Oh my god! She finished it!! :P The chapter that is. I will do one and one more chapter to this story, and then it ends for good, I'm afraid.

I hope no one died of old age waiting for the update, and I want to send hugs and kisses out to everyone who has supported me on this journey, and to pimp out my new Natsume/Mikan story 'Armor Ultio Est' (a fiery AU with a popular/geek theme as well as some heavier issues and a lot of healthy teenage realism)

That said, let's get this baby off the ground!

Natsume needed time to think. Badly.

He left the hospital, after not being able to look at a nurse straight (for obvious reasons), and simply because of the overload of information on his one-track mind. He was being forced to remember how to think of others before himself – in the past few years he’d got into the habit of thinking only about himself, because he had his friend’s constant assurance that they could look after themselves fine, and he should just be happy any way he could. He was the one with the problems, and he'd been fooled into thinking the world revolved around him.

They’d encouraged him so much that he had plunged head first into cycles of shallow pleasure-seeking, and he'd forgotten how to put someone else’s welfare before his.

That’s what he got for being depressed for so long, and getting 'too much' love and support from his friends. But now he wasn’t sure he’d moved in a good direction since that time – not if one of his best friend’s nearly died because he wasn’t smart enough to work out he was hurting her for his own lust.

Mikan…

He scowled to himself as he paced out of the hospital, and then got into his car. It was practically his now, he hadn’t taken it back in so long Persona had stopped asking about it: he was just expected not to get caught.

How could Mikan not say anything, he wondered, and how had things become so twisted so quickly? For a moment he thought about how easy things could be if he got together with Mikan, but then he dismissed the thought, because as he’d told himself time and time again he didn’t find her attractive so he wouldn’t be able to be with her.

At least, that was what he had told himself, and the very fact that he’d drilled it into his own mind so thoroughly made him wonder if it was really true, or if he’d just pulled one over on his subconscious. He probably had some part to play in the dreams with sexual aspects, even if he denied it to her face – after all, he was the one with the experience to create them.

He’d said to her he would end it with Reira, and he meant it; thinking back now to all the time they spent together. Knowing that he was physically hurting Mikan for every bit of pleasure he gained tainted the whole experience permanently, and he knew that things wouldn’t ever have been the same with her.

Now he had an excuse he felt every other irritation and agitation she made him feel get a free rein, and the things he’d ignored before were suddenly all valid reasons to get rid of her and be glad for it. Hell, in a way he was almost looking forward to it.

He was dialling the number before he even realized it, and when she didn’t pick up, he was outside the dorms with the engine purring and the words already thought out in his head.

‘We can’t be together anymore… it’s not you it’s me… I never meant for it to go this far…’

He could do it. A piece of cake.

He walked straight into the dorms in broad daylight, because, of course, the monitoring bots already had him registered as a resident of the building (after his nocturnal visits to Mikan), so even though there were a few shrieks and squeals he didn’t have to stop for long until he was at her door.

He hadn’t known which room was hers, but he asked a red-faced girl, who directed him there while she stared at her shoes like they were the hottest new thing in Japan.

He knocked twice. She opened the door.

“Reira, we need to–”

“Aren't you even going to ask why I've been crying?” the poor girl asked, and Natsume did a double take and then realized she had makeup all over her face and her eyes were red. So... at least now he wouldn't be responsible for making it worse, right?

“I've got something to–”

“You don't even care, do you?” she sniffed, and Natsume's patience wore thin.

“I'm trying to tell you something!” he snapped.

“I know what it is already, okay!?” she screeched back. “You're breaking up with me! Woo! Big news! Or not!” Natsume ducked as a soldering iron flew in the direction of his head, and he was more or less buggered as to what the hell he could do now.

“I... how did you know?” he stuttered, and flying tubes of paint and books caused him to back out into the corridor; people turned around to look curiously.

“It doesn't take a genius to work it out,” she sobbed loudly, rubbing a hand (not throwing things) across her face and smearing her makeup even further.

“I'm sorry,” he said quickly, and she started crying even harder; assuming it was safe to go in now, Natsume picked up the things she'd thrown and carried them inside, closing the door behind him.

“Reira, I really am sorry,” he mumbled, words of empathy and his own true feelings revealed eeking out of him. “We just can't be together.”

“Why?” she wept. “Why?”

“It...” he started: this could be make or break. “It hurts her,” he confessed.

“What? Who?”

“M-Mikan,” he felt himself stutter, and hated himself for it. “The reason she... got sick... it was because of me,” he admitted, and it felt horribly relieving – like letting off the pressure in a pipe that was about to burst.

“...How?” she asked meekly, and Natsume crossed the floor to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

“It's complicated,” he sighed. “But... I can't do this anymore. I'm bad for you–”

“Like you need to tell me that,” she groaned, and Natsume ignored the fact that he felt a little slighted by her comment.

“Ugh... I always go for the ones who are already in love, don't I?” Reira lamented, and Natsume froze.

“What?” he bolted. “I'm not in lo–”

“Don't give me that bullshit, Natsume,” she retorted. “You 'can't be with me' because of Mikan. You don't have to cover it up, okay? I don't mind losing to her,” Reira said, in what she assumed to be a very mature and sympathetic way; at least, to her it felt that way.

“I'm not in love with Mikan!” he snapped defensively, and Reira looked up, and the two regarded each other suspiciously.

“Do you think about her every day?” she asked.

“Well... yeah, I guess,” Natsume answered, bemused. There was always some point at any day when she bugged him or was too noisy and made it impossible for you not to think of her.

“And you know her well?”

“Better than I know myself probably,” he grunted: to be fair she was a lot less complex than he was. Easier to understand.

“You don't know what you'd do without her, do you?” she probed knowingly.

“Well....” His performance at the hospital was answer enough to answer that.

“And you'd give up anything for her sake, right?” Now that she had let go of him (although it would be a while until she stopped hurting), Reira could see these things all too clearly.

“Yes. Anything,” he replied curtly.

“And... you're telling me you're not in love with her?” she announced superciliously, and Natsume suddenly felt a big 'duuh' sticker hit his forehead.

“I...” he panicked, “I...I don't,” he claimed. “I mean, I... with you it was like...” He forced himself to calm down, think things through. He knew the answer to this.

“I'm not attracted to her,” he stated plainly. “I wouldn't do–”

“Natsume, if there's one thing I know about you,” Reira suddenly said loudly. “One thing: it's that you think with the wrong f—king head most of the time.” Yes, Reira had stopped throwing things, but somehow Natsume didn't feel any better.

“Stop thinking about getting your rocks off all the time andjust look at her, use your heart, not your junk,” she instructed acidly. “Because I'm sure as hell not giving you up for anyone else but her. So you better realize it fast.”

Natsume wondered how Mikan and Reira always seemed to make him feel like there was a big game being played all around him, which he could never notice until it was already over.

He also wondered why it was that, with those words, it felt like something inside him suddenly changed, and when before he'd been looking out of a tiny hold in a door, now someone had kicked the whole thing open and light was flooding in all around him. He had her to thank for it, when he stopped being shit-scared of the reality crashing in.

“It's over,” Reira re-stated sourly, and he saw the sadness returning to her face. “You can go now.”

“Wait...”

“I said go!” That was the sort of tone that leant towards things being thrown again, so Natsume decided that if she asked for it then he might as well do what she said, and quickly made his exit. There were things he wanted to say, but he realized they could wait; now wasn't the right time.

He walked out of the dorm with a feeling of relief – he hadn't ever wanted to be in a relationship with her in the first place, and now it felt like an unnoticed burden was gone: he felt pretty good, all in all.

He got out his mobile, and called Mikan, it picked up after a few rings.

“Hey Mika–” he started, but stopped when he realized she had in fact pressed the answer button by mistake, and didn't actually have the phone to her ear – idiot, he thought, but then everything inside him clenched up when he heard Ruka's voice in the background.

He was his best friend, but knowing he was with her alone made him feel wound up and irritated all of a sudden. He knew Ruka liked her, and if anything happened between them... well, he hoped it wouldn't because A. Mikan was supposed to like him, and B. if something did happen... it'd hurt.

It right then that he felt a horrible pounding in his chest, running right along his ribs and tearing through the middle like he'd been shot – he knew what that felt like – and this honestly wasn't too far off.

“Shiiiit,” he groaned as he slumped to the ground and started to hyperventilate, wondering what the hell was happening between those two if this was the end product.

Even worse was that if what Mikan had said was right, he was now feeling what he'd done to her all this time.

And suddenly he felt horribly guilty for putting her through it.

“Natsume?!” Mikan cried when the door to her room opened, and then she tried to conceal her disappointment when it was Ruka.

“Natsume? No, it's me,” he said kindly, thinking that she was confused. “Natsume isn't here, but I am, Mikan.” He walked over to the bed and reached out for her, and although this shouldn't have been the threatening gesture that it was, because with Mikan's body so bound to Natsume's she was scared by the approach of anyone else.

She also knew it might hurt Natsume, and that was why she covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself screaming when he suddenly threw his arms around her shoulders and hugged her.

“Mikan, I will be good enough for you, I promise!” Ruka cried tenderly, and all the other romantic things he should be, but Mikan just wanted to cry and tell him everything.

Tell him everything? Wait? Why couldn't she?

What was stopping her? Wasn't she still Mikan Sakura?

Yes, she was, and Mikan Sakrua did whatever she bloody-well wanted to, and usually made a lot of noise in the process.

“Ruka!” she cried, but before she could say anything else her lips were stopped with someone else's.

His.

But not the right his.

“Waah!” she screeched and pushed him away, Ruka backing away from the kiss in fright and confusion – what had he done wrong? Natsume did things like this with his girlfriends, what didn't go right?

“Ruka, please listen to me,” she said shakily, her heart pounding and pleading that Natsume hadn't been hurt by that – she hadn't meant it, had she? Her first kiss was still his, all that time ago.

“What, Mikan?” he asked, obviously a little scared of what she had to say.

“See Ruka...oh, god, where do I start,” she sighed, and then she told him everything. Right from the mission and stealing Natsume's Alice, to realizing they couldn't sleep without each other's presence, to being able to feel each other's emotions, and discovering what their new Alice was.

She talked, and he listened, as she told him about being able to read each other's mind when the Alice became stronger, and how she used it to find him that night at the pet shop, and how she never meant for it to happen, but she somehow started liking him.

“And it hurt,” she said emotively. “It hurt so much when he was with Reira-senpai...” Ruka mistakenly thought she was being figurative, but never got a chance to realize this until she came to a close.

“And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but he said we couldn't tell anyone or the Academy would flip, and we got all caught up in the stupid thing and it's horrible but I kind of forgot about you not knowing. Natsume is like that,”she lamented. “He makes you think his issues are number one in the whole world, and there's no one else around.”

Ruka nodded, he knew all too well how that was the case.

Then he said nothing, because, to be honest, he was hurt. They didn't tell him? This huge thing happened to his two best friends in the whole world and they didn't tell him? They kept it a secret, and Mikan – the girl he had been sure he was in love with – said she forgot about him. While he was falling for her she had forgotten about him and was falling for Natsume.

He was appalled. Absolutely disgusted, and hurt, and he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach, and out of the loop, by the people he trusted most.

Suffice to say, he no longer 'liked' Mikan; that died in a number of short and angry moments. He barely even liked her as a friend right now.

“Ruka, I'm sorry,” she said sadly. “Everything is in such a mess now.” Then he felt even worse, because when Mikan was saying sad things and not spouting endlessly optimistic slogans, you knew you were in trouble.

He was stuck, he didn't know whether he should stay or go, he couldn't believe that what he had thought was love was now absolutely nothing – it was like his feelings had been carved out of him – and he did not know what to say.

Thankfully, Natsume saved the situation. Ish.

He burst in through the door, sprinting over to the two of them as his breath tore raggedly in and out of his lungs.

“Mikan!” he croaked. “What happened?” He had a hand on his chest, and neither of them said anything, but they stared intensely at each other. Ruka had wondered if the Alice Mikan claimed to have with him really did all the things she said it did, but it made a lot of sense; if people could ever look like they were talking using telepathy, then it was now.

“You stupid girl,” Natsume said out loud, and Mikan lashed out at him from her hospital bed. Then Natsume turned to look at Ruka.

“You told him?” he said to Mikan, and although she didn't speak or nod it appeared she answered affirmatively.

“It's... true then, Natsume?” Ruka asked sadly, and Natsume nodded.

“We didn't tell anyone until I was sure, sorry. And I made her keep her big mouth shut.” Mikan scowled, seeming to think something obscene because Natsume shot her a very poor look.

“So... what.... are you two?” Ruka said weakly, and they shrugged. At the exact same time, like mimics. It was a little unsettling.

“We're your friends, Ruka-pyon,” Mikan suddenly announced; her voice thankfully a little happier and more like herself.

Natsume nodded. “Exactly, we're your friends, Ruka.” But just your friends was the unseen addition; however, for the moment, he felt he might be all right with that.

“You kept a secret from me,” he said coolly. “A big one.” Natsume was an expert in keeping secrets, and he had gradually brought Mikan almost to his level now; it had taken Ruka quite some time to find out about the steal Alice Mikan's her mother and father.

“Sorry,” they chorused, doing that uncanny identical act again.

“What are we supposed to do now, then?” Ruka demanded, a little irritated – to be fair he had been treated like crap by them, he had a right to be put out.

It was a shame he was so bad at it.

“She needs to sleep,” Natsume said, with a thumb-jerk at Mikan. “I nearly killed her, didn't I?”

“It... wasn't anyone's fault,” Ruka replied awkwardly, but Natsume shook his head.

“It was mine,” he said obstinately. “Mine and Reira's.” He glanced at Mikan. “It's over, by the way.” Even if Ruka didn't quite follow, Mikan appeared to.

“She needs rest anyway, and considering you two just gave me one as well I could probably use time out as well.” Mikan's lips moved in something like an apology, but it was directed curiously enough at Natsume.

“What?” Ruka didn't understand anything anymore.

“You...” Natsume started confidant, and then it fell apart very quickly. “You... just... kissed her, right?” he said awkwardly, and Ruka's face went uncharacteristically red.

“Um...”

“Well, when someone else gets... 'close' to one of us, it hurts.”

“So there is something going on between you,” Ruka accused, once again thinking they were speaking metaphorically.

“No,” Natsume interrupted, realizing this. “It hurts, actually and literally.” He pointed at Mikan. “I nearly killed her doing it.”

This hit Ruka like a ton of bricks. It physically hurt them? How could it? But did that mean he'd hurt Natsume when he tried to kiss her?

“You... can't be serious...” he whispered, but neither of them looked like they thought this was a joking matter.

“It's part of the Alice,” Natsume explained. “It's probably something like our bond causing pain when other people try to disrupt it.”

“Well...” said Ruka. “Doesn't that mean it wants you to be... uh, together?” Mikan and Natsume looked bashful; they hadn't thought of it that way.

“Um... maybe...” Natsume said quietly.

“Yes,” said Mikan at the same time, and both boys jumped in surprise.

“Of course it does,” she said. “It made me feel like this towards Natsume, and as long as it's like this we can't realistically be with anyone else, right?” she looked at Natsume, and realized just how much she was scaring him. He didn't like her, and now he was having to deal with the idea of only being able to be with until the Alice changed.

“I'm sorry, Natsume,” she said faintly.

“Don't apologise to him, Mikan!” Ruka commanded. “You don't have anything to apologise for.”

No one said anything for a while, and then Ruka – seeing something needing to happen between those two, and also wanting to be away from them to nurse his hurt – made a thin excuse and left.

Mikan turned around and sat up in bed, facing Natsume with her eyes on the floor.

“Can we go somewhere?” she asked timidly. “I don't like it here.”

Natsume thought about her fragile condition, her emotional state, the cracked relationship with Ruka and the shock of the kiss, and many other reasons it was probably good for her to remain in a hospital... and then promptly threw them all out the window.

“Okay,” he said fondly. “Where do you want to go?”

“Can we...” she whispered, “go to your room?” Her face was red, and he was ever-so-slightly amused.

“What was that??”

“I want to go to your room!” she snapped in embarrassment. “Don't take it like that. After all this I just want to be somewhere safe... and now, being close to it makes me feel better.” She stared back at the floor. “Stupid Alice...” she muttered.

He felt bad now, and he wondered if what Reira had said to him could have some grounds. How did he really feel about Mikan? In his heart, and not his desire...

“Fine,” he answered. “You're sick; whatever you want.” He carefully helped her out of bed, and then they slipped out of the ward. The act of getting out of bed, and perhaps the fact that Natsume was holding her hand to strady her the whole way, gave Mikan a surge of strength, and when someone noticed they were walking out the two of them ran – laughing – out into the fresh air, which did her even more good.

“Did you really break up with Reira-senpai?” she inquired part of the way to Natsume's dorm.

“Yes,” he grunted. “She said some weird stuff about not giving me up to anyone but you, and she threw some things at me, but it's over.”

“Reira-senpai will be okay,” Mikan stated optimistically. “She's a really great person.”

“She's all right.”

Mikan smiled to herself, glad that Natsume didn't seem to have registered that he could let go of her hand. Walking like this – in spite of the fact that she was wearing pyjamas – they could almost be...

“So what happens to us now?” he speculated.

“Um... I don't know, Natsume,” she replied quietly. “But... I think... that if you were always by my side... anything would be all right.” Mikan used to, and still, said this about Hotaru. But Hotaru was away so often, and so cold and distant. Besides, Mikan was one hunderd percent sure that the way she loved Hotaru was very different from the way she loved...

Wait, she loved him?

...Shit. She loved him.

He squeezed her hand in his suddenly, maybe out of surprise, and then he stopped dead and turned her around to face him. He heard her.

“Do you realize what you're sayin... uh, thinking?” he said carefully, studying her face. Sure, she was no catwalk model, but her face was something he knew so well that he had no idea what else to make of it.

“Yes...” she answered. “I do.”

I love you

Natsume closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He cut away 'desire' and 'lust' and whatever perfect measurements he had used to judge a girl since he hit puberty, and looked at Mikan as he had back then. When he had loved her before.

I used to, he remarked, and the past tense made her heart quicken anxiously.

Did I ever stop? He thought to himself – although Mikan was able to hear this – and with a tender and precise movement he put his arms around her, hugging her; not just with his body, but with his mind.

I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough, she thought as she read the solidly platonic gesture.

I'm an idiot, he told her. Don't listen to me. It's what's inside your heart that counts. Yes, he realized now. He saw what a complete bastard he had been for so long, and how pure and straightforward she had remained. She was still all heart, and she never let anything mess with that.

Except him. Stupid girl. Stupid him.

He released her from the hug, but before she could turn away – in spite of the fact that they were in the middle of the street and she was wearing hospital pyjamas – he took her face in his hands.

What are you doing? She questioned, as he stared her.

He began to close the distance between their faces, testing the water, inching them closer with a steady motion.

What are you doing, Natsume? She asked, more panicked. He couldn't be doing what he was about to do, right? He didn't like her. He said it so many times she really believed him.

However, she had to re-evaluate this when his lips came softly into contact with hers.

They were warm, and the pressure was just enough for her to know she was being kissed, but not enough to signify he was just looking for more.

And their Alice was on fire.

It raced up and down their backs, tickled their limbs, set off fireworks in every nook and cranny of their bodies, screaming for all it was worth that this was good and this was right and at long frigging last they had got it!

Natsume had never felt anything comparable in all the things he'd done with any of the girl's he'd done it with. The shivers were so strong that they made their own shivers, which caused ripples that tingled tantalisingly underneath their skin as they melted into it.

This was no mere Alice of friendship.

Mwhaha! I did it... at last! After 50'000 words+, they actually did it :P

So leave a review! THEY KISSED! (fireworks)

This is also the penultimate chapter, the ultimate one (being totally ultimate!) probably being a while in the works, but I assure you it will happen.

Instead, if you are open to AU give the new WiP a try, it's already got more chapters than this ::) (oops)

Find it at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4685697/1/Armor_Ultio_Est

Thanks to everyone for everything in every way :D