Tokio Hotel Chapter 15

There was something wrong with me. Something seriously wrong. It was like my mind was trying to tell me something. Like a prediction. A prophecy. Though what it was had a sinister message. And the more it replayed in my head, the more real it became. It was creeping closer, gradually growing in depth, revealing the unknown. Each image got clearer, each sound got louder. What started as a nightmare was becoming a vision.

“Hana, was ist los?”

“Hm.” I turned my head slightly, but didn’t meet Bill’s eye. After removing my earphones, I turned round properly and gave my reply. “Nichts, Bill. Everything’s fine.”

“Hana, you’ve had that vacant look in your eyes ever since we got on the plane. It’s not about Yas, is it?”

“No…it’s, well…I’ve been having these weird dreams recently, and…” I stopped. There was a sudden awkwardness to the conversation that hadn’t been there before. I looked down at my feet and sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You sure? Talking can help sometimes. But I understand, some things need to be kept inside. It’s okay, whatever’s making you down will go eventually, you just need the strength to make it. If you don’t want to talk to me then that’s fine. Just remember, if you do ever need to talk, then please, come to me. I’m here for you, so remember that.” Bill picked up my hand and held it tight within his own. I rested my head against his shoulder. Knowing that I had Bill reassured me. He’d truly meant what he’d just said, and that meant a lot to me.

Running had never felt so good. The sky was red, and the fields were golden. Germany sure was different. It was colourful, and filled with promise, hope. And inspiration. The wheat brushed against my legs as I ran; the breeze flowed softly past my skin. I carried on running, my intention high but my purpose non-existent. Why was I running? What was I running from? I slowed down. Commitment? Argument? Fear? I looked around me. The golden fields around me had a dull overtone. The sky I looked up at was gradually getting covered with clouds. My skin no longer felt a soft breeze against it; instead a harsh gale surrounded me. I looked back. No sign of anything, or anyone else.

Commitment…argument…fear…Why do those suddenly feel so familiar? They’re nothing to do with anything in my life. My life is golden. Just fields, and sunsets. Nothing else. No one else.

I looked up again, and felt water on my face. There was no rain.

“Is she okay?”

“Someone, please help!”

“Here, put this blanket over her.”

“Are you okay sir? Do you want some water?”

“Is she still breathing?”

“Yeah, and there’s a pulse.”

What’s that?

The clouds were retreating. Several hundred metres away something black lay within the wheat. I picked up my pace again. As I ran, I gathered a sudden strength, and I felt an urge to get to the object. There was a sudden importance to it. The air felt warm again, and my surroundings began to regain their colour. I kept running, forgetting my past questionings. The object was only several metres away…

“Her temperature’s dropped massively. She’s freezing! Do we have any doctors here?!

“Let me have a look…”

I knelt down, beside the object. It appeared to be a box of some sort, black and shiny. It was small, but had an overwhelming attraction to it. I picked it up, and toyed with it in my hands.

I wonder if it’ll open?

I went to pull open the lid. As I lifted it with my thumb, the box got brighter. Like something incredibly shiny was stored within it.

“She’s getting warmer, I think she’s regaining consciousness!”

“Come on Hana, pull through…”

The light was blinding. I brought it closer to my face, eager to see the cause of the sudden optical outburst inside the box. I looked deeper into it, but it started to flash.

“Spring nicht…Ich schrei in die nacht fur dich…please, don’t jump...Hana...you are my...“

Voices clouded my mind, gradually getting louder, speaking over each other and hurting my head...I looked down at the box again. There was a shadow. Bill. Falling. He was falling.

“No, Bill! DON’T! Bill, COME BACK! Stop!”

“She’s back! Calm down love, it’s okay. Shhh, your Bill is right beside you.”

“Huh?” Why was I on a plane? “The box…where is it? The fields are gone…”

“Hana, it’s okay, I’m here now. Just sit back, and relax. I’ll get you some water.”

Bill was talking! He was back!

But why is he telling me to sit back? He’s the one who fell…

“Here’s your water, miss.” One of the hostesses handed me a glass. “Hey, I remember you! You fainted on that other plane as well! Gosh, you really don’t have much luck, do you? Fear of flying?”

“Uh…yeah…flying fear. Uh-huh, that’s right. I hate flying…can’t stand it…sure…”

“Hm.” She gave me a confused look, before returning to the cabin.

Once I’d calmed down, Bill started asking questions.

“So…why does this keep happening? What is it?”

I told him I was tired. In my mind, I couldn’t have been more awake.