She thought it had been agony sitting in the ugly, brown chair in the hospital waiting room. She thought it had been hell not knowing whether or not her partner would be alive or dead after his surgery.

But she was proven wrong.

She didn’t know agony until the doctor walked through the cold, steel doors of the operating hallway.

She didn’t know hell until it was confirmed that her partner would never smile at her again. He would never touch her again. He would never argue with her again. He would never be with her again.

“I’m sorry Dr. Brennan, but Seeley passed away during his surgery. We tried to revive him, but he didn’t make it,” the doctor had said. He gave her what she assumed he thought was a comforting pat on her shoulder before he left the waiting room.

It was so quiet a pin dropping could’ve been heard.

Then she heard Angela’s sob. She heard Jack comforting her. She heard Cam saying something, but it wasn’t registering. Sweets was saying something about traumatic experiences. Zach was staring.

She didn’t cry. The tears wouldn’t come. She had trained herself to not cry when she was let down. This was no different.

But, really, this was different. Because the worst news of her entire life, even worse than her parents leaving, had just been broken to her; yet she still would not cry.

“Sweetie,” she heard Angela say. She neared but Brennan stepped back and shook her head.

“I’m fine Angela,” she said. She couldn’t look her friend in the eye because she knew it wasn’t true. It was far from being true.

What was it that Booth had once said fine stood for? Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional?

Yes, that was a good description of what she was.

So she was fine. She would be fine….

She wasn’t fine.

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

It seems my muse loves me today.

This would’ve been before she found out that Booth was not in fact dead. That he was actually very much alive and looking yummy in his soldier’s outfit. Obviously. Don’t mind me. I state the obvious. It’s a way of life.

P.S: Fine meaning freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional came from the Italian Job. Not the lovely Seeley Booth.