Disclaimer: We don’t own TMM!! Do not sue us, LAWYERS!! XDD

Bukitten: Tada. Our (Misha12 and My) first two-way collabie!! If we actually post this, I think I’ll die of humiliation...

Misha12: Yup. I’m over at Bukitten’s house This little, cheerful poem may explain this fanfiction:

Death

Death is BLACK

Death is COLD

Death is DEATH!!

Bukitten: That made it into our school’s Lit. Magazine. The people that accept/deny poems for it must be idiots. If this poem belongs to you, we are truely sorry (cough) So yeah, hope you enjoy this bizarre fic!

Misha12: One sec (prys keyboard from Bukitten while she screams in protest), our humor is marinated in sarcasm-

Bukitten: -AND DARKNESS-

Misha12: Yes, Freak-

Bukitten: Eh?

Misha12: BUKITTEN! I said Bukitten, deaf person... so yes, Bukitten, and darkness...CAUSE IT RULES!! Soooooo, we find sarcasm and darkness to be one coin, two sides.

Color Me Dead

What happened to me today? Nothing. Of course. With Masaya as my boyfriend, nothing EVER happens!! I hate this nothingness!! But I love him (Much to all the readers’ despair). So I’ll deal with this boring bologna and mustard. And guess what. I don’t even LIKE mustard.

Oh great. It’s three o’ clock. That means-

Ding dong. The doorbell rang; time for the afternoon door-face-smashing time.

I trudged mournfully towards the brown, wooden rectangle that separated me from the outside annoyance. I sighed as I opened the door and a handful of random flowers were thrust at my bored face- just like every other day.

“Ichigo, my darling, kitty-kins, here are some flowers! Though, they may NEVER match your luscious-“ Kish tried to start cooing, before the door was slammed in his face. I could swear I heard grumbling on the other side as I retreated back to the dent in the couch I had formed.

The scariest thing of this dull Saturday afternoon is that I actually look forward to Monday’s work. Two more days of this. Wah!

...I’m hungry...

Now time for some fun with the pizza guys. I peeled off the hot leather couch and grabbed the phone off of the receiver in the kitchen, dialing the memorized number of the local pizza shop. As it rang, I thought of my newest technique to use on them. This one was pretty evil (Mwahaha.).

“Hello, this is Pizza Hut?” A cheery, young woman picked up, and her voice implied that she wasn’t sure if this was, truly Pizza Hut.

“Um, yeah,” I took in a large gasp of air before beginning, “I’,pepporoni,sausages,onions,waitnoonionsplease,lettuce... canyouguysevendothat?andumumumextraEXTRAcrust,andcouldthatgoontop...”

As I listed all of these toppings in a rush, I moved the receiver farther away from my mouth. That poor girl was probably dieing trying to hear me! Yay, that’s what I was going for!

“Okay, that’s fine, but I don’t think we can put the crust on top, exactly?” She was yelling, probably to make sure that it wasn’t her phone that was making me so quiet.

“Aw,buttheotherguyletme!!” I complained in my poutiest voice, still cramming all my words together.

“Well, then, we’ll try?” She sounded troubled about how her had answer made me ‘feel’ upset.

“Mhm, well,” At the last word I yanked the phone piece right next to my mouth and screamed, “WE NEVER HAD THIS CONVERSATION!”

And then slammed it down on the receiver. How exciting.

Later that night, and after many pranks on the pizza people, I ate dinner with my parents. It was quiet, until that dreaded doorbell rang. I suspected Kish again. I volunteered to answer it; I always did get satisfaction in giving Kish his daily concussion.

As my hand reached for the doorknob, the doorbell rang again, multiple times, causing my cats ears and tail to fly up in excitement. Kish was never this eager, at least, not twice in the same day.

I slowly pulled the door open, fearing the worst. Guess what? I got it. I heard thunder crash and rain pour, for it was... RYOU!

“Ichigo, you have to come in early on Monday, mop, take down the chairs, put up new wallpaper, polish ALL of my shoes (which really is a lot, when you think about it), and-”

“Ichigo? Who is it?” My oh-so-calm mother asked from the dinner table.

“Hi-” I cut off Ryou with my hand, before he could utter another syllable. I was too late...

“OOOOOOOOOOO, IS IT A BOY!?” My mother squealed while shooting up from her chair and slamming her hands into the table. “LETHIMIN!LETHIMIN!”

My father’s face grew bright red. “WHAT’S THIS!? A BOY!? NO! NEVER!” He stormed over to the door, but didn’t see Ryou, yet. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING LEECH-” As soon as my father caught a glimpse of Ryou, he backed off. “You can let him in.” With that, he walked back to the kitchen table.

I turned back to Ryou. “What’d you do to him?” I pointed my thumb at my now tranquil father. My hand fell, as did my mouth, at the incredibly long limousine parked out in front of my tiny-looking house. “Ry-Ry-Ry-Ry-Ry-”

“It was just something I picked up. Not the best, I know, but it works.”

I shot him a look that only an envious, poor girl could ever make.

He completely ignored it and tried to pick up where he left off, but my boy-crazed mother clutched his wrist and yanked him into the dining room, practically throwing him into a chair.

“There you go, sweetie. Make yourself right at home.(insert heart here)”

I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

But he stood up and apologized. “I am so very sorry, Ma’am, but I have to go. My sincerest apologies.”

I could see hearts in my mother’s eyes. I was just about to remind her that she was already married, when Ryou leaned down on his way out and whispered, “Don’t forget, Ichigo!”

Ah, if only he knew what I was thinking. Him being strangled to death and then chopped up with a butcher knife. All done by me, of course.

Once Ryou had driven away, my mother still looked like she was dreaming.

“Why don’t you leave Masaya, Ichigo honey, and marry him? I’d be fine with it!”

I almost cracked up, laughing at the image, but contorted it into a twitching corner of my mouth. After the giggly bubbles subsided, I turned to Dad.

“Doesn’t matter, right Dad? ‘Cause you wouldn’t allow it anyways.”

To my horror, he shrugged. “Actually, he’s a very polite, young gentleman. I wouldn’t mind if you went for a guy like him.”

I shrieked gibberish, and stomped up to my room, emphasizing each step with a grunt. I could swear, if I had slammed my door any harder, the hinges would have broken off.

The next morning, I woke up to happily singing birds. I groggily stood up, jerked my curtains open, and stared at the little flying, winged creatures. If I had a gun, they’d ALL be dead in minutes, but I didn’t have a gun, so no dead birds would drop today. Unless, I get them the old-fashioned way. I swore loudly, “SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU STUPID, MINDLESS, HAPPY DEMONS!!” I think the singing grew louder.

Sipping a slightly stale soda on the way to work, I noticed a poster that made my day. It read, “WARNING: THERE IS A PRANK-CALLING MENACE ON THE LOOSE. HE/SHE IS CALLING ALL OF THE LOCAL PIZZA JOINTS, AND PRANKING THEM. IF HE/SHE CALLS YOUR PIZZA PLACE, GET THE PHONE NUMBER AT ALL COSTS! EVEN IF IT COSTS YOUR PUNY, LITTLE, UNIMPORTANT, INSIGNIFIGANT LIFE! THANK YOU. –THE AWESOME, COOL, AMAZING, SUPREME, IMPORTANT, SIGNIFICANT, ASTOUNDING, ASTONISHING, FANTASTICAL, INCREDIBLE, MARVELOUS, PHENOMENAL, PRODIGIOUS, STUPENDOUS, UNBELIEVABLE, WONDROUS GOVERNMENT”

The ends of my mouth curled into an evil grin at the word ‘menace’. I pulled an old crayon out of my pocket, and circled all of the she’s in the he/she parts of the notice.

I BWAHAHA’d the rest of the way.

I stepped into Cafe Mew Mew, naive to the coming event. My good mood was instantly ruined; I can barely stand getting here on time, let only early. So now in a crappy mood, I stormed up to the hook that held my uniform. But just as I reached up to yank it off, a hand clamped down on my shoulder. I squealed inhumanly, before my head slammed into the ceiling. My cat ears and tail exploded out of me, and when I so expertly landed on my stomach I glared up at Ryou, who seemed to be trying to stay serious throughout my amazing stunt.

“Ichigo, let’s talk business.”

I scoffed at his choice of words. “This is new. Since when did you know anything about business? I heard there’s a great book about it. ‘Business for the Average Everyday Moron’? Did you happen to read that?”

Ryou simply stared at me. “Uh, right. So anyways, you can hang that uniform back up.”

“Huh?” I was so confuzzled. He never let me take a day off when I wanted to. Why now?

“Oh... and don’t bother coming tomorrow...” He stroked his chin and looked up, talking a bit softer, as if to himself. “Or any day afterwards, for that matter...”

Oh.

“Y-you’re firing me?! HOW DARE YOU FIRE-“

“Yes, I’m firing you. Now get out.” When I just sat there staring at him in disbelief, he waved his hand at me like I was a pesky fly. “Shoo.”

“You’re really firing me?” My voice cracked, I was on the verge of tears. I know that it shouldn’t be this big of a deal, but it felt like I was fired for life; from being a mew.

“...” He inhaled sharply as if getting hit in his arm. “Yeah...pretty much.”

Bukitten: And yeah, that’s chapter one.

Misha12: (rereads the government notice and laughs until I make no noise) MY, GOD, THAT’S GENIOUS! I LOVE that notice!

Bukitten: And, of course, it was my idea! So, this is our first chapter of our first collab-

Misha12: -explosive, huh-

Bukitten: Er, right. NEWAYS- at least first for me We clearly are enjoying loads of dark humor and sarcasm. Ah, I sure do love a refreshing glass of sarcasm.

Misha12: (glug, glug, glug, glug, glug) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! SARCASM!! (glug, glug, glug)

Bukitten: whispers: freak...

Misha12: ...I no freaky...

Bukitten: Being the NON two year old, I find it my job to conclude this... THANKS FOR READING!! Stay tuned for a slightly more serious second chapter.

Misha12: BY THE POWER OF THE SARCASM! REVIEW! ...We’ll just kill you otherwise. Muahehehehehehe... (I aint two..)