(At the Montague hideout)

MONTAGUE: What the hell caused that fight anyway? You were there, Benvolio. What went down?

BENVOLIO: Dunno. Some guys of Capulet were pissin’ off Abraham and then when they start fighting, I come in and I’m like, “Guys, quit it”, and then Tybalt comes out of nowhere and attacks me.

MRS. MONTAGUE: Oh, well, whatever. Bennie, have you seen Romeo today? I’m glad he wasn’t here to get his face rearranged by some Capulet monkey.

BENVOLIO: Eh. I saw him like at dawn or something. He ran away when I went to talk to him, so I figured, I’d see him later. He was under one of the trees across the city, I think in the park.

MONTAGUE: I heard he’s been there lots lately, just wandering around in the open… damn kid. At least the cops don’t know his face yet. He’s a good kid, oddly enough.

BENVOLIO: Do you know why he’s always there?

MONTAGUE: No. Little bastard won’t tell me.

BENVOLIO: I see.

(Enter ROMEO)

BENVOLIO: Ah, here he comes. Can I talk to him without you guys here? He may be more willing to talk to me.

MONTAGUE: Sure, why not? Come on, ho. I need to get something to eat.

(Exit Evan and Mrs. Montague)

BENVOLIO: Mornin’, dude.

ROMEO: Is it really still only morning?

BENVOLIO: Yeah, just turned like… (checks watch) nine, about a few minutes ago.

ROMEO: Jesus, time moves slow when you’re sad. Was that my old man what left just now?

BENVOLIO: Yep. But forget him; I wanna know, what’s got you so down, man?

ROMEO: What do you think?

BENVOLIO: Do you like somebody?

ROMEO: “Like” is such an understatement…

BENVOLIO: Oooooooh, so the Ro’s in loooove?

ROMEO: Yeah, but she doesn’t love me back.

BENVOLIO: Oh come on, dude, you don’t know that.

ROMEO: She’s totally hot and amazing and I love her a lot. Don’t you dare laugh at me or I’ll pop a cap in your ass.

BENVOLIO: I wouldn’t laugh. This makes me sad too.

ROMEO: Why?

BENVOLIO: Because you’re my cousin and like my best friend. I don’t wanna see you sad.

ROMEO: That sounds a little faggish if you ask me. (chuckles)

BENVOLIO: (scowls, but blushes) Oh, you know what I mean.

ROMEO: Don’t sweat it man, I’m just screwin’ with ya. (smiles)

BENVOLIO: I knew that. Anyway, back to this girl of yours…?

ROMEO: Oh yeah. She’s so great and I would love to just fuck her all day and night long, but…

BENVOLIO: But?

ROMEO: But, she’s like, really hardcore Catholic, so…

BENVOLIO: Ahh, so she’s planning on being a nun or something?

ROMEO: Already is, pretty much.

BENVOLIO: Shit, that sucks. I’m sorry, dude. Who is she?

ROMEO: I don’t really wanna say…

BENVOLIO: Please?

ROMEO: Well, she’s a girl.

BENVOLIO: Aha! I know who she is!

ROMEO: (panicked) You do!?

BENVOLIO: (laughs) Are you stupid? I’m being sarcastic. That really narrowed it down.

ROMEO: Fuck you.

BENVOLIO: Come on, just a name? A first name. Please? I won’t know who it is, most likely.

ROMEO: Yeah you will. Fine… It’s … Rosaline.

BENVOLIO: Rosaline?! Wow, that blond chick across the road?

ROMEO: Yeah…

BENVOLIO: Sheesh. Well, you have good taste, I guess. But forget her. There’s other girls out there.

ROMEO: Easier said than done.

BENVOLIO: What about Sarah? She’s good looking.

ROMEO: Pfft, she’s flatter than a board. And anyway, you can’t help me. There’s no one but Rosaline for me. We’ve even got the R thing going on.

BENVOLIO: Oh dear God… (rolls eyes)

ROMEO: There’s not a prettier or hotter girl in the world. She’s the one. You can do nothing to make me forget her.

BENVOLIO: Sure I can, dude. It won’t be too difficult.

(exit)