|My Life Or Death Wish List
Author: Graffiti2DMyHeart PM
JD is madly in love with Dr. Cox and when he finally musters up the courage to confess...something tragic happens. Now Perry needs to find the one person who can give him salvation. He just wishes someone would look at him DAMMIT. JDCoxRated: Fiction T - English - Supernatural/Romance - John D./J.D. & Dr. Cox/Perry - Chapters: 6 - Words: 25,090 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 07-18-12 - Published: 06-20-08 - id: 4338116
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Faust's Author Note: This has an EPIC plot. I've been working on this for awhile, so enjoy! It's a really good plot, so please read this, even if you don't like the pairing It's long...really. Really long. Get comfortable.
Disclaimer: I don't own. If I did, then Dr. Cox would be having an affair with Aunt Carol.
Love can be a strange thing. When I finally believe that I found the perfect girl, my mind would automatically reject her, causing me endless days of pain and discomfort with the thought of, "Will I ever find the one that is right for me?" looming over my head. It was as if I wasn't compatible with anyone.
Dr. Cox ordered me to follow him into a patient's room. I was at his side in seconds, not questioning why, just instinctively doing what he asked of me, hoping to receive any rare bits of praise. I immediately stopped in my tracks as realization hit me harder than a Japanese bullet train.
"Oh my God, I have a crush on Dr. Cox!"
I instantly plunged my mind into denial, figuring that I must have been a little shaken since the last break up I had. (It had been with Danny) My mind latched onto the closest woman I had in my life. Elliot. There was a problem though; Elliot had her perfect boyfriend, Sean, who had moved back down here from New Zealand just to be with her.
I kept pushing myself onto her until I had finally convinced her and I that we were meant to be together. The moment I had her in my arms, my life seemingly complete, and my mind unleashed what it had buried.
"I'm in love with my Mentor!"
The thought echoed throughout my head as I held her in my arms. I had ruined Elliot's chance at happiness. After the nasty breakup, I found myself constantly thinking about him. This time though, I wasn't looking just for praise, I desperately searched his face for any emotion, affection, or even love...
Some time has past since my epiphany and I have come to terms with my feelings towards Dr. Cox. In my opinion, we had become closer. We both knew that he didn't exactly hate my guts. Yeah, great start there. Still, that was at least a step forward, and with Dr. Cox, a step forward was like molasses going uphill...on crutches. Soon, looking just wasn't enough. I snuck in touchies whenever I could and when I thought I could get away with it, I said his name.
Whenever I uttered the word, "Perry", it always felt good on my tongue, and I would dreamily chant it to myself, as if it was a good luck spell. I guess this is what "un-conditional love" is. God this sucks. I had to pick one of the most handsome men that could easily carry me off in his arms as well as kill me if he knew my little secret. He and Jordan had never officially got back together so I knew that I had borrowed time. I didn't want to destroy the beautiful relationship that had been so hard to build, but after years of growing closer, I believed that it was time for a confession. Time to get this heavy weight off of my chest...
"Fweet! Come on Felicity, look alive!" Dr. Cox whistled at me as he woken me up from my stupor.
"He still calls me a girl's name, that doesn't change." I had been planning on how to tell him for the past week, but the scenarios that ran through my head had not gone well.
-"Dr. Cox! I love you!" I had blurted it out to his back while he was walking away from me after a long days work. He slowly turned around, mulling over my confession, his expression unreadable. "What did you just say, Caroline?" He questioned dangerously. "Eeeep!" Was all I could squeak out before I found myself being tossed off of a cliff with Dr. Cox yelling after me, "You girl!"
Okay, that one didn't go so well but...
- "Hey, Dr. Cox, will you come with me for a second?" I innocently ask. We were outside the hospital doors and both of us had just gotten off of our shifts. "What now?" He complained, "Can't you put on your floral dress yourself without having to ask me for help?" I ignored the jab at my manliness and continued to beg him. It was now or never. "Please?" I batted my baby blue eyes (That he couldn't resist, it's my ultimate weapon!) at him. He sighed with defeat, but allowed himself to be led off by the hand on to a platform in the middle of the hospital parking lot. I held his big, calloused hand and stared deep into his eyes, almost getting sucked into them. Surprisingly, he didn't remove his hand that was now being caressed in between mine.
Out of nowhere, people from the hospital and from the town crowded around the platform, all waiting, expectant to hear of what I had to say.
"Perry?" I started eyes downcast, not daring to look up.
"...Yes J.D.?" He hesitantly asked.
I took in a deep breath and looked upward, my eyes locking in with his.
"I...I love you."
It felt as if all of the oxygen had left the atmosphere. No one dared to make a sound as the older doctor's face contorted into surprise. My breath hitched as I thought I was going to hear a denial, but then his face broke out into a beautiful smile, dazzling the crowd and me.
" The audience "awed", clapped and cheered as he dragged me off to his apartment where he slowly turned to face me and...tied me up with rope and threw me into the ocean while shouting, "Love you? HAH!"
The rough waves seemed almost comforting compared to a broken heart. -
Either one did not have a good outcome.
"Ahh!" I jumped when I realized that the object of my adoration was right in front of me, staring straight at me.
"Oh darn, and here I thought we had lost you for good." he chided.
"You would miss me too much." I teased in my mind.
"That's what you like to think." he joked back.
Sometimes my mouth would say what was on my mind without my consent. "I should keep it under a tighter leash..." Back a few years he would never allow this kind, or ANY kind of conversation.
"Here, try not to kill anyone, will you?" He handed me my patients chart and then stalked off before any other interaction could take place.
"Still can't get to close, can ya Per?" I muttered under my breath.
I walked into my patient's room and decided to increase the anesthesia by 10 milligrams. The patient, Mr. Christensen, had been experiencing arm pain and after days without the pain going away, he decided to finally get checked up. The thing is, it was completely a surgical ordeal, so there was nothing I could really do besides lessening his pain with drugs while he waited to be prepped for surgery. I scribbled down the order and handed in the chart at the Nurse's Station.
"Slow day, isn't it?" I began, trying to make a conversation to ease my boredom and to take my mind off of the painful confession that always had horrible outcomes. I had to stop thinking about it, otherwise I would back out and it would take forever to work up the courage to even consider telling him.
"Let's get the lead out Madison. Stop gossiping about what color you should paint your nails with the other nurses. Just stick with the light blue you always use and get back to work." Dr. Cox fit this in while busily walking past the station where I was resting.
"Okay...Perry." I murmur quietly.
I watch him walk away importantly until he was out of my sight. I sighed, savoring the last image I caught of him, replaying what he just said moments ago over and over again in my head.
"Having fun Bambi?" Carla asked amusingly with a knowing smile on her face.
"Uh-oh. Carla knows all. She can read minds! Quick! Think of something not relevant to Dr. Cox at all! Damn it! She probably heard that. Just act natural."
"Care to share?" She questioned.
I leaned as far away as I could from her without falling off of the counter and searched for an answer. "Quick! Think of something that's not smothered in gay!" Before I could thoroughly think of a smart reply to the Latino Nurse's question, I spluttered out,
"I-i like boobs too you know!"
Upon announcing that to half of the hospital, I quickly ran into the nearest coma patient's room to hide before anyone could react to the previous statement.
I was finishing my shift and I only needed to diagnose my last patient for the day. "What seems to be the problem, Mrs. Davis?" I began.
"Well, I wasn't feeling well when I came in today for my physical, then I felt chilled and nauseated. I was already here, so they admitted me. God, I feel awful." She explained to me.
"You sure look awful."
"Excuse me?" She exclaimed.
"Dammit, stupid head! Stop saying things out loud, it gets you in trouble!" "Ah, no Mrs. Davis, I was saying that you looked...awe-full. As in...umm...full of awe about your symptoms." She gave me a rude huff and rolled over so her back faced me.
Dr. Cox entered the room with a coffee in hand and the other behind him and complained, "Aren't you done yet Newbie?"
"Almost," I replied. "I just have to subscribe Mrs. Davis to some meds and then I'm done. Why? Are you finished?"
Dr. Cox glared at me from over his coffee.-which I bet was black by the way. Icky. - He sharply responded, "Well gee Cassie, I am done because I don't go chatting it up with my patients like it's some kinda country club."
I finished writing down the patient's stats on the chart and I placed it in the slot at the foot of the bed.
"All Done!" I announced happily.
Dr. Cox pulled his left arm out from behind his back which was hidden the whole time to reveal a second cup of coffee.
"Here." He grunted, offering it to me.
I stared blankly at it for a second before realizing that Dr. Cox had just bought me coffee. Delight filled my eyes as I gratefully accepted the much needed caffeine. Before I could utter a word of gratitude though, he interjected with a quick explanation.
"Well, the moron who does the coffee at the shop messed up my order and he let me keep the faulty coffee. So here, a crappy coffee for a crappy doctor."
"What do I have to do to prove to you that I am a good doctor? Save your life?" I snorted.
I took a sip from my beverage and despite my best efforts; a grin was placed on my face.
"I doubt the coffee guy accidentally puts in this much cream and sugar. You're just too damn cute, Per."
We were both fully caffeinated, so I found this to be the perfect opportunity. But where would this event take place? My apartment? Nah. He probably wouldn't agree to go there with me, plus he would pick out things in my apartment that were girly and he would ridicule me for months on end. I thought of the next best place. His apartment. There were two flaws in that though. One was that it was difficult to get in. Only Jordan when she wanted something or people who weren't his friends were allowed in. And Two. There were no witnesses for when he brutally murders me. (Which had already happened 65 times in my head.)
I guess that I'm over exaggerating a bit. He wouldn't really kill me...right? RIGHT? Come on mind! Give me some reassurance here!
You've been so helpful.
I decided that the local pub would be the best location for this whole ordeal. I figured that there was no way it would work if he was sober. Plus, there were people there to stop him if he chooses to close his strong hands over my pigeon-neck. That's probably the only place he would ever agree to go with me outside the hospital. Or maybe staying there if we coincidentally met. I didn't care where as long as there were people to help me. Or pitch in with the beating. Oh what am I getting myself into? I should just forget about all of this. Yeah right. And totally forget and ignore all of my emotions and feelings for the past years. That's as ludicrous as saying that unicorns aren't real. The very thought of it sickens me. Still, it wasn't right. What did I expect him to do? Maybe he would accept my love for him and he would take me and we would have hot, wild sex late into the night. And maybe Ted would finally move out of his mother's house.
Both were highly unlikely.
Okay, so I agreed it was best to not ask him out to the bar.
"Hey Dr. Cox, wanna go grab a drink?"
Curse you! Stupid mouth! Why do you openly defy me? Even though, there was no way he would ever agree to-
"Sure? Why not Newbie." He agreed.
It must be fate.
As we exited the hospitals doors, I tried to suppress the smile that was grower larger by the second. Surely he wasn't going to let me drive Sasha all the way to the bar? I happily followed him to his Porsche, hoping that he had forgotten about the whole "Root Beer" incident. "Where do you think you're going, Lucy?" At first I though he was going to make me take my scooter there, but he jabbed his thumb in the direction of the back seats. "It's still the back for you." As you can tell, he's still a bit sour about it. I crawled onto the leather in the back and scanned the seats for root beer residue. To my surprise, there was none.
"I wonder if he got an inside car wash..." My head tilted to the left and my mind wandered.
JD's Inner Mind Theater.
-Dr. Cox drove his Porsche into a car wash, but instead of staying inside, he quickly hopped out. As soon as the older doctor was out of the way, soap suds started to streak the windows from the inside of the car. Water filled the inside and a sponge constantly reappeared to wipe the glass. A man with a red jumpsuit and a navy blue cap on was running the station and he walked up to Dr. Cox to compliment his car. "She's a beaut', that one." "Yep, I like to take good care of her." Dr. Cox proudly responded. They were both admiring the car and both men jumped, startled, when they saw a hand clawing at one of the windows. "Ah...Sir? You made sure to take everything out before we began washing, right?" Dr. Cox scuffled over to his Porsche as he complained, "Ah, hell. I think I left Newbie in there."
-"Cars would be clean inside and out. Although some kinks need to be worked out..."
Dr. Cox glanced up in the rearview mirror to look at me. "Here I thought, for once, you were actually abiding by the "no talking" rule we have in the car."
"Since when?" I exclaimed.
"Well, I thought you knew about it ever since you got into my car. Now if I could only get you to follow the "no talking" rule that I have between you and me."
"Hah, not likely." I snort in my head.
I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the drive, not wanting to risk ruining this one time opportunity I had. I was beginning to wish that I hadn't left my scooter back at the hospital. It was my only thing to escape with. I looked up out of the window and recognized the bar as we pulled into its parking lot. We were here. "Okay..." I nervously thought as I scrambled out of the car. "I've got to keep a level head. No getting drunk and ruining it by saying something stupid."
"Soes I...soes I was sayin'" I slurred. My face scrunched up in concentration as I tried to produce words that made any sense. "Why does they...why do they make barstools soes easishy t-to fall offa..."
Okay, so maybe I was a little tipsy.
Dr. Cox had a handsome smile splayed across his face. I'm glad that I could blame the alcohol for the flush on my face, but it wasn't only the liquor that made my face hue turn a few shades redder than normal.
It was funny to watch him, because he would catch himself having a good time and try to frown, but then I'd say something silly and he'd break into a grin all over again. It was like there was a war waging between a smile and a frown and it was all taking place on his face.
"Newbie, they make em like that so they can identify idiots from a distance."
Dr. Cox took another swing from his beer. At least he didn't have a speech impediment when he was drunk. Damn, he could hold his liquor. I had ordered an appletini when we had first sat down at the counter, but then quickly canceled it because Dr. Cox was giving me the death glare. Now we had drunk...1...2...3...5...countless beers.
"Yous are...so drunk..." I slobbered, leaning on the counter in order to stay upright. "All of yous..." I pointed randomly in Dr. Cox's general direction.
"Guess I'm driving." Dr. Cox chuckled.
"Why?" I drunkenly questioned. "I can jest drive me scooter home..."
"Newbie," Dr. Cox interjected. "Never mind the fact that you are in no condition to drive, you didn't even bring your sad excuse of a vehicle."
He then sniggered into his bottle, taking another generous sip. I was a teetotaler, so my mind was clouded from the alcohol and I was confused.
"How didz I git heare than?" I wondered aloud.
Dr. Cox amusingly shook his head at me and took another drink from his liquor.
"Maybe you flew here."
I nodded my head, accepting that as a logical explanation.
"Gess I ma takin' a t-taxi home."
Dr. Cox finished his beer. "Nah, I'll take ya. I doubt the taxi guy would even understand a word you say."
"Is you imply...implying that I m drunk?" I giggled.
"Dammit! I act really cutesy when I drink too much!"
Dr. Cox took out his wallet and paid the tab before answering. "Yes."
I noticed that most of the bill was from my drinks and that he had paid for it. I realized that he didn't drink that much because he was responsible for driving me home.
"Okay," I continued. "Can a drunk guy do this?"
I positioned myself on the barstool and twirled around in a 360, but half-way there I lost my balance and I had to latch both hands onto the seat to keep myself from falling. Dr. Cox barked with laughter at my near fall.
While being dizzy from the mixture of twirling and alcohol, I remembered that I came here to do something.
A drunken confession is the perfect way because I can blame it all on the liquor. I can also say that I mistakened him for a really hot Irish chick. Who likes cocks. And she's a doctor. There's not enough alcohol in the world I can consume to make me see that.
I had to tell him. It was either or never!
"Dr. Coxsh..." I spluttered. "Aye...aye gots ta' tell ya somethin'..."
He turned his head towards me, his ears attentive to listen to my every word.
"What is it, Newbie?" He asked.
"Crap. I practiced for hours! Why is my mind going blank at a time like this?"
"Well...ish rely importants." I stalled.
"Oh my God. All I could think about was that he was staring at me and I was staring at him back. Why does he have to be so damn handsome! Come on. Just say it. Those 3 words."
My blue eyes interlocked with his, not daring to look away as my lips began to form the words that have been hidden away in my mouth for years.
"I...I lo-" "SO I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT."
The tense situation was broken by my cell phone that went off with the ringtone "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls to alert me that Elliot was calling. I cursed under my breath as I broke the gaze and answered the call. "Hello?" Dr. Cox grinned devilishly and bit his tongue at an insult that was building up my ringtone.
"Oh! Glad I caught ya! Sorry to call so late, or should I say early? It all depends on how you look at it. I'm surprised that you're still up."
I held the phone away from my ears because her high-pitched voice was not helping my on-coming headache.
"Well anyways, JD, I was wondering that since you were off tomorrow and I have a late shift, do you maybe wanna hang out?"
Ever since I lived by myself in my apartment, I hadn't really seen Elliot that much outside the hospital.
"Wait, I was off tomorrow? Since when? Oh well. Cool."
I was thankful for the day off because I knew that in the morning I would have a huge hangover. I also couldn't hangout with her because I could be in a really pleasant place, or dead in a ditch. I instantly sobered up at the sound of her voice, echoing in my ear.
"Nah, Elliot." I groaned. "I can't."
Dr. Cox started to mimic movement of him punching someone's head. I'm guessing that it was meant for Elliot.
"But why not?" She screeched.
Dr. Cox could clearly here her loud voice over the whole bar.
"We haven't hung out in forever! Just because I-"
Dr. Cox snatched the phone from my grasp and closed it, hanging up on her. "Much better." He growled.
"I don't know if I should be mad at you or thank you." I beamed as I made Dr. Cox snigger at my comment. "I mean, I like Elliot and all, but the alcohol amplified her voice and it was making my ears bleed."
"That is what it's like for me the whole time." he grunted.
"Are you drunk 24/7?"
My head was pounding and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate. It would do no good if I confessed and he didn't understand one word of it.
"D-Dr. Cox...I have ta say that's... I...I lov-"
At that exact moment, Dr. Cox chose to look at the clock that was hanging up on the wall. "Holy shit," he cursed. "Hey, Newbie?" He cut me short. "I actually have a day off and guess what? It's tomorrow. Well, now it's today, but still that's not the point. The thing is I would really like to spend some of it, I dunno, maybe relaxing at home for a bit? Come on. Let's go."
"What time was it?" I glanced up at the clock and saw it was pushing 3 a.m.
I looked around the bar and noticed that hardly anyone was here. The bartender was glaring at us, silently hating us for making him stay up this late. "What time did we get here? How long have we been here?" I searched my memories and came up empty-handed. Still, I couldn't leave until I confessed my love for him. The problem was that a nauseous feeling was accompanying my massive headache.
Dr. Cox stood up to leave and waited for me to follow. I wearily stood up, barely feeling my legs. I took a couple steps forward, testing my maneuverability. It seemed okay to walk. "See? I am not that drunk." I thought as I tripped up the steps, almost falling if Dr. Cox hadn't caught me. God I felt awful. My hands were intertwined with the front of his coat. I was directly in front of him and his face was so close to mine that I could feel his hot breath on my face, tingling it.
"I...have ta say...sum thin'...now."
I was going to say it. My tongue felt like lead in my mouth, but I still pushed on, not wanting to miss the last chance I had. His lips were inches from mine.
Upon hearing my name I was almost in ecstasy. Say it now, dammit!
"I...I...I have to throw up."
I realized that I was going to hurl in a couple seconds. I hurriedly stumbled out of the bar and threw up in the back alley behind the bar. "Great. There was no way I'm kissing anyone with this mouth." I bitterly spat as tears welled up in my eyes that was not just from emptying the contents that I had previously drunken. I had blown it. (Literally.) I lost any opportunities I had. Now I was going to wallow in my own self pity for weeks. I guess my fantasies will never become reality.
I had my forehead pressed against the concrete as silent tears ran down my cheeks. I jumped slightly when I felt a large hand clamp down onto my back, but I untensed when he asked, "You okay, Newbie?"
"No, I feel horrible and sick all over because I love you, idiot."
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I was thankful that the sun hadn't risen yet and it was still pitch-black outside so that Dr. Cox couldn't see me cry. It would only give him more reasons to call me a girl. I quickly wiped my eyes dry before he could notice.
"Come on; let's get you to the car."
He put his right arm under mine so he had a firm grip around my skinny torso. He swung my left arm over his shoulders and weaved his fingers in between mine as he led me to his car. Amazingly, he gently set me down into the passenger's seat. "And all it took was getting insanely drunk and blowing chunks everywhere to regain back the privilege of front seat."
The drive back to my apartment was a blur to me. I barely remembered Dr. Cox helping me out of his car and hoisting my half-conscious body up to my room. He must have thought I was asleep because he was surprised when I sleepily murmured,
"Thank you, Dr. Cox..."
He gingerly set me on my couch and whispered in my ear,
My ear tickled at the feeling of his breath on it. "Well, it wasn't a complete waste of time...I just wish I told him..." I thought as I slipped into un-consciousness.
When I woke up, I realized that I had passed out on my couch. I groggily sat up and blearily blinked my eyes, adjusting them to the soft light that a nearby plugged-in lamp emitted. I noticed that a blue blanket was draped over me and an empty trash can was placed beside my head. There was a sticky note attached to it with the message, "Just in case." scribbled on the bright yellow paper. Seconds later after reading the note, my head felt the brute force of my hangover.
"Ugh..." I moaned while pulling the blankets over myself. My hand felt another sticky note on top of the covers. I grasped it and read it aloud.
"Go back to sleep, Sleeping Beauty, before you feel your hangover. I don't envy it."
"Too late for that."
I was a bit shocked with myself when I took the "Sleeping Beauty" jab as a compliment.
Despite my head-splitting migraine, I obediently lay my head down on the cushion and peaceful slumber soon found me.
I woke up feeling fully rested and feeling fine. Well, physically fine. Emotionally, I was a wreck.
"I bet I looked like a complete idiot!" I sobbed into my pillow.
I looked at a digital clock at read "6:15 p.m." "I really slept for 14 hours?" I must have been exhausted.
I wondered what Dr. Cox was doing at this exact moment. I snorted when I imagined him plopped on his sofa in front of his big screen TV. while watching sports with scotch in hand.
Well, I had lost my chance. My opportunity. My golden moment. The mood was perfect and I had to go ruin it all. "Stupid bodily functions." I groaned.
I was so fed up with this. Kill me now. Better yet, let him do it.
I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I snatched my cell phone fro my back pocket in a last effort.
"Dammit." There was only one battery bar left on my phone. "Where the hell is the charger?"
I searched my place for 4 minutes before giving up, not wanting to waste whatever precious few minutes I had left. "How long can it take just to say 3 little words?" I held down the number 6 button because that was his speed dial number and I prayed that he would pick up.
After 7 rings (I counted) he finally answered his phone.
"I see that someone finally woke up from their beauty sleep."
"Doctor Cox! No time!" I interrupted. "I have something really important to tell you that I never got to say at the bar!"
I was hoping that Dr. Cox would notice the urgency in my voice.
"Well Sadie, aren't you chipper this morning?" Obviously, he didn't.
"I thought we had a "no calling" rule too. You've been breaking all the rules lately. One more strike and I'm gonna hafta punish you."
I bet he was either bored or there was no good sports game on.
I quickly took a deep breath and announced,
"Doctor Cox! I lov-" At that exact moment my cell phone decided to die on me.
What are the odds?
"Why?" I silently begged the Gods to stop interfering.
I slowly sank back down onto the couch, feeling strangely drained even though I had just accumulated hours of sleep.
"That's it. No more options."
I couldn't afford a home phone, so I didn't have one in the apartment, plus I couldn't drive to his place seeing as my scooter was still at the hospital. I contemplated if sending a note by carrier pigeon would work.
Maybe it's just not meant to be...
Then my eyes caught a hold of my pager that was lying on the coffee table. I delicately picked up my only source to the man I loved.
"I wonder if I typed in, "I love you" on my pager, would it explode?"
I didn't like the idea of confessing my love on a page so I just typed in Dr. Cox's pager number, "324" and the message, "Hav 2 say sum thing importnt. Plz com ovr."
My finger hovered over the send button as millions of questions flew through my mind.
"What if he doesn't get my page? What if he doesn't some? What if I can't tell him? What will I tell him? Will he accept it? Will he love me? Will he hate me?"
I decided to risk it all and I pushed the button. The pager had the words, "Message Sent" scroll across the screen a couple times. I turned it off to save its battery for work tomorrow since I couldn't find any chargers. I wasn't on call anyway, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I gave out a nervous sigh. Now all I had to do was wait.
Two hours had passed already before that I concluded that he wasn't coming. I was curled up into a fetal position on my couch with my blanket tightly wrapped around me. I was grouchy and fed up with myself for being such a coward. How hard was it to just say 3 little words. Why must so much weight be attached to them? I finally set free the tears that were bottling up inside of me for some time now.
"He doesn't care..." I sniff. "He never did...never will..."
I was such a mess. I closed my eyes, willing the salty tears to stop, but even with my eyelids closed, they did not hinder.
I begged for sleep to overtake me, but my body was restless from all the sleep it had received today. I groaned and shakily stood up. There was nothing to do now so I decided to walk to the hospital to get back my scooter.
The night was a bit chilly, so I grabbed my jacket and started to stroll through the city as my mind swam. The bright city lights were all blurred in my vision from my tears. I recognized the flashing lights and alarms of ambulances at the scene of a car crash. I'm a doctor... I thought, but trudged on, figuring that they could handle it. I wasn't feeling up to play doctor at the moment, and I made my way past the scene.
Eventually, the cold air dried my tear-streaked face. I found myself in front of Sacred Heart sooner than I had expected.
"Time sure fly's by when you're emotionally unstable."
I trudged over to the spot where I parked Sasha and to my dismay, I found her missing. My mind immediately leapt to one person.
I begrudgingly entered the hospital on my day off in hope that I would track down the man whose hobby was to track me down.
"It shouldn't be too hard considering."
I pondered while walking down the all-to-familiar hallways if Turk and Carla were still working. I decided against visiting them because they would know that something was up. I was also half-wishing that Dr. Cox would be here. It wasn't a surprise if he came to work on his days off. Maybe there had been a mix up and he didn't receive my page. Or maybe he dropped his pager into the toilet. Hey, it's happened to me before.
I remembered that Elliot told me she was working the night shift, so I kept an eye out for her. So that I could avoid her. She would want a big, long explanation as to why I hung up on her last night and I wasn't up for that.
I turned the corner and spotted the gray jumpsuit from a distance. The Janitor was pretending to clean a counter by repeatedly going over it with a rag that was probably making it more dirty which each wipe. I tapped his shoulder and he jumped, startled to see me.
"Aaah! Why do you do that?...Must you come here everyday to bug me?" he inquired.
I was not in the mood for this.
"Cut the crap." I demanded, annoyed.
"Two things. One. Gimmie back my scooter and two, have you seen Dr. Cox?"
I was expecting some kind of resistance but was surprised when he complied by sadly answering,
"Your scooter is in the back of the hospital, in the far left bushes." It must be some sort of trick. This was too easy.
"As for mean doctor," he continued. "Well, he's gonna be easy to find."
"Why's that?" I curiously ask.
"Because he's dead."
Faust's Notes: OH! Cliffhanger! Please be prepared for the next chapter. ;(