Chapter 3 Disclaimer- friends aren’t mine!! The story is though!

I’m not completely happy with this chapter but I have been working on it for 2 days and don’t think I could really do anymore with it!

Undefined –Chapter 3

It was gone 9pm when an extremely tired Rachel finally got back to her apartment after her day out with Ross, Emma and Ben. Unsurprisingly Ben and Emma had loved the idea of going to the movies so they had gone to see Shrek the Third and after that Ross had come good on his offer of dinner so they went to Pizza Hut before Rachel helped Ross got the exhausted Emma and Ben and the picnic stuff back to his apartment. Heading straight to her bedroom Rachel stopped briefly to turn the radio on to an easy listening station as she passed. A couple of minutes later she emerged from her bedroom wearing pyjama bottoms with a vest top, pulling her hair back into a loose bun she headed for the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of cold white wine before silently sinking onto the couch with only her thoughts for company.

Despite being extremely tired from her busy day, Rachel knew there was no chance of getting to sleep at the moment with so many things running through her head. Taking a sip of her wine Rachel began trying to process her thoughts. She had such a brilliant day with Emma, Ben and Ross, in fact it was the most fun she had had in months. It had been great to see Emma and Ben getting on so well and she had enjoyed spending time with Ross and reminiscing about Marcel, yet it was the incident with the elderly couple that she couldn’t get off her mind:

“Excuse us, we’re sorry to interrupt but we just wanted to say that the two of you are very lucky. You have got two lovely, polite, happy children. You should be very proud, they really are a credit to you both.”

“Yes, its so nice to see such a happy young family enjoying a day out together”

“I can tell a happy family when I see one”

Phrases kept replaying themselves over in her head like a broken record. Ross was right they weren’t a ‘happy family’ so why had the old couple thought they were? ‘I guess we could of looked like a family, the ingredients were all there- Mom, Dad, big brother, little sister. But four people don’t just make a family, I could of easily been a single Mom out with the kids who had bumped into a neighbour or we could have been old friends who had decided to meet up in the park with their respective children.’ Rachel thought as she took a large sip of wine. ‘What was it about us that made us look like a family?’

Unable to come up with answers to her own questions Rachel began to think about what had happened when she got back to Ross’s apartment, which despite being a totally independent incident was linked to her previous confusing thoughts.

An hour earlier:

Ross opened the door to his apartment with a sleeping Emma clinging to his back whilst Rachel was holding the picnic basket and trying to keep Ben from falling asleep standing up. “I’m gonna put Emma straight to bed” Ross whispered as he headed towards the bedrooms.

“Okay, I’ll come and give her a kiss once I’ve put these in the kitchen” replied Rachel in an equally quiet whisper.

On returning from the kitchen Rachel met Ben coming out of the bathroom and was surprised when he came over to her and gave her a long hug.

“Thank you for coming with us today, it was brilliant! It was like we were a proper family.”

Rachel went from surprised to shocked now, “what do you mean a proper family?”

“Like they have on T.V, you know… with a mom, a dad, a bother and a sister.”

Rachel was too stunned to speak so she just nodded as Ben gave her a kiss on the cheek before saying “goodnight” and heading to the bedroom that was once Rachel’s but was now shared between Ben and Emma.

After recounting her exchange with Ben to Ross, Rachel had discovered that Ben had recently been bullied in school because of Carol and Susan’s relationship and not having a ‘proper family’:

“Arrgh, I should have guessed something like this might happen when Ben first asked you to come with us.”

Confused, Rachel asked, “Erm, how could you have known he would say something like that?”

Ross sighed as he sat down on the couch, “Ben’s been getting bullied at school for having lesbian moms and has been going on about how it’s not fair and how he wished he had a normal family like the other kids. I suppose you spending the day with us is the closest he’s ever going to get to what he wants.”

“Poor kid, although I doubt half the other kids in his school actually have normal families.”

Rachel fully understood Ben’s desire to have a normal family as it was something she desired herself. It was something that she had thought about on and off when she was in her twenties but ever since she had had Emma it had been at the back of her mind. However it had become a constant in the forefront of her mind since Monica and Phoebe had each started their own families, and no matter how hard she tried not to be she couldn’t help but feel jealous of what they had and she didn’t. Obviously she was happy for both Monica and Chandler and Phoebe and Mike but she couldn’t help but wonder how and why they had achieved something that had so far completely alluded her. Of course she had Emma, who she loved so much and couldn’t imagine what her life would be like without her, but sometimes Rachel would look at her two best friends with their respective husbands and children, complete families living and working together and see how much happier they seemed compared to her.

Taking another sip of her wine Rachel’s mind drifted back to a time not so long when she had thought she was about to get the family she so badly desired. She and Steve had been dating for eight months and things had been going great, he was caring and affectionate with Emma, even when Emma seemed to do everything in her power to drive him away and he treated Rachel like she was the most special person in the world. She had really believed that he was going to be it, the one to give her everything she had dreamed of. However when it had come down to it, it turned out that the family he was offering her wasn’t the one she desired:

6 months earlier (Nov 2006)

Rachel was sat opposite Steve in a small but extremely popular Italian restaurant, enjoying a romantic date while Emma was with Ross over the weekend. Steve had been quiet all evening and as the waiter cleared away their plates Rachel asked him about it, “Honey are you okay? You’ve been quiet all night.”

“Yeah sweetie I’m fine… actually there was something.”

“Oh, is there something wrong.” Rachel was worried, she thought things had been going great between them recently.

“Relax, its nothing to worry about, well at least I hope its not… I… what… what I’m trying to say is, Rachel I love you, I love Emma and I know we haven’t really been dating that long but I want to spend the rest of my life with you…”

Rachel’s head was spinning ‘is he going to do what I think he’s going to do? Calm down Rachel, this is what you have been waiting for!’

“…so Rachel, will you marry me?” Steve completed, breaking Rachel from her thoughts as he presented her with a ring.

All of a sudden her future seemed to flash in front of her eyes and before she could comprehend why, she found herself saying, “I’m sorry Steve but I can’t. I love you, I do … and until you said the words I really really thought this was what I wanted but it’s not... I’ve been imagining what my future, my family will be like for so long and I don’t know who its going to be with but I know now that its not you. I’m so sorry.” She finished with a tear rolling down her cheek.

As she thought about it now Rachel once again found herself with a tear rolling down her cheek, not because she regretted her decision that night because she knew that if she had accepted Steve’s proposal she wouldn’t have been happy even though she would of finally had a family of her own. Rachel knew she had made the right decision but she was still no closer to finding that person she wanted to share her future and family with. So tonight the tears were for the family and the future she desperately wanted but couldn’t see herself ever having.