Author’s Note: Here’s your epilogue!

pqpq

Summer felt like it came early that year, the year that Lavi and I got together. Everything was all warmth and smiles and cool nights that were spent together with the windows open in his bed making love. I loved the time we spent together and the way that Lavi would hold either one of my hands without a care at how different they were. And the way that Lavi would kiss my forehead, his lips tracing the scar that marred the left side of my face with such tender loving care that I melted each and every time.

When we had to leave on missions, it was always hard parting. I know that when Lavi left for a few weeks after we got together, I just laid in his bed every night, breathing in his scent, afraid that I’d forget it if he was gone for too long. It was strange for me to long for someone so much. I hadn’t felt this way since Mana, where everything felt meaningless without him around. It was the same with Lavi, who I felt so…incomplete without. When he finally came home, it felt like it had been ages, but his arms still fit around me so perfectly and his lips were still perfectly molded for mine and everything had purpose once again.

At least a few of the missions required the both of us going together. These times were nice, as we could be alone together for the trip and hold hands wherever we wanted. Although I have to say that battles were a little nerve-racking (me always looking over my shoulder to make sure Lavi was all right, staying a few steps ahead of danger) those hotel rooms and private train compartments also serve far better purposes than their intended functions…

When we were home, we’d wander around together, holding hands when we were out of range of being caught. I didn’t fear the science department as much as I feared Bookman, because I knew of his wrath and how bad it could get. Plus, Lavi got moody when the subject of his mentor came up, so I presumed it wouldn’t be wise for the old man to just happen to see us, hand-in-hand, or worse yet, the way I would curl up with Lavi in his chair in the library when he had to write logs. I’d never look, because he didn’t want me to, so I would just sit in his lap, curled up against his chest, breathing with him in the quiet recesses of the book room while his quill scratched away into the night.

This new style of life felt like second nature to me. It was so easy to get used to being in Lavi’s arms and to feel his presence near me at all times. Everything about him was mine and everything about me was his. And we smiled with this knowledge, as if we had a big secret that no one else knew about.

But some people did know. Kanda for one. Lenalee for another. They found us a few times together, our arms around each other in a way that spoke volumes more than just close friendship. But it wasn’t like they were all that innocent either, as Lavi and I had found them a few times together doing things that would certainly have Komui out to destroy the entire male race.

“I didn’t know Kanda liked Lenalee,” I said to Lavi one night, just in passing.

“Well, Lenalee’s liked Yuu for years,” Lavi replied, his back to me as he shelved some books.

“ Really?” I asked, not knowing this.

“Yeah, that’s why she was so s—not herself when you da—and Yuu were together,” Lavi said, choosing his words carefully.

Suddenly the image of Lenalee discovering Kanda and I in the hallway with our hands together came to mind. That look on her face and the cold way that she regarded me afterwards and the way that I had believed she and Lavi had caught colds because of their constant strange behavior…Why hadn’t I realized it before?

“Oh…” I said, looking down. “So, how did this…you know, how’d they get together?”

Lavi’s motions stilled for a moment before continuing. There was something about this avoidance behavior that bothered me.

“After you two broke up, you came to me and Lenalee went to Yuu,” Lavi explained. “Apparently, she sort of confessed to him when you and I were on that mission…”

Something hurt in my chest at the realization that Kanda had given up on me so easily, waited until I came home and then broke it off with me to be with Lenalee. Why’d he even do those things with me in the first place if he didn’t mean any of it? I asked Lavi, who said he didn’t know.

A few days later, though, I found out that Lavi had cornered Kanda in the bath house to ask him about it. Lenalee told me about it, but didn’t know very many details. All we knew was that they talked and both came back to their lovers in a foul mood. According to some sources around the Order (how did everyone suddenly know?) Kanda had said some pretty awful things to Lavi and the redhead had returned them tenfold. I knew it was bad, because if Kanda was referenced after that, Lavi wouldn’t call him by his real name, but by his last name or simply “that guy”.

“What’d he say that made you mad, Lavi?” I asked, touching him gently one night when I was tired of seeing his shoulders so stiff with anger.

“He insulted you,” Lavi said angrily, and I was surprised because I hadn’t been expecting him to just tell me right out.

“Insulted me?” I asked, a twinge in my chest. “What’d he…say?”

“Doesn’t matter. He insulted you, and then he insulted me,” Lavi replied, shifting a little uncomfortably. “I don’t want to deal with that guy for a while.”

It took another day or two of wearing Lavi’s patience thin to get him to open up and tell me exactly what had happened. Lavi wouldn’t tell me what Kanda had said about me, but he told me that Kanda had called him the “rebound guy”. It made me sad to see that Lavi’s normally light emerald-green eye turned rather dark when he said this, as if he believed it. This led to a few hours of just the two of us in his bed disproving this theory.

Lavi was significantly more cheerful after that, when it was very clear between us that it was deeper than just some fling that I wanted because I was still hurting over Kanda’s rejection. It wasn’t even that bad, I told him, because once I knew I loved Lavi I was going to break up with him anyways. When I told Lavi this, his smile was back to being its normal, one-hundred-and-ten percent watt bright.

That storm passed and pretty soon, Lavi was back to calling Kanda “Yuu-chan” and bothering him in public. Lenalee had made them apologize. Hearing Kanda say the words “I’m sorry” to someone was something that was amazing on a gigantic scale, but even more hearing him say it not only to Lavi, but to me.

“What for?” I asked, confused.

Kanda looked at me, then at Lavi.

“So he didn’t tell you, then?” was the question.

I shook my head. Kanda apology was for the insults that he had placed on me when he and Lavi had been arguing. Apparently he said the only reason he was with me was because I looked like a woman, my white hair and rather androgynous face intriguing him.

I kicked the shit out of him for that one; one of the only times Kanda and I sparred that I actually won.

After we were through, I accepted the apology. After all, for Kanda to even come out and say something like that to someone was proof that he truly respected and adored Lenalee enough to do something like that. I even caught Kanda smiling one day at her and I was so shocked I nearly fell over. It wasn’t jealousy that made me react that way, but just seeing that his face could smile…I knew Lenalee was the one for him and any bitterness I might have harbored for the Japanese Exorcist dissipated.

Of course, when Komui found out that Lenalee liked one of the boys…a lot of secrets came out that day.

“Which one of you is deflowering my little sister?!” Komui asked, strangely calm, although ominous as he walked up and down the line of male Exorcists in front of him, drill in hand.

We all shook our heads, poor Lenalee so red behind Komui that I thought her head might burst. Komui went down the line and glared at each of us in turn, seeking a confession.

“I’m with Miranda,” Noise said, right from the start (the large crash outside must have been Miranda eavesdropping, or at least attempting to).

“Eliade…” Krory cried sadly when Komui came to stand before him; Lavi actually reached over to pat his shoulder a little to keep him from losing it.

“So it’s got to be one of you three,” Komui said, his murderous eyes on me, Lavi, and Kanda.

We all went quiet, Lenalee looking worried, wondering what she could possibly do to stop her brother, who was looking at Lavi with such a glare that I wondered how he didn’t flinch.

“It’s you isn’t it? You’re lecherous enough, aren’t you?!” Komui cried, pointing his finger at Lavi. “Deflowering my little sister! How could you?! You beast!”

Lavi protested as calmly as possible, but when Komui started aiming his drill at a rather important part of Lavi’s anatomy, his arms immediately came around me and Komui narrowed his eyes.

“Homosexuality as a form of camouflage! I’ll not believe it!” Komui shouted, coming at the both of us now with his drill.

“W-What? But it’s true…” Lavi insisted, leaning down to kiss me.

There’s a certain way that I suppose straight men would kiss if they were forced. This wasn’t one of those kisses and I got a little carried away myself. I have a feeling that if it wasn’t for the sudden screaming of Komui finding Kanda mirroring our actions with Lenalee, Lavi and I might have made use of that convenient sofa in Komui’s office.

While Komui plotted on somehow destroying Kanda, Lavi and I went back to our old routine. Our secret remained safe for a few days, but then Bookman found out. I’ve never seen him look so livid before. And I’ve never seen Lavi turn so pale before.

“Lavi. I need to speak with you. Alone,” he said, glancing at me to get the point across.

I slipped my hand into Lavi’s. He was shaking a little, and I wasn’t quite sure why. Surely Bookman would understand and everything would end up all right…

“Very well,” Bookman said, when I did not leave.

Then he began to talk to Lavi in a different language, something that could have been Chinese or some other Asian language. He switched between a few, something I vaguely recognized as Spanish and at one point, French, but it all remained beyond my intelligence. All I knew was that Bookman was not happy with Lavi from the tone of his voice and that it had to do with me from the way his kohl-rimmed eyes would sometimes flicker to me. As for Lavi, he remained stoic as ever, although I could see that his jaw tensed every now and then and his eye was tight. The hand that was normally so warm and safe felt clammy and cold in mine, and for some reason, much smaller. I comforted him however I could, but I don’t know if my gentle squeezes to his hand helped.

When Bookman finally left, Lavi collapsed into the nearest chair, pulling me with him. He was quiet for the longest time, and I didn’t want to break the silence, so I just laid against him to offer whatever strength I could.

“Bookman wants to leave,” he finally said, after the fire had almost burned itself out in the library hearth.

I thought my heart stopped in my chest.

“What?” I asked, voice small, breath slightly choked.

“Bookman wants to leave,” Lavi repeated, holding me tighter. “I don’t want to go.”

I knew saying so don’t wouldn’t be all that easy. As if he read my mind, he shook his head.

“I wish I could, but it’s not that simple,” he said.

And then he explained to me, explained to me everything about the Bookmen. About their clan, their values, their personas…I could have cried knowing that the Lavi I knew and loved wasn’t real, but some made-up character that Bookman Junior had chosen to play the part of.

“I am real,” Lavi said, seeing my expression, touching my cheek. “I am Lavi. I am Lavi and I love you, Allen Walker. That can’t be fake.”

“I don’t want you to disappear, Lavi,” I said, hiding my face in his neck. “I don’t think I can live…if you’re not here.”

Lavi’s arms tightened around me and we sat there for the longest time, me praying that this wouldn’t be the last few moments we spent together, and him most likely going through each and every possible scenario to choose the best one. His thoughts were at least pro-active.

The next day, Bookman resigned from the Order and he left by himself. I didn’t know this, until Lenalee told me. I rushed to find Lavi and found him sitting by the window in the library with a slightly tortured expression on his face. Sitting across from him, I asked him what happened. Lavi chose his words carefully, but explained to me as simply as possible: he was no longer Bookman’s successor, so the old man had gone out to continue on with his previous profession, hopefully to get another apprentice before he died.

“I get to stay,” Lavi said, pulling me to him.

If he was so happy to stay here with me, why was his expression so conflicted?

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Sorry,” Lavi replied, angrily rubbing at his left eye. “It’s just…I’ve been with Bookman since I was six. It’s…strange to be apart from him. I feel like I betrayed him somehow. I owe him for everything he’s done but…”

“But what?” I asked, when he didn’t continue.

“I’m so selfish,” Lavi said, looking like he was going to cry, but doing a pretty good job of not doing so. “I love you. I love this place, this life, this ‘me’. I’m selfish because I just…I wanted to stay with you—with everyone. I wanted to be happy.”

“There’s nothing wrong…with wanting to be happy,” I replied, kissing him. “I’m sorry, though. I didn’t know you had to choose between me and being a Bookman. I know…I know that’s what you really wanted all along.”

“You’re what I really wanted all along,” he corrected, putting his arms around me.

After that, it looked like things got a lot better. Lavi and I grew closer than ever and because of our happiness together, for some reason we synched better with our Innocence, which led to us becoming even better Exorcists. Our hands were allowed to hold each others freely and after a while, Kanda and Lenalee were wandering around just like us with their hands clasped together and that little secret smile on their lips. Komui certainly wasn’t happy, but we all were, and that was all that mattered.

pqpq

Ehh, the epilogue was much better the first time it was written (computer problems, grr) but this one came out all right, I guess (do I get some points for trying to rewrite this from memory?). A sort of wrap up for you, I guess. There actually was another part that I’m trying to salvage, but I don’t think I’ll bother with it unless you all insist. It’s got to do with what happens during/after the war with the Earl.

But if not, this is the end. I’m glad you guys liked it so much (hopefully this epilogue wasn’t reminiscent of a certain Harry Potter book that blew badly) and I really appreciate all the alerts/reviews/favorites and whatnot. Thanks so much!

Also (-insert shameless selfplug here-) I’ve got that new fanfiction coming up called One Hundred with features 100 stories about Allen and Lavi. I’ve got like…thirty of them written already. It’s bound to be fun with this great couple, so look out for that coming soon!

Thanks again for all your love!

Dhampir72