|Breathe Your Life Into Me
Author: powerfulluv PM
I basked in the idea that Edward and I were some kind of epic love story, that no one else could ever experience this sort of passionate love and infatuation. In some odd sort of way, I felt special, unique, something I’ve never felt about myself before.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,042 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 07-18-08 - Published: 05-24-08 - id: 4275758
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter 2: Fight
"What did you expect, Dad?"
I bit at him harshly; I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with him again; in fact I didn't want to have this conversation with him period. "I told you, after the wedding, we're leaving, and I'm not coming back!" I yelled at him as I threw the silverware drawer shut.
Ever since I told my father about the wedding, Charlie and I had not been on the greatest terms. Actually, we rarely spoke to each other. Of course on the night that I told him, he threw a fit, told me I was too young and stupid to get married at my age. He screamed that I was ruining my future, and that Edward was not good enough. That night had been the first time he stormed out of the house and didn't return until three in the morning. I had never seen Charlie act that way, and I had to admit that it terrified me. But at the same time, I was outright angry with him. He was completely irrational; he didn't even let me explain. I wasn't a child anymore, and I was tired of being treated like one. I knew that he blamed me for Jacob's absence, but I no longer cared. I don't control the boy, he makes his own decisions, and he had already made up his mind a long time ago. I was mostly angry with Charlie though, at the fact that I knew deep down if it were Jacob I wanted to marry, he would see no problem with it. It wasn't fair to me.
We stopped eating dinner together. Charlie would come home late most of the time after I had already eaten, or we he would take his plate to the living room. At first, I found it rather childish, but after a while I had started to appreciate the silence. I had almost forgotten what his voice sounded like.
This night was different, odd really. It was the first time he spoke to me about the wedding since that first night.
I braced myself for Charlie to insult me again as I harshly chopped some onions for our dinner. I was building a pretty tough skin, so at that point I was ready for anything he tried to throw at me.
"Damn it, Bella." He was still standing over my shoulder, trying to intimidate me, but I was used to this by now. He huffed once more, because he didn't know what else to say. "You…you'll regret this. I know you will." I paused suddenly while his words filled through me. I wasn't sure if it was a stab at mom, at his anger for how the situation ended, or if I was just that readable. His words had hit the doubts that had lingered in my mind. It wasn't something I would usually let myself think about, and so I stood there, frozen, leaning over the counter full of chopped onions.
Sensing my hesitation, he spoke, for the first time that evening, rather softly, "Bella. I just don't want you to end up like me." I wanted to scream at him 'trust me, I don't either!' but I couldn't find my voice. I stood, unmoving when I finally heard the back door slam shut, signaling that Charlie had left the house for the second time.
Why couldn't he be a normal father, happy for his daughter that she loved someone enough to get married? But I guess it was hard to want a normal father when his own daughter wasn't going to be normal for long.
I finished chopping the rest of the onions, and threw them in the crock-pot. I was making vegetable stew for dinner, but I suddenly lost my appetite. I was thinking about my father's words, and I knew, deep deep down, that he was right. I was going to regret it someday.
Without looking, I hastily threw my sharp knife against the wall.
"Remind me to be grateful for my quick reflexes," I jerked my head up at the sound of his tender, velvety voice, and watched him walk through the door with the knife in his hand. Edward gently placed the knife against the counter and turned to face me. "Another fight with Charlie?" He asked me tenderly, as he placed his cold hand against my warm, flushed cheek.
I'm smiled up at him weakly, and sighed in defeat. "It's not fair." I turned away from Edward, not wanting to face him. Even though I knew he couldn't read my mind, he was an expert at reading my face. I didn't want him to figure out that I was utterly against this marriage. It wouldn't make any sense to him, why I loved him so, but why I was so unwilling to marry him. He just wouldn't understand.
I felt his cold hands take my wrists and turn me back to face him. "I'm sorry. If I could fix it for you, I would." He looked deeply into my eyes, trying to convince me that his words were sincere. But I already knew that Edward meant every word.
"I know." Edward then tenderly kissed my forehead, and while his lips lingered there for a moment, I envisioned what our life would be like after the next few months. I smiled gratefully for the vision of my vampire self with Edward, happy, content, with our home residing in Alaska or someplace cold. This vision, calmed me, and made me eager to get to that point. I wanted so badly to fast forward these next few months. However, I could only enjoy this vision for just a few seconds.
Oh, how it was such a catch-22.
I wanted so much to become a vampire, but the cost was nearly worth it. Marriage. How horrible it sounded to me. Sometimes, it didn't even make any sense to me either. I loved him irrevocably and unconditionally; there was no doubt in my mind. But marriage? Marriage was for…normal people. And I never thought for one second, that Edward and I could ever be normal. As selfish as it may sound, I never wanted us to be normal.
I basked in the idea that Edward and I were some kind of epic love story, that no one else could ever experience this sort of passionate love and infatuation. In some odd sort of way, I felt special, unique, something I've never felt about myself before.
I found myself wrapped in Edward's embrace when I finally pulled away from my thoughts. It felt perfect to me. It was in moments like these that I knew he loved me. "This kills me, you know." I heard him say quietly, but he continued before I could ask, "That I'm powerless to your thoughts." I wanted to scoff 'it would kill you to know', but I just hugged him tighter, trying to convince him he had nothing to worry about.
"You've got nothing to worry about. I love you, and I'll always love you." He pulled away from me slightly, looking down at me again.
"It's not your feelings I doubt, Bella. It's your mind." Edward was always successful at confusing me, so instead of asking questions, I just waited for him to explain. "It's the one thing about you, I'm not apart of."
"What?" I asked, trying to stifle a laugh. "You are kidding right?" I shook my head from disbelief. If only Edward knew how much of him was on my mind, he would think I was crazy. He'd probably tell me to get a life. Actually, he'd probably tell me I needed a better hobby. "Edward, there isn't a second that goes by, when you aren't on my mind. It's the only part of me, that you're constantly a part of." I tried to mimic his smirk, and he laughed a little at my attempt.
In that moment he quickly grabbed my thighs and had thrust me upwards and onto a clear part of the counter. He was so fast, that I had to close my eyes for a moment to let my head stop spinning. When I felt confident enough to open my eyes again, I saw that Edward's face was just mere inches above mine. "You promise?" He questioned huskily, showing me the proper way to smirk. I could feel my heart pounding harder each minute as my face grew pinker. His hands were still placed between my thighs and the countertop, and his grip was teasing me.
He leaned in closer, and I barely whispered back, "Promise," before my eagerness took the best of me. Our kiss was sensual, and grew more passionate by the second. His hands slipped out from under my thighs and found their way to my waist. I could feel his own loss of control when he moved his body closer to the counter and me; he was so close to me that I could have easily wrapped my legs around him. I stopped for a moment to exhale, but for the first time, Edward was impatient. "No." He breathed out, and this scared me. Edward rarely gave into his urges, and he never was one to be pushy in this situation. His hands slid up my back and gently forced my body closer to his. Despite the fact that I was a little anxious and beginning to faint, I didn't want him to stop. His lips traveled down from my chin to my neck, stopping there for a brief moment. "Edward."
That was the only thing I could muster out before I fainted, and it was barely above a whisper.
The next thing I remembered was waking up in my room, staring up at my ceiling. I knew I wasn't out for long, I could tell because it was still semi-light outside. I turned my head to see Edward eagerly waiting for me to wake, and the minute he recognized me in full conscious mode, he stood up abruptly and stepped back to the farthest corner of my room.
"This is why you need to stay with Charlie until the wedding," He looked angry, and frustrated with himself, "I can't stop anymore." I wanted so much to tell him that I'd be perfectly fine. That no matter how wrapped up in the moment we get, I never want him to stop. But it wouldn't matter what I'd say; he would find a way to be angry with himself. He knew it was unacceptable to give in. I just wished he'd understand how addicted to him I've become.
"I don't care." I told him forcefully. I could see him holding back a smile, and I slowly sat up to stare into his eyes. "I can't stop either."
This time he laughed genuinely. "You never could."
I only rolled my eyes because he was right, I never could resist him. For a peaceful moment we simple stared at each other, and for the first time I realized that he was just as afraid as I was. For the first time, I realized he wasn't as macho as he claimed to be. "Edward I-" but he cut me off quickly.
"Wait. I hear someone." He looked outside my window, "It's Charlie; he's back."
Surprised, I jumped out of bed to look out the window to see it for myself. "Funny. I figured he'd be gone all night again." I said angrily.
"Bella, go easy on him," Edward replied softly and I shot a perturbed glance his way. "He's just torn. He loves you. " I looked up at the ceiling as I heard Charlie open the front door. I knew he loved me, that wasn't the issue and it never was. I just wanted him to support me, even if he didn't agree with my decisions.
"You should go, talk to him." I looked up at Edward, because I could tell he knew something I didn't. From Edward's disposition, I could tell that he was listening to Charlie's thoughts, and that it seemed quite painful. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I was too nervous. I could tell my father's thoughts were hurting him, but I didn't know what to say. Before I was able to speak, Edward turned to me, a little distraught and replied, "I'm sorry, Bella."
For some reason I knew, that he was speaking for Charlie.
I quickly walked passed Edward and ran down the stairs to find my father. I paused on the middle of the staircase to see Charlie waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He clenched his jaws, and from this I knew he had something to say.
"Stop," I said harshly, thinking about how Edward was suffering from his thoughts. "Whatever you're thinking, just don't." I hesitated for a second, because I knew that whatever he was thinking, I needed to hear it from him now, and not from Edward later. "I mean, just tell me." I crossed my arms across my chest, impatiently waiting for Charlie to spit out whatever hurtful things he was thinking about Edward and me.
I huffed loudly for him to reply.
"I'm not going." He brutally spit out.
I don't know why it startled me; I should have known that he wasn't going to show, but for some reason my heart still sank. I stood still, with my mouth open in shock. "I refuse to watch you ruin your life." He turned away from me, his voice a little softer than before.
"You're not my daughter. The Isabella Swan that I knew would never be this foolish." He walked out of the house again, but this time he didn't slam the door shut.
I stood in silence, conflicted with my feelings. So many things ran through my mind that I couldn't keep up. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to weed through everything, but I couldn't. I couldn't force myself to think properly, I couldn't force myself to think at all; I just wanted to shut down.
I felt Edward's arms slowly encircle my waist, but I couldn't move, even when he tenderly kissed the back of my head.
"I love you, Bella Swan." He whispered in my ear.
We stood there, for a long time, just listening to the echoing silence. I don't know exactly how long we stood there, but I knew much time had passed, the sun had set, and the moon had risen. After that deafening silence, Edward finally led me back upstairs and back into my room. We immediately lied in bed, where I clung to him, and where he held me close.
That night, for the first time since I announced my engagement, cold, wet tears slid coarsely down my cheeks.