A/N: Okay, TL;DR author's note time now.

This is the beginning of my Both Syllables series, which will be long, sprawling and LONG. It's also crossover. HOWEVER, this fic in itself is not very crossover. There are passing mentions of other fandoms, but they aren't much involved with the plot and if you don't know those 'verses, it shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of the story.

Another thing: This fic will not be abandoned. No, really. I have the whole first draft sitting here on my computer, and I will update every Sunday without fail until it's all up. And then I'll start uploading the next fic in the series.

And now, a hearty thanks to my beta ckret2, without whom I believe this story would still be rotting on my palmtop, plotless.

City Traffic Puzzle

A Buzz Lightyear of Star Command fan fiction

-because I have plenty of time to say both syllables-

When I was a young boy I was honest and I had more self-control if I was tempted I would
Run
Then when I got older I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted when I wanted it
And I wanted it
Stablio, 'Flawed Design'

Transcript from Star Command equipment meet 1230435 dated 9/26/02

At 1:03:12 AM unit #324 made a statement regarding the subject of Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear (code 3934209)
At 1:03:47 AM unit #097 made a disrespectful remark regarding the subject of Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear (code 3934209)
At 1:04:32 AM disciplinary method standingincorner was taken against unit #097
At 1:06:41 AM unit #097 made a disrespectful remark regarding the effectiveness of disciplinary method standingincorner
At 1:07:12 AM disciplinary method removalfrommeeting was taken against unit #097

9/30/02

6:17 PM

"That was fun," Booster said with a grin.

XR nodded at his control panel, smiling. It took him a moment to realize no one could see and he stopped smiling, wringing his hands.

"Yeah," Mira said, buckling her seat belt. Her own smile was soft and confident. "We should get dinner together more often."

XR glanced sideways at her, raising an eyebrow and pursing his lips thoughtfully. "Well, we get lunch together every day."

Everyone turned to stare at him and he raised his hands defensively, quickly saying "I mean, I'm not saying it wasn't fun, but we wouldn't want to get sick of each other, you know."

There was a pause.

"No, we wouldn't," Buzz said coolly.

XR scowled at his control panel, punching in the buttons with admittedly more force than what was strictly necessary. "Well, I'm just sayin'."

"Didn't you have fun?" Booster said, his eyebrows bunching.

XR's voice was nasal and grouchy. "Yes, I did, I just meant every night would be overkill." Geez, he couldn't make a perfectly truthful, slightly negative observation without everyone jumping down his throat?

"Well, okay, maybe you're right," Mira said, rolling her eyes. "But I didn't mean every night, you know, just..."

"Oh, I know," XR said.

"Then we're good, huh?" Mira said.

"Yeah."

Buzz nodded, pursing his lips. "Oh look, we're here."

XR clung to the wall to avoid being thrown around as the ship landed. Buzz was a good driver, but not having a seatbelt was a nerve-wracking experience.

Once the Star Cruiser had stopped moving, Mira stood up, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Did any of you guys see that movie about the spider and the... thing?"

"The thing?" XR said, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I mighta saw that," Booster said, standing as well. They made their way out of the ship.

"Wasn't Mariah Nebulon in that?" Buzz mused.

"Are you guys even talking about the same movie? How can you tell?" XR quipped.

"I'm pretty sure we're talking about the same movie," Booster said, frowning.

Buzz looked at his watch. "Well, I really should go, I have things to do..."

"Yeah, me too," XR said.

Booster nodded. "Bye, guys. I should get home too."

"Well, if you guys are going, I should too," Mira said, flipping her hair.

"Bye, guys," Buzz said.

"Bye," XR said.

They headed off, leaving him there alone in the launch bay.

"Bye!" Mira waved. XR waved back and she turned away from him, trotting away. He watched the sway of her hips as she left until she got into her car, then he turned away and headed down towards the science bay, whistling.

Speaking of woman hips, he'd been meaning to talk to that new chick, the blonde receptionist. Yeah, he'd sure like to get to know her better. Oh, yeah.

"XR."

He stopped, blinking, and turned to see Buzz there with his hands on his hips, glaring.

"Yeah?" he said, drawing closer. "Why're you back all of a sudden?"

His team captain beckoned curtly and turned on his heel, marching away.

XR followed, blinking. "Hey? I asked you a question and- you didn't answer my question. Did- did you hear me when-"

Buzz said nothing. XR followed him. "What the- well- hey, what's going on?" They entered Commander Nebula's perpetually-empty office and Buzz closed the door behind him. It whirred shut with a clamping, sealing sound; he'd locked it.

XR froze, searching Buzz's face. "Buzz? Hey. Hey. Buzz. C'mon. Speak to me. Buzz? Buzz. Hey."

He turned to him, eyes set straight ahead, mouth pressed into a line and eyebrows angled sharply. Suddenly his features began to shift and melt, running together. XR clutched the desk behind him, screaming.

In a space of ten seconds or less Buzz had completely disappeared, leaving a huge, mountainous, unfamiliar alien in his wake.

"Hey, pipsqueak."

He reached over to XR, grabbing him around the waist and hefting him up so there were seeing eye-to-eye. Automatically he froze, his lips parting and his wide, staring eyes locked on this guy's big, bloodshot ones. A loud ticking noise reverberated from his chest.

"You've made a certain person very angry," he growled in a deep, rumbling voice.

XR went throught a swift mental list of the people that were very angry at him. XL, Lucy, NOS-4-A2, Kate, Marcy, Ricky, 42, maybe Mira-

"He wants his money."

"What the- wh-who wants what money? What money? There's money? What money?!" he squealed.

"Don't you remember?"

His helmet fogged up with nasty, stinky breath. He winced. Ew. Gross.

"A certain game," the guy said, and XR's eyes widened. Oh. Ohhh. Game. Last week. Poker. He'd been on a winning streak and... if he remembered correctly, quite a few of his buddies had been... not very happy over it.
But hiring a thug? A THUG? That was just low class! What the craters!

"Who sent you?" he demanded.

"Oh, so you do remember," he said, grinning viciously. "I'm not at liberty to tell. But someone wants fifty thousand Unibucks from you, and they're not overly concerned about what'll happen to your hide if you don't pay up."

"I don't have a hide," XR reminded him. The guy squeezed him a little tighter and he yelped.

"I can see why they aren't concerned. You're annoying."

"Hmmph," XR said. Whoever had hired this guy was certainly no longer any buddy of his. At all. Nope.
Speaking of... wait a minute...

He frowned. "I didn't win 50,000 from any one guy. Hey, I don't think that's even how much I- and besides! I won that money fair and square!"

The guy's lip curled, exposing sharklike teeth. "And I'm Miss Tradeworld, you cheating bucket of scum."

"Are you now, my my, they're letting any skank enter these days," XR quipped.

The thug growled, a deep, rumbling growl that made XR feel five degrees colder, and pulled back one fist that was clearly aimed at the little robot's face.

"Whoa!" he yelped, shielding his helmet with his hands. "All right, fine!" He fumbled his service panel open and pulled a wad of cash out of it. "Here's fitty bucks!"

The thug ripped it out of his hand with a tremendous scowl that showed XR about... twenty-five nasty yellow teeth. He squirmed.

"And where's the rest of it?" the guy said.

XR swallowed. "Uh, well..."

Where was the rest of it? Well... ten thousand had gone on much-needed repairs that Star Command had deemed unnecessary, five thousand had gone on a handful of upgrades, including a nice gaming system, three hundred had gone to the slots, and the rest was...

"In the bank," he said.

The guy raised one eyebrow at him, grunting.

"If you let me down, I can write you a check," XR said with an ingratiating grin.

"How do I know you won't run away?"

"Well," stupid "I'm pretty much cornered here."

Scowling, the thug carefully set XR down. He rubbed his dented shoulders for a minute, wincing. Geez, that hurt.

"You said you'd write a check," the guy growled.

Golly, strong, mad and stupid. Lovely. "Oh oh, I am," he reassured, pulling a checkbook and pen out of his inner compartments. He bent over the checkbook, quickly jotting down an amount of fifty thousand Unibucks to be paid to-

"And what's your name again, sir?" he asked.

"Morocco DePalma," the guy growled.

"Now, is that M-O-R-O-C-K-O, or M-O-R-R-"

The guy yanked the pen out of XR's hands and wrote the name down himself. XR frowned.

"Well, hey, you can't put your handwriting on one of my checks," he said.

DePalma grunted at him. XR blinked rapidly, then gave him a nervous grin and copied the name and amount down on another check.

"Here you go," he said, holding it out.

DePalma snatched it away, his eyes narrowing.

"No tricks now, right?"

"Trick? Me?" XR said, pressing his hand to his chest. His eyes were wide and hopefully innocent.

"If you do trick me I'll pound you into pulp, got it?" DePalma growled.

"Got it," XR said with a queasy grin.

DePalma grunted, then he turned back into Buzz. How- oh, he was using a hologram. Of course. Probably a Star Command hologram, since everyone at the game had been a Star Command employee.

He turned and left. XR waited until he was gone, then turned away and doubled over, putting his hands on his knees, waiting for the dizzy feeling to go away.

Well. That had been oh so pleasant. What was he going to do when the check bounced?

A reel of fantastically implausible options ran through his head. Suicide while his pride and limbs were still intact. No way. Kill the other guy, then. Not plausible. Run away and never come back. Tempting, but no, he'd be run down and brought back by the scruff of the neck yelping and cringing like a two-bit mongrel dog, figuratively speaking. Make some money? How? Not at the casino, he wouldn't have a prayer of getting himself all the way out to Mohambas 6 before the guy cashed the check. He didn't have anything to sell, and if he did, he couldn't sell it fast enough, that guy was probably going to the bank right now.

He moaned to himself and opened his communicator. "Booster. Hey. I need to stay at your place tonight."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. I mean, pfft, I don't need to stay there- I just thought, you know, it'd be fun, guy's night out sorta thing..."

"Oh. Well, okay. I'm not doing anything tonight."

"Good."

He slammed his communicator shut.

9:23 PM

Booster's apartment was big and homey, with a big, comfy couch XR had used as a bed on several occasions. He was sitting on that couch now, leaning back into the cushions with his hands folded behind his head and a smile on his face. Things always seemed better around someone with kick-butt combat skills, like Booster, who could probably turn that money-grubbing thug into a warm smear on the floor if he so desired. Too bad Booster was such an easygoing guy. Easygoing.

Yeah. He was the biggest naïf XR'd ever met.

...then again, he wasn't sure he'd want to be near Booster himself if the guy had a temper. He'd seen what big guys with tempers could do.

He shuddered.

"I'm not imposing, am I?" he said lightly.

"Oh, not at all," Booster said excitedly from the other end of the couch. He was eating something. XR squinted at it. Pizza... burger? Yech. "I like the company. My landlord won't let me have a dog."

"Mm," XR said. He wished that had been the first time he'd been compared to a dog. That day.

Booster tucked the rest of his... pizzaburger into his mouth, then looked up at the clock. "Well, I'd better go to bed." At nine? Okay, whatever. "I gotta wake up early for work tomorrow."

XR wondered briefly why Booster was eating supper right before bed, then realized the pizzaburger was probably a light snack to the guy. "Okay. Good night."

"Good night," Booster said, then lumbered off.

"Do you mind if I watch TV?" XR called after him.

"No, I don't mind," he replied.

XR nodded and picked up the remote.

11:44 PM

XR jerked awake and looked around at his surroundings, disoriented. The TV was on, he must have nodded off during... whatever piece of crap movie he was watching... what was this?

He turned the TV off, sighing drowsily. Then he realized his phone was ringing. Blinking, he flipped up the panel on his wrist that covered a built-in vidscreen.

It was DePalma.

XR yelped.

"The check bounced," he said.

"What check?" he slurred.

"The check for fifty thousand."

"What?" XR yawned. "I don't have fifty-"

He stopped, his eyes getting really big.

"I want the money."

XR swallowed, pressing himself into the cushions. "Okay, see, the thing is... okay, I have thirty thousand in the bank. You can have that. Okay?"

"I don't want thirty thousand. I want fifty thousand. I was hired to get fifty thousand."

"I'll give you the other twenty thousand later, okay? Like... next week, when there's another poker game," he said.

"I don't think so. You know what I think is gonna happen? I'll take the thirty thousand and never see you again. So you know what you're gonna do?"

"What am I... gonna do?" XR said, subdued.

"You're gonna give me all the money in three days, or else I get it from the scrap dealer."

"I see very clearly sir," XR said, swallowing. "I'll have it, I swear."

DePalma paused for a minute, then said "And wipe that drool off your face. You look like a retard."

And he hung up.

XR blinked, then studied his reflection in the blank vidscreen. There was some oil at the corner of his mouth. How embarrassing.

He put his helmet back and surreptitiously wiped the drool off his face. Okay, now think. Twenty thousand dollars in three days. Oh, sweet mother of Venus.