Author: Twilight Zephyr PM
Watching things was what he did best; whether it was watching those around him dreams falling apart, or getting lost in the inexorable tangle of emotions. Jascob, slashRated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Jasper & Jacob - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,258 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 09-29-08 - Published: 05-29-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4287185
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I don't exactly know what happened as I wrote this, but I had planned it as a one-shot at first; but it somehow morphed itself into being a three-shot. So here you go, you all get three parts of Jasper/Jacob goodness. This is actually one of my favorite ships, but the fiction out there for it is incredibly sparse; it makes me really sad. If I can, I'd love to write more for it, but that will have to wait until the summer. I'm extremely busy as it is; I'm hoping to finish this story up before the weekend because I have a lot of stuff to do that should be taking priority over this, but I'm letting my creativity take over instead.
Part Title: watching dreams shatter and emotions entwine
Words: 3 802 words
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, and are in no way mine. They're just fun to use in my strange ideas because, apparently, that's what my lovely little ideas love to use them for.
. watching dreams shatter and emotions entwine .
Watching things was what he did best.
Unlike his brothers, he preferred quiet action to just using muscle to solve a problem; he preferred quiet words and actions to resolve a situation or problem. That was just how he worked. He preferred the more peaceful way of doing things; that was just how he was.
It was never fun, being empathic, because it meant that you could never be sure of your emotions unless you were completely and utterly alone. Other people's emotions became your own, and you couldn't tell which emotions were theirs and which ones were your own. That was what made him such an agreeable person; because he always knew what to say or what to do, being able to sense emotions was what made that easier. He was the peacekeeper, always on the sidelines, never taking part in the conflict.
But now, now he was facing a crisis.
Things were falling apart around him; watching his family being torn apart over the issue of one human's mortality.
She was tearing their family apart at the seams; that was Bella Swan's curse.
Alice's visions showed her what was to come, and she'd acted on them. Partly. Confronting Carlisle about the unavoidable trial that was speeding towards them, they'd been forced to change her before she was ready. And now, that was hurting their family.
His head constantly hurt; he knew that vampires, technically in all senses of the word, couldn't feel pain, but it still did hurt. All the emotions swirling through him, thick and potent, were giving him headaches and confusing him even more; he didn't know what he felt anymore, what he believed. He was becoming nothing more then a radio that broadcast others emotions.
Rosalie was eternally guilty; she felt that everything that had caused this inexorable spiral down into the hell that Bella was going through now. She blamed herself. He felt that. Emmett felt horrible that Rosalie felt that way and his woes were added onto Jasper's. He felt that too.
Alice was… conflicted. She felt that she'd done the right thing, yet she felt guilty and depressed that she had had to do what she did. Her feelings were that she had betrayed her best, closest friend; her sister. Whenever he was around her, his heart would twist painfully in his chest and the feelings would completely overwhelm him. He felt the need to retreat into a corner and curl into a ball; that was how Alice felt.
Esme and Carlisle, their pain was for what had been taken from Bella. And he felt that too. It wasn't as intense as the others; but still, he felt it and it became part of him too. They pitied Bella for having become like them without having had the chance to tell everyone goodbye; that she loved them. So now, he pitied her as well.
Then there was Edward. His emotions were wreaking havoc; he felt angry, jealous, sad. They swirled around, changing constantly every moment so fast that Jasper thought his head might implode. The sorrow that Edward felt was like a black hole, dragging him in; and he'd spiral down and down and down until he couldn't remember anything but the blackness of the sorrow. It was like drowning in it, leaving nothing behind of himself but once was' and has beens. How Edward felt was nearly unimaginable.
Finally, there was Bella herself. What she felt, what she was going through; was tearing Jasper apart. It was like being torn apart from the seams, all of her emotions clashed together. Her anger and anguish at hurting those she cared about because now she couldn't give them all proper goodbyes; the suffering that Bella went through, knowing the irreparable damage that she had caused to her best friend and the one who would have been her soul mate in a normal world. A world where vampires and werewolves didn't exist. The range of horribly negative emotions that flooded through Bella made Jasper almost wish that he could die; that he could cry. But he couldn't do either; and it was tearing him apart.
Just like it was tearing their family apart.
Bella's mortality had always been a rather… sensitive subject in their family. Her sudden change to being one of them was ripping the family apart at the seams; it was only a matter of time until they parted ways.
Jasper knew what he would do, while he knew that everyone else would leave.
It was his gift; his curse, to forever feel the shadows of others emotions.
To never truly know what his own emotions were.
And maybe that was why he was finding himself distant from Alice; like he didn't really know her. That they were strangers caught up in a play of romance where the chemistry wasn't quite right and things refused to work out in their favor.
So that was why, there were holes in their love; holes that, while at first weren't visible, once torn wide open were impossible to miss. Now there was no denying that their love was imperfect; fragmented. It just was not meant to be.
Jasper had run, fleeing from the twisted and unseen battlefield that was his family. Now it was inevitable that their family would drift apart; and he knew that he would stay. There was nothing left for him with them; all he could do was remain here and hope that he could someday find enough of the scattered pieces and slowly put himself back together again around someone. It was the only way that he could call himself 'whole' again; well, as whole as an undead vampire can be.
The cliffs seemed to be the perfect place for him, desolate and lonely; they looked out over the ocean as it raged below, bearing witness to its constantly changing moods. Jasper welcomed the crashes of waves, the peace that being here, alone, offered him. He could almost feel his own emotions now.
If he knew where they were.
Closing his dull-gold eyes, he let himself fall onto the grassy ground. Lying there flat on his back, arms spread, he let the sea air wash over him as he let all of the feelings of others flood out of him in a bitter torment. When they were gone, and he was sure that it was just himself in his mind, it was… empty.
Jasper couldn't feel anything; it was as if the ability to feel had been drained out of him from the constant turmoil that he'd been dragged through for so long.
No matter how hard he tried, Jasper couldn't find anything; nothing about how he really felt about anything. His purpose for existing… well he was finding out that it had never really been that even; he was still looking.
So where could it be? Where was he supposed to go to start looking?
He had no idea. A little help would be appreciated here.
But for now, he could wait; he could wait a little longer. It was, after all, only a matter of time until it stumbled to him.
He just didn't know how bang on that would be.
What was it he was feeling? It was like his heart had been ripped from his chest, leaving behind a gaping hole that refused to heal. Refusing to close, his being was bleeding from where his heart had once been; he had given himself over to his instincts.
Jacob Black didn't think that he'd ever be able to return to himself; he'd given himself over so fully to his werewolf instincts that he wasn't sure of who he was anymore.
But the pain was still there; refusing to ebb or go away. It was the only thing that made him remember that he had been human; that he was human, that he was only borrowing the form of a wolf for the moment. That he would have to return to that form eventually.
His thoughts were turmoil; and he couldn't focus on them. His emotions ripped through him one after the other, leaving wounds that refused to close and just left him bleeding more; he wondered whether or not he'd just bleed to death eventually from them.
All he wanted was for the pain to stop.
He wanted to heal.
To find some way for him to piece himself back together again.
Maybe… maybe that was what he could do for Bella. He could do her some good, and let her go; he could heal for her, find someone else, maybe then, and only then, could he put everything back into place and go back to who he'd been once upon a time before he'd met Bella Swan.
Before he'd fallen in love with her.
Unconsciously his body drifted to the cliffs. He wandered along them aimlessly, still in wolf form. But then, an almost… familiar smell reached him.
Yes, he knew that smell.
But where did he recognize it from?
Oh, that was right; all those nights before, it seemed like forever ago that he'd last inhaled that smell. It was something sweet; sweet and fragrant, like the sweetest most desirable perfume. It was a scent that man could never recreate.
Following it along the cliffs, it grew stronger; more potent. He could feel himself being drawn in.
He reached where the scent was at its pinnacle; lying on the ground, was one of the leeches. Jacob would've normally stopped dead in his tracks, retreated, or attacked; but he wasn't in his right mind at that moment.
Besides, that smell was just so alluring, so… tempting.
And now, it was entirely obvious as to where it was coming from. He wondered for a few moments; had he imprinted? But no, he would have figured it out if he had imprinted, it wouldn't just be manifesting itself now; this had to be, well, it just had to be something else.
Was it just physical attraction? Because that would be understandable; as much as Jacob hated to admit it, all of the Cullens were beautiful, well, beyond beautiful. They were like perfection incarnate; no one could ever hope to surpass the beauty that each of them possessed. But to Jacob, only that one, the one lying in the grass, could ever be a Greek god to him.
Odd, that's what it was, how Jacob's feelings seemed to sort themselves right out the moment that he entered the blond vampire's presence. Because now that he was close enough, almost close enough to touch, everything was falling into place.
Was that part of that leech's gift? All he knew was what Bella had told him, something about how he could manipulate the emotions of those around him. But something whispered in his ear that that wasn't all he could do. After all, to be able to do that... he'd have to to have empathic abilities.
That meant that, out of everyone, he was probably the only one who could fully understand him. His brothers could only see his memories and feelings; but they didn't understand them, they couldn't feel them. In that respect, he was on his own. But now... now there was the chance that he could have someone who would understand; who could understand. Who could understand everything.
And now, with his feelings presented to him in such perfect clarity, he could see precisely everything that he wanted, what he needed. And right now...
He wanted that god damn, bloody leech.
Trotting up, he noticed that the lavender eyelids didn't even twitch as he approached, but his lips moved as he spoke in the lightest of whispers, "So you did come back."
Jacob gave a tiny whine; after all, you couldn't speak English when you were a werewolf, but there were waves of something coming off him, and he could tell that the other man could feel them. Each and every single emotion that surged through him.
"... you don't have to be nervous. I won't hurt you."
Slowly, Jacob came closer; it wasn't fear of what Jasper that was making him nervous about approaching the vampire, it was this niggling fear of being rejected. He knew that the other could feel it; as prominent as it was in his emotions. It was scary, almost, how important the vampire had become to him in such a short period of time. Or maybe it was because he was just piecing together how he felt now instead of having done so back when his first encounters had occurred with the exquisite blond; he'd been so conflicted back then and preoccupied with Bella that he hadn't stopped to think of anything else really.
That was it; that was what had kept him from realizing where his soul mate in this strange and twisted world was. He'd been so fixated on what he would have had in a normal world (and who wanted a normal world when one could be with someone so unnaturally perfect and handsome?), that he'd failed to realize what the world of the supernatural had gifted to him. And oh how he wanted it.
He hadn't realized that he'd closed his eyes, he hadn't realized that he'd phased back. That was until he felt icy hands on him; gently, almost timidly tracing his face. His dark brown eyes shot open and he looked into the dull gold that looked back at him. How could he once have found this stunning creature loathing? Shuddering away from them and hating them? He didn't know anymore, right now he found himself living in the moment; nothing else mattered.
It didn't matter that he was completely naked and pressed up against another man; a dead man for that matter and his mortal enemy. All that did matter to him right then was how right everything felt; how everything just seemed to click together and seem perfect right then in that moment. It was unlike how things had been with Bella; with her, there always seemed to be words that needed to be said, but here, now, in this vampire's arms; nothing needed to be said. They understood and knew each other on a level that was so deep that their very souls seemed to be nothing more then an extension of the other.
Jasper had never felt so alive; never before with his time with Alice, or with Marie. Even the dim memories from his time as a human couldn't compare to how alive and whole he felt at that moment. If his heart could still beat, he knew that it would be thudding loudly in his chest.
Even with Alice, he'd always felt like something was missing; that something wasn't quite right. It was like there was a missing piece of the puzzle that he could never find; no matter how hard he looked. But this, this was very much it. In all its exquisite perfection he'd found what he'd been looking for all these years; it had paid off, his searching and endless waiting. He'd found that missing part of himself.
And the emotions! The feelings! They seemed to swell up inside him now; and it didn't matter that they might be Jacob's or that they might be his. It remained a fact that he now knew precisely how he felt and what he wanted; his feelings were now his own.
Jasper Hale had finally found his other half.
Liquid chocolate met deep gold, and everything fell into place for them. The perfect clarity of their own unique feelings for each other washed over them; even Jacob, though he wasn't too far from being empathic, could feel the waves of happiness, joy, love, passion, belonging, and so much more coming off the vampire who held him. Perfection rang out in every fiber of their beings.
Jasper leaned in a little closer; his face now barely a hair away from Jacob's. The way he hesitated was to extend the moment of exhilaration; the moment of suspense before icy lips would meet burning ones. In the way that they looked at each other, you would feel like you were intruding on the most private of private moments; that this was something outsiders were not ever meant to see.
Almost painstakingly slowly, Jasper moved in and brushed his lips once, twice over Jacob's before claiming them in a more forceful and passionate kiss. Jacob responded with equal fervor, pressing his nude form up against the vampire; not caring the least about the cold, rock-hard body that it was. His arms came around the others neck, hands tangling in the blond strands as he pulled Jasper down onto himself further; Jasper complied, leaning in and using his grip on the other's hips to bring them together until their bodies were flush against each other. Had both been naked, you would have troubles guessing where one began and the other ended.
Jacob didn't care that his lungs burned for air, or the frigid feel of the body that he moved against. All he could feel was how right this all felt to him; he could care less about what others would think, what his pack brothers would think. This was all worth it.
No one else could ever make him feel like this.
Not in this world where werewolves and vampires stalked the earth; hunting each other for all eternity.
And yet, here they were; mortal enemies locked in a passionate embrace and tasting each other with such a fierce drive that you would never suspect them to be.
For Jacob, this was everything that he would need; everything that he could ever want.
He'd found precisely what he needed and wanted to rebuild the shattered heart that Bella had left in her wake. And deep down, he knew that this was what he'd always wanted; some part of him had subconsciously known this before the rest of him had. And now, he was never letting it go. Jasper was his rock, his anchor, his love, his everything.
Nothing would change that.
And as for Jasper? He could live with being forced to watch others dreams crash down around him; feeling their emotions as they did so, as their emotions entwined with his to such a point where he couldn't tell which were which anymore. Because now, he'd found what he needed. As long as Jacob stood at his side; he knew that he'd be fine, that he would survive. Even if their story turned into Romeo and Juliet, because that was essentially what it was; he just prayed that it would never end in tragedy. He couldn't bear to lose Jacob; his Jacob.
That would leave him even farther back then square one.
To each other, they were everything.
Being as preoccupied as they were with each other, both had failed to notice the audience that had gathered just in the shadows of the trees. The werewolves were shocked; but more then that, they felt betrayed and angry.
How dare their pack brother even dare to kiss one of them?
There would be blood to pay for this; and they knew just whose blood would be spilled for this betrayal. After all, the bloodsucker could manipulate emotions, it would be entirely to easy for him, they thought, to manipulate Jacob into believing that he felt something for the leech.
Leah felt her stomach heave, and she launched herself at them; completely ignoring Sam and barreling down at the two. All she felt was anger and betrayal; her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest.
She'd loved Jacob.
Just like she'd loved Sam.
And now, she was losing him just like she'd lost Sam.
She wouldn't allow it.
Jacob was supposed to be hers.
Not that leech's!
The other werewolves noticed the jerk that the leech suffered the moment that Leah had emerged and launched herself at the two; shifting into her werewolf form and letting her emotions take her.
His entire body seemed to seize up and his eyes opened wide for a moment; the difference in emotions that he'd been feeling flow through him changing so abruptly and to such an alarming degree that he couldn't focus on anything. Jasper's body spasmed once.
And now, with a werewolf bounding down at them, he knew he had to act. But he couldn't; the pain had immobilized him.
It was Jacob who surprised him; growling before he two phased in an explosion of fur, claws and teeth. He faced down his only pack sister, growling viciously at her as he moved between her and her target.
'Don't you dare Leah!'
His thoughts roared around her; sending her stumbling to the ground where she slammed into it with a loud slam. Her head spun from the force of the emotions that Jacob was forcing into her the moment that he'd phased as well; she couldn't fight back! She couldn't!
Leah's wolf form shuddered and twisted on the ground for a moment before a very nude young teenager emerged from it. Jacob stared down at her with his wolf eyes; daring her to get up and even attempt to make a move on the vampire that he held so precious. When their eyes met, there were tears in Leah's eyes.
"Why...? How could you do this to me?! To us?! You betray the one that you express to love more then anything so easily?!" Her voice broke several times; reaching octaves that hurt all who were present's ears. "You'd betray everything that you are, what we are, for this... this... this creature?! This brute who has probably taken human lives?!"
Jacob watched her; feelings his own emotions running wild. A bitterly cold hand settled onto his shoulder, running through the fur in a comforting gesture; he tilted his head to see Jasper looking at Leah with lidded, clouded eyes. Pain lashed across them as her emotions shot through him; searing into him as if they were his own, which, in a way, they were.
"What would she think of you?! Lowering yourself to the status of a common slut?! A prostitute! That's what you are! You're nothing more then a slut! You'd betray your kind to the enemy; give yourself to them like a common whore for nothing more then one cheap night of thrills! For a single kiss that you could get from anyone!"
Jasper's voice was like ice when he spoke, "Do not pretend... that you know what everyone feels. Make decisions for yourself." He walked into the forest; in the opposite direction of where the wolves were, stopping at the edge of the trees. When he spoke, it was no more then a whisper, but they could all hear it. "You can choose if you want to come with me or not, Jacob. This is your choice, not mine."
Several long seconds dragged by.
The vampire feared rejection; but his fears were for not. A snout bumped against his hand. He smiled down at the werewolf as he ran his hand through the fur and scratched the ears. His smile was genuine, for the first time in a long time, he actually smiled. "Thank you."
And that was all that needed to be said.
Because they would know, always, that they didn't need to say how they truly felt.
They already knew it.
There's a second part on its way; but I'd really like some reviews on this telling me what you all thought. I've noticed that the twilightslash community has gotten really inactive lately, and I'm wondering that's because of the end of the school year thing. I sure hope so; I'd hate to see a community as fabulous as that one die. I absolutely love it.
This is funny; I was recently asked, while writing this story, why I write so much non-canon fan fiction. In fact, they asked if I'd ever written canon before; I have, just not in this fandom, which was the one we were talking about. So I have been challenged to write something canon; and I have decided to write something that is Rosalie/Emmett seeing as there is too much of the other pairings.
By the way... I'm thinking of starting up a Jasper/Jacob community or a Jasper/Edward one; would anyone be interested in joining?