Disclaimer: The following story is based on/inspired by characters created by DC Comics. By no means do I take credit for their creation or development.

Author's Notes: Well surprise surprise, everyone! Another chapter! And sooner than expected! Though this chapter is called "Awake" in regards to certain themes in it, a different title I was playing around with was "Damn it, Grayson." Read on to find out why! Let me know what you think, please!

Chapter 4: Awake

"Tell me, Dick…Why do you want to die?"

Dick awoke with a flinch and a gasp. He found himself bathed in a blinding white light, strapped naked to a chilled, metal operating table. Small surgical hooks at the edges of his quivering eyes forced them open. Several men in surgical gowns and masks leaned over him, the dark lenses of their round, operating glasses reflecting his shivering reflection back at him.

"I'm sorry," one of the figures with sharp instruments whispered close to his ear, steam seeping out from behind the mask, "I'm afraid you can't leave this world, yet. You belong to us now, remember…Ad-"

Suddenly, still tied down, he was plunged into darkness.

Robin's breath was short and labored, his heart pounding mercilessly in his chest.

"Again, Govnah?" A familiarly unpleasant voice reached his ears, "You want to get rid of more today? Are you facking mad? I dare say if ya too rough with 'im you're gonna break 'im."

"That's the point, Maddy," the second voice's manically soft tone ran pins and needles down his spine, "I want to break him. Vulnerable…I want to see him truly vulnerable…Don't worry, we'll wait patiently while you calibrate the machine."

Robin's chest heaved up and down, trying to regain his breath. How long had he been screaming? Tears and sweat ran off his chin.

Gently, Slade lifted the heavy eye mask from over Dick's eyes, still fixed open by the metal hooks. At the sight of two-toned mask, Dick's nostrils flared.

A thin smile spread behind Slade's metallic mask, "And not even a plea for your life out of you, yet? Surely, you must be hurting, Dick. Your yells told me that."

Robin only gritted his teeth, the rhythm of his breath only wavering slightly. His heart jumped as Slade traced his cold leather glove along the scars across his body.

"Tell me, Dick," his finger settled on a set of scars that circumscribed Robin's left wrist, "Why do you want to die? " His fingers stopped stroking Dick's wrist for a moment as if to palpate Dick's pulse, "These scars run deep…they were your first of many. Albeit your subsequent ones didn't come from the same hands as these. You did it the first night you were at Wayne Manor, isn't that right? Alfred had to break the door down to get to you."

Robin's moist eyes shifted to the right, suggesting the assumption was true. How did Slade know?

"And yet, no one but the butler and I have seen these scars," Slade leaned closer and closer as he spoke, "You try to hide them. Under watches and gloves you try to cover up your death wish. Starting so young and for so long your soul has been screaming to be slain…I can hear it…"

Robin turned his gaze away from Slade, as if that simple action alone would stop his eyes from burning, "No…you're wrong, Slade."

"Oh?"

"It doesn't want to die. It wants to wake up," Dick admitted, "My entire life...in this place where people call me, 'Robin'…all of this is a very bad dream and I just want to wake up."

"Heh," Slade cradled Dick's jaw, pulling Dick's gaze back to him, "That sounds awfully a lot like Bushido, my dear little red robin." He smiled before dropping his hand out of Dick's peripheral field of view, "Though, you know, to die would be to suggest you were alive to begin with."

Dick grimaced as he felt a long, cool needle sink into neck.

With the machine now re-calibrated, Slade slowly lowered the metallic eye mask back over Dick's weeping eyes. There was a soft click after which he felt Slade press his moist tongue against the scars on his wrist before gently kissing them. "I'll arouse you from this nightmare one day, Dick," he whispered, his lips grazing Robin's skin as he spoke, "That, I promise you. But I will not wake you just yet, for I am dreaming and you are mine…my delicate victim."

It wasn't long until Dick was screaming, again.

With a shout, Robin shot up out of the infirmary bed. Realizing that he was back at the tower, he relaxed back onto the mattress. He sighed heavily before opening his eyes again. The room was dark, quiet, and, except for the shadows of idle medical equipment and vacant chairs, utterly empty. Soft white sunlight seeped in between the curtains from outside, casting the room in an ambient light. Where was everybody?

To his left, Dick caught sight of the wrinkled, white trench coat he had been brought in with. Immediately, his mouth went dry as his breathe left him once again. So it wasn't a dream…

He rubbed the coat's soft fabric between his fingertips, sliding its smooth layers back and forth over his palms. After a moment he suddenly closed his fists, clutching the coat tightly. He buried his face in it, inhaling Grant's sweet scent deeply almost hungrily.

"Oh joyous day!"

Dick dropped the coat immediately when the lights suddenly flipped on. Starfire's arms were tightly around him even before he had time to turn to see her race in from the door. "Oh joyous day!" She repeated, "You are awake! I am sorry I was not here. You see I was waiting right here like this when I realized that perhaps I should make you Glumbfner nuf. It is a traditional Tameranian soup made to give one energy and strength!"

"Thank you, Star," He coughed again when she gave him another squeeze, "But hey," he glanced at the white coat he had flung back onto the chair to his right, "Is Grant—"

"Oh dear me!" Starfire jumped up, "Speaking of Glumbfner nuf…I almost completely forgot that it was still stewing. I hope it did not become burned!" She flew out the door, "Everyone! Dear Robin is awake!" Dick heard her exclaim as she took off down the hall.

(In the training room…)

Swish! Whiff! Though Grant had blindfolded himself, the wooden boken cut through the air with great agility and precision. Whiff! Whiff! His movements were nearly dance like as he turned fluidly and leaned back and forth as if he were fighting an invisible opponent.

All of the sudden, he stopped and dropped his stance in mid-routine. "I know you're there…I can feel you, Raven. Trying to get into my head, again?" He straightened up his posture, not turning to face her, "I'm sorry, but it took a while for me to even let Dick in…and I have to admit I still haven't let him in completely, yet." He lowered the boken, peeled off the blindfold, and turned around.

"He's awake now, you know," Raven stepped out of the shadowy corner of the room.

"Is he?" Grant glanced back down at his dark boken.

"You want to see him don't you? Robin certainly has been longing to see you."

"Of course I do."

"But you hesitate?"

"Dick's changed, Raven. Even I could see that when I watched him from a distance for awhile. That is, before I made my appearance to you all the other night. I suppose I'm afraid things wouldn't be the same between us, anymore," he glanced up at Raven, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, "It's been awhile. Besides, no offense, but with you guys all around what I want to do with Robin when I see him…every time I lay eyes on him… would be kind of... awkward. Plus, yesterday, Starfire kept asking me if I was Dick's 'friend of best?' So, I take it that the other Titans aren't completely aware of our involvement together and that Dick has reasons for not telling them. I suppose I understand. Though a part of me wonders if he just has grown tired of me and wishes to forget me." He ran his fingers through his golden hair, "I guess that's exactly how I had intended it to be when I had died for…what was it?" Grant laughed, "When I had died for the…second time? And ironically both at his hands in the same way…" He slung his gym towel over his shoulder and began to gather his things.

"Who knows, Raven, maybe when I see him again, he'll kill me for the 3rd time," he said half jokingly. "I think I'll wait to see if I'm ready to see him because I don't think I'm ready to die again, just quite yet. Though I suppose according to Bushido we're actually all dead and life is nothing but a dream to be awoken from in death."

"You know it's because of that belief that those who follow Bushido believe in the idea of immediacy and/or immediate actions, don't you?" Raven called out across the room just as Grant was leaving.

"Heh," Grant smiled, "Clever girl. Somehow you always stop me from leaving. You know you're more persuasive than you look."

"Ewww, Starfire, what is that?" Beast Boy held up his nose, "You're not going to make him eat that are you? It smells totally like my cow hooves after I-"

"Hush, Beast Boy. It is for his own good," Starfire leaned over Dick with a steaming bowl of what looked like thick bark and moss colored porridge.

"Uh, Star," Cyborg chimed in after reading Robin's worried face, "I don't know if he's exactly hungry right now. I mean he's been out for a few days and on an IV drip. We should probably slowly work him up to solid food." A bead of sweat ran down Vic's forehead as he forced a smile.

"Oh this is not solid. It is a liquid soup!" The happy Tameranian pulled up a chunk of Glumbfner nuf out of the bowl and forced into Dick's slightly scared and open mouth.

Despite turning slightly pale, Dick swallowed the spoonful of "porridge" and coughed as it went down. There was a collective sigh in the room from Vic and Gar when they saw that Dick hadn't past out.

"Good, yes?" Starfire grinned and readied another spoonful.

"Heh," Dick laughed nervously, a thin bead of sweat collecting on his brow. Before he could kindly decline another taste, she pushed the next spoon down his throat.

Beast Boy shrieked and nearly fainted, "I think I'm gonna be sick…"

"Come on, man," Cyborg supported the green changeling with his arm, "there ain't anything we can do for him now."

"Wait, guys," Dick managed to shout out between spoonfuls, his voice raising octaves as they walked away, "Why don't you take this stuff with you? It's nearly dinner time anyways and I doubt I could eat all this myself."

The door shut quickly behind them when they reached the hall. Dick backed up against his pillow, smiling nervously as the green eyed alien leaned in closer. When she reached up to touch his face, he scooted a few millimeters away for fear it held the spoon in it.

"Robin," she smiled tenderly, "I am so glad you are awake." She stroked his cheek that had since blushed in color, "I am not sure what I would do without you."

"Star…" Dick said softly. He glanced at the pure white coat lying in the empty chair next to Starfire, "I've been meaning to ask you…have you seen G—"

Robin's eyes widened when she pressed her warm lips against his, gently slipping her soft tongue into his mouth. His eyes grew wider when he heard the door open behind her.

Standing in the doorway, equally shocked, was Grant, dressed in his neatly pressed, white suit. After a moment, he relaxed his face and smiled. He lowered his head and closed his eyes, his lips still smiling, "I-I'll come back later."

"Grant," Dick managed to gasp though his heart had just dropped into his stomach, "Wait!"

Still smiling at the ground, Grant walked away with his open palm trailing behind him in a slight wave "goodbye."

"Damn it, Grayson."

On the roof of Titan Tower, Grant pulled out a thin cigarette and lit it. He hung his legs over the edge of the tower as he puffed the cigarette slowly.

Suddenly he lurched forward, doubling over, clutching his head and his sides. It felt as if something was burning and torturously tearing up every fiber within his body.

"Enjoying yourself?" A quiet voice hissed from inside head, "This is not why I gave you back your body…"

Still convulsing in pain, Grant's head whipped back up, his chin pointing to the reddening sky, "I…I know! I'm sorry," he squeezed his tearing eyes shut and grit his teeth, "It'll be done soon …I-I promise…"

"Do not forget ever again…" the voice began to fade, "…you belong to me now…"

With one last violent, twisting jerk the pain suddenly subsided. Grant fell back on the cement, out cold.

When he came to it was already dark. The butt of his cigarette lay near his head smoldering, having long gone out since it had fallen from his lips. Slowly he stood up and brushed himself off. After straightening his tie, he slipped his hands into his pockets, and headed back inside.

"Dick?" Grant gently knocked on the door before walking into the infirmary, "Are you still awake?" To his amazement, he looked up to find that he was actually talking to a small, empty indent in the middle of a mass of twisted sheets on the hospital bed. Starfire lay snoozing in a chair next to the bed with her mouth open, a bit of drool dribbling out of the corner.

"Starfire," Grant said firmly to wake the alien from her slumber, "Where's Dick?"

She gasped and glanced frantically at the open door to the empty bathroom, "I am afraid I do not know. He was having trouble sleeping but I do believe we both fell asleep together at one time. Oh dear, where could he have gone?"

Grant wasn't sure what it was about Starfire, but for some reason she just got on his nerves. Was he jealous?

Though he couldn't help himself, he tried to turn away as he felt his eyes roll at her so she wouldn't see. Admittedly a part of him pleaded to the heavens that this girl hadn't actually succeeded in seducing Dick before he even got a chance to talk to him.

The nightstand next to the bed was left a jar. Pulling it gently open, Grant noticed that the medicine bottles within it were disorganized and all turned on their sides as if they had been quickly gone through once. Grant's eyes instantly grew sad, "Damn it, Grayson."

Closing the drawer to the nightstand, Grant walked calmly out of the room while Starfire zipped past him down the hall calling out for Robin.

Grant heard Dick riffling around through his things before he even got to Dick's room.

"Looking for these?" Grant pulled out a bottle of the tell tale pills from his pocket.

In the far corner of the room, Robin was huddled under his blanket on all fours, looking through each and every compartment of his spare utility belts. At the sound of Grants voice he looked up from the pile of belts that encircled him, "Grant…you…" he glanced around at the mess he had made of his room, "you shouldn't see me like this." He lowered his head and turned his back on the door.

"I know, Dick…that's why I took them. You don't need these any—"

"OH you found him!" Starfire jumped up from behind Grant.

Getting over his initial start, Grant blocked the doorway and Starfire's view of Dick's room, "Do you mind? I need to talk to Dick in private."

"What's going on?" The other Titans were coming down the hall, now.

"Why do you need to speak with him alone?" Starfire asked innocently, "Why cannot we all talk to dear Robin?"

Finally the assassin let out an exasperated sigh as if he couldn't take her incredibly cute and innocent voice anymore, "Because I'm his 'friend of best.'" He said this as cool as he could as he shut the door firmly in her face before the other Titans had reached it. Hopefully she did not detect the slight animosity in his voice.

Locking the door, he turned back to Robin still on the floor. "Oh, Dick…"

"I'm sorry," Robin voice quivered. How embarrassing it must have been to see him like this, especially for the first time after so long, "I can explain."

Grant knelt down on both his knees next to Dick and after an awkward hesitation, he gathered the young man in his arms, "What are you doing? I know these things help you sleep so heavy that not even nightmares come to bother you. I know it even makes you physically stronger to help you stop bad things from happening. I know I even used it to save you a few nights ago. But it's not meant to be taken continuously. The only reason why I take it is because the HIVE made my body dependent on it for survival. But this is not you, Dick. You can stop…"

At the mention of the HIVE, Robin shuttered. The thought of the sharp instruments and glass eyed surgeons swept through his brain, "You belong to us now...remember…Ad—Addie!"

"No I can't," he clutched Grant's arm and buried his face in the nape of his neck, "I can't lose anyone anymore! I've already lost my parents. I lost Barbra to Bruce. Hell, I even lost my name…my own mother's nickname…gone…given away to a kid who has no idea what it really means! A couple years ago, if it weren't for you, I would have lost Raven. I nearly lost Starfire last week to Plasmus and if it weren't for the Xynothium, I would have. And no matter how hard I loved you I couldn't save you! I'm tired of it. I'm tired of losing those I care most about! I need to take it to protect those I love! I need to protect you."

"I'm right here Dick. Right back from the dead," Grant tried to smile, "You don't need to worry about me."

"No, but I really do, Grant. You see, I did stop taking it as planned and you see these scars," Dick opened up the blanket and pointed at several jagged, deep ones across his shirtless chest and abdomen, "They're all new and they all happened as soon as I went off the dose. Don't you see? I'm not strong enough…I'm weak. Slade was right, all I care about I destroy."

"I understand, Dick, but if you keep taking it…My mother, Addie's not going to leave you alone. Raven told me all about the signs she's seen while working with your mind. Addie and her memories are still in there, right where my father put them. She'll come back if you keep taking Xynothium. And she will destroy everything."

Dick let out a disturbing chuckle that made even Grant gasped inside, "It's a funny thing, you know? I forgot what you looked like too…"

"What?"

"When I stopped taking it I started to have a hard time remembering what you looked like. Didn't think that could happen. And your mother…she has the best and clearest memories of you…"

"Dick," Grant's blue eyes grew sadder, though he smiled, "Didn't you hear me? You haven't lost me. I'm here now and I'm not leaving. Everything will be alright. You can look at me all you want. You're not going to need to keep her memories of me alive with Xynothium, anymore." He leaned in close to Dick's ear, "We'll make you even better ones." With that he lightly nipped then licked the lobe of Robin's ear. Dick's heart skipped a beat. Slowly, Grant brought his mouth just over Dick's, his lips grazing Dick's skin as he went.

"I'm sorry," Grant pulled back slightly, his breath tickling Dick's upper lip, "I shouldn't have done that. You and Starfire are—"

"No," Dick whispered promptly, "She and I are not…See, she comes from an affectionate culture where they…so she sorta…"

"Forced herself on you?" Grant nodded rapidly, his eyes focusing on Dick's soft, nervous lips, "Like this?"

Unable to hold himself back any longer he gently, but firmly pressed his lips against Robin's, kissing him deeply almost roughly.

Dick let out a small euphoric sigh as Grant began to work his warm mouth and tongue down his neck. The corners of the blanket slid off Dick's smooth shoulders, making way for the assassin's light caressing fingertips.

As his strong hands descended, Dick sighed again, "I've missed you..."

Soon after saying this, Robin's entire body relaxed and went limp in Grant's arms.

Grant stopped his advances, "Dick?" He gently nudged the young man now breathing softly in his arms. Something dropped out of Dick's hand and rolled across the floor. It bounced off the nearby wall and rolled back to rest at Grant's knee.

Finally, able to make it out in the half light, the blond man shook his head. It was a small, travel pill tin with a clear plastic top. Grant had thought he had taken all of the pills from Dick's room while he was in the infirmary, but apparently Robin was extremely good at hiding things in different places. He must have taken a dose while Grant was at the door way intercepting Starfire.

"Damn it, Grayson."

Additional Author's Notes: So…what'd you think? Was it too abrupt of a sequence? Just to let you know that Slade quote Robin is referring to is from "Apprentice: Part 1" of Season 1 of TT.

In the scene… Robin: All you care about is destruction. Slade: And all you care about you destroy.

Man…it was such a good series…so sad it ended a while ago…

Anyways, let me know what you think of the chapter! Till next time!