Disclaimer: This author would like to say right here and right now that she does not own Harry Potter. This crackfic is written solely for the purpose of entertainment and nothing else. If she owns Harry Potter, the whole world shall turn over and Hilter was born with a daisy for a dick. (Maybe that was why he got so mad). But all in all, this author does not own Harry Potter in any way, shape or form. Thank you for your time.

Harry Potter stared at the piece of paper in his hand. His eyes averted immediately to its sender, Draco Malfoy, who stared back at him and grinned. Harry nodded and folded the piece of paper up.

It said, Meet me at the usual spot at 11.

Sounded kinky didn't it. But stop. It was not what you're thinking. No sir it wasn't. Draco and Harry were not having a secret affair and nor were they shagging under their friends' noses every night. They were not going to go into the Room of Requirements (the (maybe) usual spot) and have hot kinky sex that will blow the reader's pants off.

But despite that, the two rivals met at exactly eleven at their usual spot.

"Tell me, how in the world did we pick Snape's private bathroom as our usual spot again?" asked Draco.

Harry looked down at the rusty bathtub. It looked as if it hadn't been used in years. "It's a kinky place, meeting at your potion professor's private bathroom. That and the fact that using the Room of Requirements and empty classrooms to shag are getting old."

"But we don't shag," Draco pointed out. "We aren't suppose to have hot kinky sex that'll blow the reader's pants off remember?"

"Then what's the point of this?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Draco admitted, also staring at the rusty bathtub. "I think I saw a maggot down the drain."

"How can you see a maggot in here? There's no light," Harry said, but just out of his super-human curiosity, he squinted his eyes, also trying to see the maggot. He ignored a cracking sound that had just occurred somewhere near him. "I don't see any maggot."

"That's because you dropped your glasses," Draco said.

"How did you know that?"

"I just stepped on it," Draco said, bending over to retrieve Harry's broken glasses from the bathroom floor. A rat ran by and bit his finger.

"Did a rat just bit my finger?" Draco asked.

"Yes it did. That was just announced two lines above us."

"I'm bending. I can't see," Draco said as he felt around the floor for the glasses.

"Stop pointing your fine arse at my face," Harry snapped and spanked Draco's butt, which was currently waving in front of his nose. "We're really on a verge of having possible hot kinky sex that might blow the reader's pants off, and I don't think half the reader on this site could afford a new pair of pants."

"They might not be wearing any. Oops, I dropped my wand," Draco suggested as he backed off a little so his hand could reach his wand.

"Oooooooffff," Draco's butt pressed against his mouth and he could feel himself harden. His knees weakened.

"Potter," Draco moaned. "You're making my butt vibrate." His hand suddenly found both his wand and the glasses. Draco stood up. "Potter?"

"I'm down here."

"Why are you down there?"

Harry grumbled something and got up. "You know, if the Authoress knows what just happen, she's going to be really mad at us. We're not suppose to have any kind of hot kinky sex that might blow the reader's pants off."

"But we didn't. I just dropped my wand. It's very hard to find that darn thing you know, even if it's quite long and big," Draco defended.

"You're planting some rather disturbing images inside my head right now," Harry said as he felt himself getting even harder. "Some images that might lead up to a possible hot kinky sex that-"

"Will blow the reader's pants off," Draco finished for him.

Outside the bathroom door, the two boys could hear a faint stir that froze their blood. Then the stir was followed by a low groan and creaking of a wooden bed.

"I think we're being too loud," Harry said, his bloodstream regaining its pattern of flowing.

Draco nodded in the dark. "Let's be quiet from now on."

"It's going to be very hard with you around," Harry said. "You keep making stupid noises."

Draco snorted. "For your info, the noisesI made are not stupid, they're erotic."

"They're stupid."

"They'll make you blow your pants."

"Oh, yeah?"

Draco smirked. "You want to have hot kinky sex that'll blow the reader's pants off?" He grinned and cupped Harry erection. "It'll help with your problem."

Harry paused and thought about it. He was really horny right now. But they weren't suppose to have any kind of hot and kinky sex. "No..."

"How about a blow job?"

"That's still sex."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Oral sex doesn't even count anymore."

Harry thought about it again and suddenly gasped as Draco gave him a stroke. The brunette sat up and glared.

"So how about it?"

"Mmmmmmm... Not so bad," Harry said. "But we'll get fired."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," Harry groaned. Draco grinned.

"Now let's have some hot and kinky sex that'll blow the pants off those readers," he announced as he started to tug at Harry's trousers.

Hmmmm.

Hehe.

Now all of you out there were probably expecting some really hot and kinky sex that'll blow your pants off. But that's not going to happen. One, because they weren't suppose to have hot and kinky sex in the first place, and two:

"Oh no," Someone winced and groaned. "Not again."

The two boys pull apart from each other and stared at their intruder. "Professor Snape!"

Severus Snape stood by the doorway, fuming.

"Um sir," Draco began. "We can-"

"No you can't!" Snape shouted. "This is the forth fan fiction that I've came across on you two having hot and kinky sex that'll probably blow people's pants off!" He then hissed like a cat. "Now stop what you're doing and get out of my private bathroom before my last pair of pants explodes!"