A/N: My summer project. Yay for making a parody!

Disclaimer: Pokemon Fire Red is in no way owned by me. I only own a copy of the game, not the rights. I’m in no way making money from this spoof. In fact, I’m probably going to be loosing money by having to buy a pedestal for my friend Stephanie now.

“Are you a boy…?”

“Huh?”

“Or a girl?”

“What is this place?!”

“A girl…?”

“In this case, yes. Yes I am.”

“What’s your name?”

“STALKER!” The young pokemon trainer screamed as she looked around the dark room. “WHERE AM I?”

“Just shut up and tell me your freaking name!” Professor Oak screamed back, brandishing his pokeball. “I’ve worked to goddamn long to deal with your shit! NOW WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING NAME?”

The pokemon trainer gulped as she quickly wrote down a name on the tablet of letters and numbers that had appeared before her eyes. Stephanie, as the tablet now said, looked over at Oak fearfully. “Are you going to kill me now?” She gulped.

“Oh, so your name is Stephanie?” The old professor said peacefully.

Stephanie blinked as she looked at the man. “Uh, duh.”

The professor nodded, then pointed to his grandson. “Here’s my grandson. You hate his guts. Go kill him. Now. After, of course, you tell me his name.” He chuckled softly as the orange haired trainer stared at him in disbelief.

“I’m GARY, Gramps!” The orange haired trainer yelled. “How could you forget about me?!”

Ignoring Gary, Oak turned back to the young girl. “Stephanie!” A dramatic pause ensured as Stephanie rearranged the hat on her head, and turned to stare at him.

“Yessssss?”

“You’re going to become a STAR! I mean, Pokemon Legend! I always mix those two up, you see.” He added, as if everyone made such mistakes.

“Uh huh. Do I get paid for this?”

“No.”

“Any benefits?”

“Nope.”

“Anything at all?”

“You might get a pedestal with your name on it in about fifty hours. If you’re lucky.”

“SWEET, I’M GAME.”

The black room vanished, and the girl was shrunk down… When her vision cleared, she was back in her own room, playing her NES.

“Damn! I gotta stop playing Zelda when I’m sleepy…” Stephanie muttered as she picked herself up off the ground, and exited her room. Once down stairs, she found her room sitting at the table, staring at the wall.

“Freaking drug addict…” She muttered as she walked over to her mom and sat down beside her. “So what are we having for supper tonight?” Her mom turned to her and gave a grave sigh.

“I know, I know. Every girl dreams of traveling.”

“But I want supper…” Stephanie instantly protested.

“NO! Don’t try to make me feel better! It said so on TV!”

“…Mom?”

“The professor is looking for you.”

“OHNO! I AM NOT GOING BACK TO HIM AFTER HE TRIED TO SHOW ME HIS ‘SPECIAL POKEMAN’.” Stephanie yelled, shaking her head wildly. “There is no such THING as a pokeman!”

After a short wrestling match with her mother, Stephanie was disowned until she went to see the good professor.

Grumbling as she stepped outside, the young, soon to be pokemon trainer looked around. To the right of her was that dumb ol’ Gary’s house. To the north was a patch of grass. To the south was.. her torture, and two other people. Wait… She looked at the people, then at the houses. Neither of them was related to her or Gary, and she knew that the professor didn’t use them as aides because he kill…sent them to Johto when they were no longer useful. She raised an eyebrow, and started the short, thirty step walk over to the professors lab.

Stepping into the building, Stephanie glared at the people around her. Damn aides were FOOLS. Fools she said! Bwhaha! (Insert coughing) She shook her head to stop day dreaming, and walked towards the back of the building.

The only one she found back there was that damn Gary. Ever since he…uh…did whatever he did that caused her to hate him, she didn’t want to go near him! And of course, they were always close together. When they went to school, Gary’s sister took them together. When they graduated from trainer’s school, graduated together. THEY WERE EVEN IN THE SAME TOWN AS EACH OTHER! Why couldn’t she escape him?!

As she sat there sobbing her eyes out, Gary looked over at her. “Oh, it’s only you.” He said as he pushed his stupid spiky hair out of his eyes. “Gramps isn’t here.” He said before looking to the side. “Stupid senile bastard.”

This caused Stephanie to sigh and rethink her plan. The only sure fire way was to go out into the grass. She cleared her throat, and grinned. “OH DEAR.” She yelled after exiting the lab and started walking towards the grass by her house. “I MUST FIND THE OLD PROFESSOR BEFORE A PIDGEY EATS HIS EYES OUT. BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY POKEMON. OH WELL, I’M SURE I’LL BE FINE WITH OUT IT.” She yelled as she walked along to the grass.

Of course, Professor Oak appears then. Stupid prick. He started his spiel about wild pokemon, tall grass and monkey’s uncles as soon as he reached her. After that, he led her back to the lab, where she wanted to shoot him. How could he even THINK of doing that to her? How inconsiderate!

Once back inside, Gary instantly started his whining. “Grampsssssss.” Was the first thing Stephanie heard, “Why are you making me wait? I’m your only grandson! Gimme a pokemon! You promised!” And Gary called himself 16. Go figure.

Professor Oak, on the other hand, had totally forgotten why he wanted the two teenagers there in the first place. “Let’s see…” He paused, rubbing his chin. “Oh yes! Pokemon! Stephanie! I want you to go and choose your pokemon. Go on, pick one of your own choosing.” He pushed her towards the table, telling her all about how he caught the pokemon when he was young. Stephanie just tuned that part out, because she didn’t believe in listening to old peoples stories. Specially when they started with ‘When I was young’… Gary, of course, protested.

“Gramps! I want one! Why can’t I have one?!” Oak just waved his hand, telling the boy he had to wait.

Stephanie quietly inspected the pokemon, not sure which to choose. Sure, Bulbasaur was cool and all, but who chose a grass pokemon? Like really. Who? Staring at the Squirtle, she frowned. It looked like it was going to eat her. Seriously. That left her with the fire pokemon. Who would probably burn her a million times, but that was better then being eaten by the turtle.

Picking up the pokeball, she turned to Oak. “That pokemon is really energetic!” He interrupted before she could say a word.

“O…h.” After naming the red lizard Otoro, she was pushed to the side by Sir Stick-up-his-bum.

“I want this one!” He said as he picked Squirtle. Go figure. Turning to Stephanie, he smirked. “Mine looks tougher then yours!” He bragged. Stephanie just stuck her tongue out at him.

“At least mine doesn’t look like he’s going to eat me at any given moment!” She retorted. Gary smirked.

“Yeah, well Squirtle can’t cook me when I’m asleep.” Stephanie’s face just fell. She never thought of that.

After pouting over that fact for a minute, she decided to leave to see if she could come back home. Of course, Gary had other plans.

“Wait, Stephanie!” He yelled after her, before walking towards her. “Let’s have a battle. To the death!”

“Let’s not, and say we did. Or have a pokemon battle instead.” Stephanie suggested as she pulled the red and white ball out. “I choose you, Otoro!”

The screen flashed, and changed to the dramatic battle screen. RIVAL GARY WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE! The bottom text read. The two pokemon trainers looked down at it.

“Uh…Cool, I guess.” Gary said with a small shrug, before sending his Squirtle out to battle.

Oak totally ignored the text, and sighed. “Gary, why are you so pushy…?” He turned to Stephanie, and sighed again. “Good luck.”

Stephanie frowned as she looked at the moves in front of her. Growl and scratch. How was scratch going to do ANY damage against the pokemon in front of her? Somehow, it did. After a few rounds of scratching, growling and tackling, Stephanie had won. “WOOHOO!” She yelled as the turtle fell to the ground. “TAKE THAT, YOU BLUE THING!”

Soon the text was saying that Player had defeated Rival Gary.

“Since when was her name Player?” Gary asked in confusion. Oak pretended not to hear, and looked over at his grandson. “Aren’t you going to complain about picking the wrong pokemon?” Oak asked.

“No. Why would I?”

“…It seems very you like.” Stephanie admitted.

Gary just sighed. “I’m not always whiny, you know!” He paused, and then frowned. “I’m going to toughen Squirtle up! We’re going to win next time, for sure! Smell ya later, Stephanie! Smell ya later, Gramps!” And with that, Gary exited and Stephanie saved her progress.

A/N: So do you guys like it? I like it. And so does the Stephanie this is based off of. Tomorrow we’ll do the first city, and then some, methinks.

It hurt, a lot, to restart this game. xD I hope I’ll do better THIS time though!