I don't own Bleach; said manga and characters belong to Kubo-sama. Otherwise I'd strap Renji to a train track. Who doesn't love abusing Renji?

On days like these, where the sky was cloudless and it put you in mind of hordes of children chasing puppies in sunlit meadows, you wouldn't expect for there to be anyone spending hours inside meticulously filling out paperwork. Slackers loitered around division barracks. Even Shunsui, half an ear out for his vice-captain, lounged on his roof humming a quiet tune to himself. Nobody in his right mind would waste it all on tedium.

Except for one. I think we all know.

Kuchiki Byakuya, captain of the sixth division.

Right then he was bowed over his work, silently tallying the week's food expenses. Engrossed in calculations, he couldn't care less about the weather.

He sensed a familiar reiatsu. Without looking up at the knock on the door he murmured, “Enter.”

Renji cautiously crept in. He glanced at the paperwork, rather nervously, Byakuya thought. “Taicho...”

“What is it, Renji?” he asked pointedly.

“I was passing Ukitaki-taicho, and he asked me to give you this.” He placed an ornate envelope on his desk. Byakuya eyed it. Most likely, it was another summons passed down from Yamamoto-sotaicho; he held captains' meetings more often as of late.

He looked back up. “Is that all?” Renji nodded. “You may leave now.”

“Well...” Renji hesitated.

“You have been excused, Renji.” Byakuya's face remained impassive as he struggled to conceal his impatience. “What is it now?”

“I wanted to ask you something, taicho.” Renji fidgeted. “Do you think it's all compensation?”

Byakuya didn't reply, and only gazed back at him. Struggling to fill the awkward silence, Renji pressed on. “I mean... the size. It's way too big. Don't you think it's to make up for something?”

Byakuya's patience ran thin. “What are you implying?”

“Ichigo's zanpakuto. I mean, look at it! Do you think it might be, you know, compensation?”

Oh, dear Lord.

“Renji, I advise you not to suggest that to him.” They would be scraping his vice-captain off the walls with a spatula.

“Come on, think about it, taicho! How else can it get to that crazy size--”

“Renji, as both your captain and confidant, I urge you not to mention, imply or suggest that idea to Kurosaki Ichigo.”

“No, it's okay--see, here he is now!” Renji said brightly. Byakuya turned, and to his horror saw Kurosaki perched on his window sill.

“What is it, Renji?” he scowled.

Dear Lord, no. If Renji posed the question here his office might come to resemble a used meat grinder.

Before he could intervene: “I have a question, Ichigo.”

“What? I don't have the time to come running every time you bellow.”

Renji gestured to the boy's zanpakuto. “I was wondering, is that thing just compensation?”

Kurosaki's eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” he ventured tentatively, “I mean, it's big and all... Is it just to make up for a certain appendage--”

The accused flushed a furious red. “What did you say, Renji!”

“Come on, just look at it this way--!”

But the boy had already leapt forward and snatched Renji by the collar. “Come here, Renji.” Storming out, he dragged Byakuya's sputtering fukutaicho and was already making their way towards the courtyard.

Byakuya sighed as he reached for a form requesting a new vice-captain. He probably wouldn't be seeing his current one again in this lifetime. How bothersome.

There it is, my first real one-shot. I'm still very new to the world of writing fiction, so please stay and review, mmk?