of rabbit flowers and angry moons: chapter seven
the chapter in which nothing of importance happens

“Palutena,” Pit breathed, “that smells heavenly.”

Sheik, who came back completely healed shortly after Zelda’s little magic display, “Cow manure?”

“Yes.”

Snake rolled his eyes and cupped a hand over his nose; White copied.

Romani Ranch was indeed permeated by the scent of cow manure alongside fresh milk. That meant…

His stomach growling, Pit smiled and rubbed it. “I’m so hungry that I’m not even hungry anymore. But I’ll be glad to finally eat!”

“I’ll be glad when you eat, too, because you’re starting to not make sense,” Snake stated under his breath as the welcoming ranch buildings came into view: silo, barn, and main house with smaller buildings speckling the landscape in the distance.

But no one except White heard his words, too busy running off to the buildings like a bunch of land runners staking their claim (of food, which they weren’t exactly positive was available; Sheik speculated that if not then they’d have to eat White. White gave his protests in angry hand motions).

Way back when he was a tiny plant who actually believed his mother (the earth) when she told him he could do and be anything he wanted, White dreamed of being an interpretive dancer. When his mother said “don’t eat this, I mean it, don’t, don’t, do it and you’re grounded”, he’d do a little dance to convey this message to his siblings; they never got it. This whole phase of his life lasted about a day, and then the community forced him into labor for the greater good, which exhausted and killed his dreams of individuality. It was probably for the best because White also wanted to be a polka dotted, flaming belly dancer, but even absurdity, bless its soul, has its limits.

“Grr, whatever,” Snake murmured, actually saying ‘grr’, which kind of came out like: ‘geerrr’. He was actually kind of glad he was relatively alone then (pikmin don’t count).

Meanwhile, a little girl aiming at them with a bow aborted any plans Sheik and Pit had about raiding the ranch for sustenance (which isn’t something they could find anywhere here, ever).

“Don’t move, bandits! Romani means it! Romani will fill you with holes!”

The little dog at her feet barked incessantly.

Sheik groaned because he had met Richard, the annoying little shit of a mutt who thought he had the run of the Market and later Kakariko Village until a ReDead finally got him one night (Sheik will deny until he dies that he had anything to do with throwing Richard down the mysteriously kind-of-there-but-not-really hole in front of the carpenters’ house). He went to look for holes, ignoring the threat that he would become the hole to throw this dog into (which he never did, that is).

“Romani,” Pit pleaded rather diplomatically as always, “please put down the bow! You could really hurt someone with that. We’re not bandits or whatever – we’re just starving travelers in search of food. Are your parents home? If you get them and sa—”

Fwish!

Pit blinked and strained his eyes up to look at the…arrow on his forehead. A suction cup. Oh thank Palutena, she was really looking out for him.

“Pit! Pit!” Sheik whispered rather loudly as he kept a rigid pose so as not to incur this little girl’s wrath. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but you have an arrow stuck in the middle of your forehead! Are you dead yet?”

The angel plucked the arrow off and threw it at him. “Roman—”

“You must be aliens!” she accused with another arrow ready in the bow for exciting suction cup action. “How else would you know Romani’s name?”

Pit was about to reply with a smartass comment that would no doubt get that stupid ninja-guy to fawn over him some more when Snake suddenly appeared behind the girl (stealth skills finally put to some use), lifting her into the air by the back of her dress.

“A name means nothing on the battlefield,” he uttered just before another redhead came barreling from the back into their little fray.

“This isn’t a battlefield, though!” Pit protested.

But with the newcomer brandishing…damp towels, it was now.

“What are you doing to my sister, you creep! Let her go!” the angry towel-hitting redhead yelled as she tried to beat up Snake with the fabric.

He rolled his eyes. “Is this supposed to hu—” Fwip! “Ow!” Snake let Romani go as his body went rigid in the spine. Oh this redhead had aim alright. He rubbed his (chiseled and detailed and so nicely shaded but no one’s calling attention to it at all, no) ass.

Romani struck it with a suction arrow.

“Cut it out!”

“Listen everyone,” Pit tried to say. “Just calm down! We mean no harm!”

However, the other redhead was much louder. “Who are you and what are you doing here?! Answer me, bandits!”

Not-Richard barked, and White growled in return.

Groaning, Pit tried again, “We’re not bandits!”

“Liar, liar,” Romani sang, but her sister seemed more reasonable.

“You’re not…?”

“No,” Pit answered.

The older redhead blanched. “…Oh no. You aren’t…customers are you?!”

“Yes!” This time it was Sheik, looking forward to making this woman feel terrible.

“I am so sorry! We’ve been having bandit problems, and I am so, so very sorry!” She angrily turned to her sister. “Romani! Why did you attack them?”

Romani crossed her arms as the dog ran circles around her. “They look weird!”

They did, but that wasn’t the point.

And her sister didn’t seem to consider that a valid reason. “Please forgive my sister! She’s young and rambunctious and sweet moon Romani I can’t believe you shot them! But please, please, if there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to let me know! I’m Cremia, the owner of Romani Ranch, and I am so, so honestly sorry for my sister’s actions!”

Objecting to the blame being placed solely on her, Romani crossed her arms. “But sister came out with the towel, too, and-”

“Quiet!”

Snake spoke up before Sheik could ruin the opportunity (despite granting it to them). “Feed us, and we’ll call everything even.”

Pit’s wings fluttered excitedly. “Oh please, please, we are starving!”

Cremia took them in, and they didn’t have to eat White after all – though said pikmin in question stayed outside to munch on some grass and chill with a strange horse.

White waved its arms and chirped at it in its alien tongue.

The horse responded by not eating him.

Life was pretty good.