|Confessions of Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor
Author: Vanity-chan PM
SasuSaku request. In which Sasuke's thoughts about him being referred to as a sex god by the whole female population is revealed.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Words: 3,518 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 182 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 08-19-09 - Published: 06-07-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4308007
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
SasuSaku request. In which Sasuke's thoughts about him being referred to as a sex god by the whole female population is revealed.
'Most Eligible Bachelor' is a title given to an unmarried man who is desirable and worthy of choice, thus is sought after by a lot of women.
Yes, an unmarried man that is sought after by a lot of women.
Otherwise known as Uchiha Sasuke in the Naruto Universe. He is not an actor, neither is he a model or something of the like. He is most definitely not the male counterpart of "Mary Sues" who are, well, too perfect for anyone's liking. He is the antonym of courteous since he's so indifferent.
But in the female population's thesaurus, he is synonymous to handsome, attractive and sexy. A debonair; dashing and elegant.
Lastly, he is referred to as a sex god. And he wonders not why.
Confessions of Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor
A/N: Okay, this is a request by my cousin who is an avid fan of SasuSaku. Actually, she dared me to write something that's between rated T and M, since that is definitely not my style, so here I am. I'm gonna be hiding after this! Waah!
Oh. And thanks to my beta-reader, disconnected15. She was kind enough to proofread this for me.
Warning: OOC Sasuke. It's his thoughts, not what he usually shows. It's his more honest side speaking. XD
I know that girls think I'm hot. I am perfectly aware of my looks, thank you. I've got the most perfect face in history and a well-toned body that I acquired from training every single day with the goal of killing Itachi. (Because he's better-looking than me? Hell no.)
I've got looks that are too good to be true. (Okay, so maybe that's going way overboard, but I don't say that out loud, so no matter.)
But I still don't like the fact that I am enlisted under 'Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelors' and to be on the number one spot.
Are they trying to point out the fact that I am unmarried? And being unmarried seems to be implying something. (Which is?)
What else? That I won't be getting myself laid as soon as possible. What about reviving my clan?
I just don't understand why that list ever existed. For all I know, it may be Ino who started that, or some girls who like drooling over guys. (Guys like me.) But then, why did Tsunade ever approve for that list to be publicized?
I almost wanted to slap my face when Naruto came at my doorstep to tell me that that damn Godaime is calling all those enlisted in that, that disgusting list for a meeting. (Disgusting because that white-eyed, gay freak is second in the list.)
What's there to talk about, huh? Is she going to insult us for not having a significant other when she herself, at that age of hers, doesn't have one?
"Come on, Sasuke-teme. You're gorgeous already. Duh, you're Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor." I looked at him, quite amused, as he spat the words with as much revulsion that he could put in that sentence.
Rolling my eyes, I silently wondered why this dobe was ever enlisted as an eligible bachelor, though he's the sixth. (Just like how he wanted to be Rokudaime.) I thought the word eligible meant suitable, appropriate, fitting. What made Naruto fitting to be a husband? (I am so not insecure.)
And so after five minutes, we were already heading to the Hokage Tower, walking past girls who literally drooled over me. "Tch." I felt like harrumphing, but I didn't. It would make me look like a girly man, just like that white-eyed weasel. (He just flirted with the wrong girl, that's why I hate him.)
As usual, Naruto flashed those idiot girls a grin, teeth and all. Some smiled back, probably feeling all gooey and stuff which Sakura often says that she feels whenever she's around me.
She is among those who refer to me as a sex god, that much I am certain. She's shoved that fact in my face ever since we were genin. Hell, she even fought Ino because of me. I knew that she was more than willing to let me screw her senseless, to be under my sheets… to be under me… (I am not imagining things. I am NOT having bad thoughts.)
I was not born to be a Kakashi junior, or better yet, a Jiraiya junior. I. Am. Not. A. Pervert. I am just being referred to by the girls as a sex god. They tainted me!
My thoughts were interrupted when Hyuu-gay grunted and then glared at me. I didn't even realize that we had entered the Hokage's office. I guess that's how deep in thought I was. (And it's definitely not because of Sakura.)
I glared back at Neji and then averted my eyes to look at the people who were with me inside the Hokage's office that seemed so overcrowded, what with all the men in the room and some fan girls that I could see outside the window.
"I bet you're all wondering why I called you here." The Godaime had a vein popped in her head, probably because of all the squealing and the giggling outside her office.
"Sorry I'm late." I blinked twice to make sure I was not seeing things. It was Kakashi-sensei, an orange book in hand. He is in the list? I haven't actually read the list yet, just overheard about some of the guys who are included in it, but Kakashi-sensei?
Tsunade cleared her throat to get everyone's attention that was fully on hers before Kakashi's infamous entrance.
"As I've said, I bet you're all wondering why I called you here."
I fought the urge to roll my eyes again. Way to go for stating the obvious. I placed my hands deep inside my pockets, waiting for what she has to say next.
Her assistant, whose name I forgot, came in with a stack of folders in her arms which she dumped on Tsunade's desk. Tsunade laid a hand on top of the pile of folders, her eyes focused on us with that gravely serious look on her face.
"These folders contain information of all of Konoha's single kunoichi," She paused, most likely to bring about some drama. (All women love drama. Tch.) I blinked. I was starting to dread what she's trying to put in plain words.
"And they've got something to do in the plans I have for you guys." She paused once again, scanning her eyes in the room. (Whatever. Just get on with it already!)
"I don't want any more unmarried men. There are already plenty of those who can't get a lifetime partner because of their… lack of some things that you guys fortunately have." I snorted inwardly upon hearing those words. (Always inwardly, huh?)
"Are we going to choose among those kunoichi?" I glanced beside me to see the excited look in Naruto's face.
Tsunade clasped her hands together and smirked. (Is she trying to copy me?) She crossed her legs under the table, rolling her chair backwards. "The question is, are you ready to choose your partners?"
"YES! YES, Tsunade-baa-chan!" Naruto almost jumped up and down in excitement. Really, it's not good to look at, what with him being twenty two years old.
Tsunade's next words shocked the hell out of these men, including me. "Not going to happen, Naruto."
I wanted to faint, I really did. But I didn't, since it's kind of a girly thing to do.
I walked back to my apartment, alone, thinking about what the hell I should do. The dobe had gone somewhere else, probably at Ichiraku to eat ramen and clear his mind. I think all of us just could not believe what is about to happen. To us. (To me, in particular.)
We are going to be auctioned.
As if we were some measly unmarried men that couldn't get our own women with our own hands. I can easily do that. Why, oh why won't they believe me? (It's got nothing to do with my pride, all right?)
That's when I started imagining things. There's this rich girl who belongs to one of my fan clubs. But, hell, she's so… ugly. She's got more than enough money to buy me. What if—(I'm sex god Uchiha Sasuke! I shouldn't be paired up with—with an ugly woman like her!)
I sighed for the umpteenth time that day, slamming my front door after I had walked in quickly. I could feel eyes on my back (And lower.) as I walked a while ago in the streets. I swear, I saw an old hag's eyes on my butt! I know I'm likeable since I'm so damn gorgeous and all, but, what the fuck? She's thrice my age!
I kicked my sandals off and headed to my room, grabbing a towel from the closet. I need a cold shower.
I walked out of the steaming bathroom, the towel around my waist. I forgot to close the windows and now I can see girls squishing their faces against the glass. (I'll have to clean those later on!)
"Tch." I pulled the curtains, sending them the iciest glare that I could come up with, with my hair dripping wet and just a towel around my waist. Opening my closet, I quickly grabbed a pair of boxers and pulled them up to my waist, and then I walked in front of the mirror.
I could see myself in all my Uchiha sexiness glory. (Uh-huh.) I totally agree with the fan girls about my abs. Hello? I'm sex god Uchiha Sasuke. A lot of girls will kill and die just for me to even spare them a glance.
And that's the problem. I really, really want only one woman to buy me in that auction. As a sex god, I need to have my own sex goddess, right? And no other woman is fitting—
I blinked my eyes in alarm when I heard odd sounds outside my room. Grabbing the kunai that I always placed under my pillow, I silently opened the door, padding lightly against my carpeted floor. I sneaked into the kitchen where I could hear those strange sounds, shivering slightly. That's when I noticed that I was still in my boxers. Nothing more.
Who could've entered my apartment? I made sure to close it. (Oh, why, oh why—
There she stood in front of my fridge, wearing her usual clothing. Only, she looked like she was trampled by big fat cows. Her hair was messy, her skin paler than before and her clothing was askew.
But for the life of me, I found her look seducing. Her messy hair looked as if she had just wildly made love with someone (With me.) and her clothing looked as if hands ran all over her body. (My hands, of course.)
Clearing my throat, I gripped the kunai more tightly and let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Hn. Why are you here?"
She blinked at me innocently. I swear, I wanted to pounce onto her right here, right now. There was a light blush on her face as she blinked more, staring at me. I turned away, uncomfortable under her stare. (I'm wearing only boxers, that's why! Hn.)
"Uhm, S-Sasuke-kun…" I heard her take a deep breath, and that's when I decided to look at her. I stared as she brushed her tousled hair with her thin fingers and fixed her clothes briskly. She pasted a grin on her face, tilting her head to the side.
"Can I borrow some money, Sasuke-kun?"
Not quite expecting what she just said, I put down the kunai on a table… and did nothing more. I need my pockets. I don't know what to do with my hands. Damn.
"Hn. What for?"
I noticed some change in her eyes before she parted her (dare I say it) luscious lips reluctantly, as if she was thinking carefully about what she should say. In the end, her lips curled up into a smirk.
"I need to buy myself a man."
I glared at the teapot that was harmlessly standing on the table where I placed my kunai. "Who?" (I did not just ask that.)
"You'll know later on."
I snorted. That was all I could do. I wanted to force it out of her, but I didn't want to look so interested. I don't care. I really don't. I'm not jealous. (And I'm not in denial!)
"Borrow from someone else."
I turned around, ready to head back to my room to wear clothes. I hate the cold. And my house is not a bank for people to just come in and ask me for money.
"It has to be from you." I stopped in the hallway, hearing her light footsteps. I swear, I could feel my blood boil. What does she mean by that? I know I'm rich, but, why?
"Hn." I continued to my room as she trailed behind me. I opened a drawer and took out my wallet, stubbornly facing away from her even as she tried to look at me. If she was going to buy Hyuu-gay, then I guess a yen would do. (He's not even worth a yen! That bastard.)
I tossed a coin at her and she stared at me in shock. What? Is it that shocking that Hyuuga Neji is just worth ONE YEN? He's just a cocky bastard. (I'm not talking about myself, alright?) If he and Sakura would have a boy, it would be so crazy to see him with pink hair and white eyes. Pathetic. (Black hair and green eyes: much better.)
"—suke-kun? Are you even listening?"
I slammed the drawer close and turned to her, even glared at her, my eyes threatening to be activated to Sharingan.
"He's just worth a yen, for all I care."
Sakura opened the drawer and took my checkbook. I stared at her wide-eyed. But that would be another girly thing to do. She's stealing from me! I could have her arrested, lock her in a cell, go in with her and screw the hell— (Bad thoughts again, Uchiha.)
"You're not worth a yen. Stupid."
With a poof, she was gone, taking with her my checkbook. The nerve of her! I know she is my sex goddess—Err, scratch that, my ex-teammate, but she couldn't just take my checkbook just to buy a gay with brown hair and eyes with no hue at all. I swear, she should thank god that I'm wearing only boxers, or else I'll—
My eyes went wider, realizing what she had just said.
I sat wordlessly in my seat, hearing the voice of the auctioneer on the stage and the girls' howling and whistling from the audience. It was good that I was the last one. This auction needs drama. (And I can provide that. Hah.) The others were sold so easily and it was going faster than I thought.
"Here's Konoha's second most eligible bachelor! Hyuuga Neji."
I smirked, glancing at Hyuu-gay who stood up from his seat beside me (I swear, I don't like him sitting beside me. He might be contagious.), crossing his arms over his chest and walking out of the backstage. If Sakura ever changes her mind and buys him, there would be bloodbath. Redder than my eyes.
Which reminds me… I hope Sakura would not use all of my money. I know I'm worth more than a million yen, but, hey, I need to be rich to be able to revive the Uchiha clan back to its splendor. I need money to buy my kids (lots of kids with black hair and green eyes.) all the stuff they want.
"Now we're down to our last bachelor, Konoha's Most Eligible Bachelor, Uchiha Sasuke!"
I could hear squealing and shrieking of Konoha's female population outside. This is what it feels to be popular. This is what it feels to be Uchiha Sasuke. But I would not say that out loud. (Smirk.)
The auctioneer cleared his throat, forming a mechanical smile on his face as he turned to the mostly female audience. "Let's start the bidding, shall w—"
I smirked inwardly. I bet that's the priciest first bid so far.
I scowled. That's the ugly girl. I would really be forced to lock Sakura up in my apartment if I would be sold to that hideous girl. I want my sex goddess. (Sakura, who else?)
I could see Sakura's pink hair stand out in the crowd. I had the urge to grin at her, but I stopped myself. I was in front of hundreds of girls. That's not a manly thing to do. Uncomfortable silence filled the room. I smirked, happy about what just happened. But I would never say that out loud.
"Forty-five thousand yen?" The auctioneer sounded shocked. I won't blame him. That is by far the highest bid in this auction. Of course, only the best for Uchiha Sasuke. (I am not laughing maniacally.)
And just like that, I was sold. To my sex goddess, Uchiha-- I mean, Haruno Sakura.
"What? P-Propose?" I stuttered, eyes wide, the slightest of blush on my face. (Great. Now I look like a girly man. Tch.) I thought that my problems were finally solved. I thought that I was finally getting laid. I thought that I could finally bring Sakura to my bedroom and—
"Yes. We may be…" She trailed off, probably thinking of what to say next as she stood in front of me while I sat here like a dejected puppy. I couldn't believe that I let this woman monopolize me like this. (ME! Sex god Uchiha Sasuke, for the love of Kami.)
"…together now in the eyes of the whole village, but it doesn't mean that I'm letting you off the hook just like that." She paused. I bet she noticed the way I glared at her, looking like someone deprived of something, (And I know she knows what that something is.) because she narrowed her eyes and bent down to look closer at my face.
"I know what you're thinking…" I couldn't help the slight twitching of my lips that slowly formed a smug smile. (Does she get it? That I want her right here, right now?)
She smirked, grabbing the collar of my shirt and pushing me further into my seat.
"What? WHY?" I slapped a hand over my mouth, realizing that I just made her think that I was a sex-crazed man, seeking for… it. Yeah, you know, IT.
She straightened up and flipped her pink locks over her shoulder. What now? She's walking away… (My sex goddess is walking away!)
I stood up quickly, ready to follow her as she turned to the door. But just as I was about to take a step, she turned around, sending me one of her very rare smiles. A true smile that she told me before that only I would ever see.
"Until you've proved to me that you really do love me, Sasuke-kun, I will not marry you and I will not fulfill your needs as a man. As for now, be satisfied that you've got my ring finger reserved." She opened the door and it creaked slightly, breaking the silence that ensued after her little speech.
The door closed. And there goes my sex goddess, walking away. So much for being sex god, Uchiha Sasuke.
But I found myself smiling goofily in the end. I sat back down on the couch as I enjoyed Sakura's smell that still lingered in the room.
Uchiha Sasuke, Konoha's most eligible bachelor? No more.
A/N: This fic is already COMPLETE, okay? About Sasuke's proposal, I wrote a side story to this but I haven't posted it yet since it still has to be proofread and everything.
Review please. If you're not one to review, just put in there, "I READ." Just for me to know you're there.