FEAR THE SHINIGAMI!

A/N: I don't own Bleach but I do own some of the crack-ness in this story...enjoy!

Chapter 2, Part 1, “I RULE!”

“I RULE!” Ichigo Kurosaki yelled, over a cliff…towards a dark, deep, trench, that any normal person would be scared off. “I RULE SINCE I’M THE MAIN CHARACTER!!”

And then…push…a small push from the soul candy controlled Kon pushed the famous, deputy Shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki off of the edge of the cliff….and then…a faint noise from the bottom…

“LOOK! OUR SAVIOR!” the voices called.

“NO! DAMN YOU KON!” Ichigo yelled.

Then…the end…or is it?

Chapter 2, Part 2, “The Ring…” (Disclaimer: Hints of “Lord of the Ring” in this part XD)

“A ring…” Gandolf (aka The General Captain) gasped. “What shall we do with it?”

Legalass, aka Byakuya, stared down at it. “We must burn it. It shall bring miss fortune upon us!”

“CUT! This is NOTHING like “Lord of the Ring”!” Ichigo yelled at his crew.

Byakuya quirked an eyebrow, “I thought Kon pushed you off a cliff…how are you standing here?”

“Shut up, that doesn’t matter. Anyway…” Ichigo was cut off by Kon flying into his face and flinging them out a window…the momentum enabling them to fly off a cliff…again.

Byakuya looked at the General Captain and shrugged.

“Wanna get some McDonalds?” the General Captain asked.

“Sure.”

And as such, the two Captains walked off.

Chapter 2, Part 3, “The Poisonous Flower”

Captain Retsu Unohana of 4th Squad stared intently down at a “normal” sakura blossom. “Something’s wrong with it!” she announced.

“What makes you think so, ma’am?” her Assistant Captain, Isane Kotetsu asked.

Unohana shrugged. “Dunno, I’ve just always wanted to say that…hey…lets go put it in Shunsui’s Sake and make it look like Nanao did it!”

--Later---

Unohana and Isane sneaked up to a sleeping Shunsui. “Shhh,” Unohana whispered, putting a finger up to her lips.

Isane nodded and gently took the flower that Unohana had examined earlier. “There…” she whispered, gently putting the flower and a “note from Nanao” in his Sake cup.

The two giggled and dashed off.

--Two Hours Later—

Captain Shunsui slowly and groggily opened his eyes, and noticed a floating flower and note in his Sake. “Hmm, probably from someone like Ukitake…” he muttered, opening the note up and reading it.

“My Dearest Shunsui,

Meet me by the Kuchiki Bridge at Noon today…that’s in 5 minutes from the time you’re reading my letter…I love you my dear and meet me there...as fast as possible, please?

Love,

Nanao

Shunsui stared down at the note. “Nanao wrote this?”

!!~~!! Kuchiki Bridge !!~~!!

Unohana finished putting the Nanao wig on Isane. “There…now it’s perfect!”

Byakuya, who was leaning on the railing, shook his head. “Why’d you drag me out here? You pretty much woke me up for no reason Unohana.”

Retsu turned to 6th Squad’s Captain and smirked. “You…Kuchiki…will be making out with “Nanao”, breaking Shunsui’s heart!”

“That’s just cruel!” the Captain exclaimed.

“I know it is…but maybe he won’t be such a ladies man!”

Byakuya stared her down for a second and then turned his head away from her. “Count me out…I’m going to go back to the house and go to sleep…so leave me alone.”

“BYAKUYA,” Unohana yelled toward the sleepy Captain.

Byakuya groaned and spun around on his heels so he was facing the Captain of 4th squad. “What the HELL is it Unohana?!”

“Please will you help us?”

“No, ask Renji or someone else…but not me.”

“You suck Kuchiki.”

“Yea, I know, now get over it.”

“Fine…I’ll just commit suicide and blame it on you!”

Byakuya quirked an eyebrow at Unohana, “What? That makes no sense.”

“Sure it does!” she retorted quickly.

“You’d be dead…that doesn’t work…now, I’m off to go finish my nap…undisturbed…”

Unohana pouted slightly. “Fine, be that way,”

!!~~!!~~!!

Shunsui looked around the bridge, and then…Nanao making out with Ichigo! “Oh my God…” he gasped. Drawing his Zanpaktou, he charged toward Ichigo. “Get away from my Nanao!” he yelled, anger evident in his voice.

‘Ichigo’ and ‘Nanao’ spun around and shrieked. “Ky-Kyouraku- Taichou,” they stuttered in unison.

Kyouraku roared in anger. “KUROSAKI!!!”

A/N: Sorry there weren’t as many parts in chapter, next I promise to put 5 just for you guys! Click the cute little review button pwease!