Bleach Crack Fic!

Chapter 1: Part 1, “The Beef Soba”

“I wonder which part of beef soba you eat first.”

“I’m not sure, Taichou.”

“Which part do you usually eat first?”

“Well, it depends on what mood I’m in Taichou; sometimes I mix the beef in the noodles, but other times I eat it last.”

“Doesn’t it seem kinda pointless, to have beef I mean, if you can’t eat it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, sometimes people reach over with their chopsticks and…” the captain picked up his chopsticks and snapped them in front of his Assistant Captain’s face, “…snatch the beef away. So, don’t you think you should mix the beef in or eat it first?”

“I suppose you have a point…”

“See, Renji, always mix the beef in or eat it first.”

“But Kuchiki-Taichou…that’s what I…”

“Say what…Renji?”

“N-nothing s-sir…”

Byakuya smirked. “That’s what I thought.” The Kuchiki stood up quickly and turned to the door. “Take care of things, Abarai…I have a Captains’ meeting to go to.”

“Y-Yea…”

!!

Chapter 1, Part 2, “Motteke! Sailor Fuku!”

Hanabi skipped into the Captains’ meeting…20 minutes late. “Hi everyone!!” she called, waving her arm around wildly. “I gotta new sailor fuku!!”

Momo, Soi Fong and Unohana all ran over to Squad 3’s Captain to admire the blue and white summer sailor fuku.

“Its soo pretty,” Momo cooed, rubbing the material against her cheek.

“This calls for a song!” Hanabi cried happily.

The other three Captains nodded quickly. “Yea sounds great!” They praised in unison.

The four Captains ran out the door and a few minutes re-appeared…in sailor fukus.

“Ready ladies,” Hanabi asked, gripping a microphone in her hand.

The other three, once again nodded, them as well clutching microphones.

“Alright, I’ll start!” Hanabi said, happily. “1, 2, 3, hit it! Aimai san senchi sorya puni ttekoto kai? Choh! Rappingu ga seifuku…daa furi tte kotanai Pu. Ganbacchayacchaccha Son to kyaacchi & Release gyoh Ase (Fuu) ase (Fuu) no tanima ni Darlin', darlin' F R E E Z E!!”

Momo stepped in grinning ear to ear, “Nanka daruu nanka deruu Aishiteruu aree ikko ga chigatteru n ruu Nayaminbouu koutetsubouu Oishinboo iikagen ni shi nasai Tondetta aitsu no hoteru karada tte Iwayuru futsuu no onya no ko Odoroita atashi dake? Tonkotsu harigane o-kawari da da da,”

Soi Fong danced herself to the dance floor, pushing Momo off the center, “BON-BON ooendanLet's get! Cherii pai RAN-RAN kangeekai Look up! Senseeshon Hai! Sonzaikan tenten shouwakusei Butsukatte tokemashita boozen Ooi ni utatte shirenjaa,”

All four lady captains started singing together. “Motte ike! Saigo ni waracchau no wa atashi no haz. Seeraa fuku da kara desuketsuron Getsuyoubi na no ni! Kigen warui no dou suru yo? Natsufuku ga ii no desukya? Wa! Iiv. Sekkin san pikuto suru made tte chuucho da yan. Ganbatte harikitte My Darlin', darlin’ P L E A S E!!”

Unohana shoved the other three off of the center of the floor. “Moriagarii morisagari Koishitarii mada naisho ni shi to ite rinrii Amaenbouu youjinbouu Tsuushinboo chooshi koite gyokusai,”

“Fundetta aitsu ni koyubi itai tte Oogesa chiraari kuro niihai Zettai ja n ryouiki ja n? Namaashi tsurupika o-nedari da da da,” Hanabi sang.

“MON-MON moosouden Let's go! paru shinden YAI-YAI sooran bushi What's up? Tenputeeshon Oi! Soushitsukan zenzen arubaito Sagashitara mitsukatte toozen Jinsei marutto kenennaashi, Yatte mi na! Shinki ni neracchau no wa atashi no chousen Seeraa fuku kigaete moatashi. Shuumatsu wa dou yo? Chira mise nante arikitari! Seifuku wa kantan yorakuchin Fuusoku san meetoru dakitsuite gaman da gyu . Mune dokkin koshi zukkin I'm Sugar, sugar S W E E T!! Motte ike! Saigo ni waracchau no wa atashi no hazu Seeraa fuku da kara desuketsuron Getsuyoubi na no ni! Kigen warui no dou suru yo? Natsufuku ga ii no desukya? Wa! Iiv Yappari ne. Saigo ni waracchau no wa atashi no hazu. Seeraa fuku da kara desuketsuron Aimai san senchi sorya puni tte koto kai? Wao! Rappingu ga seifuku...Yoshi furi tte kotanai po. Ganbacchayacchaccha An to kyaappu & jaaji de hah!
Asease de suketara Darlin’, darlin' A M U SE!!” The three finished, all standing in a pose in the middle of the floor.

Byakuya wryly glanced over at Toushirou, who looked mentally disturbed.

The General Captain looked around the room and quickly cleared his throat. “Well, uhm, this meeting is uhm, canceled for today, you’re dismissed.”

Hanabi grinned and bounced upward. “Motteke!! Sailor Fuku is the best song ever!”

All the other girl captains nodded.

“Yea, it really is! Plus, it’s fun to sing!” Momo chirped.

(A/N: The song “Motteke!! Sailor Fuku! Rightly belongs to the original artist (Aya Hirano) and the anime, Lucky Star, thanks!)

Chapter 1, Part 3, “Renji’s Day off”

“Renji Abari, Assistant Captain of Court Guard Squad 6, under Captain Byakuya Kuchiki, finally has the day off…and Fuku-Chan doesn’t. HA! So, I win this week!”

Fuku glared at Renji. “Can it Renji. One day, I’ll have a day off from Soi Fong-Taichou and Kuchiki-Taichou won’t give you one.”

“Isn’t that how it usually pans out?” the Assistant Captain asked innocently.

A second or so later, Abari-kun went flying out a window.

Chapter 1, Part 4, “Squad 10, the brave,”

Rangiku Matsumoto looked down at her Soba buns. “They look yummy, but something’s telling me not to eat them…” she pondered at this thought for a second and then slammed her fist into the palm of her hand. “I’ve got it!” she cried.

“Got what?”

“ACK! Hitsugaya-Taichou! You scared me so bad my boobs nearly popped out of my robe!”

Toushirou quirked an eyebrow toward his Assistant Captain, “and what if they had?” he questioned, trying not to snicker at her.

“Well, then, you know, I would’ve been exposed…completely!” she cried, pushing her overly large breasts up with her hands.

Toushirou sighed and shook his head. “Well, I’ve got something for you to do.”

Rangiku seem instantly amazed. “Like what?” she wondered curiously.

“Some noises and “ghosts” have been heard and seen around the Squad 10 Barracks…I want you to check it out.”

“A ghost hunt?”

“Yea…silly huh, but the Squad requested it.”

Crickets chirped throughout the office room. Twenty minutes later, Rangiku came up with her answer. “I’ll do it, just so long as I get to bring two other Assistant Captain’s with me.”

“Fine, now go please.”

!! That evening!!

Rangiku, Kaida, Fuku, and Renji all stood in the main corridor of Squad 10 Barracks.

“I’m scared…” Rangiku gulped, grasping Kaida’s arm.

Fuku nodded glancing at Renji. “Yea, this place is creepy at night…don’t you think?

Renji shrugged. “It’s fine to me…I mean after all, I’ve had to live through Ichigo’s dammed snoring.”

Fuku giggled, though she still had a death grip on Renji’s arm. “I’m still scared as crap though.”

“BOO!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH,” the four Assistant Captain’s ran off, out of Squad 10 Barracks.

Byakuya and Toushirou grinned at each other. “Well, that worked!”

A/N: LOL! That ends the 4 parts in chapter 1! I Hope u all enjoy!! much love! KazeRose!