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Author of 43 Stories |
A/N: I have been incredibly lazy. Yes, guilty as charged. So freaking lazy. Thanks for the reviews and special thanks to A.P. Analyzer. I like the criticism. Keep it coming.
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Cream
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“You did WHAT!” I did not expect to come home to an angry Miles Prower waiting for me at the front door like my goddamn mother. I intentionally left home because of that. “Cream, it is dangerous to go see him unsupervised.”
I rolled my eyes carelessly and ignored my raging boyfriend until I was fully inside his humble abode, in the bedroom ready to take a well-deserved break. All I wanted to do was kick my shoes off, breastfeed FERA, and take a short nap before it was time to start dinner in the next four hours. It was bad enough I only got five hours of sleep the night prior- the distracting howls of my newborn daughter and the occasional night terrors that would follow grasping and keeping my attention- but now with me having to come home and add onto my stressful day with an argument with my lover is surely too much. I was certainly not in the mood for another one of Tails’ mood swings.
“Miles, please.” I sighed and gently laid the napping half-breed to rest in her blue and white bassinet besides our bed. “You will wake the baby.”
“No!” he shouted deafly into my ear. “I cannot believe you went to the jailhouse to see that…rapist.”
That word stung a bit and I cringed slightly as result. I am beginning to come to terms with the night Dan and I had sex, but the memories are still painful like an open wound. One friendship gown astray, one wrong move made, and the idea that I was now a ‘woman’ lead to my ultimate demise: Becoming a teenage mother at fourteen.
“Despite what he is, he is still FERA’s father.”
“He is a danger to you, FERA, and society. I am glad I kicked his ass when I had the chance.” Tails growled and followed in hot pursuit into our master bedroom. “Don’t you think you are being a tad bit ridiculous in asking a jailed rapist for money?”
“The thought had occurred to me, yes.” I blew one of my floppy ears out of the way of my eyes. “But nothing beats a failure but a try, right?”
“Cream, he is in JAIL. When will you realize that?”
“I have!” I defended, beginning to unbutton my shirt and unclasp the metal hooks of my bra, throwing them into the hamper filled with soiled laundry. “I know he is in jail but I need money. WE need money.”
Tails sighed roughly and ran a single course hand through his auburn head of silky smooth fur. I could tell he was getting frustrated, his nostrils would flare while his eyes would slowly cross over to being a shade less of crimson. It always made me feel as if my wave of sudden guilt was due payment when I watched him get so upset, especially when the cause of his anger concerned or dealt with me. I always found myself angering him the most severely and, of course, it is never intentional. Nothing I do to hurt my Tails is intentional.
“Cream, we will be alright.”
“I know but I want to be more than alright Tails. Hell, I want to be better than a well-off.” I paused abruptly to pick up my daughter and bring her close to my exposed chest. With a small nudge and a delicate chaste kiss upon her cheek, her eyes slowly opened and that cute little mouth of hers became affixed onto one of my breasts. I knew my baby was starved because she had not eaten since mid-morning, early afternoon. It was almost four now. “I want FERA to live comfortably.”
“She is.” he countered, “She has a roof over her head, clothes on her back, shoes on her feet, and a mother and a father that love her unconditionally.”
“But she also lives in a mediocre apartment living off government money.”
“Its financial aid!” Tails shouted as he threw some large blunt object he had grabbed from atop of our dresser into one of the walls. It left a small yet fixable dent but created a loud crash that startled FERA. “It is there for the families that need it. We need that money so it is practically ours for the taking!”
“You scared FERA!”
“SO WHAT!”
“She is crying!”
“Let her!”
I shot the two-tailed kitsune a dirty look as I carefully began to cradle the weeping newborn in my arms, trying to get her to feed once more so she would not take her nap hungry.
“That is enough Tails. You are scaring FERA!”
“This conversation is not over Cream.”
“Yes it is.” my voice held strong finality within its arctic depths and my motherly instincts had finally kicked in. “You will NOT be so loud and brash when around our baby! It is her feeding and nap time and we will continue this conversation when our daughter wakes up from her nap!”
Tails grew quiet as his head lowered to meet the carpeted gaze of the floor. "Why are you chastizing me like I am your goddamn child!?"
"You are acting like one!" I shouted back with equal levels of anger, "I did not plan this pregnancy, so hush and let FERA sleep! Our daughter needs her rest."
Something inside of the fox that I had not seen in a very long time snapped and unleashed a side I am unfamiliar with. His ears began to twitch uncontrollably and his uncurled hands began to mold into heavy, angry fists. His breath grew ragged and unstable while his body went from tired to stiff and defensive. It was similar to observing an encaged beast begin to rattle its barriers with such ferocity that the likelihood of its imprisonment dwindled down with every ounce of the animal’s endurance to inhumane torture and utmost leniency. My eyes grew wider with each shift in his demeanor. Out of habit, I shifted closer into the sea of down pillows and clutched FERA so roughly that the poor child had to scream in order for me to realize I was hurting her. He looked up at me with eyes full of hatred and pure rage, mouth full of unspoken prophecies he dare not say but wishing they could flood out. I wanted to speak, but I dare not.
“Our daughter?”
He took a pregnant pause before he spoke again, waiting for an immediate answer. He did not get any and it frustrated him.
“Our goddamn daughter?” I took his harsher tone as more of a question than a rhetorical response. His anger rose double by the second and I had to say something, anything to calm him down.
“Y-Yes.” I stopped to gather my words correctly but they would not form into coherent sentences. “She is ours. You said you thought of her as your own!”
“The brat looks nothing like me, hell she is not even my own!"
My mouth dropped. "Miles..."
" You want me to continue this conversation later while you feed that rapist’s kid? Fuck that Cream and fuck you! I am more of a goddamn father to that child than he will ever be and you run to him for help? I drop out of school to help you and that bastard bitch live a stable life and you criticize me for it?”
"Miles!"
“It is your fault you are in the situation you are in now." he continued "If you were not in such a hurry to grow the fuck up, you would not have gotten pregnant and Hannah would still be alive!”
He touched that subject that rattled me the most and used it to his advantage.
"Tails..."
"Yeah, I said it. It is your fault Hannah is DEAD!"
“DON’T SAY THAT!” tears were now beginning to form at the memory. Tails knew Hannah's death was a sensitive topic for me to adjust to. Hannah was my best friend and I neglected her to be with the scheming Roxy in order to be popular. She warned me about the devious raccoon but I did not listen. When she tried to save me, she ended up paying my price. “YOU KNOW NOTHING!”
“I know you killed Hannah! It is your fault she is dead!” he pressed on. "She tried to protect you from being a whore but you would nto listen. It is your fault!"
The tears ran down my face in an alarming rate as the memories of Hannah paced even faster. They would not stop now, no matter how hard I tried. The blood curdling memories, the flood of salty tears, neither would arrest as my heart painfully ached. I see her face every now and then when I least expect her to be there. I hear her voice inside the deafest of rooms under shushed murmurs. I feel her touch when I expect her to be there to comfort me as she used to. In reality, she has left me and it was caused by my mistake.
“I did not kill my best friend!” I bellowed. So much hidden emotion had surfaced and unsolved pain had risen to make me weak. “Roxy killed her, not me!”
Tails smirked devilishly and screamed. “It is your fault Roxy killed her. It is your fault Dan raped you. It is your fault you had a baby at fourteen. It is your fault our relationship is in shambles right now!”
"It's not...."
FERA was now wailing in fear and discomfort as I slowly allowed the salty droplets to fall onto the navy blue comforter beneath me. I had so much hidden emotion inside of me that I never had the courage or the strength to address until now. It was enough to make me feel as if I were going to vomit out in repugnance. I could not stomach the thought of seeing my limp body under Dan’s strong one as the camcorder above us recorded my pain. I could not bear the pain in seeing my friends tattered body lie upon useless metal bars as investigators and paramedics attended to the scene. Tails was right…everything was my fault. I killed Hannah and I set myself up for rape. Our relationship is in ruins and I caused it to become that way throughout the duration of my pregnancy. I knew Tails could not accept FERA and I knew he could not accept a marred Cream. My head began to spin and my mind began to race. The only thing I remember doing was making sure my baby was fully detached from my chest before making a sprinters dash into the bathroom to loom over an exposed pool of blue water. There was crimson red flashing like strobe lights as Tails’ voice hovered over me. I passed out.