AN: AUish in that Edward has fallen for Bella at first sight rather than a little later

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...go figure

“To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me.”

--

Love at first sight.

What does it really mean?

A year ago I would have told you that the answer was nothing. I would have told you that no such thing like that existed on the face of the planet.

Even now I look at her, and though my cold heart jerks at the mere sight, I might still insist that a cynical view of the world is more realistic. Still, I cannot deny what I feel now, what I felt the very day she met my glance and told me plainly- though without words- that she was meant for me.

I’ve always viewed love as a choice. A choice that we make and choose to keep making. Both parties have to choose to put the other forward as the most important thing in their life. Of course there’s always some initial attraction, or spark that seems to make that possible but in the end I liked to believe that I would always be in control of who and how and when I loved.

My assumptions were thrown out the door.

She glanced and I fell.

As my presumptions came crashing down, I was struck by the irony of my situation. I loved her and I thirsted for her. One emotion drove me to protect, the other to possess. As those two wrangled within she sat down and assumed that I somehow hated her.

And I suppose I did.

She stole my control and I did not like it one bit. To think that I could be manipulated so easily and not merely by the scent of her blood…it was appalling and too unlike anything I’d ever known. If I had not fallen the torture might have been less. How she can incarnate everything that might destroy me and might fulfill me at the same time is beyond me.

Beautiful, beloved oxymoron.

So I ran away, far away- hoping that with every mile I would be able to stretch the bond far enough that it might snap. Somehow, in my mind I knew it would never snap.

Not until the world ended- or I did.

What passion possesses the soul, what unguarded emotions surge, what feckless, terrifying feelings force a person to face their heart- I would never understand until she came into my life. Until she tripped clumsily over the threshold of my nonexistent soul, and fell with an impact that reverberated throughout my spirit.

The disaster had happened and I found I would rather live with the tremors than try to find some remedy.

Tremulous torture.