Disclaimer:

I'll explain this r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y and simply for any of you out there who didn't realize this already. I...do...NOT...own...Final...Fantasy...VII...or...any...of...it's characters. If you need proof just remember that if I did it wouldn't be fit for viewing by the general public.

WARNING: This story is rated 'M' for a REASON. If you haven't figured out why yet, then maybe you shouldn't be reading this anyway. Oh, and by the way, if you DARE to flame this story with your blasphemy then I SHALL DO THE SAME FOR YOU...beware!

xXXXx

Early Saturday morning at the Shin-Ra Army Base, it was a time most of the recruits spent their very sparing free time out on the field actually attempting to have some sort of fun. By this time, the barracks were typically completely devoid of life...except this morning, from beneath the sheets of one of the bunks, a single blond spike stuck out.

Beneath those sheets laid young cadet Cloud Strife, still in his bunk while everyone else was outside...but it was everyone else who he was trying to avoid.

The thoughts of what had happened hours earlier, before any of the other cadets had awaken, still ran clearly through his mind as more a sharp pain continued to run up his back. Despite how depressed he was at the moment, he still tried to keep the tears from coming to his eyes.

If I want to be in SOLDIER I have to become numb to everything. Numb to pain, numb to want, numb to death...

He kept repeating this line over and over in his head, but it still wasn't working. He rolled over on his side and thought again about earlier that morning.

It was earlier in the morning than Cloud usually woke up, long before the sun would be rising above the horizon. His mako blue eyes were still aching from lack of sleep, but since he knew once he was up he wasn't getting back to sleep anytime soon...he might as well do the best he could to wake himself up.

Cloud threw off his covers and quietly made his way into his barrack's washroom. The place looked completely deserted by this time and Cloud was happy to finally in months have the opportunity to take a shower without revealing himself to the stares (and whistles) of the other guys.

With one final check to make sure no one was there, Cloud slipped off his regulation sleep wear and turned on the facet. It took a moment before the water heated up, but finally, Cloud stepped in, cupped his hands to collect some of the water, and then splashed it against his face.

He hadn't been in there too long before he became oblivious to the rest of the world around him and forgot to listen in for the sound of that washroom door opening again. Only three minutes into his shower he suddenly found himself forced up against the wall with a hand covering his eyes and another holding him in place.

“Don't even bother screaming, Spiky, I made sure to lock the door after I came in and no one's going to hear you through it anyway.”

“W-what do you want?!”

There were a few short laughs before the other young man came up even closer behind Cloud and then laid his head on top of Cloud's shoulder, right next to his ear.

“I thought that would be quite obvious by now, Cloud...”

The man now had his erection pressed right up against Cloud's opening. Cloud trembled just slightly as a scared whimper escaped his lips.

“...I want you...”

Cloud cringed again as the thought began to make him sick to his stomach. Not wasting a single moment, he jumped out from under the sheets, back into the washroom, and spilled whatever little was left in his stomach into the nearest toilet. After he was done, he just sort of hovered over the bowl and tried to gather up enough strength to get up again...but then he heard the distinct sound of the washroom door opening again.

Before Cloud could turn around to face whoever it was, he felt an hand grab his arm and he prepared for whatever came next but didn't expect the next few words.

“Cad...Cloud? Is that you? Are you alright? What happened?”

Cloud turned around quickly to see the familiar face of his commanding officer, and one of his best friends, SOLDIER 1st-class Zack Fair. Cloud couldn't find the strength to answer so finally Zack picked him up into his arms and looked in each direction, hoping someone might be around who could help.

“Don't worry bud, I'm taking you to the infirmary right now.”

Hearing those words, realization hit Cloud like a ton of bricks and he began to struggle against Zack's grip.

“NO! Ple...please Zack...just leave me alone...I'll...I'll be fine here...I'm in the Army, I'll get better! I swear!”

“Not a chance in hell, Strife, you're coming with me and the way you seem to be acting this morning, I think we'd better make this a full examination.”

Cloud's eyes grew even bigger at those words and he struggled even harder.

“I can't go there! Stop! Put me down, Zack!”

“I'm your commanding officer Cloud and 'I' will tell 'you' what 'you' are going to do and you're going to the infirmary and that's THAT!”

“Zack...I...”

“What is it Cloud?”

Cloud just laid in his arms, staring up at him. After a moment though, he just turned away. Zack sighed and shook his head.

“Okay Cloud, listen. If you KNOW what is wrong with you and it's nothing that serious, just tell me and you can stay in here all day and I'll give you a potion or something.”

“I don't think a potion is going to do much good Zack.”

“Well...then we REALLY need to get you to the infirmary then, don't we Cloud?”

“Zack...you just don't understand, okay?”

“I WOULD understand if you would just tell me what's wrong with you! I mean...we are friends after all, right? You can tell me anything, Cloud.”

Cloud still couldn't bear to look Zack in the eyes as the thoughts came running right back at him again.

“You just...it's not like I don't 'want' to tell you Zack, but...you just wouldn't understand what it's like...”

“Oh, I wouldn't? A SOLDIER who's been all around this planet and seen more things than most people here see in their entire life and you, a cadet who's only been out of Nibelhiem to come to Midgar to train to become a part of the Army and you think there's something you can understand that I don't? Try me!”

“Fine Zack! You really want to know what's been wrong with me all morning?!”

“Um...yeah...”

For the first time since he'd come in there, Cloud looked straight into Zack's eyes as a tear amassed in his left eye.

“I was raped.”

A/N: Okay people, time for some R&R time. Yeah, I know this chapter was kind of...angsty...and so was Cloud, but it's gonna be necessary for the storyline. I don't take rape little for a very GOOD reason. Hope you're gonna be ready for more soon...