A/N: Hello, party people! Now, you may have noticed something special about today's update- there are two chapters up instead of one! Why is that, you ask? Well, one is an epilogue. Yes, we have come to the end of our little mob story, I'm afraid, but fear not- as mentioned in the summary this is the start of a series, not a stand-alone fic, so if you want more, there is an oncoming deluge.

If you don't want more, well- yay! The story is over.

Anyway, time for the first chapter.

CHORUS: Oh, I remember Frankenstein
Shivers up my spine
Whoa-ohh
KIRBY: I'm for getting out of here
CHORUS: No need to shout my dear, no

-Disney's The Brave Little Toaster, 'Like a Movie'

This does not look good for Homestar Runner.

10:05 AM

Mira drummed her fingers on the dashboard, propping her cheek in her hand. The bridge always felt so silent without XR. He added something. A certain... lightness, she supposed. Well, not lately. Lately he'd seemed so subdued. His breakup must've been hard on him. Man, she hoped he wouldn't carry on the way he had when 42 was working here.

Almost as if it had been triggered by this thought, her communicator rang. She looked over at Buzz, blinking.

"Well, answer it," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Who could it be?" she asked.

"It could be XR," he said. "Or maybe someone needs backup..."

"Why wouldn't they call you?"

It was still ringing.

"Uh, why don't you just answer it and see?" Booster pointed out.

"Oh, uh. Sure. Okay," she said, flipping it open. She groaned.

"What?" Buzz asked.

"It's Fop Doppler," she said, rolling her eyes.

Fop cleared his throat on the screen, blinking. "Oh, it's good to see you too, Mira," he said, subdued.

She blushed and opened her mouth to speak. He rushed on before she had a chance to get anything out. "I called because we've picked up this suspect on Tradeworld and she appears to be going on about your teammate. XR, right?"

"Uh- yeah," she said, leaning forward. "What's going on?"

"She seems to think he's become involved with the mob or something," Fop said. "Now, I find it hard to swallow myself, I mean he seems like such a nice, sensible chap to me, not at all the type to become involved with such dreadful scum-"

Her eyes widened. "The MOB?" She turned to Buzz. "Buzz, did you hear that? Fop thinks XR's in trouble with the mob."

"The MOB?" Booster gasped.

"I didn't say that," Fop said. "This creature could very well be lying to protect her own hide, so don't get excited. However, it would be negligent not to at least speak with her. If what she's saying is true, your friend is in quite a spot of trouble."

"We'll be right there, Fop," Mira said, along with an only very slightly grudging "Thanks."

10:32

They entered the interrogation room to find MALIK standing on the desk with her entire body arched, snapping in a very loud, jerky, piercing tone-

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"I THINK I'M SMARTER THAN YOU," the small alien sitting in front of her snapped.

"PROVE IT!"

"MAKE ME!"

"YOU ARE TRADEWORLD SCUM! YOUR ATTITUDE IS INTOLERABLE! YOUR INSOLENCE IS INTOLERABLE!" Her tone became somewhat petty. "YOUR STUPID ACCENT IS INTOLERABLE! YOU ARE INTOLERABLE!"

"YOU ARE A TWITFACE!" the little alien hollered, unfurling two stunted black wings and wrapping herself with them.

MALIK stamped her foot. "YOU'RE THE REASON I SUPPORT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!"

Mira blinked.

The alien frowned at MALIK. "Now, that's uncalled for."

"What's going on here?" Buzz demanded.

MALIK turned to scowl at him. "I am merely telling this creature-"

"You're badgering the suspect!" Buzz said, marching forward. "Get down from there, right now!"

She did so, suddenly considerably subdued.

Mira raised an eyebrow at Andi and Rick, who'd been just standing in the corner, watching the show.

"Why didn't you do that?" she said.

Andi at least had the common decency to look uncomfortable. Rick just shrugged.

"For shame," Booster said, tsking at them.

Buzz strode forward to the desk, sitting down behind it. "Heh heh, sorry about that. That was May. She's, uhhh... yeah."

He leaned forward, smiling at her and thrusting his hand out. "Name's Buzz Lightyear."

The suspect raised an eyebrow at him. She didn't take his hand.

Buzz frowned.

"Her name is Kila Jookiba," Rick called as Mira took up a spot on the wall beside him.

"Where's Fop?" she asked.

"Getting us coffee," Rick said.

Mira frowned.

"So, Miss Keely," Buzz said, leaning heavily on the desk.

"Kila."

"Oh, sorry. You've seen a robot named XR?"

She frowned, folding her arms over her chest. "I don't have to talk to you."

"No, you don't, but we'd appreciate it if you just answered a few questions for us," Buzz said. "We just want to know if you've seen XR. That's all you have to say, yes or no. In fact, you don't even have to say anything. Just nod or shake your head."

She stubbornly didn't move.

Buzz sighed. "What did she say before we came in here?"

Rick opened his mouth to speak but MALIK cut him off. "Oh, she was very talkative. Spoke for literally minutes on end about how she was on Tradeworld with a robot matching my prototype's description and the mob was after him, not her, and she was an innocent dragged by him into the mess. Innocent! Ha!"

Mira frowned. Kila scuffled her paws on the surface of the desk, biting her lip. "Hey. I can't tell you anything, okay? I promise- well, I didn't promise, but-"

"Then what's keeping you?" Buzz said, raising an eyebrow. "Keely."

"Kila."

"Oh, sorry. Kila. Help us help XR. Just tell us what you know."

"No!" she snapped, scuffling her paws again, faster. "I had an agreement with him and I know he don't want me talk no feds! No!"

"Look. Kayla-"

She leapt to her feet atop the chair. "THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"

The ashtray fell off the desk and shattered. Buzz jumped.

Kila stared blankly down at the mess. Buzz leaned down to study it, frowning. "Why is there an ashtray in here? There's no smoking on Star Command."

It was an empty ashtray. Buzz shrugged. MALIK silently came forward to clean it up.

Mira stepped forward now. "Hey, Buzz. Let me talk to her."

"Gladly," Buzz said, standing up. Mira sat down.

"Okay, Kila," Mira said, leaning forward. Kila sat back down, giving her a grateful look.

"We're all worried about XR, okay? We want to help him. You can help us. You just need to tell us what he said to you. He never specifically told you not to talk to us, did he?"

She slowly shook her head.

"You're not betraying him. You're helping him. All right?"

She gnawed her lip for a moment. "He just said he was in trouble with the mob on Tradeworld. Marian Verdana in particular."

Buzz gasped. "Marian!"

Kila held her hands up, eyes wide and frightened. "That all he said! Really!"

"That's all we need to know," Buzz said, running out of the room. "Come on, team!"

XR stirred, moaning. It was dark and hot and

stuffy and his head ached. He felt nauseous and groggy and dizzy. Very dizzy. In fact, he felt like he was moving. Which was crazy, because...

Oh, craters. He tried to sit up and there wasn't enough room. He felt around... small space, a baseball bat, what felt like sacks, a rough floor... he was in the trunk of a car, wasn't he?

He curled up, hugging his knees and whimpering. He was going to die, wasn't he?

He closed his eyes, hot tears forming in them. Oh, what an end to such a promising career. Frittering away his reputation at only two years old and getting shoved in the trunk of a car by mobsters, what a way to go. They were probably going to disable his limbs and things and drop him in the river, where he'd lie staring at the fish and stuff, rusting, until he ran out of power.

Or- or maybe they'd dismantle him piece by piece, reducing him to little bitty pieces, and they'd drop those in the river. Or they'd give the pieces to a scrap dealer, or a recycling plant, and he'd be melted down and made into batteries and sold at the Mall of the Universe.

He was staring wide-eyed into the darkness now, tears forgotten. Ooh. Or they- they could melt him down themselves, and pour his liquid remains into a mold- and make Marian a cane. And afterwards, whenever he'd talk to a new victim, he'd have this faintly ominous cane, and no one could figure out where it came from or why it was creepy, but it was-

The car suddenly came to a stop, jolting him back to reality. Oh yeah. Gonna die.

He hugged his knees, making himself as small as possible. He could hear approaching footsteps. They stopped and he heard muffled voices, one of them sounding like Marian's. He squirmed.

Finally, the trunk popped and he felt cool air blowing in. He cringed.

"Ah. XR." Marian's voice, self-satisfied, smooth and modulated. "How kind of you to join us."

"Hoh- ha- h-hi," he stammered.

Big, beefy, not-so-nice-smelling arms scooped him up and held him tightly to an even not-nicer-smelling chest, like some twisted embrace. The crucial difference between this and a loving gesture being that he couldn't freaking move.

The thug started to carry him into a dark room. He could hear Marian beside them, saying

"I gave you some wonderful advice, XR. But you didn't take it."

He whimpered. "I didn't, did I?"

"And now you're going to find out what happens when people don't take my advice."

Oh golly. They were gonna make him into a cane.

He was dropped onto a cold table and before he could move he'd been strapped to it. Marian leaned over his helmet, grinning.

"Don't mess with the mob, XR."

He swallowed. "I'll- I'll make a note of it. Heh."

Marian's face disappeared from his field of vision, but he continued to speak.

"But first, you're going to have a little treat."

"Oh, you don't have to do that," he heard himself say.

"Oh, I insist. You know, XR-" He suddenly decided he didn't like Marian saying his name, didn't like the sound of it in his voice.

"-not many citizens of the Alliance have seen an Irken."

He blinked, finding his curiosity piqued despite himself. "No, that's true."

A new face appeared above his helmet. He blinked. This creature was blueish-green, scaly and giving him a wicked leer comprised of interlocking sharp teeth. It had deep pinkish-red compound eyes and it was making nasty little chuckling sounds. It also had antennae, long black ones with thick, tapering blades on the ends.

"Oh, that's it?" XR couldn't help but say. It just looked like your typical insectoid/reptilian species.

"This is Irken Exile Zekk," Marian said. "He works for me. He used to build SIR units. Those are machines the Irkens use."

Um, okay. "Well, when I get back home I can tell my team I learned something new today."

"He finds our robots quite interesting. He studies them."

Zekk's grin widened and he continued to make those weird chuckling sounds. XR swallowed.

"He also likes to take them apart," Marian continued.

"Oh," XR said. Ohhh noooo.

"He'll find every last damage sensor you possess," the mob boss finished, "and he'll smash it with a hammer."

"G-good for Zekk," XR stammered as the Irken disappeared from his field of vision. He felt his service panel open.

"Hmm," he heard Zekk say as he poked at the various dials and gauges. "Eheh. Eehehehehehehe."

"You know, I'm not real comfortable with you touching me there," he said.

"Hehehehehhe. Nrf."

His storage compartment opened. "Uhhh... ow. Ow. Oh no. Please close that. C-close it right now. Please," he stammered.

Zekk was fumbling around inside there. Uh-oh. He'd found the seam. "Nf. Heheheheheeh."

XR squirmed. "Oh. Uh, ow. Yikes! Help!"

"Ehe," Zekk said, closing his storage compartment, then fumbling with the latch and peeling back the whole maintenance portion of it, exposing his delicate insides. "Eeheheheheh."

XR swallowed. "Oh, you found it," he said. "Good for you, ha, you get a... There's nothing good in there. Really."

The Irken's small claws began to wander over his ticking, exposed engine. XR gasped in pain. The dream about the human heart suddenly came back to him full force and he closed his eyes, gulping.

Zekk's hands wrapped around his engine. He was going to pull it out.

There was a sudden slamming noise and a cry of "Halt! Space rangers!"

XR gasped. The hands withdrew from his engine.

"GUYS!" he cried. "GUYS, I'M IN-" He stopped, hearing screams and laser fire.

Big, meaty hands slammed his maintenance panels shut and began to undo the straps. "Booster!" he chirped.

Then he was slung over some big, beefy guy's shoulder with a deep grunt.

"You're not Booster," XR realized as he was carried back into the alley.

11:47

He was thrown into the backseat of a car, landing with a grunt. A thug walled him in on each side, each grabbing one of his arms. He gulped.

"Seeing as how Dr. Zekk was unable to finish his procedures," a big, thugly guy in the front seat said, starting the car, "we're gonna need to do this the old-fashioned way. We're heading down to the Tradeworld river."

"Ohhh... craters," he said, closing his eyes. They took off.

The three rangers burst into the last unchecked room to find it empty.

"Ugh!" Buzz cried, slamming his fist into the wall. "Where is he?"

"Calm down, Buzz, we don't even know for sure he's here," Mira said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, I think he is..." Buzz muttered, his eyes shifting back and forth.

"Oh. Right. The ranger thing," she said with an eye-roll.

Booster was hanging around by a window in the side of the room and now he caught sight of something outside. He gasped.

"Hey, guys, there's a car going away out here!" He leaned forward, eyes bulging, then bolted for the door. "I think I saw XR in the backseat!"

11:52

XR stared at the floor, wide-eyed and ticking. His whole body was vibrating. This was it. This was the end.

He squeezed his eyes shut, then began to flail around, screaming for help. The thugs on each side on him had grips like iron, and all his wriggling did nothing but hurt his shoulders.

Suddenly there was cursing and a cry of "Rangers!" from the driver's seat. XR gasped and turned his head backwards. He could just see 42 through the dingy back window.

"MIRA! BOOSTER! BUZZ!" he screamed, eyes welling up with hot oil tears that messily streaked the inside of his helmet. One of the thugs hit him in the back again, and he went limp.

11:53

"I definitely saw him back there, Buzz!" Mira said, wide-eyed, and she pulled out her radio. "Hey! Uh- mobsters! Please pull over and surrender now!"

Buzz raised an eyebrow at her.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the vehicle in front of them put on a major burst of speed. 42 did as well, swooping between tall city buildings at strange angles and veering over shady-looking newspaper stands. More than one random person on the street yelled "Crazy woman driver!" at them as they went.

"Hey," Buzz said, offended, and Mira huffed. She pulled out her microphone again.

"Again, I repeat- Star Command orders you to halt!"

They didn't halt. Instead, one of the thugs in the backseat made an obscene gesture.

Booster gasped. "They didn't!"

"They did," Buzz muttered.

Both vehicles put on a burst of speed. Suddenly, the mobsters' vehicle swooped downward.

"They're landing at the Tradeworld River," Booster said, blinking.

"They're doing this the old-fashioned way," Buzz said, his face stern.

11:58

Tradeworld River was so named because after the vast amount of development on Tradeworld, it truly did have only the one river. And what a river. Swollen, stagnant, brown and nearly-opaque with filth, bits of litter and drowned things perpetually floating down it in one place or another. Most of its banks were built out of concrete.

It was a concrete area that the car landed at now, and the two thugs in the backseat piled out first, with XR between them. They rushed towards the edge but were driven back by laser fire.

"Not today!" Mira cried from where she hung in the sky, suspended by her jetpack.

"Hey," Buzz said reproachfully behind her, before firing off some laser shots of his own and saying "Surrender that ranger now!"

A volley of laser blasts hurtled back at them and they swerved, yelping.

"Ugh, there's another guy in the car," Buzz said.

"Look!" Mira said, pointing.

XR was beginning to look about him groggily. Suddenly his eyes widened as he realized where he was and he threw himself around, flailing frantically. They could hear his thin screams even at this distance. One of the thugs cuffed his helmet, snapping something that was probably not clean.

"What will happen to him if he goes in the river?" Mira said, wide-eyed.

"Hmm... water... robots... not good..." Buzz mused.

"I thought XR had water attachments. Isn't he rustproofed and everything?" she said. "He won't electrocute, will he?"

"Well, I think him going in the river would still not be a great thing..."

"Obviously not!" Mira cried. "I just want to know how long it'd take him to die, okay?!"

"Well, I don't know!" Buzz snapped in return.

The thugs were having a hard time throwing XR in the river and keeping a hold of his wild struggles at the same time. Buzz turned to Mira, nodding. "Okay, now. I'll distract the guy in the car. You're a faster and more agile flyer. Can you get XR? I don't think those guys are armed."

"Yes, sir!" she said, zipping downwards.

"HEY, UGLY!" Buzz cried, zooming over the car. "Come and get me!"

He twisted and turned, dodging the ensuing plasma bullets, as Mira swooped down to the river bank.

The thugs and XR were dangerously near to the edge now and she was so close, only three feet away, when her teammate fell over the edge.

"XR!" she cried as the two thugs caught her like she was a football. She began to struggle, punching and kicking, and the two men soon discovered that restraining an exhausted nervous wreck of a three-foot-tall robot klutz is a different thing entirely from restraining a fit, agile, well-trained space ranger in her prime.

Buzz soon landed beside her and they had the first lug handcuffed within minutes. The other one cut and run.

"I'll get him, you get XR," Buzz said, running after him.

Mira ran to the riverbank and looked down. She could see him struggling against the current. It wasn't a terribly fast current, but only an idiot would ask your average robot to swim any distance. She leapt off the edge, engaging her jetpack, and dived downwards, latching onto his outstretched arms and heaving him up into her grasp. She flew him up to the bank and immediately set him down- he was really heavy.

XR just sat there in a dripping heap with his face buried in his hands and she realized he was crying.

She got to her knees and wrapped him in a hug. "There, there," she said, rubbing his back. "It's all right, I've got you."

And she stayed there, letting him sob out all the stress of the past week on her shoulder.

He grabbed another tissue, sniffling. Across the room, Buzz was mulling over the information he'd been given.

"List of addresses, you say."

"Mmmhmm," he whimpered.

"And you can point out the place you were working..."

"Mmmhmm." He wiped his eyes.

"Well, although I'm very disappointed. And I mean very."

XR hung his head.

"This is very useful information you've given us," Buzz said.

XR stared at him, hardly daring to hope.

"Now, you'll still be punished," Buzz said. "But that can wait. In the meantime, you need a checkup."

He nodded.

"Yeah, okay," Buzz said, suddenly perky. "Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up."

He started to leave, then paused. "Oh. So you didn't have a girlfriend?"

XR froze, swallowing. "Uhhh. No."

"Very disappointed in you, rookie," Buzz said with a point and a furrow of his eyebrows. "Mira was really worried over you over that."

He looked down.

"Well, I'll see you after your checkup," Buzz said, walking off.

"WAIT!" he cried, and Buzz turned to him, looking quizzical. XR swallowed. "Will I- should I start sending out my resume? Or- because if-"

"Well, you might be put on suspension but I don't think you'll be actually fired," Buzz said, rubbing his chin. "I don't know." He was suddenly grave. "You'll have to talk to Commander Nebula. This is a serious problem, XR."

He nodded.

"And keeping it hidden for so long just made it worse."

He nodded, swallowing.

Buzz nodded. "All right, then. See you."

He left.