Author’s Notes:

This story is made up of three vignettes based on song lyrics by 30 Seconds to Mars. I had, at first, thought of only using one song, I ended up utilising three; A Beautiful Lie, A Modern Myth and Battle of One. I like how I tried out this style of writing of using vignettes and combining them into one story; I think it came out rather well. So I hope you enjoy it and if you like and have the time, drop a review! Thanks :)

(1) - taken directly from the Return of the King transcript.

A Beautiful Lie

I

Lies are meant to deceive and trick. As children, we are taught not to lie. I remember as a child how my uncle used to tell me that falsifying anything would get me into the deepest trouble. As I grew older, he told me about how mendacity would dig me a pit of grief and loneliness. He also said that if we lie to anybody, especially ourselves, it is as good as dying on the inside because we do not even know ourselves after a period of time. If we remain deceitful, it is as good as living the life of somebody else.

But what if you ever countered upon a lie so beautiful, a con so stunningly attractive…would you risk letting it go in favour for the cold, ugly truth? Would you refuse to believe it, even if it would give you a better mindset as a whole? I know that I, for one, could not control my actions. I succumbed to the lies, I bathed in the falsehood. It was then that I truly understood the meaning of what Uncle Théoden had told me years and years before. I do not feel like myself anymore. I feel like an empty shell, longing to bask in someone else’s glory.

Although despite my knowledge of all that, I still cannot escape this lie. I…have no desire to burn it and to leave it in the ashes of my past. The pure agony of losing this one hope – one chance – at love is too difficult for me. You may think that I risk myself for something so foolish. But when you are on the edge of desperation and it is driving you mad, you would do anything.

As a White Lady of Rohan – a noble lady of the Court of Meduseld – I cannot do anything I desire. I am confined; restricted; restrained. It seems as though femininity has no credibility in the fields of combat. Being a woman means nothing more than finding food and bedding for when the men return from the hardships of war. The glory of war is something I long to experience, but I cannot – all because I am a woman. I do not wish to just be someone in the sidelines. How should being a woman affect my integrity as an able-bodied blade master?

Rohan was in ruin just two days ago. It is still not as strong as its forefathers had set it up to be, but life is improving for everybody. People are generally happier than they once was and the gloom that had settled in Edoras for a terrible long count of years has seemingly vanished. However, there is still a shadow over my heart. I still long for something more than what Rohan can offer me, however selfish that may sound. The pains of being kept locked up in the Great House were not healed by the disappearance of Grima and his foul witchcraft. I still feel as empty and lonely as I did. However, the day Uncle was healed was the day I met my match.

I thought I had closed the walls around myself, protecting myself from the eyes of the world. But time has made me realise how wrong I was. For Gandalf Stormcrow did not only bring with him ill tidings from Isengard, he also brought with him a company of the West. One of them, I am sure, was a Ranger of the North for his clothes were tattered and he dressed in the shades of his Elf-friend. Adorned in the colours of earth and leaf, he seemed one to be strong, silent…a true, competent leader of our time. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew that he would bring our people to victory. Our people are a dying breed and our confidence fails, but somehow, this one man brought hope. His name is Aragorn.

He also brought female frustration in me unlike no other, for it is undeniable, my attachment to him. I felt myself nursing a speedily increasing liking towards him. In short, I was attracted. I still am.

Aragorn never notices my subtle attempts to make him realise just how much he means to me. It is either that or he does not even care about them. I know he has caught my staring a fair few times. I do not stalk him. But I find his radiance lights up whatever room he enters. It is this aura that he has – the impression of a true warrior on the battlefield, but a soft-spoken gentleman elsewhere. It is not difficult to imagine a husband in him; a life with him.

“Daughters of kings and noble women of the court will not have fates that are under par,” he once said to me. “You will find what you seek one day.”

x

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

II

“It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek.”(1)

Unimaginable pain; that is all I can recall after he said those words to me. It was like having my soul ripped out of me and now I feel even worse than I have ever felt. The love that I had thought that I would be given – that hope that care of a significant other would find its way to me – is now gone.

Did he not once say that I would attain what I sought? Is he being hypocritical? I sought after a life in him and believed he could give it to me.

Perhaps I have misinterpreted the inner meaning of his words. Maybe I am now blind by love that I cannot have.

Depression has enveloped me and now I long for death even more. I would not wish for an undignified demise. I do not want to bereave in such a cowardly way as slitting my throat with my sword, or purposefully stabbing myself in the tendon. There is only one way in which I wish to perish, should I ever decide to. Now is as good a time as any. But no one should receive a warning.

Bidding farewell will never be harder than this…

x

To buy the truth
And sell a lie
The last mistake before you die
So don't forget to breathe tonight
Tonight's the last so say good-bye

III

Sheets of metal are placed before me in ceremonial fashion. I cannot back down now.

Uncle thinks he is doing me a favour of forbidding me to go. What am I, a tool to be commanded to his will? I do not wish to disobey his word, but I cannot just sit here. He has also prohibited Merry to go. We are both able to fight. I just wish he would see that.

I have a bloodlust stronger than any other and I simply just wish to go to battle and I long for the worst to happen. There is no route for me now. If Death should take me, so be it. I do not wish to live anymore, for living is such a lie. I have not lived a life truly fulfilled, nor have I gotten what I have desired and deserved. I feel like an object. I am desensitised.

“I have sent word to Edoras. The people are to follow your rule should…ill happen,” Uncle told me just last night. He did not think he would be coming back, I heard it in his voice and see it in his eyes. He turned to face me, his eyes a somber grey rather than the pale blue that I am used to.

I nodded silently, holding back my tears.

I do not wish to carry on this way, crying over every little thing. Maybe war will harden my heart and I will have perfect control over my emotions from hereon in. My life has been filled with sorrow and toil and yet I still do not know how to accept departure. I still have yet to forget what Aragorn said, what a fool I made myself of. It leaves me with no other option.

I have had it with lying. It is the truth or nothing from now on.

Lord of the Earth, punish me for I have defiled the King’s instruction.

x

Try and stop me
Try and save me
I want to fall…