A/N: AU. Seriously AU. And OOC. Characters from WCC. You must read "Worlds Came Clashing" before this story, otherwise you won't get it.

Kaede’s a spaz, Cloud has a gory mind, and Roxas and Sora are afraid of their girlfriends. Deal with it. :)

Coming to you from the brain of a very bored (and salad-high) thirteen-year-old at ten at night. Insanity factorbreaking the scale. Good luck…

Roxas came out from the other room again, massaging his arm. Leaning over the couch next to Cloud, Kaede smirked when she saw his pained face. From the screams echoing from the other room, she knew where he’d been. She’d been in that position so many times before. Of course, Akako and Yuki were scared of her… so her techniques worked a little better.

“And time and time again, what have I told you about trying to stop those two from fighting?” she sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Sora had heard. Swiveling around in the computer chair, he snorted, “You’re kidding. You tried again?!”

Roxas hung his head in shame and collapsed into the chair near Cloud and Kaede. “I know, I know,” he muttered, rubbing his temples, irritated. “It’s just so… so…”

“Annoying? Repetitive? Childish? Loud? Mind-numbing? I can keep going on and on, you know,” Kaede propped her head in her hands and rested her elbows on her knees, leaning towards the defeated Roxas. “Honestly, you’ve just gotta learn to deal.”

“Deal with the constant screaming and insults? I don’t think so,” Sora protested. “I’d rather go fight one thousand more Heartless, Sephiroth, and Xemnas all together again. Alone.”

Kaede scowled at him and scoffed, “You two are afraid of your own girlfriends. How pathetic.”

“Hey, you’ve tried breaking them up before!” Roxas said indignantly. “How well did that work out for you?”

Kaede stuck her nose up in the air. “One broken water sprayer and an unusable Cloud-sword later, at least I came out of it alive. Even still, I’m not afraid of them.”

“That’s because they’re afraid of you.”

Kaede jumped from her spot on the couch, about to jump Roxas, but as if expecting it, Cloud hooked an arm around her waist effortlessly to keep Roxas from sudden death. She struggled for a few seconds, pouted, but fell back onto the couch.

“You’ve always got to ruin my fun, don’t you?” Kaede moped and half-playfully smacked Cloud on the arm. He only responded by tucking his arm around her shoulders. She looked miniature compared to the shrouded-in-black boy next to her.

“Anyways, there’s got to be something we can do to shut them up. There’s only so much yelling two girls can do before…” Sora made an exploding sound and acted out the hand motions to go with it. Kaede giggled and tapped a finger to her chin.

“I don’t know. I’ve timed them before and they’ve gone non-stop for… what was the highest time…? Oh, yeah, three hours, fourteen minutes, and twenty-eight seconds.” She gave a proud smile as the three boys stared back at her.

“I’m not even gonna ask how or why you timed their fight,” Roxas shook his head.

“It’s way more fun than trying to break up the fight,” Kaede explained brightly, nodding. “I threw in a new comment every half an hour to see how they’d react.”

“And how’d that work out for you?” Sora quipped. Kaede scowled, her cheery expression dropping.

“I’d rather not think about it.”

Cloud gave a sudden snort, an evil grin creasing his mouth ever so slightly. Kaede turned to him sharply, glaring.

“What are you laughing about?” Kaede poked him in the chest. “What’s so funny about that?”

“Not about that,” he said slowly and deliberately, trying to keep his solemn façade. “But I wonder what would happen if somehow their door was… oh, I don’t know… locked?”

That glint everyone knew too well appeared brightly in Kaede’s eyes. An identical evil grin appeared on her face and she leapt up to complete her task.

“Wait. Not yet,” Sora said suddenly, making her freeze in her tracks and stomp her foot.

“What? Why not?” Kaede cocked her head and narrowed her eyes slightly, confused.

The grin reappeared on Sora’s face. “We’ve gotta make bets.”

If possible, the spark in Kaede’s eyes tripled its brightness.

“Two hundred munny. I say the building and-or door comes down,” Roxas put in immediately.

“I second that!” Kaede squealed, enjoying herself a little too much. “But five hundred munny.”

“Two fifty. I saw we come back in there and find Akako’s shuriken sticking out of Yuki’s stomach,” Cloud announced calmly. Kaede gave him a disgusted glare.

“He’s just got the cleanest mind,” she pointed out sardonically, raising an eyebrow.

“And that’s coming from the girl who would have beheaded Roxas if I hadn’t held her back.” His equally sarcastic comment silenced her.

“Now that we’ve covered Yuki’s and Roxas’ death in detail,” Sora threw an annoyed glare to Kaede and Cloud. Kaede grinned sheepishly and Cloud merely shrugged. Sora continued, “I guess I’ll bet on Akako’s. Two hundred.”

“Bets on the table!” Kaede pointed to the small coffee table in front of Cloud’s feet while digging out her munny pouch from her pocket, and threw the entire leather teal bag onto the glass. “I’ll go grab Merlin’s hat to see who will go lock the door.”

She disappeared in a flash before any of them could register what she had said.

“Shoot,” Sora muttered under his breath after checking and noticing that his many pockets were completely bare. “Be right back.” He sprinted out the door with his Keyblade slung over his shoulder, his jaw set. Kaede came running downstairs, a frightened yet entirely entertained look plastered on her face. She snatched a piece of paper and a pen from the computer desk and scribbled down their names.

“What’s the rush?” Cloud watched her hastily tear the paper into four pieces, amused. She looked up to the stairs suddenly, then back to the blonde.

“Merlin saw me take his hat and then he cast a bunch of spells at me and then I sorta locked him in the room so I wasn’t turned into a frog or a mouse… so we gotta do this quick,” Kaede said all in one breath, panting. She shoved the hat out to him, dropping the names in one by one.

“Choose.”

He slowly stuck his hand in the tall, blue wizard’s cap and pulled out one of the quarter pieces at random. His evil smile spread a little again when he read the name on the page.

“Sora’s gonna kill you, Ky.”

Kaede’s grin only widened. “Perfect! Now we’re both on each other’s hit lists!”

Roxas rolled his eyes and strolled up to them, his hands shoved into his pockets. “Wait a second. No can do. If Sora dies that means I die, too.”

Kaede thrust her first into the air, very much the opposite of what Roxas was expecting. “Two birds with one stone!”

Roxas sent an are-you-kidding-me-this-is-the-girl-you-chose? glare to Cloud and Cloud shot straight back a do-you-really-expect-me-to-do-anything-about-it? glower.

“Hey…” Roxas stuck his hand in the hat to pull out the rest of the names so Kaede could return the hat to Merlin. She couldn’t stop him until it was too late. Roxas’ face turned from emotionless to an amused shock. “These all have Sora’s name on it.”

Kaede snatched the three other pieces of paper swiftly and lit them on fire in her hand.

“No proof now. Or do you want to go and lock that door instead of Sora? I’m sure he’d be very thankful.”

Roxas snorted before she could even finish. “Are you kidding me?”

Sora came skidding back into headquarters and dumped an armload on munny gems onto the table, next to everyone else’s neatly placed bets.

“And where exactly did you get that munny?” Kaede asked slowly, wary of why Sora’s cheek was bleeding and Keyblade was only just disappearing from his hand.

“Well, Riku taught me how to open the Dark Portal and I thought ‘why not kill some Heartless to get munny?’” Sora jerked his head once to show he approved of his way of getting munny. Kaede smacked a hand to her forehead while Roxas grinned and bit his lip. Cloud, on the other hand…

He glared. Hard. “Because that’s not dangerous at all, is it? You could have infested the town with Heartless again! Do you know how stupid that was?”

Cloud made to advance on the blanched Sora, but Kaede shoved him back.

“These bets are only to see if Yuki and Akako will live, not you two. Now, march, Sora!” She waved the slip of paper in his face and pointed to where Akako’s and Yuki’s voice were still heard. “You’re the one locking the door.”

Her grin grew as his jaw dropped.

“You’ve gotta be joking. There’s no way – I’m not – I can’t…”

Kaede walked up to him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and pivoted him around. Almost brutally shoving him towards the door, she hissed in his ear happily, “You can and you will, unless I have to make you. Now move!”

After Sora had ‘stealthily’ made his way over to the girls’ room (still in view of the other three anticipating when Sora would be caught), Roxas had started humming.

The Mission Impossible theme song.

Before Kaede died from laughter, a book flew from Sora’s direction, inches away from hitting Roxas in the nose. It would have whacked him, but now the book lay in pieces with a Keyblade gash right through it. Oathkeeper disappeared instantly from Roxas’ hand.

Again from the book’s general direction, Sora hissed, “Dude, I can hear you! Shut up!”

Kaede was about to explode from holding in her laughter. One hand was clasped over her mouth and another over her eyes. She took cover and buried her face in a pillow as they all heard the door swing and click shut and locked.

Kaede’s hysterics were drowned out by Yuki and Akako’s screams and pounds on the door, along with a heavy string of swearwords directed at Sora.

They had never seen him look so terrified in his life.

When Kaede pulled herself from the pillow, her face was a bright tomato red. “So… worth it…” she cackled, throwing her head back and still grinning like a maniac. “Now what do we do?”

Cloud arranged himself right next to Kaede, where he had started not twenty minutes ago. “We wait.”

Roxas looked at his friends, an all-knowing grimace on his face. “You do know we’re all dead when they get out, right?

“If they get out,” Kaede nodded seriously. Roxas chucked weakly and leaned back against the wall.

Oh, they were so screwed.

“If. If is always good,” Sora agreed anxiously.

Definitely screwed.

To put it lightly, Yuki and Akako were absolutely furious. At each other. At Sora. And at the locked door.

The day wasn’t going to get any worse. It couldn’t.

“This is totally all your fault, you know,” Yuki snapped, turning to Akako bitterly. She had long since given up on banging on the door, her fists red.

Akako’s head jerked to Yuki, dark red hair whipping at her face. Her blue eyes were livid.

“My fault? How is it my fault? You’re the one who started this whole argument!”

“I did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did—!” Yuki was cut off suddenly as something hit their door with startling force.

They heard Kaede screech, annoyed, from outside, “Shut up! Don’t make me come in there!”

“Like you can do anything about it!” Akako yelled back, earning a well-heard growl in response. They both slunk away from the door and flopped on the ground, each trying to ignore the other.

They heard the door shake again and heard Kaede giggle slightly.

“You had to use my sword, didn’t you, Ky?”

Akako’s and Yuki’s eyes widened at Cloud’s unmistakable monotone.

“I thought it would go through the door. It would have done us some good.” Kaede gave another little laugh.

Yuki and Akako scooted to the other side of the room as fast as possible, not wanting to get skewered by another thrown sword.

“You still started it. You know it,” Akako ridiculed quietly before Yuki could react before.

She easily dodged a swift kick to the shins. As always.

“I am going to kill Sora when we get out, I swear. That little…” Yuki snarled under her breath and mimed wringing the Keyblade Master’s neck. Akako gave a short breath of laughter.

“So that’s why I heard humming… I thought that song sounded familiar.”

Yuki leapt from the ground, and Akako again turned agilely out of the way of Yuki’s third expected kick.

“I hate you,” Yuki muttered angrily, walking towards the door. Akako grinned.

“Right back at you.”

Radiant Garden hadn’t been interesting in a long time, not since the boys had returned.

Sora had been first, to claim that Riku and Kairi “needed time away from him.” The three girls had immediately screeched immediately after and had pestered Sora with constant, endless questions like, “How long have they been going out?” and, “Aw, Sora, are you jealous?”

Cheery Sora was turned to the dark side for the rest of the week.

Roxas had returned next, almost immediately after Sora. After Kingdom Hearts had been released, his heart had been made complete and he was no longer a Nobody, much to Akako’s joy. The two of them had been red-faced when Akako had launched herself onto him when she had seen him walking up to Radiant Garden Restoration Headquarters.

But Cloud didn’t return for two more months. When he did, he had been unresponsive as ever and exhausted from his final battle with Sephiroth. That hadn’t stopped Kaede from giving him the longest (and loudest) lecture of his life. Everyone had been ducking for cover that day.

Since the return of the boys, peace had returned as well. And with peace comes…

“I’m so bored!” Kaede moaned, smacking the back of her head against the wall.

“We heard you the first twenty-seven times, Kaede. We get it,” Roxas replied, traces of annoyance terribly hidden in his voice. They both sat against the grey brick wall, watching Sora and Cloud spar. Sora never actually realized Cloud was barely trying… and also had three more swords strapped to the holder slung over his back.

The sky above was bright blue and clear and the voices of the townspeople wafted from the village below. Peaceful, plain, which all added up to nothing to do. Everything had been perfect that afternoon. Almost a little too perfect.

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Kaede pouted. She discreetly raised a hand to the now-bruised back of her head, mouthing, ‘Ow…’

“Uh… no.”

Roxas’ stupid grin and even stupider comment earned him a smack, courtesy of Kaede.

“Ugh…” Kaede pulled her legs to her chest and snapped her gaze away from Cloud practicing. “You know, I’d give anything even for a Heartless to show up… or maybe two… no, ten… no, actually…” Kaede broke off, looking eagerly back up at Cloud. “Cloud, is there any way we can get Sephiroth to come back?”

Cloud nearly dropped his sword. After had had stopped it from almost impaling himself, he glared with a sharp ferocity at Kaede.

“Shut up, Ky. You’re not that bored.”

Kaede huffed impatiently and crossed her arms. “Geez… fine. I was just wondering.”

Sora shrugged. “I dunno. I think you’re right, Kaede.”

The sword crashed to the ground with a startling, metallic clang. Cloud didn’t even pay attention to it, all focus directed towards Sora.

“You want Sephiroth to come back?” His voice was set at a low, dangerous growl, a tone of voice only Kaede was unafraid of.

“No, no, no!” Sora defended quickly, his hands raised in apology. The poor guy looked terrified. “That’s not what I meant! I just think… I mean, haven’t you realized it’s been really quiet this afternoon? Almost too quiet?”

The four of them fell silent, processing this information.

“Kind of…” Roxas said quietly. “Is there something we’re missing?”

“Huh. Maybe Cid didn’t start swearing today,” Kaede suggested, but Sora shook his head.

“Nope. Roxas almost broke the computer this morning.”

Kaede and Cloud held in their laughter as Roxas turned red. “So I was having a little trouble balancing this morning when I woke up.”

Kaede was shaking with laughter, but continued to name off options with a slight smile.

“Leon—”

“Off angsting.”

“Yuffie—”

“Sugar dose is already on three times the overload.”

“Merlin—”

“Uh… burnt down one of the buildings… don’t remember which one…”

“Oh, the weapons shop? I thought Axel had come through,” Kaede smirked in Roxas’ direction, causing him to jump and shudder.

“Don’t even make me think about that.”

“Stalker,” Kaede coughed, and Roxas snorted.

“You’re telling me? He seriously just needs to go tell Larxene that he loves her.”

Kaede continued to name names, if not looking a bit more disgusted. “The King—”

“Off doing something heroic, no doubt.”

“Goofy—”

“Already fell off three buildings, and still not one scratch on him. Didn’t you hear the yell?”

“Donald—”

“Already gone into a rage with Daisy. Still can’t understand him.”

Kaede groaned, smacking her fist into her forehead. Getting desperate, she muttered, “I don’t get it. Everything’s normal!”

“But too quiet. I don’t get it either, but…” Sora trailed off.

“Wait.” Cloud’s voice rang out gruffly. “I think I know… listen.”

As they waited for something to happen, a soft thunk, thunk was heard repetitively. Again. And again. And again.

“Why do I get the feeling that we’re forgetting something?” Roxas asked quietly, looking at the other three each in turn. And as the last, loudest THUNK sounded, Cloud’s expression went from serious to absolutely horrified.

“Oh, God, no,” Kaede whimpered weakly, raising a hand to her forehead, cupping her eyes. “Have they been in there since yesterday?”

Her voice had gone nearly silent and Cloud nodded slowly, afraid the frantic girl was going to have a mental breakdown. “Somebody give me a pencil and paper. Quick.”

From his bottomless pockets, Sora dug out a pad of paper. “No pen, sorry.”

“No problem,” her voice shook and she twisted her wrist. In a flash of light, a black pen appeared in her trembling hands. Sora rolled his eyes.

“You know, you could have done that with the paper, too.” Kaede paid him no attention.

“What are you writing?” Roxas asked, trying to see. She jerked the pad away from his prying eyes.

“My will.”

“Ky, are you sure that’s really…?” Cloud thought for a moment. “No, never mind. It’s definitely needed. Gimme a piece of paper.”

“What do you mean? What are you two so afraid of?”

Kaede swallowed, begging Cloud with her eyes to tell them why they were petrified of the loud noises coming from the headquarters. He bluntly shook his head no, but muttered, “You can use one of my swords to protect yourself, though.”

Kaede sighed and looked at both of the confused faces of Sora and Roxas. “It’s… it’s Yuki and Akako. The door hasn’t been unlocked yet.”

The boys’ jaws hit the ground and expressions of pure terror crossed their faces. Before Kaede or Cloud could even blink, the two Keyblade Masters ran off in the other direction, screaming about needing the next Gummi ship to The World That Never Was.

“Oh, no way!” Kaede screamed, leaping up. “Get your cowardly asses back here!” The pen and paper disappeared in a flash and she ran after the boys.

Within two minutes, she had caught both of them by their collars and dragged them forcefully back to the square, no matter how many threats they gave her.

“For the King’s sake, Kaede,” Roxas groaned, tugging his shirt away from his neck so he could finally breathe again. “Were you even planning on letting us live?”

Kaede coughed. “Maybe,” was her muttered response. Somehow, that didn’t surprise the two boys.

Placing her hands jauntily on her hips, Kaede announced, “Okay, Sora. Since you were the one who locked the door, you’re gonna go open it. And then we’re all gonna run. Fast.” Sora slowly made his way up the first door, pushing it open ever so slightly.

The banging noises became louder and Sora made his move to turn around. He came face to face with Kaede, glaring him down. He sighed self-pityingly and he trudged back towards the open entryway. This was definitely going to get interesting.

Those noises made them all jump each time the sound hit their ears. Kaede had already stolen one of Cloud’s swords and was hiding behind it in an attempt of pathetic protection.

Voices were added to the loud noises against the very door that was currently vibrating. Earsplitting, furious, voices, both yelling obscenities they all thought that Yuki never knew existed.

“Damn it, go, Sora! Just get it over with!” Cloud growled, shoving him farther towards the door. Sora gave a strangled whimper and moved his hand to the handle.

In the next instant, the door swung backwards… off its hinges.

Repeating Roxas’ exact thoughts from the day before… they were totally screwed.

“Sweet!”

Kaede looked at Roxas like he was insane and she hissed at him, “Sweet? How the hell is a quadruple homicide committed by two teenage Keybearers sweet?!”

Roxas merely grinned back. “We won the bet!”

Kaede’s eyes flickered to life as the grin crossed her paled face. “Wicked! Split it fifty-fifty, yeah?”

They joy was short lived, however, as Yuki and Akako turned on them first. Kaede’s jaw dropped as shock flitted across her features, knowing that had been the worst thing to say. Roxas swore under his breath, completely forgetting about the money they had just won. They all knew what was coming next…

“You bet on us!?” they shrieked together, the black and gold Keyblades appearing in their designated bearer’s hands.

“Nice going, Kaede, Roxas,” Sora scoffed at them irritably, shooting glances between the two of them and the two bloodthirsty manic girls ready to take revenge.

“On three, run for your lives,” Roxas growled back.

“Three!” Kaede screamed almost immediately and they all shoved their way outside and at their heels were Yuki and Akako.

The four of them scattered in the courtyard, each taking up a corner of their own while Yuki and Akako blasted spell after spell at them, all learned from Donald. His fits of rage merely seemed like minor complaints compared to this.

Kaede desperately tried to reason with them, blocking the spells with one Cloud’s many swords that came her way, and came faster as she tried to talk. “Now calm down –ah!– for the King’s sake! We –damn it, Sora, duck!– didn’t mean any harm! We just wanted to see if –don’t you dare use the Ultima weapon– you guys would survive being locked up in a room together!”

“You didn’t realize you’d be the ones dying, did you?!” Akako raged, sending a flurry of Blizzaga at Roxas, sending him sprawling for cover. “I cannot believe you bet on us—”

“—and then forgot about us!” Yuki finished for her.

“It was Cloud’s idea!” Sora yelped, trying to put out the flame that had caught the top spike of his hair on fire.

“Oh yeah, blame the guy all of us are afraid to fight!”

Kaede quickly took cover behind Cloud. Akako rolled her eyes, sending Kaede a glare. Kaede smirked and held out a peace sign – but shrieked when a fire spell was shot her way. She and Cloud both ducked as the spell whizzed over their heads, trailing smoke. And they all knew something was going to go very, very wrong then.

Because Kaede looked scared. Really and truly scared.

“We went way too far.”

“Okay.” Kaede poked the top of her head over the edge of the brick wall, bright purple eyes wide. “How about… um… we forgive and forget?”

“Don’t play innocent again, Ky,” Yuki said mockingly, furiously, not buying her act. “This has you written all over it.”

“Well, isn’t that obvious?” she snorted, rolling her eyes, and dropped below the wall again before the Strike Raid slit her neck.

“Tell you what?” Roxas pleaded desperately, pinned up against the wall by Akako. She had somehow managed her get both Oblivion and Oathkeeper from him and he had no hope of getting out alive. “In return for our lives, we’ll give you the munny we bet. It’s all on the table. Now, please, let me go, I can’t breathe!”

“That’s the point,” Akako growled at him, but dropped the Keyblades. Roxas dropped to his knees, massaging his stomach. “Fine, we’ll let you have a day start for all that munny.”

“Deal!” the four cried out, ready to take any mercy.

And as if nothing had happened, Yuki and Akako dropped their offense and went inside.

After a long silence, a small snort followed.

“How much do you wanna bet that this same thing is gonna happen tomorrow?”

The other three sent him glares accompanied with thrown weapons.

All together, they snapped, “Shut up, Sora.”

A/N: Randomness, I know. But the plot bunnies attacked...

Seriously, I don't expect any reviews.