I need to vent, and Ino is so abuseable. I'll most likely take this off some time soon, but I can't bring myself to stop the process of posting it. Ino belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Already Over

by green see-through ghosts

let's call it AU, SONGFIC, and STRANGE.

the songs Already Over and Lost are by RED. If you're looking for a soundtrack, that's it.

I was cold. Tired. Empty. Hurting. Hot water would be nice, but a shower wasn’t the medicine I really needed.

You just got your medicine, I reminded myself as I stripped out of the short leather skirt and lavender halter-top, both items rumpled from harsh treatment. It was after three AM and pitch black, but I didn’t bother turning on the bathroom light. I didn’t want to see myself in the mirror: didn’t want to see my body as I washed.

I fumbled on the bathroom counter, searching for the Ipod and speakers I knew were set up around here somewhere. Instead, I found the remote; not that it mattered. I hit play knowing that it’d be something rocky, and it was. Metal and darkness and hot water. All good.

But never enough.

“You got what you wanted, Ino,” I muttered to myself as I stumbled away from the counter. Not that I could hear myself over the pounding music. Somehow, I found the shower curtain, pulled it back, and managed to step inside the tub without tripping on the low wall. In a moment, I had the hot water running, hitting my skin hard and unforgiving.

Another night passed. Another man tried. Another search failed. When, when would I fucking learn? I was so weak…so damn weak.

You never go…you’re always here…under my skin…I can not run away.

I cocked my head to one side as the water burned my skin, burned away the night, burned away my sin. Not my music. Maybe Shika had been by.

Remember, I told myself, night and time again. Sex does not equal love. I searched for love, not sex. But in some twisted part of the minds I was with, they were the same. And I wanted it so bad -- love, not sex. Love like this water cascading over my shoulders. Love that reached all of me and simply held me, love that made my heart twist in the wake of it’s beauty, love that-

Fading slowly! I give it all to you, reaching as I fall. I know it’s already over…

Reaching as I fall. Wasn’t that the story of my life? Reaching out for a love that escaped me every time I made a move towards it?

I fumbled for my shampoo in the darkness, knocking over a few bottles before I found the right one. They fell soundlessly to the tub floor, the noise engulfed in the music.

Nothing left to lose…loving you again. I know it’s already over, already over now.

I had something to lose…didn’t I? I couldn’t be all gone…oh God, how could I be this far gone?

My best defense…running from you…I can’t resist…take all you want from me.

Running? Why the hell didn’t I run? Why did I just stand there -- why did I walk willingly into the arms of this deception?

I was cold, and the water couldn’t warm me. The shampoo bottle fell to join the others, and I stood in the darkness and the heat, shivering, frozen, and crying as the music played around me: played out the living hell that I’d created.

You’re all I’m reaching for.

What was I reaching for? Oh God, what was I actually reaching for?

I fell to my knees -- not gently, but because I suddenly lacked the strength to even stand. My knees banged hard on the plastic, and red pain flared up in my legs; the steaming water dripped over my chilled face, singing my lips. Why did I even try to continue? Why didn’t I just end it?

Because you’ve felt love, I told myself. And you can’t give up the search for it.

I give it all to you. I offer up my soul. It’s already over, already over now!

I sobbed louder, not that anyone could hear. I sent up a cry, not caring if the wrong person noticed, not caring that I was being so uncool and psycho. I remembered a time when sex was a word to be whispered and giggled over as I blushed. I remembered a time when my body had meant something to me. Most of all, I remembered a love…a love I’d been given…a love I’d rejected…

Already over…already over now…

“Jesus!” I screamed, and it was a call, not a curse.

Already over…

Following song:

Can I be dreaming once again?
I'm reaching helpless I descend
You lead me deeper through this maze
I'm not afraid

I'm lost in you everywhere I run
Everywhere I turn I'm finding something new
Lost in you, something I can't fight
I cannot escape
I could spend my life lost in you! Lost in you!

Your whispers fill these empty halls
I'm searching for you as you call
I'm racing, chasing after you
I need you more

I could never be the same
Something that I could never arise
I could never look away
I lost myself in you!
It's all over now!

Lost in you! Everywhere I run
Lost in you! Everywhere I run!