|I Can't Do This Alone
Author: LionsLady11-09-70 PM
Story three of the series 'The NotSoNormal Life Of Sarah Cena.' Follow Sarah on her last journey while she tries to live her life on her own. But it's hard to forget a past as big as hers.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - John Cena - Chapters: 22 - Words: 33,632 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 10-23-11 - Published: 07-02-08 - Status: Complete - id: 4365966
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: TA DAA! I couldn't put this off any longer. Here is the third and last story in the series The NotSoNormal Life Of Sarah Cena. Please review!!
Dear Mr. McMahon,
I know this must come as a shock to you. It's probably a bigger shock to as it is to me. But I feel this is the right thing to do. This note may seem rushed, and in reality it is. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Wow…I never thought I would say that…
Mr. McMahon I have decided to leave the WWE after tonight's events. I know your probably thinking that it's not that big of a deal. But you obviously don't understand. John was my father. I thought he cared about me. How would you feel if your father betrayed you like that? Probably about the same that I feel now.
I'm really sorry for doing this to you this soon. You don't know how horrible I feel for leaving you like this. But I feel like this is what I have to do right now. I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. You have treated me like family from day one and I will thank you forever for treating me like that. You gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. You gave me challenges no one would ever think of giving me. You believed me and you gave me my dream. I have everything to thank you for. Really, I'm so sorry for this.
That was it. That was the small ass excuse I left Vince on his desk about five months ago. Those words I wrote on that paper was imprinted in my mind to this day. I left a letter similar to that for Shawn. His note took me at least an hour to write. My tears kept making the paper soggy. The moment I left the arena I felt like I left my whole life behind with it. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. But something wouldn't let me tell the cab driver to turn around and go back. What made me keep going? Let's see if I remember…
Oh yeah. My dad pretty much betraying me.
Sarah stared at her father. Her father stared back at her. The arena was silent for the first time that whole night. It seemed that time had stopped for these two. John extended his hand and smiled. Sarah looked into her Dad's eyes. There was something different about him. He had changed somehow. Was he still her Dad? Did he have other plans? Sarah managed to move her feet toward him. She could feel the tears gather behind her eyes, but she couldn't manage to cry. She looked down at his hand and back up at him. Even his smile had changed. Sarah went with it and took it.
Suddenly she was in the air.
Suddenly she was over his head.
Suddenly he was moving toward the top rope…
Suddenly…oh so suddenly…
He threw his little girl over the top rope.
Ugh. I hate bringing that memory from the back of my head. For the longest time now I've been trying to block it out. Sadly it hasn't worked. Every single day I've been reminded of that incident. Some stupid fan would come up to me and ask why I left WWE and if it was for that specific reason. I only had one response for them, and I would try saying it in the nicest way possible way.
I mean, come on. No one and nothing else would make me leave the business. Everyone treated me like a princess. Vince was like my second father. Shawn was one of the best friends I could ever have. Everyone was so supportive of me. Everything was great. It was just that one moment…that one second in time that made me certain that I had to leave. I never intended on leaving so early in my career. Seeing as how I was only there for about two years I could have done so much better. But there was something else that made me leave that I just couldn't tell anyone.
My wrestling life was perfect. My life outside it…that was a different story.
First, there was the whole thing with Sam. I thought that he really did love me. But dumping me on the grandest stage of all, in front of thousands and the millions watching? I wanted to go crawl under a hole and die. Thankfully everyone was so supportive of me.
But then there was Derek. I loved Derek with everything I had. He was my best friend and the only man I could ever see marrying. He was with me through all my hard times. I'm pretty sure if I had any other guy as a boyfriend they would run away during the court hearings. But Derek didn't do that. He stuck with me through thick and thin. I thought he was going to be with me forever.
Chris is a very complicated person. He never fully got over how I dumped him. I mean…I would get over a guy if they climbed out my bathroom window at a family gathering. He was going too fast and he knew that. But what he did to Derek…what he did to me…I wanted to kill him. And the moment he saw the whole incident that night, he wouldn't leave me alone. It got so bad that I couldn't go to school anymore. He was constantly harassing me to no end. So I just up and left school. I left all my amazing friends with it. When I left, I constantly talked to them. But something happened and they wouldn't talk to me anymore. So what could I do? I just moved on.
Oh! And don't think John tried contacting me.
He's been calling every single day since I left. And every single time I don't answer his calls. Every single time I have to listen to the same old voicemail. 'Sarah? Honey please pick up the phone. We all miss you here! How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? Sarah honey please…call me back.'
It kills me to ignore his phone calls. I really want to answer the call and cry over the phone with him. But the moment his name flashes over the screen I remember that day and I can't find the strength to answer it. The moment I see 'One missed call' on my screen I break down. I want to talk to him so badly. I just can't gather up the courage to.
But he hasn't been the only one to call.
Vince has been calling non stop as well. At first he left voicemails too. But after a while he gave up and kept calling. Dave called once but he never called again. Figures. Does he think he can just take my virginity and let that be that? I almost called him to yell at him, but once again I just couldn't. Randy's tried calling a few times too. I feel so bad because I was so close to him. Just last month he stopped calling. Must be because of his injury or something. Hunter called a few times also. He eventually gave up thinking that Vince was doing a good enough job at calling me. Amy always called after John. It made sense since they were engaged in all. I hated ignoring her calls. She was one of the few people I could tell everything to. She was my best friend. And not talking to her just killed me even more. And Ric! Oh good lord…I cried listening to his one and only voicemail he left me. It was after his final match at Wrestlemania.
'Oh Sarah. I'm sorry I haven't called. Everyone's been saying that you've been ignoring their calls. I hoped that you would answer mine. I guess you didn't. Oh sweetie. I wish you were here today. When I woke up, I thought to myself 'maybe she might be there. She should know it's my last match.' All day that hope built up in me kiddo. When I came backstage after my match, you wanna know how I felt not seeing you kiddo? Hurt. Crushed. So now I'm here in my room and…oh god I'm starting to cry. Kiddo, this is going to be the only voicemail I leave you. I'll leave you alone after. But please listen to me. You need to come back. Not just for me; for YOUR FATHER. He's been a wreck ever since January. He won't smile anymore. I want you to fix that someday. Please sweetie…we miss you.'
Yeah…Ric sure had a way with words.
That voicemail made me burst into tears. I cried for hours as I replayed the voicemail over and over. I could tell he was recording it as he walked through the halls. The first half I heard a lot of noise in the back. I knew then I had to go back.
But the truth was…I just didn't know when.
Yesterday Shawn called me. He only called once a month. I looked at the screen as my phone kept ringing. At first I thought it was a text. But I pressed the wrong button.
"Sarah? Did you seriously answer?!"
I fucking FROZE. I couldn't believe how stupid I was. I figured that I might as well talk. I hadn't talked in ages anyway.
"It was an accident?"
"Oh good lord Sarah! I was worried sick! I'm so glad you answered! God damn it how the hell can you be acting the way you have been?!"
"You should know!"
"Of course I know! But that was FIVE MONTHS AGO."
"I don't care! He went behind my back and betrayed me! It was…"
He hung up after that, leaving me speechless pretty much. He was never that mean with me before. I would never see him act that way. After his call I threw my phone on the hotel bed and I thought. I thought about what I had been doing up to this point. I thought about school, the harassment, leaving school, and just traveling.
And what did it come down to?
I had been doing nothing.
Why was I doing nothing? I thought I had been doing something with my life! I was traveling the world and seeing things some people would never see in their life! But why was I traveling?
I was running from my past.
Well…at least I thought I could. But I realized that I just couldn't. No one can ever run from their past. It's always going to be there with you wherever you go. I just didn't get that till yesterday. So the traveling lead to the running away. Before I was about to give up on theories, one hit me like I ran into a brick wall.
I couldn't be alone.
Wherever I went it was always packed with people. I stayed in hostels so I was at least with some people. If I was alone I was paranoid. I felt like I couldn't do anything. All through my life whenever I did something someone was always there with me. Like writing the letters with Shawn. Taking arena tours with Eddie. Being at school with friends. Hanging out in the diva locker room with the divas. Being in the food area with Hunter and Shawn. More importantly being everywhere with my dad. The moment I realized that, I had to pack.
So where am I now?
Right now I'm sitting in an airport in Phoenix, Arizona. I was catching some rays at the Biltmore. My flight to Dallas will come in around three. That gives me plenty of time to make my rounds of apologies. Right now the time is eight a.m. Once again, I couldn't stand being alone. Right now I'm thinking about my past. From that fateful day in January to today.
My name is Sarah. I'm not sure if it's still Cena or not. I fucked up my life pretty bad. And my past is as messed up as I am now.
So? Do we like it? Should I go on with it? Please review!
Next chapter: It's the next day after the Rumble. Sarah decides to attend one of her last days at school. What could go on? Keep reading!