behind, holding her right arm behind her back with her left hand clasping her forearm below the elbow. Sasuke recognized the stance. It was a gesture of contrition, but only because she had something on her mind and wasn’t sure if it was the right time to bring it up. She rocked on her heels in silence for a moment, eyes darting around the grove to admire the leaves glimmering like emeralds from the tree branches.

“You have something you want to say?” Sasuke asked her as the silence between them ripened into richness.

He sat up to accommodate her as she settled down on the log to his left. They sat like that quietly for another few moments. Sakura leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped loosely in front of her, staring at the ground between her feet. Sasuke touched the back of her head and combed his fingers through her hair, almost unconsciously, waiting for her to come up with the words.

“Sasuke, I’ve been thinking,” she said in a soft voice.

He sensed the significance in her tone. This was a serious conversation, one she wasn’t sure she wanted to broach. He tried not to press her, but it was torturous waiting for her to speak. There were so many problems, so many things she could say, all things he had thought about, he was sure, all things he had kept silent about and was afraid she would bring up one day.

Almost a full minute went by and she didn’t say anything more. Her face looked crumpled, all her worries and concerns pulling down the corners of her eyes and mouth into awkward angles. He continued to thread his fingers through her hair, deliberately now, in a silent attempt to soothe her.

“I’ve been thinking about the future,” she said. “The not-too-distant future now. And…”

He sensed where this was going. “There’s still lots of time,” he interrupted. He knew his face looked calm, but even to his own ears he sounded uneasy. “We’re still young, really young.”

“I know,” she said quickly. “I’m not saying I need anything right now. I’m happy and all, but I have been thinking about it. I love you, but I just want to know…” She bit her lip, hard so as to stop it from quivering, and looked even more pointedly at the ground. “Do you really love me? I know you say you do, but I mean do you really love me? Do I make you happier then anyone else could? Do you want to have a life with me? Do you…” She paused, closing her eyes, gathering strength… “Do you ever think you might, someday, want to have a family with me?”

Sasuke opened his mouth, then shut it, not sure how to answer her question, since he didn’t know the answer himself. Thinking of family was painful for him—always, no matter how hard he tried to forget the past or rationalize what had happened. He thought “if not with Sakura, then not with anybody,” but that was more of a dodge than an answer, a way of avoiding the conversation. He didn’t think that was the response she was looking for, especially since “not with anybody” seemed undeniably possible, even preferable.

For her to bring this up now, the new arrivals must have affected her, he realized, just as much as they did him, but in the opposite way. He had seen a child that looked like his brother and was torn with grief over what he had lost, over what had been done to him, to his brother, and what he had done. His response to grief and regret had been to shut himself off and regard everything and everyone with suspicion, just to muster the strength to keep going. But Sakura… What did she see? A child that looked like him perhaps: an Uchiha child. It had unearthed worries that were already there, problems that had just been lurking in the shadows. She must have looked at the child and wondered if she would ever have the family she desired. Sakura understood Sasuke’s difficulties, but that didn’t mean she was incognizant of her own needs.

“I know that it’s not necessarily me that might make you say no,” she said, as if guessing his thoughts, which she was getting quite good at. “I know that, I do, but if you do say no, then I also don’t think it matters if the problem is me or not. If it’s not going to happen, regardless of the reason, then it’s not going to happen, and if that is the case, then I really have to think. I mean I really have to know if this is enough, if I’m really happy, not just for now, but really happy with you. Just you.”

“You’re not happy,” he said quietly.

She looked up, tears beginning to pool at the far corners of her eyes in spite of her forced smile. “I am happy. Right now, I am happy.”

He disentangled his fingers from her hair. He hated feeling like this: Ineffective. Defective. “No, you aren’t,” he said. “If you were really happy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Sasuke…”

He stood up and walked away from the log, putting a few feet of distance between them so he could try to think.

“Why don’t you think I love you?” he asked, not looking at her, but aware that she was watching him.

“It’s not that I think you don’t,” she said. “It’s just that I’m not sure if it’s as much as you could, or as much as I want. I think you love me in moments, but I don’t feel like I’m a part of your world, or part of your heart, or that we are really living together so much as spending time together. And I don’t think it necessarily has to do with me. It’s more like… you’re holding back.”

Holding back. He closed his eyes. Of course he was holding back. He’d been holding back since the beginning. To allow friendship back into his heart had been a painful choice, a colossal step, but one he had managed reasonably well and not regretted. To allow Sakura to progress from friend to lover to girlfriend had been a whirlwind of terror and confusion. The first time they kissed it had almost been an accident, but it had awakened such a torrent of emotional and sexual desperation neither of them could stop the progression. It had escalated rapidly from mouth-bruising kisses to days spent together on end, to hesitant, questing touches, to the first time in bed together, to the confession of feelings, to solidifying their relationship…. And now, just when he was starting to feel like maybe he could catch up, take a breath, adapt, or relax long enough to take his time loving her… it wasn’t enough.

In the not-too-distant past he'd found the idea of happiness impossible. Now, in the present, it was a terrifying reality. On a daily basis, it took everything he had just to believe in it, to accept that the happiness of this day alone wasn’t going to disappear, or turn into a cruel joke, tomorrow. To ask him to plan for a happy future was asking too much.

“I do love you,” he said. He was sure he loved Sakura, as certain of that precious fact as he was of anything. “But I don’t know about the future. If you really want a family…”

“Some day,” she said quickly. “Not right now. And I’m not asking for commitment of that sort, just the possibility.”

“Even some day,” he said. “I’d like to think it’s possible, but I don’t know.”

“But… Aren’t you going to rebuild your clan?” she asked. “I thought that was what you wanted.”

He did, hypothetically, philosophically. He wanted to establish the Uchiha line anew, but the reality of starting a family terrified him. It wasn’t the daily tasks of providing for a wife and children. It was the expectation that he would have to care for them for the rest of his life—especially children that would be dependent on him. The reality of those kind of bonds was too much to think about, too much for him to handle. Sakura alone was almost too much, and if she was unhappy when he was giving all he could, he was better off never having children.

He was too young, too immature, his growth stunted by loss and pain and fear. He had learned early in life that the world was a senseless, deadly, unforgiving place of cruelty. To survive, he’d learned all the wrong things: how to hate, how to fight, how to kill. He could think of ten different ways to kill Sakura right now, but he had not a clue how to comfort her, how to connect with her, or how to love her. But now the mess wasn’t in the world; it was in his head. It might take him another twenty or thirty years to be comfortable with the idea. But Sakura didn’t have that kind of time.

“I don’t know,” he repeated. “I hope someday, but…not yet. I’m not ready for that yet. And I don’t know when, if ever…” He turned around.

Sakura was crying, silently, tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping onto the dimples of her knees. His heart ached for her, and for the dream he had just slashed, but he didn’t know what to do. She wanted him to be whole. She deserved someone who was ready and able to take care of her. Sasuke didn’t know whom to blame. It was his problem, certainly, but this was all happening too fast for him to come to terms with any one part of it, let alone the whole concept, and it wasn't something he knew how to fix in himself.

“Sakura?” he whispered, and sat next to her on the log. He brushed the hair from her face, flicked her tears away. He didn’t know what else to say or do.

She brushed a hand past her eyes, dashing her tears aside and smiling at him through the shimmer. “I’m okay. Like I said, it’s not urgent, not yet. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”

Which was a lie, and he knew it, but he didn’t have any reassuring words, so he took her face in his hands and kissed her on the lips. She accepted his kiss and then leaned her forehead against his shoulder as he pulled her lithe body into an embrace.

“Just promise me you won’t give up,” she cried into his shirtsleeve, and he felt her body shake in his grip with the last release of tears she would yield to the matter for some time.

He promised. But even as he held her, he knew it was another dodge. He wouldn’t give up entirely, and so would string her hope in him along a little longer, until his empty promises unraveled and destroyed them both.

He didn’t understand. How had Itachi come to start a family? Only the woman could have that answer, he knew, if he could bring himself to ask her.

Itachi stared up at the house where his family was now going to live. It was two stories, and narrow, like a townhouse, but a singular unit all its own. It was built of rock and wood, with a wrap-around plank-wood balcony on the second floor that was missing a rail on one side. The roof was also missing shingles, but it looked like it would keep out rain.

“Small,” Rina whispered next to him, her eyes scooping up the dimensions of the entire house in a glance.

“But clean,” their mother replied, opening the door and peering inside. It was dark inside, and a little musty, as if the building hadn’t been used in awhile. She swung the door back and forth a few times. There was a faint squeak like the chirp of a bird. “The hinges might need a little oiling, but it’s nothing we can’t fix up.”

“Does it have a bed?” Itachi asked. That was all he wanted to know.

“Three. And it is partly furnished. According to the Hokage, this village has been growing, and as new houses are built for larger families, the older are left vacant. We’ll each have our own rooms.” His mother smiled at them. “Now that’s not so bad, is it?”

“No,” Itachi said. “That’s great. That’s perfect.” He turned to Rina. “Tomorrow we’ll help mom fix what needs fixing and we’ll get a chance to explore the town too.” His sister smiled, perking up at the suggestion of exploring and projects. She liked projects. She helped him build a tree house last summer, when they were vacationing at Aunt Cecile’s country estate. She had a fine eye for detail and was even decent with a hammer and nails (not that their mother knew he had let her use them).

“All right,” their mother said. “Let’s take a look inside. Then we’ll figure out something for dinner and the pair of you can retire early.”

Itachi followed his mother inside with Rina close behind. The doorway opened up into an entryway with a small coat closet and a narrow walkway leading to a tiny kitchen. The kitchen had smooth counter tops and all the basics they would need. There wasn’t much space for entertaining, but there was a round wooden table by the window for dining and an old armchair in the corner. The stairs leading to the second level were located near the entryway to the kitchen. The stairway round around itself to the next floor, and he and Rina raced each other to see who could get to the top first.

Itachi won, and immediately claimed one of the smaller bedrooms overlooking the rooftops and the street that faced the mountain with the carvings of the faces. He only recognized one face. It was the face of the young man who was Konoha’s Hokage—Naruto Uzumaki, as he had re-introduced himself upon returning from his private conversation with Itachi’s uncle Sasuke and the pretty woman who had come with him.

At first, Itachi couldn’t believe someone so young was leader of a whole ninja village, but after talking to him for a bit, he knew Naruto was someone worth idolizing. Naruto Uzumaki seemed so kind, so willing to listen and help. From the moment of their arrival in Konoha, Itachi had been in an almost constant state of anxiety and dread. He had imagined ninjas to be hardened, unforgiving killers with tough faces, warrior codes, and a lifestyle replete with interminable stony silences. But the Hokage made him feel at ease almost immediately. He was talkative, expressive, loud, and relatable. And if he was Hokage, he must be an amazing fighter as well as a good leader.

“And that’s good,” he thought out loud, staring at the face of the Hokage carved into the mountainside, “because everyone’s going to be talking about us. We need a strong ally.”

He had hoped, of course, that his uncle would be one to welcome them, but he knew it had been a long shot. He was aware from his own life experience that relatives weren’t always welcome, and that family members could be the most villainous of all human connections. Still, even though his uncle Sasuke was a ninja, and even though his own father was reportedly a murderer, after meeting Naruto he had hoped that maybe it would be different.

As it was, what Itachi learned about his uncle Sasuke was that he was an aloof sort of person with a cold, arrogant air who wanted nothing to do with him or his sister or his mother. He rubbed the back of his neck where he had felt his uncle’s fingers digging into his flesh. Why had he grabbed him like that? It had been scary, but only because he had seen in the man’s face such intense emotion. Itachi could only assume that it was hate his uncle felt—hate for his brother, hate for the name Itachi perhaps, and probably his face too. When he looked at him, his uncle must have been reminded of Itachi’s father and the murders he had committed. Itachi tried not to take it personally. He knew little about his father, and had no attachment to those he had killed. Although it wasn’t what he had hoped for, he tried to convince himself that it was fair that he continue to have no attachment.

Still, he couldn’t deny that it was a regret. It would have been so cool to have a ninja as part of the family. Sasuke had red eyes! And that thing he did with his hand! Could all ninjas do that? He had heard strange stories, never knowing what to believe and what to assume was a lie. Now he assumed nothing. His mother had tried to explain chakra to him during their trip, and given a clinical approach to how ninjas used physical and spiritual energy to do the things they did, but not being trained in the art, her knowledge was limited to textbook study and Itachi hadn’t really believed her anyway. Now he wanted to know more.

“Itachi! Rina! Come downstairs and eat.”

Itachi pushed away from the window and trudged out of the room with a wistful glance at his bed. Dinner first, he thought, then stay up just long enough not to get their hours turned around before crashing for a long night’s rest.

Rina joined Itachi and their mother at the dinner table. While Itachi had spent his time staring, his sister had hauled her bags to her room and had changed out of her dusty frock and into a blue dress with ribbon sewn into the sleeves and hem. Itachi’s mother fed them what was left of the rations, with promises to do some shopping among a million other things tomorrow.

“Perhaps some of our neighbors will be kind enough to lend us some food,” she said, looking down at their meal with a sigh. They didn’t even have plates. “I do not know how long it will take before I have access to the accounts I have here.”

“When did you set those up?” Itachi asked between mouthfuls of dried fruit.

“Oh, years ago. Most of my assets are tied up in investments, but I have sent letters, and some of those bonds should be coming to maturity. Even so, there’ll be a delay at least in transfer, and I might have to make a trip into a town with a bank to see to matters personally. We’ll have money enough to not have to be beggars, but it might take a few weeks.”

Itachi was thankful for that, but in the meantime, that meant they were going to be beggars. The money from his mother’s jewelry was running low, with only a few more pieces to barter if anyone in a rural place like this could use or afford such things. In the meantime, they were stuck in a village that might have every reason to despise them. If everyone was as nice as Tenten and Naruto, he didn’t have anything to fear, but if they were more like his uncle Sasuke, or worse…

“What about school?” he asked, in part to avoid thinking about it.

“This is a Shinobi village,” his mother told him. “I don’t know what the schools are like. There may be nothing more than the ninja Academy. Every other trade is likely an apprenticeship.”

Itachi swallowed and put down his fork. “So…?”

“You’ll continue studying finance and economics with me,” his mother said, in a tone that brooked no argument.

“How?”

“I brought your textbooks, and when those run out, I will teach you by example.”

Itachi gaped. She brought his textbooks? Those books weighed ten pounds apiece! She had carried them all this way? “Are you serious?”

“Of course. You will spend at least two hours every evening after dinner learning the curriculum of your former school right where you left off. And until we find you a suitable apprenticeship or some other program, you will spend the rest of the day helping me fix up this house or otherwise finding work where anyone will let you earn something for honest labor. At any rate, you won’t be idle.”

He couldn’t believe it.

“You’re almost twelve,” she told him. “That’s old enough for a summer job, old enough to start learning how to make and manage money. Of course you will still have some time to play, but you’re growing up, and the time to make your own decisions will come faster than you think. To make good decisions you must build character through experience, and learning to work hard is the best experience of them all.”

He didn’t dispute the point. He had been planning to get a job after this year’s term anyway, delivering packages or papers or yard work or something like that, because he had been bouncing some ideas around about a little neighborhood business he had been going to set up if he had enough money to start it with. That idea was dashed now, but he supposed that was the kind of thing she meant. Besides, he knew they needed money, and he wanted to help.

“Still,” she added, and lowered her eyelashes, looking down at the table as if pondering something that had just occurred to her. “I’d prefer it if you were in school, so I will ask Naruto if he can introduce me to the principal of the ninja Academy and see if we can find out a few things about it.”

She said it so casually, Itachi felt sure it was planned. In fact, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had spelled out the alternatives first just to set this up to look more appealing. Apprentice work might be hard labor, and probably repetitive and boring, like chopping wood or gathering supplies or watching a storefront all day every day. But ninja Academy… Itachi felt his chest seize up as he stopped breathing in a moment of anticipation.

“If the schooling there includes arithmetic and reading and the other sorts of things you need to know, and if they allow it, then I might consider enrolling you.”

“Oh,” he said, and hedged in his excitement for fear that she would catch on, get nervous, and remove the option from the table. “I’d like that.”

She looked up at him from beneath feathery black lashes, and he caught sight of her lips curving into a knowing smile. She knew he wanted to go. There was no use pretending he wasn’t excited. “Would you?” she asked.

“I think so, yeah,” he said.

“You wouldn’t be afraid?”

“No!”

Actually, that wasn’t true. The idea rather terrified him, not because he knew it might be hard, or that he would be really really behind, or that he might get hurt, but because he might not be able to do it. He didn’t know how it worked. He wasn’t sure if it was only possible for certain people, and if he had inherited those genes or not.

He didn’t want to be a failure.

His mother turned to Rina, who was quietly eating while watching and listening. “What about you, Rina? What would you like to do?”

“I want to be with Itachi,” she said, “unless there is a music school.”

His mother nodded. “I will ask about that too.”

When they finished dinner, their mother made he and Rina pause at the dinner table in the middle of cleaning up.

“One thing I must tell you before bed,” she said. “It’s very important.”

“What?” Itachi asked.

“The pair of you are Van Alstynes now.”

“Wouldn’t we be safer choosing fake names?” Itachi asked. “If Gehard ever looks for us this far from home…”

“I think he will, eventually, but no. We are among ninja. Such a falsehood would not hold up long. You are Van Alstynes anyway and might as well get used to it. More importantly, as Van Alstynes, there is one rule I want you to understand and to follow. This is very important.”

They waited.

“Never talk about money. In fact, now that we live here, it’s best you didn’t talk about where you come from at all. Answer questions truthfully, if you are asked, but don’t brag, or set yourselves up for scrutiny. We live here now. You understand?”

Itachi thought he did, and when he promised not to say anything, Rina promised too.

“Good,” his mother said. Her eyes were dark orbs in the fading candlelight, but even in the dim glow of the flame, Itachi could see the glitter of determination and the drive she was attempting to hammer into them both. “Try to make friends here. We must begin anew.”

Itachi took that to mean they were never going back.

Hours past the time her children went to bed, the house was quiet.

Lucia walked alone in the darkness. Her bare feet stepped carefully across the wood floor panels of the house’s one hallway. She could feel the grain of the wood beneath her toes, the irregularities of planks cut from tree trunks, the knots sanded to smoothness, but not waxed or polished.

She passed silently by the rooms of her children, opening each door in turn and peering through the gloom at their sleeping forms. They slept like angels, faces half buried in their pillows, breathing the fresh air of a strange world. She smiled and shut each door softly, hands gliding over the wood, learning the contour of the frames in this strange home, before continuing down the hall to her own room.

In the master bedroom, she shut herself in pitch darkness, and stood for a moment without moving, feeling the aloneness of the night caress her skin. Silently, she crossed the room to the far window and peeled back the olive green cloth curtain. A sliver of moonlight spilled into the room. It bathed her face in silver light that slithered down her body to pool around her feet, illuminating the dust and lint that clung to her heels.

Beyond the window, the village was asleep, as soundly as any ninja village slept. Although she could see no human forms in the darkness, she was certain someone was watching the house. It would be imprudent for them not to.

She shut the curtains, but did not retire to the bed. Instead she pulled herself up on the wide windowsill, drug her feet in close to her body, and leaned her head against the wall.

So this was Konoha.

She was so close now. It was difficult to be patient. It was a delicate time, as fragile as those first few months of motherhood had been, when every apprehension was compounded by the anxiety of failure. Now it was success that haunted her every waking thought, hovering on the edge of consciousness like a whispering wind.

But she could endure it. Fear was her most dangerous enemy now, and one she knew only too well. She had come this far. She would go through with it, all she had planned. It was too late to turn back. In the biggest gamble of her life, she must believe in the merit of her hand; because whatever else happened, she would be forced to play it to the last card.

TBC

Thank you so much for reading! I loved the lengthy feedback some of you left before. There’s a lot of development, so feedback is welcome welcome welcome! If I could, I’d publish each section individually, lol, but that’s not the best way to organize these chapters. Anyway, thank you very much and please please review this chapter!