HOPE FOR YOU

Chapters: one shot
Type: coda, drama, angst
Rating: PG
Main characters: Dean, Sam
Timeline: 1x07 – Hook Man
Summary: Little coda for episode 1x07 Hook Man. Set after the end of the episode.
Beta Reader: none
Disclaimer: Don't own the show; don't own the brothers (sadly).
Written: June, 2008

“Is this all that's left
Of my life before me
Straight jacket memories, sedative highs
No happy ending like they've always promised
There's got to be something left for me
And I raise my head and stare”
Eyes of a Stranger – Queensryche

“There’s still hope for you.” Dean exclaims with a smirk and raised eyebrows after Sam finishes telling him he’d kissed Lori earlier. He didn’t even want to tell Dean about it but trust his obsessed brother to ‘suspect something dirty had happened’. Dean grins and Sam shakes his head but he can’t help the chuckle from escaping him.

“I knew there had to be some Winchester in ya somewhere college-boy.” Dean continues and he’s about to add something else when he notices a shadows of pain crossing his brother’s features and the words die on his lips. Sam swallows hard and looks away, forcing the thoughts away, trying to put up a front. He knows it’s too late because Dean isn’t smiling anymore. His face grows soft and almost apologetic and Sam marvels at how easily his brother always manages to read him.

“Jessica,” Dean says the name softly and Sam’s heart misses a bit. He briefly looks up, meeting his brother’s gaze for a second before looking back down and nodding softly and they both remain quiet for a while.

“Look man, I’m sure she understands,” Dean finally says and Sam can’t help the shrug. Yeah right.

“She’d want you to move on and be happy Sam.” His brother adds quietly and Sam can almost here the unspoken ‘And so do I’.

Sam inhales deeply and forces himself to swallow before standing up; he can feel Dean’s eyes on him as he slowly makes it to the door.

“I’m going for a walk,” He says, hand on the door knob. And he is half way out when his brother’s ‘Sam’ has him turning around to see Dean standing near their beds.

They don’t exchange words because there is no need to. Be careful Deans’ eyes demand and the corner of Sam’s mouth twitches up to reply I will. Dean’s fisted hands show that he has to restrain himself from following him. And Sam’s slumped shoulders indicate the uncertainty he feels. Dean’s jaw tightens and his eyebrow rise a little in an Are you sure gesture. Sam faintly nods before turning out again.

He has his right foot on the threshold when he hears movement behind him. Looking back he sees that Dean has taken a step forward. His hands now resting motionless along his thighs and his shoulders faintly slumped. Their eyes meet again and San can see I'm sorry, it'll be alright and I love you hanging in there. He smiles a little and resume walking out, closing the door softly behind him.

He finds an old wooden bench on the back of the hotel and sits on it, soft wind echoing Dean’s words. He thinks it isn’t about what Jess wanted or would have wanted. It is about him. Sam doesn’t want a relationship. He isn’t ready and he doesn’t think he ever will be. A part of his heart and of his soul has burnt on that ceiling right along with Jess.

Wind blows strongly now and he shivers. He looks up briefly at the stars and blows a kiss in their direction before starting to walk back to their room. He wonders if Dean will be asleep, being pretty sure that his brother is waiting on his bed or at the table, pretending to have something important to do at – Sam quickly glances at his watch – twenty past midnight.

He opens the door and steps in. Sure enough, Dean is sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, newspaper in hands. He lifts his head at Sam’s entrance and looks his way, instantly forgetting the three-days-old newspaper on his lap.

For a second Sam just stands there, looking at Dean. He can see small rings of fatigue starting to form under his brother’s eyes. He seems more tired than he remembers. They’ve done a lot of running around lately and Sam is exhausted. No doubt Dean is too, and yet he is still up. He waited just in case Sam would need him when he came back.

The thought is comforting and Sam takes the three steps that separate them before sitting next to his brother on the bed. He waits a bit wondering what he could say. Thank you is the best thing his tired mind can come up with but his heart knows it doesn’t begin to cover it. He shakes his head and quickly kisses Dean on the cheek before rising and making it to his own bed. He takes off his shoes but can’t muster the energy to do the same with his clothes so he just lies down and let sleep come to him.

Dean doesn’t move and it takes him a few more seconds to come back to himself and shake his head, snorting. Sam is slightly surprised at the silence that follows. He expected a flying pillow or a snarky comment on chick-flick moments. But when Dean simply flickers off the lamp and slides quietly under the covers, he thinks There’s still hope for you too.

Sam’s almost asleep when he hears his brother mutter something. And it takes a few seconds for Dean’s “You’re such a girl,” comment to fully register.

FIN