17

Dorland had himself set up like some kind of technological-age god, standing on a platform surrounded by countless monitors, all displaying various places in the city. Leland was right: they had been watching everything all along.

"You can't do this," Ethan called up to him. "You have no right to control people's lives like this."

"And is that why you've come to kill me? For the city? For the world? Save the piety. You're only here because of what I did to your precious Serial Killer X."

"Yeah, it's about what you did to Leland!" Ethan yelled. "And what you've done to me, and the city, and everyone else pulled into this sick fucking conspiracy of yours! Did you honestly expect me to sit around and just let you keep destroying us all one by one?"

"You are the only one we needed to destroy, Thomas," Dorland replied. "Even that worthless reject lover of yours would never have been worth the effort of even watching, had he not been tied to you."

"Yeah? Why me?"

"Because you alone stand in the way of our righteous path."

That word Leland's so fond of . . . Does it actually mean something?

"You alone would hinder the shaping of the world, leave them useless without the skills we have bestowed upon them to survive."

"Survive? Survive what?"

"And for what? For this man?"

The screens flickered, and Ethan was suddenly watching his confrontation with Leland a year ago on the monitors. The serial killer he had first met, ruthless and violent, framing him for murder. Several more screens displayed them at the barn, burning, when he had cut off Ethan's finger, and then more screens showed their chase in the house, the fight. Everything Ethan had gone through at the beginning of the end of his life last year flashed by his stunned eyes.

The hatred swelled in his chest, so strong he might have murdered Leland if he had him nearby.

"Malcolm Vanhorn brought you into all this, and how nicely you've conformed. You've lost all your opinions to believe his, and now you love poor, crazy Leland perhaps more than Vanhorn ever did himself."

"I pity the poor bastard sometimes, but I don't love him."

"You love him, or you never would have come here to face death for his sake."

The screens betrayed the intimacy of their moments barely an hour ago.

'It'll be okay . . . I'm here.'

'You don't want to die.'

Ethan shut his eyes in humiliated anger. I knew I would regret it, and here I am, regretting it.

When he looked up again, he saw Leland tied down to the table inside the Peninsula, Dorland behind him.

"Haven't you always wanted to see him break? Isn't it pleasing to see the abuser abused?"

I thought I wanted to see it.

Leland's screams echoed in his ears. Ethan could see the terror in his as he was beaten and defiled. Dorland was still speaking, but Ethan no longer heard him. He watched in disgusted fixation until he could no longer stand it, and opened fire on all the monitors.

"So you will still protect him," Dorland observed.

"I'll protect what's mine."

"Hmph."

A group of cultists loomed out from the shadows, and a bridge folded down from the platform. Dorland was wearing that strange helmet that contained the power of the Oro, as they had begun evening out their losses from failed births with technology. The man was already strong, but with it, he became nearly untouchable.

Save to Rememdium.

Ethan shattered the helmet after clearing away the other cult members, and had little trouble taking the man on directly afterwards. It didn't matter who it was for or why, he beat the man down until his fists bled. To end it finally, to take their prying eyes off the city, Ethan overloaded the huge monitoring and sound-manipulation system. The entire place exploded, coming apart.

It was over.

18

When Leland opened his eyes again, the first thing he noticed was the quiet. There was a calm over the atmosphere that he had never felt before. For a moment, he wondered if he was dead.

"You're awake, huh?"

Ethan appeared beside the bed he was lying in. Leland went to move, but was held back. Restraints. Ethan looked at them, looking almost sorry, and they stared at one another for a long moment in silence.

"Dorland is dead," Ethan finally announced. "Their base in Metro City is demolished."

"And now what, Mr. Thomas?" Leland asked wearily.

Ethan leaned down over his bed. "Now it's just us, Leland."

"And you think I'm the delusional one," Leland sighed. "It will never be 'just us', Thomas. Things are only going to get worse, now that they know you've realized your powe-- Mmm!"

Ethan shushed him with a kiss, then gave him another on the forehead. "Just forget that," he said tiredly. "They aren't here now. Let me just hold onto that, okay?"

Leland squirmed under the man's weight. "Naive as ever, Thomas."

"Can't you . . . " Ethan touched the side of his face. "Just call me 'Ethan'."

"Why? Are we under the pretense of being true lovers now? Is that your next game?"

"Leland . . . "

"Nothing is over, and even if it were, we don't get a happy ending," Leland said harshly. "My uncle is gone, Dorland is gone; all that means is that I will no longer be playing the victim for you. So, if you were planning to go on playing out your hero fantasies with me, you'd best forget about it."

"Oh, so that's what this is about," Ethan said in amusement. "You're still embarrassed over losing it, aren't you?"

"That's ridiculous!"

"You're blushing."

Leland scowled. "How dare you make fun of that."

Ethan sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand over Leland's head. "Look, I killed that pig for you, Leland. So, why the remarks and bitterness? Can't you just say 'thank you'?"

"I'm not grateful to you," Leland scoffed. " . . . You should have let me die."

"What?"

"I'm going to kill you," Leland said, looking up at him with a determined frown. "It's stupid to treat me like a pitiable lover. I broke down, but I won't again. I'm perfectly fine now."

"No you're not."

Leland's bottom lip turned down more, eyes searching the bed. Ethan took his face in his hands, leaning closer. "You're not."

"Your sympathy is going to get you killed."

"Then why warn me against it? Wouldn't that make me an easier target for you?"

" . . . I just can't stand stupidity."

"You just can't stand the idea of being--"

Ethan stopped short, but they both knew the words he was about to spill.

"You can't stand being cared about," Ethan said. "I know, you grew up mostly alone, so did I. But who cares? We're not two lost orphans, not anymore. We're just two people that kind of . . . in the most fucked up way ever . . . found each other."

"So you bring flowers, and I write letters from the home for the criminally insane?" Leland said cynically.

"So we take what we can get, and maybe you realize it's not so terrible," Ethan told him. "And we just go with it."

"Until we kill each other."

"Until I don't know, Leland!" Ethan exclaimed in exasperation, standing. "I don't know, I can't see the future. Jeez, why are you so damn stubborn?"

"It doesn't even matter," Leland said, still somewhat depressed. "They'll kill me here, anyway."

Ethan looked unnerved. "No, why would they?"

"If you really cared about me at all, you wouldn't keep me tied down and helpless," Leland told him. "You would let me go."

Ethan took his hand in his own, then moved a cuff down his arm, revealing a bandage. "You tried to kill yourself, Leland, twice."

"I don't want to die. But you must, if you're leaving me here."

"You're just sulking, that's all. You want me to let you free to go on killing," Ethan said. He gripped Leland's hand in his own. "I can't let you go. But you will be safe."

"Yeah, it's for my own good, right," Leland scoffed. "Just like my uncle used to say . . . "

Ethan kissed his forehead. "I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."

Leland shook his head. "You can't protect me . . . "

"I will protect you."

Leland was going to say something snide or cruel, but stopped. " . . . I . . . " His face gave to a frightened, pained look, and he turned his face. " . . . I wish I could believe that."

"You don't have to, Leland," Ethan said gently. "I'll just hang onto it, for both of us."

"Why? Why do you want me to live?"

"Because you're mine."

Ethan kissed him.

That should be insulting, Leland thought. Why does it just feel good to hear? I want to . . . I want to believe that. Maybe it's because of what Dorland did or the lack of influence, or anything, but . . . right now, I would just like to belong to someone. I would like to think this 'Rememdium' could heal my wounds.

But without those wounds, I wouldn't exist. All I am is the remnants of the scars. I need them, I need them to be strong. Otherwise, I will just fade away. Even now, I'm so weak, if anyone comes, I won't survive it. Right now, he is all I have . . .

The drugs were starting to make Leland drowsy again. He lay his head back on the pillows, staring up at Ethan wearily. The man went to leave, but he grabbed him by the sleeve.

"I can't find them."

Ethan frowned. "Who?"

"My demons, they . . . they aren't with me."

"Good," Ethan said. "If they show up again, I'll be the one to find them and get rid of them."

"You don't understand," Leland yawned, starting to fade away. "I . . . need . . . them."

He passed out, hand falling from Ethan's sleeve. Ethan smiled sympathetically at him, and gave him one last kiss before walking out.

You don't need them, and neither do I. They're gone. We're not going to have to battle through that hell anymore. I'll make sure of it.

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

19

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life

It was the first night in many years that Leland slept peacefully. But he had been right; the demons had not gone.

A silhouette walked through the hospital halls that night, stiff, almost mechanical. A shadow fell on the room as the door opened.

Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The needle slipped into the IV that fed the man sedatives and nourishment. As easily as the figure had come, it vanished back into the halls. Leland's sleep did not end, but was interrupted, and he frowned. The heart rate monitor sped slightly, then began to fall.

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it

Ethan had stayed at the hospital, and was getting a late coffee with Lerue. They were talking, easy and relaxed, laughing. It felt good to be normal again. It felt good to not have to worry about darkness spreading through you and hurting your friends.

But when the team of doctors rushed by, Ethan's smile fell slowly. Without knowing, he knew. He knew Leland had been right. Lerue was asking him something, but he didn't hear as he rushed after them.

And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

His heart had stopped by the time Ethan barged into the room. Lerue could see the fear in the man's eyes. It wasn't a sick obsession, like Rosa had said. It wasn't insanity or influence. Lerue knew what it was.

He had to drag Ethan out. They resuscitated Leland long enough to bring him to the emergency room. Ethan sat outside, shocked and defeated. "He was right," he kept muttering to himself. "He was right."

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

"Ethan."

Ethan looked up at Lerue, but did not make any reply. It felt like they had been sitting for hours.

"How much does he mean to you?"

"Hell does that mean?" Ethan asked. "You just want him to die, too? Is that it? You're trying to see if I'd just forget about him, be all right?"

"No, I . . . " Lerue sat down in the chair beside Ethan. "What am I saying? It's pretty obvious. You love the man. God knows why, but . . . "

"I don't . . . "

"There's no point denying it," Lerue said. "Not now."

"And I know something about losing people you love, man," Lerue said quietly. "That's why I . . . I wasn't going to do this, but I just wouldn't-- It wouldn't be right."

"What? What are you trying to say?"

"I think I know who tried to kill him. Tonight."

"What? Who?" Ethan asked, grabbing him by the shirt. "Tell me! Who?"

"Rosa."

"Rosa?" Ethan echoed in disbelief. "Rosa? Why would you--"

"She made me promise not to tell you this, and I wasn't going to," Lerue said, standing. "You left us with Leland that day, and he promised you we could be trusted with him. We both did."

"Yeah . . . "

"But it wasn't a promise she could keep."

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

" . . . and she had that same look in her eyes, like when she was talking to herself in her sleep at the theater," Lerue finished explaining. "Look, I hate this. I hate saying these things about her. Maybe I shouldn't have. But I just . . . Tell me I'm wrong, Thomas. Tell me it isn't that influence. Tell me there's no way it was her."

Ethan stood, eyes hard. "I can't."

"Wait, wait a minute, Thomas," Lerue said desperately. "You said the influence exaggerates tendencies in people. Rosa's not violent or evil by nature. She's not a killer. You know that!"

"Everyone the streets can't . . . be violent by nature," Ethan said thoughtfully. "No way, that's impossible. But what they do have is a reason to be what they become under the influence of the Oro." He shook his head. "No, no, but what would Rosa's reason be?"

"I hate to say it, but . . . that'd be you."

Ethan looked at him in surprise. "Me?"

"She loves you, but you love a serial killer," Lerue pointed out. "She's scared for you, and hurt. You chose that man over her, after all she's done for you. I'm not accusing you of anything, but that's got to be painful."

"Rosa doesn't love me. I'm not good enough for Rosa to love me."

"And Leland Vanhorn is good enough for you to love him?" Lerue pointed out. "That stuff doesn't matter. You feel what you feel."

"So it's jealousy? That's it?" Ethan asked. "That's why she wants him dead?"

"No, you're missing the point," sighed Lerue. "It's to protect you."

"I don't need to be protected."

Ethan shut his eyes. How many times have I heard Leland say that? Christ. The road to hell . . .

A doctor emerged from the room. Ethan faced him, heart pounding in his chest. "Well?" he asked impatiently.

"The patient will be fine," the doctor said. "The poison ravaged him internally, but there should be no long-term damage. If he weren't still injured and hooked up to the monitors, he wouldn't have been so lucky."

I can't keep him here, tied down, like he said.

"Thanks, doctor."

"Well, you didn't lose him," Lerue said once the doctor had gone. "If you're actually happy about that, you must love his crazy ass."

"I didn't lose him, but I did lose Rosa." Ethan leaned against the wall, arms crossed. "I can't trust her."

"Don't be that way, man."

"At least, not with Leland," Ethan said. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Just don't go setting that guy free--"

"No, he can't be trusted with himself, either," Ethan said. "Lerue, I . . . I know it must have been hard to break your promise to Rosa, but I can't tell you what it means to me."

Lerue shrugged. "I just know what it's like to . . . Well, we've all lost someone important, right?"

"Yeah. Can I ask you just one more favor?"

"Oh man . . . "

"Don't tell anyone about this conversation," Ethan said. "In fact, I would appreciate it if you acted suspicious of me."

"You? Why?"

"So no one suspects me."

"Suspects you in what? Where are you going?"

They were wheeling Leland out to an observation room, and Ethan followed. "I'm not leaving."

Lerue exhaled, shoulders sagging. "Suit yourself."

Ethan gripped Leland's limp hand in his own. I'm never leaving you again.

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

20

Three days later, the headlines all over Metro City were heralding the shocking escape of Serial Killer X, Leland Vanhorn. Forensics had traced his escape route, one only a criminal mastermind could think of. Ethan was very thorough in covering his tracks. No one would guess Leland had been carried out, still unconscious from the poisoning. No one would ever dream of looking in the apartment of the SCU agent who headed the hunt for the escaped convict. Not even Rosa was suspicious of Ethan . . . especially not Rosa.

After being purposefully disobedient during his 'hunt' for SKX, Ethan had been placed on suspension. This gave him the time to set up cameras all over his apartment, which he could monitor from his communication device, and invest in industrial quality restraints and equipment. He felt guilty, having Leland once again tied down, even in his own apartment, but he didn't know any other way to keep the man safe.

"Mmmph . . . Eth . . . Ethan?"

Ethan was checking the IV when Leland's eyes opened. The man stared into the ceiling, frowning.

"Where am I?"

"I'm here."

"Where?"

Ethan moved over him. "Right here."

Leland moved his head, eyes unusually still and blank. "I can't see you. I can't see anything. Are my eyes--"

"Oh, your eyes . . . " Ethan sat on the edge of the bed, holding his hand. "The doctor did say there was a slight chance of blindness, but only temporarily."

"How do you know?" Leland asked, panicked. "I'm fucking blind?"

"Relax," Ethan chuckled. "They said it was impossible for it to be permanent."

"I'm in the hospital? Why am I blind? I was fine."

"Someone tried to kill you. They poisoned your IV."

"I told you--"

"I know, I know," Ethan said. "That's why you aren't in the hospital. You're in my apartment. I made it look like you escaped."

"So I'm tied down to your bed? That's rather kinky."

"Well, at least it takes care of the trust issue."

"What do you mean?"

"Now you have to trust me."

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life

"Can I?"

"Hm?"

"Can I trust you?"

Ethan smiled, lifting his face from Leland's neck. "Why don't you just find out?"

They kissed fully, and Ethan untied him. Unable to fight very much longer, Leland let himself embrace the man. He did not fight or argue. The darkness drove him to reach out, and for the first time, there was someone among it. He didn't know if he did feel completely safe, or even if he liked Ethan. Maybe it was the not knowing that made it so appealing.

All he had ever been able to count on was hatred and pain. Those things were familiar, natural, and almost soothing, whether being dealt or received. But he could not take them anymore, not at this point, when he was so raw from abuse. This warmth was foreign to his body, but he could no longer deny how good it felt.

He would be strong again. He knew that. The demons would come back, and they would all be thrown into chaos again, nice, familiar chaos. But he had to heal first. At least, he had to survive this. So much as he was jealous of it, he knew Ethan's strength was more than enough for both of them.

After all, hadn't he been the one to first inspire it?

Leland was no longer scared or resigned; he was able to lose himself in Ethan's body, to feel him and kiss him without disgust or fear. It was the first time sex had not made him feel dirty or violated. He never really thought it could be like this.

"Angh!"

"Want me to stop?"

"No, I . . . I like it."

Ethan grunted in amusement, rhythmically rocking into the man's body. "Because it hurts?"

"Because it's you."

It makes no sense at all, but I know what he means.

There is no way in hell any of this should be happening, but because it is us, maybe it will. And if not, well, at least we'll always have this connection. He doesn't want to admit it, but it's just us now.

Now?

No. That's the way it's always been.

Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late

End