I don’t forgive you. But I trust you.

The first time Neku sees Joshua outside of the game, he is surprised, and then disturbed. He’d been meeting with Shiki and Beat and Rhyme for weeks after the game, but he’d never seen Joshua. He’d expected, with some disappointment, that he would never see Joshua again, and he had been getting used to that. Joshua was, after all, one of his worst enemies, though he hadn’t known it at the time. Joshua had taught Neku how to trust and relate; he’d also taught Neku what it felt like to have that trust broken. So when Neku sees Joshua from behind wandering the streets of Shibuya, he feels both a surge of panic and a trill of happiness.

Joshua doesn’t see him, and Neku quickly ducks into a shop, turning his head and pretending to admire some of the current fashions. When he looks outside the window again, Joshua is gone, and Neku breathes, half relieved and half sad, and hurries to meet up with Shiki.

He’s almost late, finding it harder than usual to push through the annoying crowds of people, and still trying to be careful of Joshua; it takes him a good fifteen minutes to make his way to Cat Street, and Neku knows that Shiki will be angry at him for being late. He relaxes a little when he sees the café – and then promptly freezes when he sees Joshua sitting with Shiki.

They’re chatting and laughing and Shiki brushes a strand of hair behind her ears, smiling. Neku almost feels betrayed. Almost. But his courtesy gets the better of him, and rather than leave Shiki hanging, he steels himself, and heads for the café.

Shiki is, of course, unimpressed with his lateness, and Neku can hardly tell her why he was late with Joshua sitting across the table from him. He just apologizes and murmurs some crappy excuses, and promises it won’t happen again. Shiki sits back, satisfied, and obviously expecting Joshua and Neku to socialize. But Neku doesn’t know what to say, or where to begin.

Shiki gives him a Look, and shakes her head disapprovingly, but Joshua cuts in before she can scold him.

“I came to visit, Neku,” he says, flashing a winning smile. “There are no hard feelings, right?” Neku feels his blood boil.

“No hard feelings?” Neku jumps to his feet, hands hitting the table. Shiki jerks back, surprised. “Of course there are hard feelings! You-” Neku pauses. People are starting to stare. “You killed me,” Neku says, his voice low. “I can’t just forgive you.”

“Of course not,” Joshua says. “It would be silly to expect that from you, of all people. But I hope you’ll accept this for what it is. A visit from an old friend.”

“I’d hardly call you a friend. With friends like you, who needs enemies?” Neku scoffs, but he sits back down, feeling an awkward blush flare across his cheeks. Joshua smiles.

“That’s the spirit, Neku,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “How about I buy you a coffee to make up for it?”

Neku rolls his eyes, exasperated. “Buying me a coffee is going to make up for…you know.”

“No, I suppose not,” Joshua says, giggling. “But how about a buy you a coffee because I’m your friend?”

Neku is ready to say no, because Joshua is not his friend, and he doesn’t want Joshua to be his friend, but Shiki gives him the Look again. Neku knows when he’s been defeated.

“Fine. Sure. Whatever.”

“Great,” Joshua says, smiling again, and Neku wishes he had never agreed to meet Shiki in the first place.

The coffee is good; not that Neku is surprised. He’s been to Mr. H’s café many times before. What does surprise Neku is how Joshua knew what to order him. Unless Mr. H remembered himself, and somehow, Neku can’t see that being entirely likely. He sips his coffee coolly, giving Joshua angry looks over his cup. Joshua is either blind, or ignoring him in favour of Shiki, which only serves to make Neku even more frustrated. Finally, Shiki stands, stretches, and announces that she has to be off. Joshua offers to walk her home, and Neku nearly spits out his coffee. Shiki refuses, but she blushes a little, and Neku is nearly seeing red.

“What is it Neku? Do you like her or something?” Joshua asks him when Shiki has left, and Neku turns bright red.

“N-no! Of course not.” But Joshua only shakes his head.

“Your blush says otherwise.” Neku is tempted to throw his cup at Joshua.

“I don’t! I’m not lying.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I…” Joshua lets his voice trail off suggestively, and Neku feels both his rage and his embarrassment come flooding back.

“Of course I’d mind! Shiki is my friend! You’re a creepy manipulative jackass! You can’t-” Neku stammers, “She wouldn’t– I won’t let you!”

“I may be a ‘creepy manipulative jackass’ but I’m also charming. I think Shiki likes me.” Joshua says, smirking and Neku nearly shakes with anger.

“You’re so full of yourself,” Neku spits, but he can’t deny that Shiki was definitely intrigued by Joshua. And Joshua knows it.

“I’m not full of myself. I’m just right. But tell me Neku, who are you jealous of? Me? Or Shiki?”

“I-” Neku starts. “You- you have got to be kidding me. How arrogant can you be?! I’m not jealous of you and I’m definitely not jealous of Shiki!” With that, Neku storms off, leaving Joshua to pick up the tab.

After that run in, Neku isn’t interested in seeing Joshua again. In fact, if he never saw Joshua again, that would be fine. He’s still flooded with red hot anger, and he doesn’t want to head home right now, so he wanders instead, aimlessly kicking at things and glaring at people. Finally, he comes to Udagawa.

Staring up at CAT’s – Mr. H’s – graffiti has always made Neku feel calmer, and it doesn’t fail him now. Something about it makes him feel like life is alright, that things get better, that living in the moment will help him make something out of himself. Neku couldn’t pin down why if he was asked, but he’s always been drawn to CAT’s designs. It’s never been because he’s ‘trendy’ or ‘cool’. He doesn’t buy CAT designed merchandise or anything like that – partially because it’s too expensive, and partially because he doesn’t need that kind of crap. He knows how this – how CAT – makes him feel, and that’s all that’s important.

When he gets to talk to Mr. H, which is rare, now that the game is over, he always feels that connection. He’s proud to know Mr. H, but not in the boastful, selfish way. No, Neku is glad to have this thing to keep to himself. CAT. Mr. H. The Reaper’s game. Rhyme, Beat, Shiki, even Joshua and Kariya and Yashiko – they are all important things, important ‘secrets’ that Neku keeps locked within himself. They are the source of his strength and his determination and Neku knows that when he feels lost or alone or helpless, he can find them. Which is why, Neku decides to pay Mr. H a visit tomorrow. Not to buy his overpriced coffee, but to sit and maybe talk, and just think. But for now, Neku should be heading home.

Neku does head out to WildKat as planned, and he scores himself a decent seat, close to the counter, and waits for Mr. H to have some spare time. He brings some summer homework with him, and despite his intentions, ends up buying more than one cup of Mr. H’s ‘overpriced coffee’. He doesn’t know what he’ll do when school starts back up again – less time for Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, CAT, and this café. Just as the customers start thinning out, and Mr. H starts wiping down the counter, Neku sees Joshua enter. Quickly, he turns around and ducks his head, but it’s too late. Joshua slides into the seat next to him, wearing an ‘I told you so’ grin. Before Neku can even start to berate him, Joshua does something strange.

“Look, Neku, I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to piss you off so much. Can we call it a truce?”

Neku just stares at him, eyes wide. “Are you…apologizing?” Joshua sneers.

“Don’t make me do it again.” Neku nods, dumbfounded.

“Okay.”

They sit in silence for a while. Or rather, Neku sits, and Joshua makes a phone call. Neku has never seen Joshua call anyone other than Mr. H, and he wonders, briefly who he’s calling – and if he has Neku's number. When Joshua hangs up, he turns to face Neku.

“I don’t have a lot of time here, you know. I have important things to do in the game. I don’t have unlimited vacation time, unlike you.” He giggles as he says this, that irritating giggle that makes Neku want to slap him silly. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“About? I don’t have anything important to say to you,” Neku snipes. Joshua shakes his head.

“Still bitter about the whole me-murdering-you thing? Look, Neku, don’t take it so personally. I needed someone who would suit my purposes – someone with incredible potential, and you were the first person I found. I needed you.”

“I can’t just put this behind me,” Neku says, uncomfortably. He is speaking without anger or malice – just the truth, which in all honesty, he doesn’t think Joshua deserves. “You killed me. I can’t forget, and I won’t forgive – not yet anyways. I don’t…I don’t forgive you. But I do trust you.”

“You trust me?” Joshua cocks his head. “How strange. I can’t imagine why.” Neku bristles.

“Honestly, neither do I. I don’t understand why, or how, but…the time I spent in the game taught me a lot of things. I learned how to trust people – how to trust people I wouldn’t trust – with my life. With my soul. With things that were important to me. If I don’t trust people and open myself up to them I’ll never grow. I’ll never change. It was you who told me that, wasn’t it? That if I don’t let people in, then my world’s borders end with me. I don’t want to live in that narrow world any longer.”

“No,” Joshua says, his voice strangely quiet. “I suppose you don’t.”

They sit in uncomfortable silence for a little while longer, before Neku clears his throat, and asks Joshua if he has his number, and how long he’ll be staying.

“Only for a week,” Joshua says, smiling. “How ironic. I have five days left – six, if you count today. I wasn’t expecting to find you so quickly, I must admit.”

“You mean, you came here to find me?” Neku feels something twist in his stomach.

“Of course,” Joshua frowns. “What else would there be for me to do here? This world is mostly useless to me. Besides…I find myself oddly drawn to you. I’ve missed you, Neku. You were a fun addition to my game.”

Neku’s face burns now, and he has to look away, feeling incredibly embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say – should he tell Joshua he’s missed him too? Should he be angry that Joshua used him for his game? But then Joshua stands, chair scraping against the tile.

“I’m leaving now.”

And he does, picking up his bag, and heading for the door, when Neku, feeling more nervous and uncertain than ever before, quickly calls out for him to wait.

“You…you have my number right? We should…you should call me. Tomorrow.”

Joshua smiles, that cocky, arrogant smile, and Neku’s stomach twists again. Joshua nods, and then leaves. Neku is surprised at how alone he suddenly feels.

Neku now feels like he was expecting a little too much. Joshua is, after all, Joshua. He may have been deceptively open with Neku when they were alone, but with Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme around, Joshua is back to being his old, annoying self. He makes snide comments at Neku throughout the day, and puts his arm around Shiki more than once. Neku is livid, and Beat and Rhyme are giggling at him because they think that Neku is jealous because of Shiki.

In actuality, the truth is something that Neku finds to be slightly horrifying. He isn’t jealous of Joshua, he’s jealous of Shiki. At first he is able to rationalize it to himself; Joshua had said he’d come for Neku, and that implied that he wanted to spend time with only Neku. So of course it’s normal for Neku to feel a bit put out, right? But then Joshua starts putting his arm around Shiki when they’re sitting together, and Neku feels another stab of jealousy. He wants Joshua to be paying attention – that kind of attention – to him. Not to Shiki. Joshua didn’t say that he was ‘oddly drawn’ to Shiki.

Neku knows that Joshua knew it all along, which makes Neku’s stomach drop to his feet. Hadn’t he asked, after all, if Neku was jealous of Shiki? Maybe yesterday had all been some weird ploy of his, some plot to humiliate Neku in front of his friends. Any minute now, Joshua would make comments on Neku’s jealousy, taunting him and teasing him and bringing up their conversation, letting Beat and Rhyme and Shiki know that he has a crush on Joshua.

A crush! On Joshua. The thought nearly sends Neku reeling. Joshua is not the kind of person that Neku should have a crush on – boy or no boy. This is the last thing Neku needs right now.

“Phones! You listenin’?!” Neku jerks his head up, praying that his face isn’t red. “We’re leavin’. Me an’ Rhyme an’ Shiki. You should too. Go home. Get some rest. You don’ look so good.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Neku says dryly, and Shiki gives him yet another Look. But Beat, being Beat, doesn’t catch on, and simply waves goodbye, grinning. Neku is, yet again, alone with Joshua.

“You didn’t seem to be having fun today Neku. Wasn’t this your idea?” Joshua asks, and Neku can tell, by the look on his face, that Joshua is at least suspecting that something is up.

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired. Beat is right, I should be heading home soon.”

“Oh? That’s too bad. I was hoping we could spend more quality time together,” Joshua says, and he is definitely smirking. Neku’s stomach drops.

“Shouldn’t you be spending quality time with Shiki? You and her seem to be pretty close,” Neku says, but it’s only half hearted. He is tired, tired and he wants to be alone. The last thing he needs is more mind games from Joshua.

“Shiki?” Joshua waves his hand distractedly. “That’s nothing.” Neku feels both a surge of relief and a flash of anger.

“Don’t lead her on like that. Don’t set her up to be hurt.” Neku says, the anger draining from him almost as quickly as it appeared.

“Like I did to you? Is that what you’re thinking?” Joshua says, still smirking. Neku nearly gives himself whiplash, his head snaps up so fast. “Neku, Neku, Neku.” Joshua sighs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Neku says quickly. Too quickly.

“Good. You shouldn’t. I hardly set you up. I gave you bait, and you took it.”

“I know,” Neku says, feeling stupider by the minute. “You’re a jackass, I get that now.”

“Only now? But Neku, I killed you – or did you forget?” Joshua runs his hands through his hair, his smirk broadening.

“You’re insufferable, you know that?! But whatever you’re trying to pull with me – it’s over. It stops now. I’m done with this crap. I was wrong to trust you, wrong to give you another chance and if you hurt Shiki I swear to god I’ll– ”

“Neku,” Joshua says, and he’s suddenly very very close. “Shut up.”

Then he kisses Neku, and Neku actually feels light headed. It’s a quick kiss, and it’s mostly chaste; Joshua is warm and insistent, but Neku is panicking and Joshua gives up. When Joshua pulls away, Neku lets go of his arm – he hadn’t realized he’d been holding it – and just stares. Joshua licks his lips. Smiles.

“Will I see you tomorrow Neku?”

Neku just nods.

Neku gets a phone call at 10:00 in the morning. He’s only been up for an hour or two; his hair is still wet from his shower, and it’s still too early in the morning for him to think properly. He’d stayed up that night thinking, replaying every second of his kiss with Joshua. He’s exhausted. He’s also not surprised that his call is from Joshua.

“Meet me at Udagawa?” Joshua asks. Neku nods, then remembers that Joshua can’t see him over the phone.

“Yeah. Sure. What time?” He tries to sound casual, but he has butterflies.

“Any time you can. The sooner, the better.” Neku’s heart skips a beat.

“Alright. I’ll be there soon.” Then Joshua hangs up, and Neku makes a mad dash for his shoes, barely stopping to say goodbye to his parents.

Joshua is standing in front of the CAT graffiti that Neku loves so much – the graffiti that, coincidentally, Neku had been standing in front of when he was killed.

Neku tries not to think about the fact that Joshua is, basically, a cold blooded killer. He killed Neku solely to use him for his own games, and had no regret for it. He is dangerous - Neku couldn’t let himself forget that. He had said that he’d trusted Joshua, and in a weird way, he does. Trusting Joshua was much like trusting a wild animal – treat them both respectfully (or at least, with as much respect as Joshua deserved), and they’ll both let you live to see another day.

But Joshua is standing there quietly, and it almost seems like he doesn’t notice Neku. Neku opens his mouth to speak, but Joshua waves a hand at him.

“It’s mesmerizing, isn’t it?”

Neku doesn’t say anything, but goes to stand beside Joshua. His hand brushes Joshua’s accidentally, but Joshua grabs it, and entwines his fingers with Neku’s. Neku actually feels his heart flutter, which is almost laughable.

“This world,” Joshua begins. “Is useless and cruel. People are selfish and filled with negative emotions – anger, hatred, sadness, greed, self-depreciation. It would be a lie to say that you and I are no different; but we are different in a way, aren’t we Neku?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“We got another chance – or rather, you got another chance, and I was born into knowledge. We’re both privileged; we know the real value of life. It’s easy to forget. No one in this place lives a meaningful life; so materialistic are we, that we forget the important things. But I spared Shibuya anyways. Erasing Shibuya…wouldn’t fix the world. The world is beyond me. Beyond you. Beyond anyone else. No one lives their life to the fullest; not here, and not in most other places. And there’s nothing we can do. It’s depressing, isn’t it?”

Neku shifts uncomfortably.

“I don’t agree. People…people here are materialistic sure, and selfish and greedy and angry but people here are also filled with love and compassion and kindness. I know it sounds corny but- but that’s what I learned. During the game. People…people find things that they make important. Maybe it’s something that doesn’t matter much to me or you, but to them, it’s everything. And they live for it. Maybe…maybe it’s art, or music, or some stupid celebrity or brand of clothing, but they make it important. They give it meaning. Art and music wouldn’t have meaning if we didn’t give it meaning. Celebrities and brand names are nothing without their fan base. It’s a two way street. And you know, I don’t mind. Really. Not anymore. People are so unique and strange and different and it’s okay to be materialistic sometimes. Or selfish. Or greedy or angry or even filled with hatred. As long as you never lose sight of the things you love. And the people that do this…they live a meaningful life. They live their life to the fullest. You’re right that there’s nothing we can do to change the way people live their lives but that’s okay. I like it that way. What kind of world would that be?”

Joshua doesn’t say anything for a while.

“This is what I like about you, Neku,” he says, in a soft voice that gives Neku shivers. Then he turns to face Neku, still holding his hand. With his other hand, he reaches up and runs a finger down Neku’s cheek and jaw. He’s smiling. Neku knows that he’s blushing. He’s almost certain that Joshua can hear his heart thundering away in his chest. He kisses Neku again, his lips just as soft and warm as yesterday. Neku disentangles his hand from Joshua’s and then wraps his arms around Joshua’s waist. One of Neku’s hands skirts up Joshua’s back, then grips Joshua’s shirt in surprise when Joshua nibbles on his bottom lip. Neku feels dizzy again; when Joshua pulls away, Neku leans against Joshua’s chest. Joshua seems surprised, but he finally puts his hands on Neku’s back, awkwardly holding him.

They stay like this for a while. Neku enjoys the feel of Joshua’s body against his. He buries his head in Joshua’s shoulder, smelling the fresh scent of whatever cologne and shampoo Joshua uses. Joshua gently, almost gingerly trails his fingers up and down Neku’s back, making Neku shiver, and press closer against Joshua. Neku’s heart is once again in his throat. He knows he’s blushing, and his head is spinning. He doesn’t want to pull away.

But he does, finally, still blushing, but less light headed. Joshua also looks embarrassed.

“You have three days left,” Neku says, finally. “Will you come back? Ever?”

Joshua looks even more embarrassed at this question.

“When I can. You can visit me too, Neku. It’s a two way street,” he quotes, smirking a little. Neku rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning. “Talk to Mr. H about it,” Joshua advises. Neku nods.

“…Tomorrow,” Neku starts, and his breath is catching a little in his throat. “Tomorrow, you should come to my house.”

“Meet the parents?” Joshua jokes. Neku fidgets.

“They actually won’t be home.”

“Oh,” Joshua says, raising an eyebrow. “I’m surprised at you, Neku.”

“I didn’t– I– I didn’t mean that!”

“How disappointing,” Joshua muses.

“You– you want to…” Neku sputters, convinced his face could not get any redder.

“Have sex with you? Yes. And you don’t want to have sex with me?” Joshua retorts. Neku nearly dies on the spot. But Joshua is waving goodbye before he can stammer out a response. “Don’t worry Neku, I’ll come prepared,” he promises, and Neku’s stomach flip-flops with excitement.

Neku wakes up at the crack of dawn, and when the time comes for his parents to leave, he nearly pushes them out the door. He then spends the morning running around in a frenzy, cleaning the house, doing chores, even making his bed. He’s just about to start a load of laundry when he hears a knock on the door.

He opens the door with the laundry balanced on his hip, and Joshua bursts out laughing.

“Cleaning for me?” Neku groans, embarrassed at his own stupidity, but moves to let Joshua in.

“I’m impressed Neku. This house isn’t all that bad.”

“Make yourself comfortable,” Neku calls, and then bites his lip, mentally kicking himself for using such a stupid line. He’s nervous beyond belief. His hands are shaking as he sets down the laundry basket, then heads back upstairs. Joshua is sprawled on his coach, fully clothed, channel surfing. Neku is torn between relief and disappointment.

“Is this what you came here to do?” Neku asks, sounding more annoyed than he means to. Joshua smirks and Neku regrets saying anything.

“I wasn’t going to come here, fuck you, and then leave, if that’s what you were expecting. Also, your parents aren’t going to be back until late tomorrow, right? Sex usually happens at night, Neku. I’d prefer it that way.”

Neku blushes at the mention of sex, but chooses to ignore it.

“How did you know my parents were gone for that long?” He asks, slightly unnerved. Joshua just smiles his winning grin, and shakes his head. Then he motions for Neku to sit with him on the couch. Neku does, and soon he is pressed right up against Joshua, who has one arm around Neku, the his other hand flipping through channels. This is nothing like the Joshua yesterday who was unused to cuddling; Neku doesn’t mind. Neku is once again pressed up against Joshua’s chest, one arm wrapped around his waist. Joshua’s arm is slung over Neku’s shoulders, his hand resting lightly against Neku’s hip. Neku is surprised at how comfortable he is, how safe he feels in Joshua’s arms, of all people. Whenever Joshua laughs, Neku feels the vibrations run through him. When Joshua breathes, Neku feels every motion of it. He loves it.

This is perfect, Neku thinks. I could stay like this forever.

But they don’t, of course. They eat lunch together, and spend the afternoon wandering Shibuya with Beat, Rhyme, and Shiki. Neku was afraid that Joshua would continue his flirting with Shiki, but he doesn’t, opting to hold Neku’s hand instead. Shiki looks confused, but not too upset, and Rhyme is not too surprised. It takes a while for Beat to understand, but when it’s all finally smoothed over, they go about business as usual. Shiki occasionally gives the two weird looks – Neku doesn’t know how he will explain when Joshua is gone – but other than that, things are alright. Neku spends the day tense, and waiting for the evening, though he’d die before admitting it to Joshua.

The sun is low in the sky when they finally agree to head off – no one mentions anything when Joshua and Neku head off together. They hold hands all the way home. Neku’s stomach is in knots for the whole walk, and he swallows nervously when they enter his house.

“Neku,” Joshua says. “I won’t force you.”

“I know,” Neku says, suddenly convinced. “I want to.”

“Dinner first,” Joshua smiles, and Neku suddenly hopes that Joshua is as nervous as he is.

They end up going to bed early, Joshua holding Neku’s hand as Neku leads the way to his bedroom, heart pounding.

“It’s not much,” Neku says, “and it’s kind of messy.” He feels almost ashamed. His room is not as clean or impressive as he wishes it was, but Joshua shakes his head and says it’s fine. Neku stands in the threshold of his room, feeling awkward and stupid, while Joshua scans his bookshelves, his closet, and finally, his bed. He sits.

“Neku,” he says, and once again, his voice is soft and low and Neku shivers. Joshua doesn’t even need to ask. Neku sits beside him, and Joshua immediately turns to face him. The look in Joshua’s eyes makes Neku swallow. Joshua has almost a predatory glint in his eyes; when he says Neku’s name again, his tone is so full of lust that Neku feels his heart stop.

Then Joshua is kissing him yet again. Neku is once again surprised - Joshua runs his hands all over Neku’s body; through his hair, across his back, gently over his face – whereas last time, they both kept their hands to themselves. Neku doesn’t mind. Not at all. He tries to mimic what Joshua is doing, or has done; hands through Joshua’s hair, marvelling at the softness, across his face, making Joshua sigh in Neku’s mouth, and across his back, making Joshua shift forward, closer to him. Then he tries something new, and runs one hand over Joshua’s side. He then slides his hand under Joshua’s shirt, and palms his hip. Joshua pulls away with a gasp.

“Neku,” he breathes.

They fall asleep naked in each other’s arms.

When Neku wakes up, Joshua isn’t with him, and for a moment he feels a surge of panic. But when he runs down stairs – after throwing on some clothing – he sees Joshua standing in his kitchen, inspecting a box of pancake mix. Neku nearly laughs out loud. Joshua. Cooking breakfast. Joshua turns to look at him as Neku enters, looking both surprised and slightly embarrassed.

“Making breakfast?” Neku asks, grinning. Joshua frowns.

“Trying to. This seems so unnecessarily complicated.” He shakes the box, and sets it down on the counter.

“Let me,” Neku offers. “It’s really not that hard.”

They eat breakfast silently, Joshua raising his eyebrows in surprise at how good Neku’s instant-pancakes taste. When they’re done, Joshua offers to clean dishes, making Neku nearly drop his plate in surprise. He refuses, and is not surprised when Joshua doesn’t insist on helping.

“Today’s your last day, right?” Neku asks, softly, running a towel over the wet plate.

“You make it sound like I’m dying or something,” Joshua comments. “It’s not as if I’ll never be back.”

“It won’t be the same,” Neku says, and the instantly regrets how immature he sounds.

“No, it won’t,” Joshua says, hand on hip. “But that’s life Neku. It’s never the same.”

“I know,” Neku says, knowing that he sounds sulky. “I’m not a little kid. It doesn’t matter that much.” Joshua smirks a little at the tone in Neku’s voice.

“Apparently, it does. Don’t worry Neku, you’ll still be my favourite.” Neku glares, feeling embarrassed. Before he can say anything else, Joshua interrupts him. “I want you to take me on a date today.”

Neku, who by now is done with the dishes, turns and stares.

“You want me to do what?!”

“You. Me. A date. Is it really that hard for you to understand? I’m surprised Neku; I thought you were smart.”

“It’s not hard to understand – it’s hard to believe.”

“Really? I’m wounded. Why wouldn’t I want to go on a date with you?” Joshua asks, feigning sadness and surprise. Neku rolls his eyes. “Take me out to lunch or to a movie or something. It’ll be fun.”

Neku sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Alright, alright.” Joshua actually beams, and Neku can’t help but be a little suspicious. “It’s a date.”

Much to Neku’s bemusement, the date goes well. He does as Joshua suggested, and takes him to lunch and then to a movie – not surprised when Joshua insists that Neku pay for everything. They hold hands everywhere; as if Joshua didn’t attract enough attention already. But Neku isn’t embarrassed. He feels pleased to know that Joshua doesn’t mind holding his hand in public. They cuddle during the movie, and Joshua slides his hand up Neku’s shirt, making it difficult for Neku to pay attention.

Afterwards, they drift through Shibuya together. Along the way they find Beat, Rhyme, and Shiki again. Neku squeezes Joshua’s hand; Joshua doesn’t let go. They have fun shopping together, Rhyme teasing Beat and Beat taking the teasing like a good brother would. Shiki seems a little put out still, although she and Rhyme spend a lot of time talking about fashion. Neku hopes fervently that Shiki isn’t angry with him.

They agree to stop at Ramen Don’s shop for dinner, and Neku is surprised at how good it tastes. He is also surprised at Joshua’s taste in ramen; they both order the same simple dish, much to Rhyme’s amusement.

The suddenly, Beat and Rhyme are leaving, and Shiki gives Neku one last petulant look before leaving with them. It’s dark now, and Neku expects that his parents, if they’re home, will be worried. But Joshua and him wander through the scramble together, and Neku marvels at the brightness of the 104 building ahead.

“Shibuya’s pretty, all lit up like this,” Neku says, half to himself. He’s surprised when Joshua nods in agreement.

“I’m glad I could see it with you,” Joshua says, and Neku is starting to think that nothing Joshua does will surprise him.

Then Joshua is slipping his hand out of Neku’s grasp. Neku looks at him, confused.

“I’m leaving now,” he says for the second time that week, and Neku knows there won’t be a ‘see you tomorrow, Neku?’

“Alright.” Neku shoves his hand into his pockets, feeling as though he’s just been burned.

“Neku,” Joshua starts, wearing his arrogant smile again, but Neku looks away.

“Neku,” Joshua tries again, and this time he isn’t smiling.

“What do you want?” Neku snipes, knowing that he’s being immature again, but not caring. This hurts more than he thought it would.

“Be happy,” Joshua says, simply. “I’ll come back Neku. You have my word.”

Neku wants to say something biting that will leave Joshua reeling and feeling guilty, but he stops himself.

“I know,” Neku says, hoping to convince himself. “I trust you.”

Then Joshua is gone, lost in the crowd.