|3rd ROCK FROM THE SUN: Uncle's Dick!
Author: Dan Bivens PM
What would happen if Tim and Uncle Martin, from MY FAVORITE MARTIAN, used Martin's CCTSB to go into the Future and wound up in the Ohio apartment of Dick, Sally, Harry, and Tommy? And just how do Dick and Martin know one another?Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,122 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 06-18-08 - Published: 06-11-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4316211
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
3rd ROCK FROM THE SUN
The following takes place 32 hours, 29 minutes, and 14.47 seconds after the recent reversal of Dick and Sally back into their previous Human forms by way of the Big Giant Head...
Loudly clopping up the stairs to their third-rate apartment, like a couple of drunken circus stallions barely able to stand on six-out-of-eight legs, Dick, Sally, Harry, and Tommy were currently engaged in some sort of silly disagreement that began we no not where...
"And I told you that it wasn't a parking space, Lieutenant!"
"C'mon, Dick, you were the one who whipped into that spot like it had shoes for sale! Pretty shoes."
"And never even bothered to notice the wrecking ball dangling nearby."
"Neither did you, you squint-eyed bonehead!"
"I'm no more a bonehead than any other Human, Tommy."
"Your head's all bone, Harry!"
"Will you two shut up! Isn't it enough the Rambler was very nearly flattened by that damned big ball?"
"Which, thanks to me, High Commander, was narrowly avoided!"
"Well, if any of the rest of us had boobs to flash like you, Lieutenant, we could've done the same thing!"
"By the way, Sally," said a stupidly smiling Harry after the quartet topped the stairs to stand in the midst of their tiny-yet-truly lived in living room. "They looked really nice. Just like I always dreamed."
"What?" Sally suddenly snarled as she spun toward the dumbest member of their space-spanning number with the squeezed-together features of someone maybe dumber than they'd thought. "Were you looking? I specifically told everyone not to look!"
"Well, uh," Dick, Harry, and Tommy clamored comically with a hint of genuine fear in regards to Sally's alien abilities to inflict injury and agony should such suit her. "We, uh, were afraid, uh, that you might hurt yourself or, uh, that the construction workers might, uh, make some sort of lewd gestures that, uh..."
"Yeah, well, the next time I flash these puppies," proclaimed Sally as she grasped her shirt-covered breasts a bit more roughly than any Human woman might. "You'd better make damn sure to keep your eyes closed! Or, so help me, I'll pluck 'em out then and there and play ping-pong with 'em! Perverts."
"Sorry, Sally, won't happen again."
The self-same second that Sally turned to stride, with those impossibly long legs, into the crazy kitchen just beyond...
Dick, Harry, and Tommy made ludicrous yet silent thumb-biting motions to further illustrate just how much of Sally's bared breasts they did, indeed, see.
Then, just like that, they straightened and nonchalantly followed after Sally.
At that instant, in the just-vacated living room, amidst a strange burst of smoke that disappeared as swiftly as two figures, one carrying a curious square-cornered device, promptly appeared...
"Wh-where are we Uncle Martin? Did we make it to the Future?"
Looking all around, the reddish-haired Martian-in-Human form, though his pseudo-nephew, Tim O'Hara, had no idea of any duplicity on the part of such a seemingly safe personage!, sat down his twice-used-to-go-into-the-Past CCTBS on the back of one of two overstuffed chairs.
"It would seem so, Tim," murmured the Martian known, during this latest foray on planet Earth, as Uncle Martin. "But I'm not so sure my Cathode-ray Centrifugal Time BreakaScope has brought us to a Future time-point in Los Angeles. According to my telepathic tapping of nearby minds..."
Tim stood by as, once again, Uncle Martin lifted fingertips to either side of his forehead in order to truly read minds.
"Hm. Even though there's a lot of curious confusion in the nearby minds I'm picking up...even more so than with Mrs. Brown!...I'm getting that we are in...Rutherford, Ohio."
"Ohio?" Tim almost said a little too loudly, but managed to comically catch himself in his typically spastic fashion. "But why Ohio? Why not just forty or so years in the Future of where we already were?"
"I don't know, Tim," Uncle Martin managed while looking down at his CCTBS' settings. "Something must have gone wrong with one of the multi-micro electroscopic temporal gyros that are responsible for grounding us to a specific place no matter the alteration of Time. Of course, this is the first time I've ever used my device to go into the Future. Usually just into the Past."
"Now you tell me."
At that exact instant, just returning from the kitchen with an overt variety of snack foods and sandwiches, the quartet of comical-though-cosmic visitors from a barred spiral galaxy a lot further away than Uncle Martin's Martian home stopped short...
"Hey! How'd you guys get in here?" Tommy remarked almost logically, as Harry would, like always, be the one to denote just how incredibly idiotic the Transmitter can be.
"Maybe they're here to fix the cable?"
"There's nothing wrong with the cable," said Sally with a humorous mien.
"Ah," Harry stupidly stated in typically close-eyed fashion. "Then they're work is done."
No sooner had Sally slapped the side of Harry's head, wherein the dumber member complained, "Hey, you break that Transmitter and you pay for it."
Such caused Sally to slap Harry's head again, just as Dick recognizingly, as well as exaggeratedly, exclaimed, "My God! It's a Martian!"
END OF CHAPTER 1