The Reason Under a Cloud
Disclaimers: I don't own them, I just haunt their nightmares.
Notes: "The Reason Under a Cloud" is a phrase synonymous with insanity. The fic is in First Person from Trunks point of view. Sorry for any mistakes my raving mind made.
I was young. I didn't know better. We were just experimenting. I didn't know.
That's what I tell myself late at night when the doubts attack. Those words are the meager comfort that warms my empty bed. But no matter how many times my mind says them, my heart does not believe.
Was it only three years ago? It seems like an eternity to me now. Back when things were still simple something happened that would change my life. I slept with my best friend. My male best friend. I'm not gay. I'm not. It was just an experiment. I'd seen the stuff on the websites. I thought I was prepared. I was wrong.
I asked from the outset if Goten would experiment with me. He was curious as I was and so the experiments began. We started slowly at first. A few hesitant kisses and shy touches here and there. Eventually we grew bolder. It took only a few weeks before the path around the 'bases' was well tread. We just had yet to make it all the way. The touches proceeded into mutual masturbation. Mouths were introduced with intimate places. Receiving a blowjob from Goten became one of my favorite teenage pastimes.
That was when we got stuck. I enjoyed the pleasure that I would receive, but was I receiving more than I gave? All I saw was the pleasure, the thrill and the insanity of it all. But we reached a point where I was afraid to progress. I was afraid to go farther. As long as we didn't go all the way, I wasn't gay. Our friendship began to suffer. Goten began to think that I didn't care for him anymore as a friend and as a friend with benefits for I would never call him a lover, it was just an experiment! Our feelings became a tangled mess. I was too afraid to brave it and figure them out. Had I done so, what came next never would have happened.
I decided to take that last step with Goten, if only to show him how much I cared. Now it sounds lame, but at the time I was convinced that it was something I had to do. So that night we went out and partied hard. Looking back I wonder if I didn't have something of a guilty conscience. We rented a hotel room in which to conduct our little experiment. If I had allowed myself to think about it, I would have noticed how romantic it all was. But I was with my best friend, a man, and romance had no place in such a illicit relationship. It was merely for the physical pleasure, because I wasn't gay. I'm not gay.
It was a night of discovery. I'd never felt such pleasure and never have since. Hands and mouths were everywhere. Passions were high. He gave everything he had, including his virginity to me that night. That morning I woke in his arms and it felt so right. But I wasn't gay. I tried to slip out unnoticed but Goten woke up as my warmth left his side.
"Where are you going?" he asked yawning as he looked up at me from the bed.
"I'm leaving Goten." I replied not meeting his gaze.
"So soon? We didn't even get to fool around or anything." Goten teased.
"There'll be no more fooling around." I informed him.
"It was just an experiment Goten. It's over now. I found out what I wanted to know." I explained.
"And that would be?"
"I'm not gay Goten. It was fun, but it's over." I said as I pulled on my clothes.
"What? But..." he stuttered.
"You didn't think I was in love or anything did you?" I ask surprised.
"But...I..." Goten said his voice cracking to pieces.
"Goten..." I said walking back over and sitting beside him.
"No! Don't Goten me! You can't say that you feel nothing. You can't say that after all that it's over. You don't just fuck a man and decide it's over. It's not like screwing a woman. Preparation goes into this. It's not just wham bam thank you sir!" Goten yelled.
"Calm down." I urged.
"No! I won't calm down!" Goten yelled.
"Then I'm leaving." I announced standing up and walking towards the door.
"No! Wait Trunks...please." Goten said getting up and coming towards me.
"Goodbye Goten. I'll see you around." I opened the door and walked out.
I pulled the door shut behind me, shutting out any further protests. It was the last time I saw him. The last time anyone saw him. And now three years later, it's still a mystery. Where did he go? What happened to him? Is he still alive? I can only hope.
The alarm clock blares. Groaning I get out of bed and begin my day. Today I'm touring a Capsule Corps Affiliate's Mental Research Facility. It will be a day like all the others, boring.
"Hello Mr. Briefs! It is such an honor to have you tour our facility." A doctor greets me.
"Thank you." I reply shaking his hand.
"Well let's not keep you waiting, why don't we go see some of the facility."
I manage to tune out most of the tour. It's the same old drivel. Some random research that most often will lead to naught. I'm just beginning to get really bored when the hairs on my neck prickle. Looking up I falter. It simply isn't possible. "Goten?"
"This is subject Birdie." I'm told.
The test subject, he looks like Goten! But Goten's face wasn't marred by long scratches and scars. Goten's hair was messy but never so shaggy and unkempt. Goten's body was well kept and not undernourished. His skin was healthy and not a pale transparent white. It simply can't be my old friend.
"Why Birdie?" I ask looking at the pale ghost before me.
"That's one of the few things he ever says."
"Let me show you...Birdie?"
That familiar face looks up. Blank eyes scan over the doctor and myself.
"Birdie?...Is a birdie." Comes the raspy response laced with childish innocence.
"Why are you a birdie?"
"Fly!" His arms are raised out in the motion of bird's flight. Moving to a beat within his head the boy sways as if in a current of wind.
I walk forward as if in a trance. I look down at the boy before me. I stare into those beautiful dark eyes and see nothing, only blankness. No recognition, no intelligence, and no Goten. "Goten?" my voice cracks.
He perks up and smiles blankly. "Goten is a birdie!" he sings out.
"Goten....what happened to you?" I ask reaching out to touch his cold cheek.
He looks back at me and frowns. "Goten....Birdie! Goten is a birdie."
Trembling I let my hand drop and turn away.
"Goten is a birdie! Goten is a birdie!" The specter of Goten sings hypnotically.
"Mr. Briefs, are you okay? You look as if you've seen a ghost."
"I...I have." I reply.
"Goten is a birdie! Goten is a birdie!"
I fight down tears to see what my friend has become. I turn back to look at the haunted figure.
"Fly?" he chirps looking at me expectantly.
I nod. "Doctor. Will you excuse us for a minute."
"Excuse me?" the doctor blunders.
"Please leave." I state more clearly.
"Ah yes, of course." The doctor nods as he walks nervously from the room.
Once the doctor is gone I go to the nearest window and break off the lock. Pushing the window open I turn to Goten and open my arms. He rushes up into my embrace and we float out of the window.
"Fly!" Goten trills joyously.
"Fly," I murmur in agreement.
"Goten is a birdie?"
He coos happily as we soar up through the clouds. Hugging him closely to me I let the tears slip from my eyes. "I love you Goten," I whisper into his hair.
"Goten is a birdie!" is his only reply.
Don't even ask where the idea came from. It's been haunting me all day!
C&C would be appreciated on this one ^_^