Reason Five: Yamis have no qualms with destroying things in their path to get what they want. This includes people, animals, and any other kind of object.

Naturally, the school knew nothing of the temporary truce between the yamis and Yuugi’s group. In fact, they were still flipping shit towards Yuugi and Ryou. At one point Bakura and Yami had to step in when a bisexual jock thought that it would be amusing to have a threesome with the smaller males. It had been the day after the truce was made and Bakura was walking with Ryou for once, rather than Marik. Malik had cheerfully said that his yami was occupied that morning, which could only mean that Marik had been unable to avoid one of Malik’s torture methods and he was tied up with it. In any case, Yami had returned to hanging around his abiou and so the four of them were walking down the hall when the jock accosted Yuugi and Ryou.

“Hey, there bay-beeee.” Ryou blinked as a hand held his locker door open and he turned to see the jock hovering over him. Yuugi, beside him, gave a nervous look to the yamis that were bickering a few feet away, totally oblivious. Somehow he had a feeling this was going to end up putting Ryou in a very uncomfortable situation. “I’ve had my eye on you for some time now...”

“Um, have you?” Ryou politely questioned, thinking to himself, That’s the most used cliché I will ever hear... “That’s nice.”

“Yeah, it is,” the jock agreed, running his eyes down Ryou’s body. Ryou’s smile turned stiff and he tensed, sweat breaking out on his forehead. “Some days I have to skip a period to get rid of some problems happening in my pants.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Ryou suggestively. “I bet you would like to fix those problems.” Ryou stared at him, horrified at the implications. In fact, his already pale skin had turned even paler and he looked sick. He slumped back against the locker and Yuugi hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. “Oh, hey, there, little Yuugi.” He winked at him. “I been wanting your sweet little bootie, too.”

“Oh, my...” Ryou muttered faintly. Yuugi was trying hard not to blush and failing miserably.

This has got to be sexual harassment, Yuugi thought and sent a desperate look to Bakura and Yami. Perhaps they felt his gaze or were simply finished fighting with each other, but Bakura casually glanced over at them and his brow furrowed in confusion at seeing a guy closing in on his abiou. He nudged Yami and gestured over there. Yami shrugged and the two of them approached. Thank God!

“What the hell are you doing?” Bakura asked the jock, taking a hold on his shoulder and pulling him back. Ryou looked...well, not right in the head at that moment. “Don’t you know you’re not my abiou’s type?”

“How would you know?” The jock retorted, straightening indignantly. “I’ll have you know that I’m longer than six inches in the pants!”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You might somehow manage to be six inches erected, but thank you, you don’t have any of the characteristics of a guy with a good set of cock and balls.” Bakura sighed, crossing his arms and nodding to Yami. “You see that guy right there? You have all the same proportions as him and from what the rumor mill says, he’s not even two inches long. So...” The jock was staring at Yami, shocked, and Yami looked like he was ready to attack Bakura and eat his innards for supper.

“I’m not that small!”

“Ah, but you admit that you’re not big. My abiou runs around with a ruler in his hand when he goes for his guys.” The jock cast a nervous look to Ryou. Coincidentally, there was a ruler in Ryou’s open locker that the jock could see. Flushing, the man mumbled something under his breath and hurried away.

“Thanks for nothing!” Ryou howled. “Now I don’t only look more gay, but whenever I use a ruler, people are going to think I just got back from measuring s-s-some...guy.” He blushed and ducked his head, embarrassed. Bakura gave him a blank look.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?” Yami snarled, shoving Ryou away and glaring in Bakura’s face. “You have no right going around talking about my personal business! If my manly parts were that small, I think I would have committed suicide long ago! I’ll have you know that the women in my harem absolutely vied for my attention and wanted me to use them for services! How dare you make up lies about me! Now Anzu will never want to have my child.”

“Would you like a breath mint?” Bakura mildly asked, offering him a Cert mint. Yami frowned and looked down at it and then took it, popping it in his mouth. “Thank you. Now I won’t have to smell that awful garlic coming from your breath. What the hell did you eat, pharaoh?”

“Garlic curry,” Yami replied, “and it was worth it!”

“I’m amazed I never smelled it until now with how you’ve been breathing down my neck.”

In any case, the issue was resolved, yet the males of the school did not look at Ryou the same ever again. What’s more, since Yuugi hung around Ryou so much, it was assumed that they were boyfriends and people had taken to making kissing noises at them. Indeed, rumors of their sexuality would be hard to dissuade unless they actually became gay. That, however, was not probable since Ryou had liked kissing Anzu and Yuugi had a taste for beautiful women. This, of course, was thanks to Jounouchi, who was constantly shoving pornography videos on him. Yuugi knew no better than to watch them for entertainment, personal or otherwise.

“I have a serious dilemma,” Bakura announced a few days later after the incident with Ryou’s homosexual admirer. Marik stared at him, looking skeptical and a bit pissed off. The first was because, well, when Bakura usually said he had a serious dilemma, it came to be anything but that. The second was that he had only recently managed to escape from Ishtar House of Horrors as he was now calling his home, no thanks to Malik. In fact, there were still bruises around his neck from a particular torture device that he had been unable to avoid. The only thing he said to that was that it was very uncomfortable.

“And that is?” Marik drawled, idly snapping his pencil into separate pieces.

Bakura crossed his arms over his chest, frowning solemnly at his companion. “Mazaki has been avoiding me ever since we set up this so-called truce. You know, I think she might actually have the hots for me. I was just teasing her, but anytime that I see her, she runs away and gives me this nervous look.” He looked at Marik curiously. “What do you think?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“I think you’re a complete and utter idiot,” Marik cheerfully said.

“I AM NOT!” Both jumped out of their seats as a certain Pharaoh lunged in between them, his fists clenched indignantly. “HAVEN’T YOU GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN GOSSIP ABOUT ME?” He sighed, closing his eyes and flipping some hair from his face. “I mean, I know I’m wonderful, but to talk about me every day? Tsk, tsk, gentlemen – tsk, tsk!”

Frankly, Bakura and Marik looked disgusted at the utter arrogance that Yami seemed to have. “Stupid Pharaoh!” Marik snarled. “Why would we talk about your worthless ass?” He eyed Yami. “I wouldn’t say wonderful, more like Wonder Bread with as spineless as you are. Sucked on any guy’s – ”

“I have a dilemma, Pharaoh!” Bakura interrupted angrily, getting in Yami’s face – or rather, towering over him as he stood up. It was lucky they were in homeroom where everyone slacked off and the room was noisy or else a lot of heads would be turning towards them. “I don’t need to hear about your sudden egotism! Go hang with Kaiba or something. I’m not interested in dealing with your shit today.” He turned away, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “If only I knew how to find out...Some...test maybe. But how to get near her?”

“Are you mumbling about Anzu?” Yami demanded, his arrogance briefly forgotten as he ducked underneath Bakura’s face and glared up at him. “I told you to stay away from her, demon! Ra only knows what hideous things you have in mind for her!” He took a step away as Bakura scowled at him. “Anzu deserves better than a degenerate as a boyfriend! I know what you’ll turn into as soon as we graduate. Not only will you not graduate, but you’re going to be one of those people that hang around the bus plaza, dealing drugs and wearing baggy clothing and bandanas.”

“Pharaoh, only Mexicans do that,” Marik sighed, rolling his eyes as if everyone knew that.

“And I’m not Mexican!” Bakura growled. “I’m mother fuckin’ EGYPTIAN!”

“The first step to that path,” Yami wisely stated, “is that kind of attitude and language.” He nodded, attempting to look as though this was a subject he had studied for all his life. Which, although Yami had a good deal of experience with trouble making, was not at all true. “And stop sidetracking me. What are you planning with my Anzu?”

“You sidetracked yourself, Pharaoh. Why am I even talking to you?” Marik glowered at Yami. “Did you lose your dildo or something so you can’t be entertained? Don’t think I haven’t seen you. Don’t think I know what you got when you were a kid. Instead of a binky, you got one of those. Explains why you’re such a gay ass.”

“I’M NOT – ”

“Can we PLEASE stick to my problems?” Bakura snarled. “I am so SICK of that good-for-nothing – ” Here he thrust a finger towards Yami, who blinked. “ – getting all the attention. He’s like Harry fucking Potter! ‘Ooh, my parent’s died, so I’m entitled to this, this, this, and this. Everyone pay attention to me because I have a tragic past and magnificent power from the Dark Lord! Blah, blah, blah! Yadda yadda yadda! Boo hoo hoo!’ Dear Ra does he never shut up?!” Bakura clutched his hair wildly, looking quite deranged. Yami had taken a few steps back during his rant, looking a bit disturbed. Even Marik seemed to be freaked out. Bakura suddenly realized the entire classroom had gone silent and he whipped around, saying, “WELL? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME?” Instantly the students turned away and the noise level rose again. Bakura sighed, calmed himself, and turned back to the two, adding, “Not that I’ve ever read those Harry Potter books, of course.”

“You don’t know who dies in the sixth book, then?” Yami asked curiously.

“Dumbledore should have died anyway,” Bakura dismissively said. “The seventh book reveals him to the power-obsessed freak he is.” He paused, blinking, and then glared at Yami. “I hate you...” Yami smirked in return.

“You have our attention, Bakura,” Marik said, “so use it wisely rather than bitching about fictional characters.”

“Right. Well.” He returned to rubbing his chin again in the manner that most cliché evil geniuses do. “I was thinking of a test, to figure out if Anzu has the hots for me or not.”

Yami snorted. “Like that’ll ever happen.”

“Shut up, Pharaoh,” Marik said serenely, not even bothering to look his way.

Ignoring them both, Bakura continued, “I was thinking I would steal something and see how she reacts. Maybe get myself put in prison for awhile, have some fun, and then if she doesn’t visit me, obviously she doesn’t give a damn, so then I’ll break out and everything will be all good. Oh, and I’ll erase their minds.”

Pause.

“There’s only, uh, one flaw with that plan, Bakura,” Marik pointed out hesitantly. “We don’t have our Sennen Items anymore.”

“Idiot,” Yami muttered.

“Oh...” A blank, surprised expression crossed the thief lord’s face. “You’re right. That could be a bit...problematic.” He scowled. “And nobody asked for your opinion, Pharaoh. I might have forgotten something, but you went up to Kaiba and practically confessed your undying love for him. I heard him muttering about it into his phone, so don’t think I don’t know the truth of your intentions, freak boy.”

“FREAK?”

“Oh, Ra, please don’t tell me I have to listen to this again...,” Marik groaned, covering his face as an outraged expression flashed over the little Pharaoh’s face. He had called Yami a freak once before and all hell had broken loose as what Marik considered a very boring speech exploded from Yami. Or more like, a very boring tangent. At least when I get pissed and start ranting, what I say is interesting, he thought petulantly, listening as Yami started screaming about this and that while Bakura just stared at him with a mildly amused expression on his face. He laughs now...But he’ll be crying later.

X

Malik knew that his yami was involved in some hare-brained plan of Bakura’s again. Generally, Bakura’s plans worked out pretty well. In fact, up until recently, they had been brilliant. Unfortunately, it was obvious to this abiou that Bakura had been letting what was in his pants rule over logic. That, for such a stubborn, genius thief as Bakura, was never a good idea. No matter whether he felt that the idea was stupid or not – or if someone else did – he would be convinced everything would go as planned. How was he to see the difference between a brilliant and stupid plan of his? Aside from his obstinacy, there was Bakura’s cocky nature. Never a good combination.

“What are you three up to now?” Malik asked, striding up to the table that the three yamis were at. He had not expected Yami to be involved again after the last utter fiasco.

“Oh, something fantastic,” said Pharaoh gleefully reported. “I simply cannot wait to – ”

“Shut the hell up, Yami!” Bakura barked. “I don’t want Mazaki’s plaything getting in my business, so go hump a dog somewhere, Malik. That’s your thing these days, right?” He eyed Malik. “Or was it inanimate objects? Your interests change too fast for me to keep track.”

“Stop being a jealous prick, Bakura,” Malik chided with a grin. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“Fuck off,” Marik commanded, waving a hand agitatedly. “Nobody wants you around here, let alone alive.”

“Someone doesn’t want you alive, either,” he lightly remarked in return. He narrowed his eyes as his grin grew into a look of utter insanity. “Soon...” He smiled normally again with all three yamis staring at him, their eyes bugged out and their lips clamped together. “Well, good luck I suppose. Hope you don’t get molested again. Hope nothing bad happens to me because of your stupidity.” At that, he turned and left them gaping.

Shuddering, Bakura muttered, “You really need to do something about him, Marik.”

“He isn’t like other abious,” Yami whimpered, sinking in his seat. “Why can’t you have an abiou like ours? That would make things so much easier.”

Later that day, when Yami arrived home with Yuugi, he decided that it was time to check on the status of him and Anzu. Naturally he was not involved in this new plan of Bakura’s to help the Tomb Robber, but more of to entertain himself. He did, after all, enjoy a good laugh, especially when his nemesis was going to make himself look like an utter fool. In any case, after leaving Yuugi downstairs, he went upstairs to the computer and turned the monitor on and clicked on Sims.

“Hmm, looks like everyone’s healthy,” he remarked as the game loaded and he entered the world. However, trouble was brewing in Sims. Yami was a bit of a strange person and had made Sims of all of those in his life, including (but not limited to) Honda, Jounouchi, Anzu, Yuugi, Bakura, and Marik. And there was him, of course. Currently he was standing next to Sims Anzu and she walked over to Sims Bakura. Yami frowned and leaned towards the screen, his mouth turning down in puzzlement.

Bubbles appeared above Sims Anzu and Sims Bakura. Two plus signs.

“Oh no!” Yami gasped, his eyes widening in shock.

And then, hearts.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” He shrieked, jumping up from the chair and clutching his hair. “NOT IN SIMS WORLD, TOO!!!!”

“Yami!” Yuugi burst into the room. “What’s wrong? YAMI, DON’T! PUT DOWN THE COMPUTER!” Yami had literally ripped the flat screen monitor out of the wall and before he could obey Yuugi, he violently hurled it through the window. There was a shatter of glass that flew out with the monitor and then the sound of two people screaming. There was the sickening crunch of plastic hitting the concrete and a dog barking nearby. Everything was silent after the abrupt explosion of noise, with the exclusion the dog that was barking wildly. Yuugi and Yami hesitantly approached the window and peered down. The monitor was a mess. “Look at what you’ve done!” Yuugi exclaimed, jabbing a finger down to the plastic pieces below them. “That was an expensive monitor and not only that, you’ve broken the window! I won’t be able to check my e-mail for days because of this, Yami!”

“You don’t understand, Yuugi!” Yami protested, clenching his fists passionately. “Sims Anzu and Sims Bakura were in love! I had to stop them some way!”

Yuugi frowned. It seemed that his yami had not learned about cheats. With certain cheats, the characters would fall in love and that would be that. If it had been such a big deal, Yami could have made the Sims one of him and Sims Anzu be together. But, Yuugi admitted that it was weird that the Sims Anzu and Bakura got together. He concluded this was something that Yami did not need to know.

“Yami, it’s just a game,” he told him soothingly. “You need to calm down!”

“I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THAT THIEVING DEMON IS GOING TO STEAL MY WOMAN AND I WON’T HAVE IT!” Yami dashed past Yuugi, knocking the smaller of them down. Yuugi stared after him, bemused and a bit irritated. He rose to his feet and pushed his head out the window, hearing the door slam closed downstairs. Yami went running down the sidewalk. Sighing, Yuugi looked down at the broken monitor and glass underneath him. His life really just wasn’t fair.

Bakura, calmly settled in his home, had no idea of what was coming his way. He was sitting in the kitchen, laboring over his plan. He had papers all over the table with rulers and crayons, color coding everything and making sure everything was precise. His plan was, in fact, very simple. So simple that it did not need such careful blueprints. He still hadn’t figured out how he was going to get out of jail if Anzu didn’t bail him out. That was for another time, though.

I wonder why he keeps watching me like that, Bakura thought mildly to himself, glancing over his shoulder at Ryou. His abiou had been making dinner and was waiting for his casserole to finish, watching Bakura with pursed lips. Humph. He just can’t handle my genius. He smirked and set down his pen, crossing his arms over his chest. His plans were finished. Now there was no way anything could go wrong.

Suddenly, there was the sound of the door being thrown open. Ryou jumped and then ducked behind the counter, squealing, “It’s a burglar!”

“Ugh, no wonder guys hit on your pansy ass!” Bakura grumbled disgustedly. His arch nemesis, the Pharaoh, came rushing into the kitchen and just as Bakura realized what his intent was, Yami ripped the papers off the table and threw it upside down.

“You snake in the grass!” Yami howled. “You’ve ruined me for the last time, Tomb Robber! Get up and fight me like a man!”

Bakura really was not paying attention to what he said, staring at the papers on the floor that were crumpled, some of them even ripped. He was seeing all his hard work on the floor, completely and utterly destroyed. At first, he was too numb to respond to the Pharaoh, but then the anger surfaced and he rose to his feet, his face blackening. “You. Ra. Damned. PHARAOH!” Yami blinked and his own anger seemed to wane into uncertainty. “I’ve been working on those for hours!” Bakura turned and snatched a steak knife from the knife block, turning to Yami with it clutched in his hand.

“Uh...Bakura, what are you doing with that?” Ryou questioned nervously as he rose from behind the counter.

“Yes, put that down!” Yami said, his voice unnaturally high.

“NEVER!” Bakura released insane laughter and charged after the Pharaoh, crashing through the living room and tearing things to shreds with his knife. Yami threw lamps and other things at him and Ryou listened to it from the kitchen, wincing.

It was going to be a long night.

X

Marik limped into homeroom with a sulky stare on his face. His abiou was starting to really piss him off. He was beyond fear anymore. He just wanted to kill the blonde dip shit. Unfortunately, Malik had become rather good at hiding not only himself, but items that really ought not to be hidden. As he paused in front of his desk, he stared in some surprise at Bakura and Yami. Yami had band aids on his face and a thick bandage on his arm. Bakura had a similar bandage on his temple. Both were sulking as much as Marik. “Your abious couldn’t have done that to you,” Marik flatly said.

“No, this moron threw a ten-inch vase at my head,” Bakura growled menacingly.

“He was chasing me with a knife!” Yami added. “He was trying to kill me!”

“Who doesn’t want to kill you, Pharaoh?” Marik queried. “You are, after all, a bit too much of flaming homo for me.” He sat down and rubbed his thigh where he had recently been shot at with a blunt-tipped arrow in the bathroom. Malik seemed not to want to kill him yet. “I saw you the other day in you roller blades.”

“Roller blades? What are – ”

“Wiggling your butt like a girl with a bright pink tank top and yellow short-shorts.” Marik grinned at Yami’s fuming expression. “You really shouldn’t go out in public like that if you want to keep your being gay a secret.”

“You fucking – ” Yami began, but Bakura interrupted him, slapping a fist into the palm of his hand.

“That’s right! Today is the day that I get arrested!” He turned to look at his glaring companions. They did not appear to hear him. Scowling, he snapped, “Hey! Are you listening to me at all? Today after school we have to go downtown so that – ”

“Hey, Bakura.” All three males turned to see a jock standing awkwardly at the side of Bakura’s desk. Bakura frowned and then realized with a jolt of horror that this was the jock that he had pretended to hit on. This definitely could not be a good thing. Especially since said jock was blushing and shifting from foot to foot. Bakura hastily cast a look around the room. Thankfully no one else that he knew was here. That did not mean, however, that Yami wouldn’t go around blowing his mouth off like some kind of bike horn. “I...I’m ready to take your request!” In a louder voice, he ducked his head and closed his eyes, announcing, “I want to be in an empty classroom with you!!”

Yami’s jaw dropped while Bakura just stared at him, trying hard not to get sick on the floor. Marik had turned away, covering his mouth, and his shoulders were shaking suspiciously. Somehow Bakura did not think his friend was crying. He quickly ran through his options and seeing as how if he announced his heterosexuality to the classroom he would be seen as a liar, he decided the only thing to do was go in a different classroom with the guy. Things might not go as the jock planned, but that was not Bakura’s concern.

Calming himself, Bakura rose to his feet and said, “Alright, let’s go.” The class made an ‘OOOOH’ sound that halted immediately when Bakura shot them warning looks.

Bakura led the jock to an abandoned classroom and shut the door after ushering the guy in. The jock shifted nervously, his eyes flickering from one thing to another. Bakura gave a suave smile and then cracked his knuckles. The jock froze as Bakura spoke.

“So...You took my joke seriously, did you?”

When Bakura returned to the classroom, Marik’s bored expression twisted slightly and he coughed loudly, hastily recomposing himself. Yami was staring at the wall, appearing bemused. The ex-thief lord sat down with a glare to both of them. Marik gave a lazy smile and remarked, “That was a quick butt fuck.” Yami’s head jerked to the side, his eyes bugging out in terror.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!!!” Bakura roared.

X

Anzu, meanwhile, was skipping class. Now, this was not a daily occurrence. She was a good, Christian school girl who went to all her classes, with the exception of skipping a couple quarters to sneak onto a yacht and hanging around a duelist island. Oh, and there were those other times where she went on a luxury blimp and one of Kaiba’s jets, but other than that, she generally did not skip school. In any case, she was grimacing by the fire exit, clenching and unclenching her fists in her skirt. She just knew that Bakura was up to something. It was obvious by the way he had looked at her the other day. His smile had been far too sly for her liking. How did he find out? She wondered sullenly.

With a sigh, she stumbled out the fire escape door and jumped at seeing Kaiba leaning against the railing smoking a cigarette. He scowled at her irritably as her jaw dropped in shock. “What are you doing with that?!” She demanded, pointing at the cigarette. “You’re not eighteen yet!”

“You’d be surprised with that I can get away with, Mazaki,” was all he said to that. Her face fell and she blinked before shaking her head and glaring. “Oh, don’t even try and preach to me,” he continued, turning away from her in utter boredom as he took a drag of his cigarette. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed those flirty stares you and Bakura have been exchanging. What, just lose your virginity or something?” Kaiba sent her a look that reminded her of her father’s famous disapproving glances.

“NO!” Anzu fairly screamed. “Are you kidding me? I’m proud to be a virgin, thank you very much!” He shifted, clearly uncomfortable with her declaring that to him. “And put out that cigarette! The smell is horrible!”

“Now which one of us donates money to this stupid school?” Kaiba asked mildly. He smirked as he said, “Oh, that’s right – me.” Anzu decided as he inhaled from the cancer stick that he definitely would be awarded Jackass of the Century if they had such an award. She made a mental note to make one just for him.

On second thought, she corrected herself, that would just make him cockier, so forget it. “When did you start smoking anyway, Kaiba?” She asked at last, simply to make conversation. She just wanted to avoid thinking about her embarrassing position with Bakura. She briefly thought about using Kaiba to get Bakura off her case, but really was sick of acting like a slut to get her ways and really doubted that Kaiba would go through with such a plan. If she knew him – and seeing as how she was his favorite candidate for intelligent arguments, she did – he would somehow blackmail her and being blackmailed by Seto Kaiba was worse than getting odd looks from Bakura.

“I started during Duelist Kingdom after I got tortured by that Heart of the Cards bullshit,” he answered, “and then I stopped after Battle City was over.” Kaiba’s face darkened significantly, causing Anzu to step closer to the door just in case. “And then Yami starting hitting on me, so now I’m smoking again.” He took a last drag of his cigarette and then put it out. “It’s an expensive addiction.”

“Um...And potentially life threatening,” she added, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Like I said, Mazaki, don’t preach to me when you’re trying to get into that ex-tomb robber’s pants.” She flushed embarrassedly and once again avoided the topic. Kaiba, she noted, knew exactly what she was doing and gave a slow, malicious smirk. Of all the people she had to run into, it had to be Kaiba. Why couldn’t it have been Jounouchi or Honda? It would even work in this situation! Honda smoked, so she could have come out here and ragged on him about him smoking and then she wouldn’t have to deal with the addition of him noticing her attraction to Bakura. The only person – other than Malik, Marik, maybe Yami, and Bakura himself – who would notice this would be the all-observant Seto Kaiba.

Sometimes she really hated him.

“Mind telling me what you two are doing?”

“Why don’t you tell me what you and Yami are doing?” She countered, grabbing at a random straw to pull on him. It had the desired effect. He clearly did not want to talk about his misconception of Yami’s sexuality just as Anzu was reluctant to speak about his correct assumption of her attraction to Bakura.

“So.” He, too, folded his arms over his chest. The gesture made her nervous. Kaiba was a businessman, after all. Like politicians, they tended to be conniving and that expression on his face did not imply innocent. “We seem to be at an impasse.”

“Yes, it seems that way,” Anzu replied. I can sound smart, too, the jerk.

“Let’s make a compromise, Mazaki. If you ask no questions about your homo pharaoh, I’ll ask no questions about the weird tomb robber.”

“And say nothing to anyone else?”

“That’s going a little far.”

“I won’t tell anyone of your smoking, let alone Mokuba,” she offered. He frowned. Perfect! I was hoping that Mokuba wasn’t on board with his smoking habits. Excellent!! “Deal?”

“Fine.” Both of them uncrossed their arms and shook hands firmly, Anzu grinning triumphantly. This concluded one problem of hers, at least.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT HERE?! IT REEKS OF CIGARETTE SMOKE!” They whipped around to see one of the less sane teachers leaning out of the fire escape door, a rather demented expression on his face. His eyes darted to the cigarette and he leapt forward, snatching it from the ground. Anzu leaned as far away from the distasteful man while Kaiba simply stood and regarded him with disgust. He was good at that. And besides that, Kaiba realized that part of the deal he had just shook hands on was now void because his smoking habits was going to get around the entire school by the end of the day.

And now here is another problem for me to deal with, Anzu miserably thought to herself.

X

“With Kaiba?” Ryou asked Yuugi in gym that day. Naturally, Bakura and Marik were eavesdropping. “What was Anzu doing on the fire escape with Kaiba?” The smaller of the two shrugged helplessly and then got hit with a dodgeball, sending him flying across the gym. Ryou gasped and hurried to help him, but he, too, got hit with a dodgeball.

“Here, honey, let me help you up,” one of the boys said, heaving Ryou to his feet and smacking him on the butt with a cheerful smile. “On your way now.”

With round eyes, Ryou stumbled over to where Yuugi had fallen and remained sprawled. He pulled him up and both of them guarded their butts with their hands. “Anyway...” Ryou mumbled, blushing bright red. “So did they get suspended for smoking?” Yuugi turned a shocked gaze to his friend. “Well, of course I know that Anzu doesn’t smoke,” he assured him, “but if the principal thought they were, they would get suspended for that.”

“But Kaiba doesn’t smoke, either!”

“Oh, I don’t know about that...He seems stressed out enough to turn to drugs.”

“Ryou, um...cigarettes aren’t a drug.” Ryou gave Yuugi a blank look. “They’re just tobacco. Completely legal.”

“Really?” He questioned, genuinely surprised. “Oh, my...I’ve always thought they were.” He shook his head and waved a hand. “But did they get suspended, Yuugi?”

“No, from what I heard, Kaiba threatened to sue them and to withdraw his donations to the school if they did suspended or expelled either of them, so they’re still in school and everything.” Yuugi kicked a dodgeball as the two of them returned to the sidelines. “Being the CEO of Kaiba Corp. really does work in these kinds of situations, doesn’t it? I guess he’s going to get some lessons from Honda. Did you know he smokes?”

“He always smells like it.”

Bakura and Marik, having lurked near the two, returned to the battlefield of dodgeball, both apparently puzzled. Bakura was a bit pissed off, though. What was that woman doing with Kaiba, of all people? He simply would not accept that type of behavior from her. To take out his anger, he crushed a dodgeball in the face of a poor nerd. His glasses were crushed and he went tumbling to the ground. Marik raised an eyebrow and smacked a dodgeball against the palm of his hand, sighing. “When you think about it,” Marik said, “it’s no surprise that Mazaki was out there with Kaiba alone. He’s been after her from day one.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Bakura snapped. “Everyone knows that he’s after the mutt’s sister.”

“He doesn’t even know that idiot Katsuya girl. How could he possibly be after her?”

“Fine, then the slut girlfriend of Katsuya’s.”

“He’s not going to take seconds from Katsuya of all people.”

“WOULD YOU JUST LET ME CONSOLE MYSELF?”

“I could...,” Marik agreed musingly to himself, “or I could be an ass and continue to bring you down time after time and revel in your suffering.” He smiled at his glowering companion. “But I am choosing to wait until after we encounter police to do that, so you needn’t worry.”

“Good, damn it!”

That day after school, the three yamis trudged to the front of the gates to meet with each other. Yami had a newspaper in his hand, his face wet. Immediately Marik got on him about the forlorn expression the pharaoh was holding. “What the fuck is your problem now, pharaoh? Crying in school, honestly.”

“You would never understand the sorrow that I experience when I read what happens in my homeland, Marik,” Yami stated in a tragic voice. Bakura paused from his glowering at Jounouchi and Honda horsing around to give a bewildered look to Yami. Yami snuffled, clutching at his newspaper and then thrust it towards Bakura, saying, “Read the article, Bakura. You would understand more than myself!” Bakura sneered, but obliged him by reading the article, that of the discovery of some pharaoh’s corpse in Egypt. Which, really, did not seem reason enough to emit such melodramatics. Marik sent him a questioning look and Bakura merely shrugged.

“What are you blubbering about, idiot? People are always defiling tombs to – ”

“‘Unlock the secrets of their pasts,’” Marik finished rudely.

“I don’t care about that!” Yami howled, snatching the newspaper and stabbing at the picture. “BUT LOOK AT THIS! HIS PENIS IS MISSING AND SO HE CANNOT HAVE PLEASURE IN THE AFTERLIFE!” Neither Bakura nor Marik reacted fast enough to shut him up. By the time both of them had a grip on him, Marik holding his arms behind his back and Bakura with a hand over his mouth and clutching at the newspaper, a good deal of those in the courtyard had turned to stare in horror and bafflement.

“Remind me why he has to be involved again,” Marik hissed, glaring down at Yami who was feebly struggling against their grip.

“Once I figure that out, I’ll tell you,” Bakura said through tightly clenched teeth. Turning to Yami, he demanded, “Now, are you going to shut up about stupid shit like that so that we can actually proceed with things?” Yami nodded. They cautiously released him and after Yami wiped his face, he sighed and staring miserably at the ground. Bakura rolled his eyes and then perked up with malicious delight and left them.

“Where is he going?” Marik grumbled as Bakura snaked his way through the crowds.

“He took my newspaper with him...,” was all Yami said in response.

Bakura, however, had spotted Anzu and despite his failed attempts to get a rise out of her, he decided to give it one last try before enacting his Get Arrested plan. Anzu must have seen him coming because she froze and a few emotions played on her face: anxiety, hesitation, and then determination. Good, she’s decided to mature a little, he thought gleefully. “Mazaki, I’m disappointed in you,” he said with a mock hurt expression. He heard someone come up beside him and knew it was Yami and Marik because Yami snatched his newspaper from his hands and went to show it to someone else, likely Jounouchi by the sound of it. “You’ve been avoiding me and now I’ve heard that you’re hanging out with Kaiba on the fire escape, smoking?” He smirked and waved a finger in her face. “Tsk, tsk, my dear. That’s not good for the reputation with how much you’ve been kissing boys lately.” Ryou, who had just joined Yuugi and his grew, blushed at the comment.

Anzu gave a smug grin to Bakura.

I’m getting a bad foreboding from that expression, Marik thought and clearly Bakura was, too, because he took a step back with a wary glance around him.

“What Kaiba and I do on the fire escape,” she told him primly, “is none of your concern.”

Bakura blinked.

And Jounouchi shrieked with disgust both from Anzu’s comment and the picture Yami had shown him. There was immediately an uproar but Anzu kept her eyes on Bakura, as though she were waiting for a reaction from him. He just stared at her, trying to sort out lies from truth. He still was not entirely sure what had happened on that fire escape, but surely she would not have done anything with that pillar of cement? Because everyone knew you couldn’t melt cement.

He gave no reaction, but there was colour rising to her cheeks which made him begin to smirk.

She was lying to him.

“You won’t get me jealous that way, Mazaki,” he cooed, tapping her chin with his finger. She scowled at him.

“Yami, damn it, leave the fucking mummy picture alone already!” Marik snapped at the pharaoh that was sighing over the article once again. “Let’s go, Bakura, we have things that need to be done.” He turned to leave and after a pause, Bakura followed, blowing a kiss to Anzu who flushed even pinker. Yami sullenly followed after abandoning the newspaper with Honda and Jounouchi. He brightened as he passed Anzu, waving a hand in farewell. She numbly raised her hand in response.

“Hmmm...I think she should get out of the sun,” Yami remarked as he fell in step with his two companions. “She’s looking a little red in the face, don’t you think?” Bakura smirked, snickering under his breath before outright cackling. Both Marik and Yami inched away from the deranged male, not at all comfortable with his behavior.

“Ra, he’s been acting weird lately,” Marik muttered under his breath.

Reason Five: ...And even though most of the time they get what it is that they want, there is a rare occasion in which they get nothing.

X

DIS: I am seriously sorry for not updating this story sooner, guys. It’s been – what? – eight months? I didn’t want to let this go for that long, but I haven’t had inspiration in forever and it just kind of happened this way. I hope you can forgive me for that. Thankfully, though, I finally finished this chapter. I can’t give a specific time for the next update, as you can imagine. I will honestly try to get it up faster than this past time. Inspiration for humor is hard to come by. Inspiration for any type of writing is hard to come by lately. Please leave a review, telling me how you liked it. Do you still think it’s funny or has it lost its flair? Till next time – ciao!